LIFE ACCORDING TO MIA

DREAM HOUSE

2012-01-09T11:19:00.000-08:00

So my christmas holiday is over, I went back to school today. We already have homework, which I should have done tonight, but instead I watched a film..I really fancied something scary tonight so I thought Dream House would be a good option.
Directed by Jim Sheridan and with Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz in the leads I thought it would be a great film.

A couple (Will and Libby) lives with their two little girls in a nice big house, he has just left his job to spend more time with his family and write a book. The house they have just bought used to belong to a family similar to them where the father one day shoots his wife and daughters. The neighbourhood is wary of the house and one night Will discovers that a group of teenagers is holding some form of seans in the basement.
The girls see a strange man creeping around the house, looking through the windows in the house and Will tries to catch whoever it is and he digs a bit deeper in what actually happened to the family who lived there before them. He gets no help from the ploice but he is eventually lead to a psychiatric hospital where he finds out something he probably wasnt prepared for.

I dont know if I just havent found any good horrorfilms lately or if I have just become braver at this age...
Because I didnt get scared...It was a very good film, I enjoyed it a lot, but I didnt hide behind a pillow like I would have done three years ago.
If you enjoy thrillers (but Im not sure this is classed as a thriller) with a psychotic twist I highly recommend this film. Here is the trailer, watch it!

The ´Terminal and Sex and the city2

2011-12-30T13:01:00.000-08:00

I certainly have been spoiled with time to watch films this christmasholiday. Last night I was up til two am watching "The terminal", I have just finished watching "Sex and the city2" and on chanel 5 "Con Air" just started.
I will start by writing about "The Terminal"
It came out in 2004 so its not a brand new film, but I dont think you can call it a classic either.
It is directed by Steven Spielberg, which almost guarantees a brilliant, wellmade film. Which it - in my oppinion - is. For some reason I have never seen the whole film, Ive seen the beginning and the middle, but not at the same time and Ive never seen how it ends. But last night I sat and watched the whole film with no interruptions!

I remember hearing that the film was - or based on a - true story, so I had to google it today and it is not as much based as inspired by a true story.
The true story was of Merhan Nasseri who lived at Charles DeGaulle Airport from August 1988 to August 2006, when he was taken from the terminal due to an illness. An Iranian political refugee, Nasseri became stuck when his refugee certification documents were stolen from him in France, en route from Belgium to England. Without the papers, he was unable to enter England; Belgium did not permit refugees to return once they had left the country; and France would not allow him to stay because he could not prove his identity. As such, he became stuck at the airport.

In the film the man is called Viktor Navorski who gets stuck at JFK airport.
Whilst being in the air his country Krakhozia starts a revolution so his passport is not valid anymore. He is then denied entry into America and he cant go back to Krakhozia either. So he sets up home in the airport, where he meets a lot of different people and a lot of funny incidents take place.
The cast is very good with Tom Hanks playing Viktor, Catherine Zeta Jones as Amelia, the flight attendant Viktors meet everytime she gets into the airport.
Stanley Tucci (The Devil wears Prada, Julie and Julia to name two) plays the airport manager, Diego Luna (Dirty Dancing 2) plays Enrique Cruz who is a luggage sorter and then Zoe Saldana (Avatar!) plays the immigration officer who Enrique is in love with.

I give this film MMMM and recommend you all to rent it! It is funny and makes you feel good and Tom Hanks is brilliant as Viktor Navorski.

Sex and the city 2
I think most of you have seen it, some of you might class it as a really good film? Unfortunately I cant agree, it is not a good film, because there is no real story in my opinion.
Well, sure the girls go on holiday together and they all behave how you expect them to behave. But I cant find a "red line" there...
To start with Stanford and Anthony gets married and Liza Minelli is the minister. I cant help why on earth she is there...But I like Mirandas comment: "Whenever there is this gay energy in one room Liza manifests"
At the wedding Samantha meets a man she has to sleep with (obviously) I really dont get how someone has to be that loud everytime they have sex. It is like someone is killing her in a pleasant way. It is just like a parody now, I dont find it liberating or "fresh", it is just annoying.
Then Smith comes back for all of two minutes, only to take Samantha to the premiere of his new film and introduse her to a man who wants to break into the filmindustry. Then we dont get to see him anymore. Which is a shame..He is hot!
Then there is Charlottes nanny.. An Irish girl - Erin - who doesnt wear a bra. Ever!
So she bounces wherever she goes, which is not realistic.. No woman with Erins "assets" would be able to be without a bra for more than half an hour, and she certainly wouldnt be able to jump or do cartwheels like Erin does.
So Im not sure why they have made the poor girl braless, she must have had such a sore back at the end of filming everyday.

The girls then arrive in Abu Dhabi and are obviously overwhelmed by it all, I dont blame them, I would be aswell. But then Carrie just happens to bump into Aidan... and they kiss.. and then we dont see Aidan anymotre..So I dont see the point of him being in the film either.
Then Samantha gets arrested for kissing in a public place and the girls are no longer on a free trip.
They have an hour to get out of the hotel and get to the airport, but Carrie realises that she has let her passport at the market where she met Aidan. So the girls obviously has to go back to find it. Ofcourse Samantha gets them in trouble again since she feels the need to thrust her pelvis at some arabic men and shout "Yes I have sex"
But luckily they are rescued by some women who give them niquabs to dress in and then get to the airport unnoticed.

So no, I cant say that this is a very good film. But I still like it... But what I like is the clothes that the girls wear, the designs of the houses and the make-up.
And the music is fantastic!
I love when the girls are in a karaeokebar and sing "I am woman" watch this

I dont know what genre I shal put this film into... But I think all women should watch it, just to dream, fantasize and get inspired, but at the same time I am quite glad that as far as we know now...there are no plans to make a third film.
Even though I love these ladies, I think they have told us their story now..
So it is time for us to go back to 1998 and watch all the series from the beginning. I think I might just do that.
I will put the trailer up for you to watch...just so you can remember how much you love or dislike this film.

Horrible Bosses

2011-12-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

Now this is a funny film!
Its about three friends who have the worst bosses in history. (maybe not in history....but they are pretty bad..)

1) The bitchdentist who sexually herrases her assistant. The dentist is played by Jennifer Aniston whom I am a big fan of. It is cool to see Jennifer doing this type of charachter, she is as far away from the cute "girl-next-door", as she can get!

2) The arsehole

3) The druglord

The three friends decide that they have to kill their bosses, the world will be a better place without them!
But obviously they cant do it themselves..so they hire "Mother-Fucker Jones" to do the job, but M-F Jones is only intrested in being a murderconsultant so since they have already paid him $5000 they realise they have to do the dirty job themselves.

And this is where the fun really begin!

No actually there is a very funny part before that, when they think they have contacted a professional killer, who instead turns out to be a man who urinates on men for money...

But anyway, the three friends are not exactly streetwise, so there are plenty of times when I Laughed Out Loud!! For example when Dale accidently covers himself in cocain and ends up high as a kite and have to sit in the car while the others look through the house.. Check this out:

I highly recommend this film for when you just want to be entertained and laugh!
Here is the trailer.

Now go and watch the movie!
GO...
GO, GO, GO!!

A lonely place to die

2011-12-28T12:51:00.000-08:00

Finally! Finally have I seen a brilliant film!!
I wouldnt call it a horrorfilm...there is action and shooting, but I wouldnt call it an actionfilm... It was bloody exciting though! I was at the end of the sofa mumbling into the pillow "Come on Come on Come ON!!!!" "Make it in time MAKE.IT.IN.TIME!!!"
Ok, so the story is this: Three men and two women are up hiking, climbing and absailing in the Scottish mountains, when they stumble on something that looks like a periscope, sticking up from the ground.
When they examine it closer, they realise that someone is buried in a wodden box in a whole in the ground and when they open the box they discover a little girl who can be around eight-ten years old.
How did she end up there and why?
The girl doesnt speak a word of English.

They decide that they need to get off the mountain and get the girl and themselves to safety as quickly as possible.
Obviously things dont go very smoothly...people die and they run for their lives.

I dont want to give away too much, because it is a really really good film! I will definately watch it again!
I give this film MMMM!! and a bonus M for the stunning scenery in Scotland where they recorded this film.
Check out the trailer and then WATCH IT!!!

Martha Marcy May Marlene...

2011-12-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

Ive done it again! Watched a weird film in hope that it was scary... Which it wasnt, not even a little bit. The story is about a young woman (Martha, who is played by Elisabeth Olsen, the Olsen twins little sister..)who is haunted by memories from the abusive cult she has fled from.
She lived in the cult for two years where they called her Marcy May and now when she is trying to re-assimilate with her sister and brother-in-law, she has a hard time seperating memories from her dreams.
And so have I as the viewer..
The cultleader - Patrick - is your average cultleader..full of praise and warm fuzzy love to start with, and then he turns violent and threatening.. Yawn... The script is so boring, any first-year dramastudent could have written it in his/her sleep. Max talks about how beautiful death is, because it is the ultimate "precense of oneself" or something just as meaningless...

What annoys me the most, is that everywhere you read about this film, it is described as a "Thriller" and it certainly isnt!
It is just like all films that tries to describe the "truth" behind a cult?
Dont we all know that by now? If you join or get lured into a cult, you will, nine times out of ten be abused, raped, beaten and brainwashed. Sadly there are more people who never find their way home again, than ones that do..
But the people who find the strength and curage to get help and leave, have difficulties to adapt, back to "normal" life again and will always need professional help. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people have to live the rest of their lives with heavy medication and counselling to be able to cope with day to day lives.

I dont recommend this film. Its crap. Dont watch it!
Here is the trailor anyway, just in case you are into boring cultfilms?

Abduction

2011-12-27T13:55:00.000-08:00

Ok so tonight I also watched an actionfilm.... And oh what a film...
Abduction is written by someone called Shawn Christensen and directed by John Singelton. Taylor Lautner plays the main character who sets out to uncover the truth about himself after he finds a picture of himself on a website for missing children.
That is what it says on Google anyway...
Somewhere around ten minutes in Taylor takes his shirt off...and I dont know what happens after that... Sorry...
I know there was a lot of shooting and running, then Taylor flexes his biceps and thighmuscles, and I got lost again..
BUT then I realised they were on a train (them being Taylor and the mandatory good-looking girl whom I am not sure how she ended up with him..) and they are making out, and then he takes his shirt off..and I dont know what happens after that.

So, all in all, a good film... If you like actionmovies, I would recommend it. If you like Taylor Lautner I would also recommend it.

I know I am far too old to have a crush on Taylor Lautner, but I cant help it..He looks like a younger version of David Boreanaz...Who I REALLY fancy...
Maybe Taylor is mine and Davids lovechild...? No yuk, I cant have romantic feelings for my own lovechild...Take away THAT mental image NOW!!

Ok it is pretty late and this blogpost makes no sense, so I will bid you all goodnight. Tomorrow I will watch a chickflick and a seriously scary psychological thriller/horror film. And then I might have to watch another funny film after that...
I leave the trailer for Abduction here, then you can decide for yourself if you want to see it. And I give you permission to drool as much as you like ladies ;-)

Sleeping Beauty....

2011-12-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, I need to write about some films.... After all it is the holidays, and who would believe me if I said that I havent seen ANY films during this time off? I even said that I was sick when someone asked me to work..just because I wanted to stay on the sofa watching dvds....

Im gonna start with an Australian film called Sleeping beauty that is written and directed by Julia Leigh, the two main characters are played by Emily Browning (Lucy) and Rachael Blake (Clara).
It is very apparent that it is women who play the biggest part in and around this film, because even though it is a very sexual film, it is never vulgar.

I am however not sure how to discribe it... In other reviews I have read they say:

A haunting portrait of Lucy, a young university student drawn into a mysterious hidden world of unspoken desires.

And yes, I guess I can agree to that.. Lucy is a student, and like all students she needs extra money to support herself. One day she answers to an advert for doing waitressing and is told that she has to be in her underware, serving old gentlemen. She never questions why she has to be in her underware and she doesnt seem to be bothered when Clara tells her that she needs the colour of her lipstick to exactly match the colour of her labia...
She just does it, because she gets paid $250 for it, money that she burns when she gets home..

Lucy has a friend who she calls Birdmann, whom she visits every week and drinks neat vodka with. Birdmann takes it on his cereal.
I have never tried that, but it doesnt sound very tasty to me..
Birdmann is sick, but I never understood what condition he has, but we do get to see Lucy at his funeral.

One day Clara calls Lucy for a job which needs her to be asleep, sedated, in a bed, and men will do things to her while she is sleeping. Clara only have one rule: No penetration! And please be careful so not to leave any marks...

Are you confused?
I dont blame you, so am I, and I have just seen the film...
So how many M:s do I give it?
MM!
Because even though the story isnt very good, the film is beautiful, the photography is very artistic and that is what makes me give it two M:s...
If you like artsy films that are there for you to figure out instead of being told everything about them, I highly recommend this film for you. It has a solid performance from Emily Browning in the lead role, and it has enough imagery and symbolism to keep you coming back for another watch. That is, if you don't fall asleep during the first time.

I dont know how she does it

2011-12-14T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ive watched this film today...
It is made from the book with the same titel.
It is a chick flic, a rom com a feelgood film...
And it is pretty boring..
Sarah Jessica Parker looks and sounds the same as in all of her films, slightly breathless, raised eyebrows, open mouth and constantly swiwelling her her back and forward, almost in a figure 8...
She plays Kate Reddy (I actually had to google this...I had already forgotten...) who works as a financial executive and juggles that with her husband and two kids.

She is obviously very good at her job, and travels a lot which her daughter punishes her for and her husband blames her for when their two-year old son falls down the stairs (by the way..the kid playing the son looks MUCH older than two years old...)
There are some of the mandatory "confrontation scenes" (obviously)
1. Where Kate breathlessly tells her boss that she cant travel during the weekend because she needs to build a snowman.And if he cant accept that, then he has to fire her, because she WILL NOT give up, She CANT give up!!
Obviously he lets her get away with it, no rom com worth its name would allow him to fire her..
2. When Kate and her husband comes home from the hospital after their son had a bump on the head because he fell down the stairs.
Kate blames her husband for not fixing the carpet and he tells that "at least he was there!" Kate slams her hands on thecounter and sighs "Yes! I am a dissapointment, I FAILED!! But without my job I am nothng. NOTHING!"
And obviously they make up and in the end the live happily ever after. In chaos, because Kate is a juggler...

I do see myself as someone who enjoys chicflics and romcoms, this film however.. Is at the lower end of the scale..
I wouldnt pay money to see it at the cinema, but now when I have seen it, I feel calm and relaxed and ready for bed..
If you love SJP then see it, but in my opinion she is highly overrated..

I have decided to give this film 2 out of 10 M's
MM

I might be back for good this time.....

2011-12-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hello all!
I just realised that is almost to the date a whole year since I last blogged...
I am starting to really miss it! And I think I know what to use this space for from now on.
But first, maybe I should tell you a little about what has happened in my life in the past twelve months..?
Two major things has happened:

1) I went back to school in August! I am now studying to become a signlanguage interpreter (in swedish signlanguage) and it is so much fun!
It is hard work though..Much harder than I thought, but I am doing ok and understanding more and more each day.

2) On September 22nd I had a gastric bypass.
It was the best decision in my life to do it! I am finally getting my life back and so far I have lost 30 kg! (aprox 3 stone)
Im sorry if I dissapoint anyone by telling you that there wont be any "before and after" pictures of me naked or in underware here. I find those photos kind of grose...
I might put some on her of me fully dressed...but I havent decided that bit 100% yet.

So what will I be writing about then?
I have mentioned it before... I will write about films and books.
My 2 favourite things!
It wont specifically be new releases, just films that Ive seen and books that I read.

Right now Im reading "Pride and Predudice" by Jane Austin as part of my course.
I have to talk about it on Thursday and so far I have only read 10 chapters (out of 78 I think) and I find it really hard work and quite boring..
BUT tonight I watched the film, with Kiera Knightly and Matthew Macfadyen. And while I was just as bored and annoyed by the first thirty minutes of it as I am by the book, I now find that I want to tuck up in bed and carry on reading...
Even though it is degrading towards women...
But I will give it another chance..and I might try to find the tv drama, with Colin Firth, tomorrow.

So, now you know what will come, no more emotional sluttiness.
I hope you will carry on reading, and if this is the first blogpost you read that I have written, Welcome! Hope to see you again and I LOVE when readers comment... Hint hint....

Another year, almost to its end

2010-12-25T01:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, it has been a while since I last wrote. Someone told me that they missed my blogging a couple of days ago, and in a way I do too. But as I said in one of my last posts, my heart is not for the whole world to take part of anymore. I have been pondering on how to carry on writing and blogging without hurting myself, and I still cant really think of a way. I have no exciting hobbies to write about, I cant cook and although I enjoy decorating, I cant say that it is to the level of devoting a whole blog to it. Sure I could recommend books and films that I have seen, because I am a selfconfessed film/tvwhore and a bookwhore, but someone else in Sweden already has that name on her blog...

So it is once again Christmas, my favourite time of the year. Christmas exploded in my flat on December the 1st, it was so much fun putting all the decorations up. Here are a couple of photos. Something is wrong with my camera and/or computer, so most of the photos comes in upsidedown...Ill see if I can correct it and show you some more photos of my christmasy flat.

I have caught some great moments with my phone of the wintery landskape we have here at the moment. This year I have actually enjoyed the snow, it could be because it hasnt affected me too much..yes it has taken longer to get from A to B, but I have always managed to get where I have wanted to get to.
Look at these pictures, you have to admit it is gorgeous...

The fountain on the square in the centre, I dont know if they didnt turn off the water on purpose, or if someone didnt do their job properly...?
Looks beautiful anyway I think.

This looks a bit magical dont you think?
Like, if you sit on the bench you will get transported to Narnia or someother magical land...? Or is it just me with the vivid imagination?

Giant icicles outside of work, I read in the newspaper about a man who blamed all the icicles on the rich people living in penthouses so the heat would sip out from under the rooftops and "crash" with the cold air outside, creating icicles...
I have to say that I am a bit surprised that the newspaper even printed that story... These icicles are not outside a penthouseflat, neither are the people who live here rich, but we still have the biggest icicles I have ever seen. I think.

Christmaseve was yesterday, and we celebrated Swedishstyle. Just me and my parents, eating lots of good food, relaxing and spending time together. And ofcourse handing out gifts. Looks like I have been very good this year, I was very spoiled.
I got this, amongst other things.

I am a bit nervous of how to get it going to be honest...I would much rather someone else came and installed it for me..(yes that is a hint to you Sara..) But I will give my best shot at it first, maybe its not as difficult as I imagine...
Wish me luck..
Have a great christmasday people, I might write again before the year is over, you never know.

A walk in the park

2010-10-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have been on a trainingcourse today. It has been a gorgeous sunny day and I walked home. It was gorgeous and I have taken some photos with my iPhone.
I love the app Hipstamatic!! It takes really good, different photos.
Hope you like them.

Too much

2010-10-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I last posted something on the blog, the words havent really come to me for a few reasons I guess.
One reason being that not very much is happening right now, there is no weird man to waste time on, my dreams are no longer haunted and my heart has stopped aching a long time ago. So everything is calm and I guess in some peoples opinion - boring. But I dont mind, I quite enjoy just being.
Not fretting or worrying, and feeling stressed for different reasons.

I have however come to realise that I have been naive and rather stupid actually.
I used to think - well I still think to be honest - that some people are a bit too open and share a bit too much of their lives on social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter. You get fed intimate details of their love life and family members, to the extent that I end up feeling like I have been eavesdropping on a very private conversation.
Then I realised that I had done exactly the same, only I did it here, on my blog.
I was emotionally slutty, and I shared to much.
I thought that if I opened my heart completely, poured out the entire content of it and shared my innermost thoughts and feelings, people would treat it and me with respect and maybe love me a little bit more.
Unfortunately but obviously, that was not the case.

I have, for as long as I can remember, said "the more someone knows about you, the easier it is for him to hurt you" and with that I have not let people in and get to know the real me. I have showed a facade of a very strong and fiercly independent woman who didnt need anyone in her life.
So why have I been so open with my feelings here?
I dont actually know..is the honest truth.
I wanted people to understand me, and know what I was all about.
Now I dont really care anymore, it doesnt matter if people understand me or not. I am more open to my friends and the people that I love and at the end of the day, that is what matters, they are the people that matters.
I think there can be a downside to everything, and obviously with me being so open, things have happened that I really dont like, so I have decided not to share too many boring details of my life anymore.

I havent decided exactly what to use this space for, I might show some photographs instead or I will share and practise creative writing. But my heart is now closed for public viewing.

Listen to this song, I love it!

Craaazy

2010-09-27T02:16:00.000-07:00

There is buildingwork going on in my house! It is so loud I cant hear myself think, I turned the volume on the tv up to max and I still couldnt hear it.
My head is pounding and the world is spinning (nothing new to tell Im afraid) and I think I might be coming down with a chestinfection.
There is one place where I can find some peace, is in the laundryroom in the basement. What a joyous life I lead!
I really hope that the results of the bloodtests I took last week are back today.

The best....

2010-09-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

Im still sick, feeling worse than yesterday, running a temperature and have been on the verge of fainting a couple of times just by walking to the bathroom. So most of the day has been spent on the sofa, watching tv, reading a trashy magazine and sleeping.
I am a bit worried about working next week, and I feel guilty to let my colleagues down and make their workingdays so much harder. I guess I am a bit "damaged" from working in numerous companies in the U.K where we - the emplyees - were made to feel incredibly guilty for being sick and more or less bullied into coming back to work earlier than we really wanted to.

I remember the knot in my stomach when I had to call in and say that I just wouldnt be able to make it in because I was running a temperature, or I had the flu or I had a stomachbug. And get the icecold reply "FINE! Well YOU know how hard it is to work without one staffmember..."
And then it was just to sit and wait for the call that would come three days later: "When are you coming back? There are other people who are off sick now, so we really need you!"
Obviously it is flattering that a manager thinks so highly of me that the whole business is falling apart without me...but when you are ill, you just need to be left to rest and get better.

Anyway, I didnt need to have worried, because here, I have the best colleagues in the world! They just told me to get better, call them on Monday and let them know if I was coming or not, and just spend the weekend resting. They also told me they feel very sorry for me.
Isnt that lovely? Just what you want to hear.
I will have an early night tonight and hopefully get some more sleep than I did last night, and with a bit of luck and plenty of rest and fluid I will be fit as a fiddle by Monday.
I hope you all have a good start of the weekend.

Listen to this, I am trying to squeeze out the last drops of summer with this song. Even though I am looking forward to the darker evenings, the cool crisp mornings and the countdown to christmas.

But this song keeps the summer here for just a few more hours.

Time off

2010-09-23T01:04:00.000-07:00

As I came back from Greece last week I was feeling dizzy and not very well at all. I figured it was due to being on a boat for six hours and then flying for three hours the same day and getting home after midnight so not getting much sleep. But on Thursday I was still dizzy, it felt like I was walking on cushions and the world was spinning upwards in various speeds depending on if I was standing up, walking, or sitting down. I decided to leave it til Monday, and if it still hadnt stopped then, I would call my GP.
On Saturday I was in town with my mum, I felt dizzy, but thought "Hey, whats new..." but as I was walking around the shoppingcentre I could feel my legs give way and the next thing I knew I was on the floor with my head in my mums lap. So she drove me to the A&E, even though I would rather have gone home and got into bed for a few hours, but my mum being a nurse, she wouldnt listen to that suggestion... I was put in a room of my own, they checked my pulse and heart rate then I was left on my own.

After an hour the doctor came in to see me, she shook my head backwards and forwards, side to side and concluded that I do not have "the crystal condition".
The "crystal condition" is (if I have understood it correctly) when the crystals in your ears are disturbed, so instead of just floating nicely in your ear canal as they should do, they bounce against the walls in the ears, which makes you feel dizzy and sick. I then had to wait for another three hours to see the earspecialist who also decided that I do not have "the crystal condition".
After another hour I was told that the doctors didnt think my condition was such an emergency that I needed to stay over night, so I could go home and wait for a referal to the neurologist. After six hours in the hospital I was happy to go home and have some of my mums meatballs for dinner before crashing into bed.

On Sunday Sofie came over for lunch and a catch-up. It was great to see her, we dont get to meet as often as I would like to, so it is always good with some girlietime with her.

I went to work as usual on Monday, but I really didnt feel well, so I called in sick on Tuesday and made an appointment with my GP. She couldnt find anything wrong with my brain activity, which I guess is good...
Yesterday I woke up with a blocked nose, sore throat and a temperature.
So was the dizzyness a "pre. flu attack"?
I am still dizzy and feel rotten but I can now relate it to the fact that I have a stinking cold and possibly the flu.

So, since I am in no fit state to sort things out that I really want to sort out, (tidying up the basement after flood or shopping for lamps for example) I have spent some time on YouTube, looking for funny clips to cheer myself up with.
And I remember this lady, who I was introduced to a couple of months ago, and instantly fell in love with. Watch the clip and then tell me she is not hysterical.

My teeth hurts just looking at this clip, and powdered sugar? What is that? I have never heard of it before.
There are more where that clip came from... I love this one aswell.

Just one (or two) more cooking question... powdered milk?? "Because we all know that children need milk"? Is powdered milk as good as fresh milk? I dont know why, but I always thought that fresh food is better than non fresh food...
And another thing that I wonder...how come she is not the size of a house if she eats what she cooks? If I ate those peanutbutterballs as a "snack" when I came home from work everyday, I wouldnt be able to get through the door soon. Then there is the clip of Paula eating a Lasagna sandwich. But I will let you find that for yourselves on YouTube..

Another thing I just love about Paula is her southern draaaaawl when she speaks.
I love the southern American accent, and how they make one word out of two (or maybe even three?) HiY'all!!
I think I will start speaking like that too...
It sounds so lovely when she says "Girlfriend" or "baby". I am not convinced I would get away with talking like that though...Especially not if I translated "babydoll" to Swedish. But maybe I should give it a try, just to see if someone notices?

Oh ok, I will give you the clip of the Lasagna sandwich..since I am sick, I quite fancy one of these badbois.. I always fancy something extra fatty when I'm not well. But I am too tired to cook lasagna at the moment, so I will have to make do with toast and watching Paula on my laptop. Unless someone wants to cook for me?

Well I will have a nap in the sofa now. Have a great day Y'all!

From Greece. WITH LOVE part two..

2010-09-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

On the Monday morning, Frida woke me by shining her phone in my face and whispering "It is time for you to get up now"..So I did..it wasnt too difficult since we were continuing our adventure. Yet again we got on the bus and drove through a still dark Athens to the harbour where we got on the boat and settled in the firstclass area where most of us fell asleep. There wasnt much to do so we just hung out in the seating area and out on deck. After six hours we finally arrived at Naxos.

The hotel we stayed in was lovely. The owners truly know what hospitality means. There was nothing that was too much for them, or they couldnt sort out for us. I recommend it to anyone who wants to stay in a friendly authentic Greek hotel. Check out their website: www.prokopis.com.

Lina unfortunately had to go back to Sweden, so me and Frida shared a room for the week. I was a bit worried that she would ask to change rooms, since I occasionally "growl" in my sleep. Its not quite a snore, but neither is it just humming.. But I think I was very quiet for ten days, or Frida slept so deeply that she didnt hear me?
The days at Agios Prokopios (the name of the hotel and the beach) was spent relaxing in the sand, cooling off in the sea, eating lunch and sleeping in a sunlounger. The evenings was just as lovely, rinsing the salt and sand off in the shower, putting on a skirt and a vest, some lipgloss and head out for dinner or just a picnic by the pool. The first two days we gathered to get to know one and other a bit more, sharing wine, bread, cheese, nuts and sweets. It was a little bit of magic sitting there, getting to know new people, listening to their lifestories (one of my favourite things) and enjoying just being. Alive. Because I did.

Sandra and Andreas got engaged in Athens.

On the Wednesday night most of us caught the bus to Chora, the main town of Naxos. We watched the sunset from a cliff with a monument. I cant remember the exact history, but I can recall someone saying that it was built a thousand years before Acropolis, and the same person saying "Five thousand years of history, you cant expect us to remember all of it". We then wandered through the town, snapping photos like Japanese tourists, whilst deciding where we should eat.

We settled for a small restaurant called MezeMeze, where we ordered lots of small dishes which we shared between us, tasting little bits of lots of different foods. I tasted a delicious chicken cooked in curry and lemon. The pieces were so tender and litterally fell apart in my mouth. Yum!

The next day we rented quadbikes and drove around the island. It was the coolest thing I have ever done I think. Which might just prove what a nerd I am?
I have never driven even a moped, so taking charge of a quadbike was so exciting. We drove in a long caravan, G's cousin calling us the "Naxos army"

It was hot, dusty and sweaty, so after lunch we stopped by a small beach for a cooling dip in the sea, a cigarette and a cold drink. Again it hit me how alive I felt and how much I was enjoying myself. We carried on up and down the mountains, cerpentineroads made it difficult to drive fast, so we could really enjoy the scenery. Although I kept my eyes firmly on the road most of the time.
We arrived back at the hotel by ten o'clock, I showered the dust and sand off me and crashed into bed.
The next day it was back to the beach, the sand and the sunloungers and topping up my tan. I actually tanned this holiday, normally I burn myself and look like a lobster before going back to being white.
But this week I have got a healthy, glowing light brown colour to my skin.
I believe spending time doing nothing is something we all need from time to time. Some people need it more than others, but spending a few days just relaxing, reading, listening to music or watching dvds is like chicken soup for the soul.
The best way to recharge your batteries. I always take a few books with me to read whilst on holiday, this time I only read half of one of them. I guess because I was busy talking to my friends, I didnt have much time to really get into a book.
One night when I was just watching the world go by after having dinner with the great people that was on this trip with me, I tried to decide what has been the best part of the journey. But I couldnt pick one thing that was better than all the rest. But one thing that feels extra special, is that I had the oportunity to spend quality time with good friends. Getting to know them more and on a different level, without the stress of work, bills and everyday life. It felt like we were twentyone again without a care in the world.
I also feel very lucky to have made new friendships, I truly hope that we will stay in touch and get to know each other more.

Friends

The night before we were due to travel back we all gathered on a beach under a tree to have a last meal together. It was a beautiful evening watching the sun go down, eating more lovely greek food with lovely friends.

MARRIED

I feel maybe it is time for me to stop saying "lovely, fantastic, amazing friends" I guess it might be getting on peoples nerves. But it is true, I have amazing lovely people in my life. I do feel fortunate that they want to be my friends. But ok, enough now.
I am home again, C and G arrived this afternoon, my tan is fading rapidly, but the fire is still burning in my belly. Where do I go from here? And for how long?

So. What now?

From Greece. WITH LOVE part one..

2010-09-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

On Friday the third of September, there was a group of tired and fairly pale people gathering at the airport Kastrup in Copenhagen, Denmark. We were excited about the next ten days which we would spend in Greece. In Athens and Naxos, celebrating the wedding of C and G.
The first day, arriving in Athens we were greeted with scorching heat and a waiting bus which took us to our hotel, Marriott Ledra. We had some lunch on the roof and then went for a nap.
The rest of the afternoon were spent relaxing by the pool and catching up with old friends.

We had dinner and met with some of G's family, on the roof of the Hotel, looking out over Athens with Acropolis in focus. I felt something come over me, starting at the top of my neck and moving down my shoulders and into my tummy. I was starting to relax and unwind.

The next day I went on a sightseeing tour with Jeanette, Jimmy and their two boys Neo and Adrian. We travelled with a sightseeing bus and saw many of the old Greek buildings, Acropolis obviously being the main attraction

After a quick shower and some curling of my own and Jeanettes hair we were picked up by the bus and driven to a small village by the sea. C and G said their "I do's" and promised to love each other forever and ever as the sun set over the small chapel on a cliff.
Even though I didnt understand what the orthodox priest said, it was very moving and emotional, there is something very special about being part of a wedding, especially when it is a dear friend like C who is getting married.

The dinner and party was held in a small cosy tavern, it felt very authentic and I cant imagine C and G and G's family arranging a wedding in anything that wasnt traditional Greek. So we ate dinner under the stars and drank a lot of wine.
It is not custom in Greece for the guests to make speaches, like in Sweden so we were able to start the dancing shortly after dinner. The maid of honor Sandra and the sister of the bride did say some beautiful words to C and G and since I was already in a bit of an emotional state I had to fight hard and think of some seriously funny things to stop me from crying like a crazy woman. I love personal speaches, no one have ever held a speech for me - which can be because I am not married - but I hope that one day there will be close friends saying nice words about and to me at a party where we celebrate love.

Sandra toasting the bride and groom

The rest of the nght was spent dancing

And dancing

A lot of dancing

Then we danced some more

Very late at night, after we had eaten cake and after we had finished the wine, the bus came and picked us up and drove us back to the hotel where me and my roomies Frida and Lina crashed in bed, talking and giggling like we did at sleepover parties when we were still in school.
The next day, Sunday, I went to the salon in the hotel to get my eyelashes dyed. Turns out it was easier said than done...the ladies didnt speak very good english so when I said I wanted colour on my eyelashes they brought out the mascara. It took a lot of bodylanguage, handgestures and nodding of heads, but in the end we had established that I wanted "blue/black" eyelashes. I was very happy with the result, but then I was offered to dye my eyebrows aswell. I was prepared for this and had established with myself that this was NOT going to happen. Since my hair is blond and my skin extremely pale I always end up looking rather odd with dark eyebrows. Even when they are supposed to use a "lightbrown" colour...
So I was a bit surprised to hear myself saying "OK" to having them coloured...
I had a niggling feeling in my belly that it wouldnt end well, and I was right...the "lightbrown" was infact bordering on black..
But the ladies in the salon opened their eyes wide, "ooohhed" a lot and said I looked PERFECT!! "Just like Greek!"
I tried to put it gently to them that I am not Greek...and I havent got the skin tone of a greek lady. I was then offered to spraytan my face to make it more even...
I just thanked them for their help and ran up to my room.
The rest of the day was spent by the pool on the roof or in my case, in the room reading a fantastic book I borrowed from Lina. I had a terrible stomachache and realised a day spent in my own company was just what I needed at that point.
When my roomies returned after their day in the sun they persuaded me to come in to town for dinner, which was great.
We got a cab from the hotel which dropped us off in the Plaka district, wandered around, looked in the shops and bought some souvenirs before heading off to find a nice restaurant. We were stopped by a gentleman who introduced himself as Langos, and he showed us the menu from his restaurant. He was very persuasive and wouldnt take no for an answer, so we ate souvlaki, greek salad, bread, lamb and drank red wine and ouzo.

It was a great evening, taking in Athens by night. It is a beautiful city, although the fumes and toxins from the cars are sometimes overpowering, and I would like to return maybe in November or the early spring.
Sitting in a taxi back to the hotel, driving through the streets in the warm night listening to the radio playing "Only you" by the Platters, I had a sense of being truly alive. I wanted to put my head through the sunroof (although this cab didnt have one...) and drag the dirty air deep into my lungs and awaken the beast, the travelbeast which have been asleep for too long now...

Back at the hotel we bumped in to a very happy Andreas, who had been for dinner with Sandra and their closest friends. He was wearing a ring on his fourth finger matching the one on Sandras hand. In a very romantic place he asked her to be his wife and be with him forever. And she said yes! So now we had one wedding and one engagement to celebrate.
We carried on up to our rooms to pack and get some sleep before a very early start on Monday morning.

Dating disasters....

2010-08-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

Sunday nights at 7pm a show called "Tough Love" is showed here on TV3. It is hosted by Steve Ward who aparently runs one of the most successful datingagencies in America with his mother. The programme is a dating bootcamp and shows eight girls who has had some problems in the dating department and now really wants to meet the love of their life and settle down.
Steve gives them advice on how to behave and challenges to complete when on dates with handsome eligable single men. One advice he gives to all girls, all over the world is: DONT BE WEIRD!
Well I have to say that goes for men aswell... Dont be weird!
I will now share my own dating experience ,from the past three months, with you.
This is actually true happenings but I am writing this piece with humour and can now laugh at it all, it is not meant to be misinterpreted as me concentrating on the negative side of everything.

So lets start with CC, I know I didnt write very much about him, because there was just not much time to. We met up a few times and at first I thought "This is a really great guy, he will get on with my friends and we will have a good time" then it took less than three days for me to change my mind.
I got a very strong vibe of controlling needs from him when he "adviced" me not to go to a particular place for drinks in our town. He told me that he wouldnt forbid me to go there, but if I still went there I would have to face the consequences afterwards. Because everything we do in our lives have consequences. I didnt agree with that. He asked me if I had ever been beaten by any of my exboyfriends? I think that is weird thing to ask someone. Or isnt it? Some time ago, he stood in the vestibule of my building buzzing my entry phone at two am. Asking why I havent answered his phonecalls? Personally I think that is the behaviour of a drunk twenty year old on a Saturday night, not a thirtyfive year old man on a Thursday. Or maybe I am wrong on that part aswell?

Then we have EC, who I met at the little square in my town on a Friday night at the beginning of summer. He is probably the most gorgeous man I have ever seen (not counting David Boreanaz) and I realised I was giggling everytime our eyes met across the crowd of people who was also out celebrating the weekend and the sunshine. EC came up and asked for a light (which I didnt have) and then we spent the rest of the evening together walking around the city talking, smiling, holding hands and talking some more. EC told me he is Greek, living in Paris, working as a photographer.
Unfortunately that was his last night and he flew back to Paris the following morning. During the summer we have kept in touch via msn and facebook and we talked about him coming to visit one weekend and me going to Paris in November. So imagine my surprise and somewhat utter horror when he one night tells me: "I am wearing a red thong, just for you" "I am your little girl, I want you to f**k me hard"
What I am curious to know is if I send out signals that I would enjoy a man in womens underwear in my bed?? And that I like little girls????
If so I need to do something radical straight away. How could I have misjudged him so badly?
Needles to say we are no longer on speaking terms, I am not going to Paris in November and I will bolt my door if he comes anywhere near this city again...

And the last one, Mo, whom I met back in December, we swapped numbers and I did want to go for dinner with him, but he was so intense I had to cancel. With intense I mean that he said. "What are you doing now?" "Uhm..nothing, just watching tv."
"Right Ill be over in 30 mins and you are coming to mine for thai-food"
I do realise that a lot of women (and men) are looking for that kind of spontainety, and I dont mind someone being spontaineous, when you know each other a bit more. But for the first date, I want a bit more notice to get ready and psyche myself up for it. So we didnt meet up that time.
However, last week he popped up on my msn and asked how I was bla bla, then asked if I was still intrested in going to dinner with him?
And I felt that might be just what I needed?
So we decided that we would meet on thursday.
On wedensday night I get a txt asking if I know how to get to his house?
Well, no, I dont know where he lives. So he gave me his address and asked me to rent a dvd on my way.
I said I didnt feel comfortable coming to his house on our first date and why would we watch a dvd? Wouldnt it be better if we talked and got to know each other?

HE THEN WROTE WITH CAPITAL LETTERS THAT THE PREVIOUS DAY I HAD TOLD HIM IT WOULD BE NICE. AND HE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME SINCE I HADNT CONTACTED HIM, AND WE WOULD NEVER HAVE GOT THIS DATE TOGETHER HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR HIM.

So I asked him if he was annoyed with me, since he seemed a bit irate...And I felt that he was very intense, whereas I like to take the day as it comes, not planning too much.
STILL WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS, MAKING ME FEEL LIKE WAS SHOUTING, HE TOLD ME THAT HE IS ALWAYS INTENSE, WHEREAS I OBVIOUSLY DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT!! SO GOOD LUCK TO ME EVER FINDING A MAN.

We didnt meet up on Thursday night, but I probably didnt need to tell you that...
I can not stress enough, to both men and women: DONT BE WEIRD

So that is my dating disasters for this summer, hope it made you laugh a little bit at least.
But I am thinking more and more about matchmaking, and I feel that my friends and family should find my perfect man. They know me the best, which brings me to something else that Steve Ward says:

Most people dont see themselves like other people see them

I realise I am obviously doing something wrong, so I would like to put my dating and lovelife in my wonderful frineds hands. I trust You with my life and know You wouldnt pick someone who is unsuitable or weird.

So let me finish with a great song that is so true. All you need is love!

And so it begins...

2010-08-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

First day back at school yesterday, even though the children arent back yet there was an exciting tension in the air just like when I was in school myself.
It was really nice to see all my colleagues again and the day of meetings went past quickly and I walked home with a happy spring in my steps.
Getting in the lift (which had been fixed) cute boy got in aswell. Did I invite him in for coffee? No I chickened out. Instead we talked about the dirty water that is flooding our basement, and we both wondered if it is just mud, or could it be drainwater?
About half an hour later I was on my way out again, and who was in the lift?? CUTE BOY!
He gave me a crooked smile and said "We seem to be bumping into each other a lot" so I just said it! "Do you want to come up for coffee and a catch up sometime" and he said "YES" then we were at my stop and we just said, "Well ok then, bye"
So...we said we would meet up...just not when.....I guess time will tell..

Today it rained again, we had a trainingday at a nice restaurant/conference place. They served us nice breakfast, lunch and cakes for the afternoon coffee.
Trainingdays are what trainingdays are...but all in all it was a good day.
I had a splitting headache when I came home so I slept on my couch for a couple of hours and now feel better, even though I am still very tired, so I think I will have a very early night instead of sitting up watching So You Think You Can Dance which I normally do on a Tuesday evening.

Boring blogpost today Im afraid. But such is life, you dont always get what you want. But I will play a song I heard today that I really like.
It is just a fun song that makes me feel good and I dont want to be tamed and turned into something I am not. Sometimes I do things just because I want to do it and I shouldnt always have to justify everyhing I do. If I decide to wear Winnie-the-pooh knickers tomorrow, I will and I wont answer a stupid question such as "Why?"
My old drivingschool teacher once told me that Why? is a bad question and will only get the answer "Because!"
Anyway, here is the song. Be a rebel and enjoy it.

Not such a good day

2010-08-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

Even though I am trying to stay positive and see something good in everything that comes my way at the moment, it has been difficult today. Well I shouldnt say that the whole day has been awful, just the last three hours.

We have had "every-other-day-rain" here. Started Thursday afternoon, and it wasnt just rain, it was like the sky had opened, carrying on for at least twelve hours.
Friday was a beautiful day and yesterday came more rain, just like Thursday, like someone had poured a bucket of water over the world. A very large bucket of water.
As I was sitting in my new sofa, watching tv I realised there was some sort of commotion in the stairs, actually the fire exit. I heard the alarm for the lift go off and someone was calling "Donde está?"
I figured that there was a party somewhere and it was the drunk guests making the noice so I didnt think about it too much.
This morning I was woken by the firedoor slamming several times which I found rather annoying, but then I realised that the lift was at a standstill, not working at all.

I have spent the whole day on the sofa, watching "Paris Hilton, My new BFF", wondering when Paris Hilton will see herself too old to talk about BFF's, TTYN and TTYL.
Even though I didnt enjoy the program and was getting more and more annoyed by the shallowness of the contestants I couldnt switch over to another channel. I remember doing the same thing last year, only difference being that I watched "From Geezer to Gentleman" or something like that.
Paris finished just in time for me to start my laundry.

Since the lift was out of order I had to walk up to the attic, walk over to the next entrance and get the lift down that way, and coming down to the basement was a bit like entering the Titanic. I almost plunged into the water, covering my feet completely. Unfortunately it wasnt water from the washing machine with soappowder...but instead brown gunk. I just hope it was mud and not poo that was clinging to my skin...
I decided to check the car, which was fine, the water hadnt got in to the garage. But where my storagecupboard is, the water was ten inches high. I couldnt even get to the gate, I lost my flipflop in the water.
So I have decided that the insurancecompany will have to take care of it, hopefully I did put the plasticboxes at the bottom and not the cardboardboxes.
I walked up to the shop to get some bits for dinner, and walking around the store, filling my basket up, mainly thinking that I look rough with slightly wet bottom hems of my trousers and a redflustered face. As I got to the checkout, put all my items on the band, the girl tells me its 100SEK and only then I realised that I have no money with me!! I didnt take my purse, so I was standing in the shop, people behind me, and I had no money at all!!
I had to apologise and just leave, walking across the attic and then down to my flat.
I was really not impressed with the afternoon and evening.

Tomorrow is the first day back at school after the summer holiday.
I am both looking forward to it and not so much.
I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that it will be messy and unorganised and so much to take in.
But I will take one hour at a time I think. Starting with attending the meeting at 08.30am. Now it is time to bring all the laundry up.
Ill do it all the while humming "You shook me all night long", wondering when I will be shaken all night long.
Night people.

One more time for the cheap seats in the back.

Other ways

2010-08-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to blog about the other route a few days ago...and not behave like I had chosen to sink and not fight anymore.
That is certainly not the case.
I have chosen, (and did chose some time ago actually) to spend a lot of time on and with myself.
I am getting my flat in order, painting chairs which I am very proud of having done by myself. The table is next, but I will do that when I get home from Greece.

I realised that for almost my whole life, I have done everything to please other people, I never really thought about what I wanted for myself, just as long as no one else minded.
I have stayed in on saturday nights just to keep my friends with children company.
I didnt travel around the world on a cruiseship because someone said I would never cope with the hours.
And I didnt follow my heart to go with that wonderful, sexy, funny man, because someone thought he wasnt handsome enough.
I am not looking for sympathy, I take full responsibility for my own actions and choices I have made.
But I have now decided that I will listen to my heart, and to what I really want to do.

And I will do what I feel is best for myself before I think about what others might think about me. If someone really think I am bad or boring or whatever, then that is about them, not me. And I have come to realise, that the people who have come into my life, who I have the fortune to call my friends, are exactly that. My friends. They have earned that. Not that I have put them through a test Paris Hilton style, and they have showed me what real friendship is. That true friends dont enjoy watching you get humiliated, neither are they part of the humiliation.

So the route I am now taking is to suround myself with great people, and I dont need to join a potteryclass to find new friends. They are already in my life, and I love them with all of my heart.
I was watching the Tyra Banks show a couple of days ago, and one of the guests was a lady who practised "numerology". I didnt catch the whole conversation, but she said that you should add all the numbers in your date of birth and break it down until you only had a one digit left. So my date of birth is 1+9+7+6+1+1+9= 3+4 = 7 which means that I am a 7. Which means that I am a mystery. I think a lot of the meaning of life, of why I am here and who I really am.
At the moment that is very accurate, at least the "Who am I?" part.
I am reading a lot of everything, books, magazines and articles, to help me get to know myself again. And I am loving it.
I know that some people might find it a bit exhausting to listen to my ever talking about "me-time" and how I am spending time in my flat just decorating for my own wants and needs.
But it will pass, it is just intense at the moment, I will calm down soon.

So I will talk about something quite funny.
I have now lived in my flat for aprox eight weeks, the first week I met a man in the lift who I recignised as the father of one of my childhood friends I used to play with when I was in school. I wasnt sure that he recognised me, so I just said hello.
A week or so later, I met his wife and she recognised me and hugged me and said she had heard from my mum that I had moved back to the street. She was very friendly and I asked about my friend, her daughter, M, who is a doctor.
On wednesday this week I came from the garage and was heading for the lift, as I opened the door a man was already in the lift and he asked if I was going up?
As I got in he asked if my name was Maria, and when I looked at him I saw that it was the brother of my friend. He used to play "V" with me and M and some other kids during the summer holidays. I havent seen him since we left school some twenty years or so ago, and he has done a good job growing up, the cute thing!
Today I met him and his mum again in the lift, he was helping her with the laundrybasket (how sweet?) and she asked me where I am working at the moment, so I told her that I work at the school. She said that she had asked L, but he didnt know.
I found that funny, because me and L only talked for a minute or so, no time to discuss work and life in general, but I also got the feeling she wants her son to ask me out.
I will invite him up for coffee or something stronger when I meet him next time, but not when he is in the company of his mother.
So, we shal see, maybe I have met my next loveinterest?
I will take it cool though, I can not have another situation like the one with CC.
But that is another story that I will tell you another day.

I will leave you with a song, that Im afraid will prove that I am getting old, because I think these ladies rock!!
Enjoy it, and goodnight.

Crossroads...

2010-08-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

Am I standing at a crossroad? Or am I stumbling in the dark? Is it just a desperation to find something to hold on to? To make my own and help me find that inner peace?

I feel I can go two ways.
Either I will sink, and decide to spend the rest of my life on my own, because I got the final proof that I can not trust a man. Because I will end up hurt and humiliated everytime. I know that in this day and age it is not allowed to have bad thoughts about yourself and it is definately frowned upon if you say that you are not happy about the way you look.
If you are not happy with something, then you change it, like Nike says: "Just do it"
And it sounds so easy to "just change the way you go" and take another route and then BANG, there is your happiness...
But I have come to realise that there actually comes a point, when something inside says no, enough now, I dont want to play these games anymore.

I did say that I would write about the brothers another time, and I think now is the time.
I met Dan and his friend Marius in a nightclub back in 1999. Marius was dark and dangerouslooking and Dan was fair and seemed very shy.
Marius was always the one talking and joking and Dan would just look and smile and one day he told me I was pretty. We never exchanged numbers, it was just at the time when not everyone had mobilephones, and all phones didnt have the ability to send or recieve texts...
So we only bumped into each other once a month or so but I was always happy when I saw Dans blond hair and cute smile. After a while he started asking me "What would you say if I asked you out to dinner one night?" my answer was always the same "You wont know until you ask will you?" and I would smile my best smile. He would then nod and look serious and usually turn away and say something to Marius.
Then came christmas 2001 and me and Betty was having our annual christmasparty. Just her and me out on the town celebrating christmas. It was heaving with people and in the crowd was - obviously - Dan and Marius. Marius said something to Dan and pushed him towards me, Dan didnt say anything, just grabbed me and kissed me.

He then introduced me to his little brother who was out with them aswell - Tom -
I first thought that Tom was slightly...how shal I put it... "special" or "slow", he just looked odd, and I thought "What a lovely man Dan is, he takes his retarded brother out for a christmas drink"
After that Betty dragged me away and I didnt see Dan for the rest of the night, so no more christmas snogging.
In January was my birthday and me and Betty went out to celebrate and once again we bumped into Dan, Marius and Tom, whom I realised wasnt retarded, he was just very drunk before christmas.
Since I had a huge birthdaybadge pinned to my chest Dan asked if he could give me a birthday kiss, which I allowed him to do and this time Betty didnt drag me away.
Dan was a really good kisser and I felt like I was floating on a little pink cloud.
A little later I needed to go the ladies room and asked Dan to wait for me, this was a little trick I had started, to see if the guy I had pulled would stay or leave, a first test to see what sort of guy he was.
When I came back, he wasnt there, but instead in the middle of the dancefloor kissing another girl.
I wasnt upset, but not impressed either so I just stayed out of his way for the rest of the evening.
It then came to the summer of 2002 before I bumped into any of them again, this time it was Marius and Tom that was out, no Dan.
I started talking to Tom and he was quite funny, we swapped numbers and then he kissed me. Also very nice and nothing like his brother.
I can hear everyone thinking "You cheap tart" but at the end of the day, I was single and loved it.
So I decided to play the toilet card again and asked Tom to wait for me.
And he did, so he "passed" the test and I was happy, kissing a gorgeous (and on second look, not retardlooking) man.
I started seeing Tom, he was fun and charming and very good in bed.
One morning he told me he was going to the airport to pick up his brother (Dan) and his fiance. Yes fiance..I was a little bit surprised to hear that Dan was engaged, since only six months or so earlier he had kissed me (and another girl) but I thought it was his problem, not mine.
One night during Folk Week that summer I was out with Betty and her sister and some other girls and I knew that Tom would be out with Dan and Marius. Broadstairs is a small town so I knew I would bump into them sooner or later, and ofcourse we did. Tom came up and gave me a big hug and kissed me and when I turned to say hello to Dan he gave me a look that could have killed.. I was to say the least surprised at this anger coming from him, but thought maybe he was very drunk?
Betty and her sister went home and so did Dan and Marius, leaving me and Tom to wander around Broadstairs, hand in hand and when he kissed me goodnight I had started falling in love with him.

The weekend after that, Tom went up to Hull, where he and Dan are from, to go to a festival with some friends and me and Betty went out as per usual for a girls night. And bumped into Dan and Marius.
Dan grabbed me by the arm and gave me another one of the "Im going to kill you" looks and shouted: "My brother? You and my brother?? HOW COULD YOU??"
It took me a while to find my speach, I was in such a chock. Then I shouted back at him "What the hell is it to you, you are ENGAGED!!"
Now it was Dans turn to look chocked, and he said that he wasnt engaged, and where had I heard that?
He even nudged Marius and asked him if he was engaged. Marius looked me straight in the eye and said "He is not engaged"
To say that I was confused is an understatement and I dragged Dan outside so we could talk.

I told him what his brother had said, and Dan looked at me, with, what looked to me like pain in his eyes and said:
"He had a bet on you, him and Marius had a bet on who could get you into bed first" It was in the middle of August and the nights were still hot, but I remember that I went cold, I was shivering and couldnt breathe properly.
Dan went on telling me that he had loved me since the day he first met me, and had never been able to forget about me.
So I asked him why he never did anything?
Why didnt he fight for me?
He couldnt tell me...
He talked about what love really is, and that his brother doesnt know what love is, he doesnt care about girls, all he wanted was to get laid.

I went home that night and stayed awake for nearly four days.
I had read about people who couldnt sleep, who suffered from insomnia and was constantly awake. I never really believed it, because I had never had a problem falling asleep or staying asleep. But not now, my eyes just wouldnt close, I didnt cry, I just sat in the sofa, staring.
How could anyone be so cruel?
After two days I called Tom and screamed like a banshee, "A bet? I was a fucking bet to you? Is that all I was? You fucking arsehole!!! Dont you dare come near me ever again!!!" He tried to say something, but I wouldnt listen and he didnt call back, he didnt fight for me, so I took that as what his brother had told me was true. I tried to get hold of Dan, but he wouldnt pick up his phone or on the odd occasion he would quickly finish our conversation and then be "unavailable" for a few days.
Then on a crisp sunny day at the end of October I bumped into Marius on my lunchbreak. He was his usual, smiley self and came up to give me a hug. I put my hand on his chest and stopped him, I didnt want him near me after finding out that he was in on some stupid bet on me.
When he asked me what was wrong I had to bite my tongue not to explode, but I told him what Dan had told me.
Marius looked at me and said that there was never a bet, Dan made that up and he was infact engaged and due to get married in a months time.
All I could say was : "Why??"
He couldnt answer that, but he did say that he was sorry that he hadnt said anything earlier.
Again I felt numb and I just couldnt understand why he hed lied to me?

A year later I bumped into Tom and Dan on another night out, I sarcastically asked Dan how married life was treating him to which he laughed and said "I am not married Maria, I never was"
I still dont know the truth about this story, I still dont know who was lying and who wasnt.

Earlier this week, speaking to Stevens friend, I got a sense of deja vu.
Would Steven really plan to "seduce" me in a way that I would move back to England just so that he could dump me as soon as I had arrived?
Would anyone actually be so cruel?
Or is the friend lying?
Or is this another way of weird entertainment?
To see if they can hurt me this way aswell?

All of my friends tell me that I am beautiful and I can get any man I want. And they dont understand why I dont believe in myself, or why I am convinced that men only want to hurt me, for their own entertaining.

Well this is why.
Because it has actually happened, it is not just something that I am imagining, making things up in my head about how the whole world is against me.
I dont think that the whole world is against me.
But yes, I do find it hard to trust people. I dont like to let anyone get too close to me or my heart.

So this is one option, I will sink, and carry on living in a bit of a blurr, without feeling anything, no pain, no disappointment, no anger.
But without the sadness, there can be no laughter and no happiness either.
So I have another road I can choose to travel for the rest of my life.
And I will talk about that another time, it is too late now, and I am drained after dragging out a memory I have worked hard to keep at the very back of my mind.

Best song to describe it all I guess...

Bad judge of character

2010-08-02T01:05:00.000-07:00

Speaking to a friend of Steven this morning and I got a feeling of deja vu.
The friend tells me that Steven had told him that he would "mess me about" when I left.
Which is obviously charming. Steven always knew how to make someone feel special, in fact, he made it into a sort of mission.
This time it didnt work though, I know that he tried, he sent me some very sweet messages telling me how much he missed me and wanted me to come back. I missed him and thought it was sweet, but something in the pit of my stomach told me that it wasnt for real, so I didnt invest any emotions in trying to work my thoughts and feelings out.
I dont know what his plan really was or if his new girlfriend - who is expecting his baby - was in on it aswell, but I see no reason why I shouldnt tell one of the truths now?

When me and Steven broke up and I left for Sweden, we made a promise to each other, I promised that when I came to England for a visit I would always contact him and we would meet up for coffee or dinner if he had time. He promised not to ignore me.
So when I was coming over for Bettys birthday party in the beginning of June I emailed him and told him when I would be arriving and would he be free to meet up?
Within half an hour he replied that of course he wanted to meet up. And come to think about it, maybe we could have a "bonus night"?
I gently reminded him of his girlfriend to which he replied that nothing much was happening between them and they might not be together by the time I arrived.
I dont know why I didnt stop there, I should have done, because I knew exactly where we were heading. He asked if I remembered certain things from when we were together, and ofcourse I remembered.
He talked about all that he misses and now looking back on that conversation I wanted him to continue, I wanted him to tell me that his new girlfriend is nothing compared to me. Just so that I could have it on paper. Incase there would ever come a day when I might need it...
Like today.
He didnt in so many words say that, but he did write things which would have devasted me, had I still been his girlfriend and he wrote to someone else.
And in seeing it in black and white. I knew that he was never faithful to me in the way I think you should be when you say that you are devoted to another person.
Maybe she already knows, maybe she was dictating to him? What do I know?
And I dont need to know.

What I do wonder though.. Is the friend telling the truth?
He has no reason to lie, it doesnt make sense if he is.
But it wouldnt be the first time two guys have come together and in a cruel, warped way come up with a way of crushing my confidence into pieces. Just for their own entertainment.
That can not happen now though, because I have walked away, I am no longer investing in Steven. And there isnt any bit of gossip I hear from that way that I actually care about.

The story about the two brothers from Hull will however have to wait to be told.

Its more than OK actually..It is perfect.

Things dont always goes to plan...

2010-07-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted.
Feel that I need a day off, or actually more than a day, I could do with at least a week. I have another six days to go before I have a day to myself.
Things are definately getting on top of me and I feel run down, which - as it always does - results in me getting heavy nosebleeds at the most unconvinient times.

Had I known that my contract would extend after the summer at school, I wouldnt have put myself down for as many shifts at the carehome as I did. But I thought I would be without a job and panicked.
It now turns out that I will only have three days off until I go back to work at the school in three weeks time.
I would have liked to return rested and refreshed, but unfortunately that wont be the case. I just hope that I wont loose my rag with the children due to my own tiredness.

There is so much I want to do at home aswell, I have started a project of painting chairs and table which I am enjoying. I got a very satisfied feeling in my belly as I watched the first chair being sandpapered down, ready for the paint. Hopefully I will get some time to finish them soon.

Now it is time to go to work - again.
Have a great day all.
Maybe hang with Robyn for a while?

Walk in the moonlight

2010-07-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

I have just got home after a two hour long walk with Micke. We were supposed to walk in the park, but decided on the beach instead. We had a lot to catch up on and as always he gave me some good advice and a good peptalk. I love spending time with Micke, he makes a walk to the shop feel like a huge adventure. So tonight watching the sun go down and the moon rise on the beach I have been exhiliratingly happy. Imagining mt life as a successful writer.
And Micke has nudged me in the right direction again, to just WRITE.

I took some photos, unfortunately they are not as good as others I have taken with my phone, since it has some waterdamage. But I hope I have been able to do the sunset and the dusky sky some justice.
My home town is rather beautiful.

Looks a bit "ghosty" dont you think?

Micke in profile. Handsome man!

Battle of the breasts

2010-07-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

Do you remember Samantha Fox? And Sabrina?
Two bigbusted ladies with a one hit wonder each in the eighties. One more bizarre than the other. "Touch me" Vs "Boys"
Well it now seems that someone has brought the two wonders together in a photoshoot for Vanity Fair magazine AND..they have also released a single together!

I found out today, reading Mickes blog!
Micke writes a great blog mainly about music, but also celbrities and other important things, I am a huge fan and admirer.
So I hope you will follow the link below and read about Sam and Sabrina and listen to their new song. Unfortunately there is only one photo, I think the shoot was hawt! (To quote Micke)
Have a great evening all.

Click here to get to Mickes blog

And to refresh your memories....

Life through different eyes

2010-07-24T14:38:00.001-07:00

One of my closest, most favourite friends is not very well at the moment. She needs oxygen to help her with her breathing. I wont go into details, because as I said in a previous blogpost I wont use this space to hang out other people.

Tonight she has been here, we ate our favourite meal, chickensalad, and then chatted and laughed like we always do. We have known each other for eighteen years and I dont think I can remember what my life was like before I met her on my first day in college.

She is so brave and I admire her courage of just facing her fears head on.
After dinner we decided to go for a drive, and all of a sudden she says "I need to go to the square, just to feel the atmosphere"
So we park the car and she takes my hand for support and we walk.
Through the square, amongst all the people who are out celebrating the weekend and the start or end of their holiday.
And I see the world through different eyes, and to be honest, not the best eyes.

People look at us, some even stare.
I dont know if it because my friend has a small plastic tube across her face, or if it is because we are two women holding hands, and it is frowned upon in these bars. I even see some people nudge their friends, nodding our way so their friends turn and look at us.
It bothered me in a way, but on the other hand I didnt care at all, I just thought that people will actually stare at you almost with their mouths open, just because you dont "fit the norm"
Or they were staring at us because it has been my laundryday, so I was wearing a weird vest and dirty jeans and neither of us had any makeup on..

But the more I think about it, the more I start to wonder about divides. If I compare the different square I was at last night, where there is a festival this weekend. Sofas had been dragged out to the streets, everyone was sitting on blankets or cushions, drinking wine, listening to good music and just relaxing. Or dancing, letting their bodies move freely to the beat of the music, looking like they didnt have a care in the world.
It was just a strong feeling of happiness in the air, whereas tonight I felt a bit out of place and not really in the league to hang with the beautiful people.
But it is ok, I dont care. Not tonight anyway.

Check out this live version of 30 seconds to Mars, with the gorgeous Jared Leto as front singer. He is so carismatic! And I love this song.
Sorry that the sound quality isnt great, but I couldnt embed the original video unfortunately.
Hope you enjoy it.

Just, dont......

2010-07-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am trying to find the words, but they dont make sense. It is just a big mess of different letters trying to form words and sentences.
I am confused, and slightly angry.
How can you just say something like that, and think that I will be happy?
Why would you risk the friendship we have and just throw those words in my face?

There are so many moments you could share with someone, anyone, and feel like it could last forever, for a lifetime. But in reality it is only a night, only a moment.

"Dont regret anything you do, because in the end, it makes you who you are"

You have made me question how far I have actually come on my journey of being true to myself.
If I make a promise to myself, I have to keep it, no matter what.

I have torn down some walls and been slightly brave, but still safe and comfortable.

Then there you are, knocking on doors, scraping on the walls I am not ready to open or tear down yet. Love is a big word, not a word I throw around easily.
Dont tell me that you want to live with me, because it is ridiculous.

Dont tell me that you want to father my children, because it is not true.

Dont tell me that you love me, because I dont believe you.

If you really wanted to know me, then you would know....

To shave or not to shave.....?

2010-07-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

I was inspecting myself in the bathroom mirror last night and felt that my eyebrows needed a bit of "oumpf"... I started tweezing, but after a minute or so I realised it wouldnt get me the result I was after.
To be honest I am not sure what it is I am after exactly....but an idea popped in to my head. I remember an episode of the Tyra Banks show I watched some time ago where a girl wanted Miss Tyra to shave her eyebrows off. And Tyra did it, live in the studio. And the girl looks great!
So I am now sitting here thinking: Should I just shave my eyebrows off?
They are practically white anyway and not very noticable in the first place.
All the girls on the catwalk in Paris does it apparently..or am I getting too old for being a fashionvictim?

So what do You think?
To shave or not to shave?
I would really apreciate your thoughts and comments on this.

The next question is: Anyone with a trimmer who is brave enough to come and shave me?

Where my heart is..

2010-07-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

I arrived home on Wednesday, exhausted, sweaty and dirty after three days driving in the scorching sun. But so happy to be back in my beautiful flat.
It was weird being in Ramsgate, I didnt feel as happy as I was on my previous visit a month ago. I guess because I wasnt as busy now as I was then, I had a lot of time on my hands where I could just look back and remember things I have worked hard to put at the back in my mind. Not to forget about, but still, not keep with my happy memories.
Thanet is Steven to me, everywhere I go there are memories of us together. And it is still painful. I dont miss him, and I dont want us to get back together, I dont want to move back to England, but during those four days I realised that I am not fully healed from my heartbreak.
I think we know by now that occasionally I am prone to some light mental selftorture, and so I did think about Steven a lot, still not in a way that I desperately wanted to see him, quite the opposite. I caught myself a few times looking over my shoulder, praying that I wouldnt bump into him. Or his mother.
Since I do know him fairly well, I also know that in his mind he has "won". He has a new girlfriend and they are happy together, he moved on quicker than I did.
But to be honest, it doesnt matter anymore. If it makes them feel better to think that, its fine, I dont mind.
I am concentrating on myself, and I dont need a man to make me happy, a man would just be a nice bonus.

So now what?
I have another five days off before I start work again for the holidays.
On the 16th of August I go back to work in the school. I will be having some different responsibilities next term and I look forward to them with petrified excitement.
I am venturing into an area where I promised myself I would NEVER go back to when I finally finished school.
I will be a teaching assistant in a class of fifteen year olds.
With some challenging behaviours.
My colleagues will be three men.
So a total change to what I do now, but as I said, I am looking forward to it.
Although I am terrified at the same time.

I was accepted into one of the courses I applied for, not the writing courses unfortunately, but the teaching course. I havent decided if I shal go or not.
It is a good course, and I will have a degree afterwards. But that fire I want in my belly isnt appearing...And without the fire, there is not much that can convince me that I should put in a lot of time, energy and money into something I might not want to do..
I can always apply next year again if I change my mind.

I have arrived, living in a beautiful flat, I am free to a lot of offers and options.
I am home.
Where I belong.
Where my heart is.

I have to play this song for you. I LOVE it. A mix of my two favourite performing acts if you like. Enjoy!

The truth is...

2010-06-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

I have for some time now been thinking of this blog, and if I am writing what I really want to write about? Do I write about everything that happens in my life? And everything I feel?
When I made the blog official, I promised that I would write honestly, from my heart about everything in my life.
But truth be told, I am not. I dont write about all the feelings thats in my heart, the thoughts that are running through my head and what I really want to do on my time not spent at work.
And the only reason is that I am scared.
Petrified even.
That I wont get accepted, that those around me wont understand and then think I am just too weird to be friends with. And I will end up alone. With no man, no family and no friends.

But maybe I should put a bit more trust in the people I call my friends, the ones I hold close to my heart and I love spending time with.
It is not like Im having sex with animals. Or doing anything illegal. So the fact that I want to go abroad and meet a very good looking man, should not cause rucktion in the universe of friends. Should it?

So I guess the question is now: Shal I be brave and reveal all? Or should I carry on like I have done? Writing about diahorea, vomit and decorating my bedroom?
I will still keep peoples secrets and would never use this space to hang someone out. But maybe I should open up a bit more about myself?
Tell it like it really is, and not put on a brave face and a sturdy facade?
Or will people feel uncomfortable reading the possible rawness of real emotions?
But if that is the case, then there is always the option to stop reading isnt there?
Im not forcing anyone to read this, but I appreciate when anyone does, and if someone leaves a comment, even better!

I will think tonight, and make the decision what to do with the blog.
Write a lot of crap? In a vain attempt to be funny?
Tell it the way it is, and risk the whole world (hmm maybe not the whole world reads what I write..) to know my innermost thoughts and have more ammunition on how to hurt me and destroy me.
Or the last option is to just close it down.

The song I have chosen tonight is probably not suitable for the post I have written. But it is suitable for what is going on in my belly, where a fire is starting up.
And it is typical for a swedish summer if you are eighteen years old I guess.
I am aware that I passed eighteen a few years ago, but in my heart I am still her. The girl who desperately wants to be accepted into the inner circle, to be popular, to be the girl everyone thinks about to invite to their gatherings, because without her, there is no party.
She also just want to have a good time, smile, laugh and dance on the beach, a drink with umbrellas in her hand and that gorgeous boy next to her.
That gorgeous boy who drags her outside when there is a storm, just because it is so romantic to kiss in the street, in the rain.

Is it real? Or is it fake?

2010-06-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

I can feel how my blood is starting to boil, thinking about what I really want to write about but there is a slight risk of me getting into trouble and possibly loosing my job if the wrong person reads this. And I am not prepared to take that risk.
I need my job, I need the money, I am planning a trip for next year and it will probably cost me a fortune.

I have talked a lot to my boss this week and I have many new challenges ahead of me hopefully. We are signing the contracts next week. So all is looking good in the world of Mia.

I also think about other peoples lives, their heaven and hell. And it saddens me that there is an industry out there who will say that you do not belong, you can not get access unless you are beautiful and have a beautiful lifepartner. A whole industry can decide that the person you love, cherish, fancy and can be yourself with to 100% is not good enough for them, and they can then control if you get to work with your passion or not.
How is that fair?
Why is life like that for some people?
And more to the point, why are some people so weak?
That they will turn down true love and spend their life secretly in love with someone else. I dont get it one little bit.
Doesnt it usuallt end in you slowly going insane, and either end up ruining your own and maybe someone elses life? Just because you couldnt be strong enough to obey your own rules.
So then I think about myself, do I practise what I preach?
I would like to think that I do, at least I always do my very best to follow my heart when I am facing difficult decisions in my life, and there is no way in hell that I would ever ever let my work decide who I spend my freetime with.
Who I will spend the rest of my life with.

I have been listening to Robin Beck today, I love this song, I have loved it since I heard it the first time when I was twelve or around that age.
I know that Cher later on did a cover of this song, but I prefer it with Robin.
Hope you do too.
Have a great weekend.

And there goes another one....

2010-06-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

The boxes are piling up in my hallway, I have thankfully been able to ship some over to my parents already, but there is mayhem all around me. I am very glad it isnt for much longer now, I know I am not the tidiest of people but I dont like it when I dont know where my things are and the flat looks bare and boring.

I have a confession to make.
It is kind of bad, since I am doing a bodge job to fix it.
I have broken the bed that was here when I moved in...
And I have basically screwd it back together very quickly and very badly and is keeping my fingers crossed that she wont notice when she inspects the flat next week.
I know I should confess..but I'd be damned to loose my £300 deposit just because the bed - which is the bottom bunk of a bunkbed I like to point out - broke..
This isnt the first time I have broken a bed though..but to my defence, it wasnt entirely my own fault, there were someone else involved at the other times aswell, so there, it is not just because I am a heffa!
I can not wait til I move, get my bigger flat and decorate it. My lovely sofa is arriving on the 16th of July, after I return home from the UK with the last of my things that has been in Vanessas attic for just over twelve months.

I am so ready for my time off, hopefully there will be some days to just relax and do nothing. I feel that I am craving metime in a comfortable sofa.
Right now I am heading for the broken bed.
Please keep your fingers crossed that it will stay together until I have moved...

Really wanted to hear this song today, I remember the summer when it was in the charts for 15 weeks or something ridiculous. It rained EVERYDAY in the UK.
It was the summer when we were beyond pale..everyone looked like vampires, pasty white, hollow eyes and generally moody and miserable.
You could be forgiven for thinking that this summer there is a "cold" song in the charts..I wonder if the warmth will ever find it way here?

Summer sunday

2010-06-20T07:35:00.001-07:00

It feels like I havent been blogging for months, but it was last wednesday, so not too bad. On Thursday we went to the west harbour in town and watched the recording of "Summers morning", the kids enjoyed it and I realised that my colleagues has a small crush on one of the presenters. Me being the kind, supportive woman that I am, obviously took some pictures with my phone. He is a chef and apparently cooks on some tv shows and according to my colleagues: "Totally adorable" so what do you think? Is he handsome? Gorgeous? Adorable?

The photo at the top is of the weddingcake he made together with two boys earlier in the show. It was a sunny day, but luckily it was a bit windy, I was wearing long sleeves so I didnt burn my shoulders again. Yes you really wanted to know that didnt you?
After work I got on the bus up to Entré where I met Sara and Linda for a girls night wih food and SATC 2. I ate a lovely grilled chicken and salad.
Then we made ourselves comfortable in the darkness of the cinema to enjoy two and a half hours of glamour, fashion and sex. The sequel didnt get as good revues as the first film did and I can see why. Dont get me wrong, I loved it, there was some great dialogue and the girls are still fabolous and when it ended it didnt feel like I had sat there for over two hours.
But there was no real focus I thought. Like in the first film Mr Big abandoned Carrie at the altar, the film then showed how she got her life back together and in the end they still get married.
There was some aperances from the old favourites, Smith, Stanford, Anthony and ofcourse Aidan...
But if truth be told, I didnt really see the point..
Stanford and Anthony gets married in the start of the film, but it is just a wedding, you dont get to know what happens afterwards, and they cant capture any love at all between the two of them, so that is obviously the actors fault...
Liza Minelli and Miley Sirus are also present, very briefly..
Seeing Liza strutting her stuff singing Beyonce´s "Single Ladies" was not exactly the highlight of the film...
I will admit that Aidan was always my favourite "Carrie-man", I thought she should have stayed with him and married him, not cheat with Big, who in my eyes are a bit of a bastard, and not very handsome at all. Sorry all Big-fans..

Look at him and tell me that he is not sex-on-legs...
I had hoped that the story between Carrie and Aidan would be longer, more intense and more...just MORE. Not just a kiss under an arch and then Carrie phoning Big telling him that something "happened".

And to be honest, I feel Samanthas sexlife is just over the top, it is not funny anymore, I didnt like her as much as I have loved her in the series and in the first film.
I have only talked about the parts I didnt like, which obviously makes it sound as if I didnt enjoy the film at all, which is wrong, I liked it a lot. I loved the scene where Miranda and Charlotte gets drunk, talking about how hard it is to be a mother. I loved it when they get up on stage to sing kareokee. And i love that Miranda has FINALLY chilled out a bit, Cynthia Nixon is fantastic!

I have started packing up my things, my little flat looks like a bomb went off here and I am so excited about moving. Yesterday I went sofahunting and found a wonderful, comfortable and (in my eyes) stylish sofa. What do you think?

Yesterday our crownprincess of Sweden got married. I watched some of it, she was stunning and she was glowing, you could see how much in love she is and how happy she was to get married to the love of her life. He is now Prince Daniel, and is already called "the peoples prince" because he is not from an aristocrat family. Just an ordinary boy from a small town in Sweden.
He held a beautiful speech for the princess, his new wife and I cried like a baby.
Love was definately in the air all over Sweden.

Today I had dinner with my parents, and tonight I will continue packing and cleaning the flat. Ready to move in 10 days! I am so excited!
I saw this video on facebook today. I dont know who made it, but it is pretty brilliant, depressingly correct actually.
"The place where dreams are trampled"....its not all bad, it is really pretty, and people are mostly happy and sociable, and even though they all say that they just want to get out of there, they dont really want to move anywhere else.
Thanet gets a grip on you, and it is hard to leave, even when you really want to, and wether you like it or not, wether you want to or not, you will leave a small piece of your heart there. In Thanet.
Please watch it! This is the place where I lived for eleven years..

Clarification...

2010-06-16T13:35:00.001-07:00

I just want to clarify something..Because Teddy asked me if I DRANK the toilet duck when the spider attacked me?
Erm...noooo, I used it a physical weapon to squash it to death.
Just incase anyone else out there thought that I tried to digest the toilet cleaner..

So are we all clear on this subject?

Good. ;-)

Traumatized

2010-06-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Something very dramatic happened to me this morning. I was sitting on the toilet (its OK, I only did nr 1) I picked up the toilet roll and out fell a spider and INTO MY PANTS!! I kicked and yelled and probably woke the whole house up. But I had horror images of the creep climbing into my private bits and laying eggs, so one day I would be spurting babyspiders when I went to the loo...I shiver and choke just thinking about it...
Thankfully a bottle of toiletduck managed to kill it.

I have been to my parents for Sunday dinner, it was lovely, I havent seen them or spent a lot of time with them lately, so we had a lot to catch up on. Job, flat, furniture etc etc...
I have a good feeling in my tummy, this will be a good summer hopefully.
If just the sun would come out, and the wind slow down...

Great song I found on Youtube which is climbing in the charts I think.

It is over

2010-06-11T07:31:00.001-07:00

The girls had microskirts and sky high heels. The boys had a tonne of gel in their hair and you could alsmost taste the anticipation and excitement that was in the air.
Today we broke up for the summer holidays the schoolyard will be deserted for ten weeks.
We went into town with some of the students to eat at one of my favourite restaurants called Gränden, translated to "The Alley". They serve delicious grilled meat with salads and your choice of potatoes. It is devine!
Unfortunately the rain was pouring down, but since we sat under a marquee we didnt get too wet.

Walking back to school the sun came out and it was a nice walk, unfortunately my back is still killing me and so is my neck and my hip. The bruises still look vicious and are so very sore to touch, which I do all the time, you always do don't you? It is like when you have bitten your cheek, you keep biting the same place over and over again.

So it is friday night and I am once again exhausted. Even though I have only worked three days this week. I guess I am just run down and need some wind down time to do nothing in. It has been a hectic last few months with mostly fun things but also some not very nice happenings.
Not much chill time like I was used to at this time last year.
Tonight I will just relax though and not think about much more than what to cook for dinner.
Have a great weekend people.

New favourite song. Not dedicated to anyone, I just love it!

Difficult times....

2010-06-10T11:42:00.000-07:00

She felt her heart beat. Hard in her chest, and the motion awoke the butterflies in her tummy. It had been a long time since she had last felt them. She had missed them, but they had in their turn turned into anguish and hours of tears pouring down her cheeks, from her eyes.
So she turned off. Didnt mean to, but it all went black and it was comfortable, comfortably numb.

So now, she strangled the butterflies before they could wake anything else.
Is that what hapened?
Did she really do that?
Or was it just the gut feeling that wasnt there?
And why wasnt it there?
On paper everything was the way it should be, but her gut didnt want to follow, and if the gut isnt in it, the heart wont follow.

So she realised it was time to be brave and grown up and picked up the phone.
Was she making the biggest mistake of her life?
Or would it turn out the best decision she ever took?
She decided that if it was a mistake, she would have to suit herself and move on, yet again.
And it would be ok.
Her time would come eventually.
At least she hoped so.

Badness

2010-06-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

I can not work today, I fell over in the canteen yesterday and hurt my back pretty badly.
It was a beautiful fall I have to say (with sarcasm), I got caught on a chair and then fell, armpit first, into the marble windowsill. I had a glass of water in my hand and my plate of food in the other and it went everywhere.
You know how sometimes your brain manages to think a million thoughts in half a second? (mine rarely does, but on occasion it will chock me and kick into gear)
As I fell I thought "O.M.G the glass will break and I will cut my hand open and bleed to death, please dont make me hit my face and break my teeth and If I curl up in a ball and lie really still people might think I am dead and leave me alone"
Because you would just leave a dead person lying wouldnt you?

After lunch we got on the train to Denmark to a themepark. We were a bit unlucky with the trains and had to change three times before we got there, but once we arrived we forgot about it and had a good time. The pupils loved it, but us teachers were exhausted! And my back, neck and hip was killing me.
When I came home I had a hot shower and slathered myself with tigerbalm, hoping to wake up today feeling better. Unfortunately that was not the case, I am in AGONY.
I broke out in a cold sweat just walking from my bed to the toilet this morning and I am sporting three big, black bruises on my inner thigh, hip and rib.
Which couldnt come at a worse time, I need to be fit now, I have a lot of packing to do and only three weeks to do it in...
So I will allow myself today to rest and do some gentle streches, then it is back to work tomorrow and commencing the packing into boxes.

Have a good day all, hope you like the new song from Katy Perry, I love it!

Fab weekend

2010-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am back home after a fantastic weekend in England. I rented a car at the airport and drove down to Ramsgate in under an hour and a half. The weather was scorching and I had the windows down with the wind in my hair, lovely.
I arrived at Donnas as the sun was setting, it was lovely to see her again. We relaxed in front of the tv, ate chicken shishkebabs and drank Lambrini wine. Perfect evening basically.
On Friday morning we went for breakfast at our favourite cafe in the harbour, the sun was shining and made the sea sparkle like diamonds. It was great sitting there again with great friends and yummy food looking out over the water.
With full bellies we went to Westwoodcross and had a look in the shops, I bought a couple of tops since I only had longsleeves with me, and I realised I would melt if I didnt get anything cooler and lighter to wear.
At twelve I met up with Sarah and Andrea for lunch in Cramptons, Allison and George turned up a bit later and we all enjoyed salads and sandwiches. The sun was hot and after an hour I was burned and the skin on my arms and shoulders were really sore. I moved into the shade but the damage was already done, my "tan" looked furious.

After lunch I drove to the lovely Angies house, she is very houseproud and it was a bit like staying in a hotel. We had a quick catch-up before I had a shower and got ready for a night out, celebrating Geoffs birthday. I did my best to dress so to hide my uneven tan but at the same time staying cool and gorgeous. Looking at the photos from the evening, I failed miserably.
The red marks looks evil and I look as if I am melting. Not even a little bit attractive.
I had a great night anyway, got to know some new people and I laughed a lot. There is a risk that I made a complete fool of myself and the new friends think I am an idiot and are hoping they will never have to see me again. A little bit embarrassing, but at the end of the day, I am who I am, I am what I am and I am done with trying to change myself just so that other people will like me better.
I know how I got home, but not at what time, but at least it was still dark.
I went straight to sleep in the very comfortable bed at Angies house.

On Saturday morning I woke up early, went and had breakfast in McDonalds then I spent a lot of money on lovely, but a little unnecesary things. It was lovely strolling around the shops on my own without a timelimit.
My tan was still very angry looking and I had a few total strangers coming up to me, asking if I had been out in the sun?
What do you answer to that?
"No I have just DRAWNED on myself with red paint...."

After some lunch and a lot of water in Angies garden I went for a well needed nap. Woke up at five pm and went for another shower and got ready for Bettys birthday party. The night was warm and we settled in the garden with our drinks. Betty has a huge family and some of them live abroad.
There was a man sitting infront of us and Mike asked him how he knows Betty.
The man leans over and says: "Sorry, I'm from Germany I dont speak English"
Something in my little peasize brain must have turned off or just died because for some reason I thought he was speaking Swedish, so I leaned over to him and says (in English) "Its ok, I speak english I can translate for you" The man looked at me and shrugged, I look at Mike and Angie and they look at me as if I am mad (which to be fair at this point Im pretty sure that I am...) "Its ok" I say again, "He doesnt speak Swedish, so I can translate, I lived in England for 13 years" Mike and Angie are at this point looking at each other and asks me what the h**l Im talking about?
"The guy doesnt speak Swedish" I say,
"Well neither do we" Angie says.
At this point there is a voice screaming in my head: "STOP TALKING MIA, JUST STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I can think is that for some reason I thought that I was still in Sweden and the German guy didnt speak Swedish, so I was kind enough to offer to translate...
The rest of the party was great, Shelley had hired an Amy Winehouse impersinator, I am not a huge Amy Winehouse fan, but I really liked this girl. I might have been slightly converted..
Around eleven it was time to leave and I got a cab down to the harbour to meet up with Alexandra and the rest of the gang from the previous night.
Yet another great evening, even though it started to rain and I was soaking wet when I got home. That night it was aparently half past three when I got in.
Sunday morning was spent in bed until three in the afternoon, when I said goodbye to Angie and went over to Alexandra for sunday roast which was delicious.
After relaxing on the sofa for a while I went over to Betty for a chat and catch-up over tea. We managed to go for a drive around Thanet, just like we did when I lived there. Just not as long, I remember the night we drove round and round and round for four hours.
I went back to Alexandras and we went to sleep after repacking my suitcase to fit some more of her things in.
The journey home went well, Easyjets staff were proffessional and friendly and went out of their way to make us feel comfortable and well looked after.

I will always love England and there is a piece of my heart left there. I miss my friends an awful lot and it breaks my heart when they ask me to move back "home" but for now it is Sweden where I belong.

I am thinking of what song to play tonight, a song that will sum up this weekend and bring back some of the feelings of it. A lot of laugh, love and happiness.

It might not be the first song you think about when you hear love, laughter and happiness, but I love this song. To me it is fun and it makes me laugh and to go back to what I wrote earlier on, I dont care if you dont love me, because I am me anyway.

The night before.

2010-06-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am very excited!!
Leaving for the UK tomorrow, I am now packing and getting ready.
I have never understood people who will do their laundry, iron and clean the house the day before they go on holiday. Doesnt that create more stress to the last hours when you should just concentrate on remembering to pack enough shoes and knickers?
Today I found myself in the same situation, when I came home I immideately put a load of washing on, some of those clothes is what I want to take with me. My flight isnt until five pm tomorrow, so hopefully it will be dry before I have to pack it...

I will keep this post short but sweet, since I am feeling my eyes are getting heavy and I want to go to bed.
I will write about all the details when I get back.
Have a great weekend peeps.

Listen to this song, one of the boys in school played it for me today, he loves this group and I have to agree with him, it is an excellent tune. I have downloaded lots of their songs on spotify and is just chilling tonight.
Hope you like it.

Things are looking up.....

2010-06-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

I had that meeting with my boss today, and she tells me she wants me to stay and carry on working with them. She said that I am doing a good job and she will extend my contract until the end of the year!! I am so happy.
Do you know what this means?
That I can take the flat!
Hopefully I will be able to view it on Thursday before I go to England.
I am so excited.

I have to tell you about a very disturbing dream I had last night.
I was in a house that belonged to Him. It was a beautiful house (so just from that I know it was just a dream) I dont really know why I was there but I was tiptoeing around in the dark, snooping in his things.
All of a sudden a woman comes through the door. I know her, we used to work together and I disliked her with a passion, lets call her Joan.
In my dream I had found out that He cheated on me with Joan whilst we were together. So when she walks through the door I push her up agains the wall, put my arm on her throat to choke her and then pulled her hair.
I proceeded to lock her in the basement and then I spent hours beating her face to a bloody pulp.
I was screaming that I hated her and she is a whore for cheating on her husband and baby.
She then called Him and when He came home He had ten of His friends with Him, all ready for a massive fight. They all started trashing the house. It was a bit like a film, I was standing by the door, shaking, realising what I had done and that I would probably be put in prison.
Then some very powerful music started playing and I said with a shaky voice: "The thing is, I know you all think that I live here, but it is actually John and Lisa who lives here". John and Lisa is Joans sister and brother-in-law.

Then I woke up. With a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach that hasnt really left me all day.
I dont know why I am feeling so lousy, I am fully aware that it was a dream and dreams doesnt always come true.
Maybe it is because in the past I have had some very very strong negative feelings and thoughts about this woman who I am calling Joan. Although I would never go as far as to lock her in a basement and then beat her senseless. Would I? No I wouldnt, I am too much of a whimp to be that mean.

I made it to my appointment with the dentist, only for him to realise that the bridge had been made in the wrong colour. It didnt match my own teeth.
I nearly cried and told him that I am going away the day after tomorrow and I have a party to go to. I dont want to have a big piece of metal in my mouth for everyone to comment on and wonder what the hell it is..
So the lovely man will be working overtime tomorrow so that I can have a beautiful smile at Bettys party. Love the man.

So yes, even though my mouth is hurting and I still have a stinking cold, I feel more positive and happy tonight. Im gonna have a shower and wash my hair before I settle to watch the last episode of Desperate Housewives.

At 01.30 this morning Jeanette and Jimmy said their "I do's" I watched their wedding on the net and cried like a baby. The song Im gonna play will be in their honour, the song they walked into the chapel to.
"Nothing else matters" by Metallica.

And I have to play this one aswell, the song they walked out to, I am not sure if they chose it themselves, but it is a song I remember Jeanette really liking when we were in school some twenty years ago.

Not the best of days, not the worst

2010-05-31T12:09:00.000-07:00

I can not wait for the next two days to be over, although I feel bad for my colleagues. Work is, well...to be honest I can not find the right words to describe what it is like at the moment. Apart from crazy, knackering and exhausting.
We are so short of staff, which isnt anyones fault, it is just plain bad luck that everyone is getting ill at the same time. I am so looking forward to going away for a long weekend, but I can not help feeling a bit guilty at the same time..Because my colleagues will be working even harder to bring it all home these last few days of term before the summer holiday starts.

I am feeling better than I did yesterday, but my throat feels like an open wound, I am trying to sooth it with hot tea and honey, it is helping a little bit.

I realised when I got to work this morning that my waterbottle had leaked in my handbag and my phone was dripping, and had switched itself off. I took it apart, dried it our in the oven and I think it works again. Well sort of anyway. Sometimes the screen goes black and I have to turn it off and on again. So I have once again placed it in the oven to hopefully dry out completely.

After work was the annual BBQ with the after schoolclub. Cold and wet, but still a good evening. I am so glad to be home, heating cranked up and the shower is awaiting before I go to bed.

I recieved a phonecall earlier with the information that there is a flat available that I can move into NOW. The rent is however 6300 SEK...(aprox £600..) I WANT IT!
But it is too expensive...since I have no definite income after August...
I feel depressed.
I also recieved a letter telling me I didnt get into any of the writing courses I have applied for.
I feel depressed.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the dentist. I am looking forward to getting rid of the piece of metal I have in my mouth and have lovely teeth again, but I am nervous as always...but this man is good, he is calm, polite and funny. I feel as relaxed as I can do when Im there.

Well Im off for my shower and then bed, if I can stop sneezing that is...Night all.

This song is lovely to relax and unwind to when you have had a stressful day and want to shut the world out for a few minutes. Hope you enjoy it.

Misery loves company?

2010-05-30T06:29:00.001-07:00

I have come down with a cold. My nose is blocked and "dripping" at the same time. My throat is sore and I woke up with a temperature. I am so fed up, grumpy and annoyed. Nothing seems to be able to cheer me up. My darling mother came over with painkillers, nosespray, throat pastilles and icecream. Love my lovely mummy.

I want to stuff my face with chocolate croissants, cakes and pancakes, but since it is raining I do not think that I am in a fit state to walk or bike up to the shop. Damn it!
Im whiny and feel like everything is falling apart and working against me.
I suppose I should just tuck myself back up in bed and stay there with my misery.

I can not wait to go to England on Thursday, just get away for a few days and spend time with my English girls. Fingers crossed that the weather stays nice so we can sit in the beergardens with shades and catch up on all the gossip.

Have a good sunday all.

So glad it is over....

2010-05-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

This week has been hectic to say the least. I am so glad it is Friday and weekend can commence. Tomorrow is the Eurovision songcontest, but Sweden didnt even make the final! Talk about embarassing! And humiliating!
I was invited to a girlsparty to watch it and I was looking forward to it, but after these past two weeks of madness I just havent got the energy to be sociable, chatty and friendly to people I dont really know. So I will spend the night with C.C and just unwind, relax and hopefully recharge my batteries.

I am tired, exhausted actually, and I feel the need to lie in a dark, quiet room and not talk. I will tuck myself into bed soon, as soon as the nailvarnish on my toes has dried.
Probably watch ten minutes of "It's complicated" before I fall asleep.

I hope you all have a good weekend, I am sure I will.

Insomnia?

2010-05-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

It is five o'clock in the morning, an hour until my alarm goes off and I have been awake for two hours. Thoughts spinning in my mind, I feel stressed and sleep seems far away.
I know the best thing would be for me to stay in bed and rest, even if I wont sleep, but the stress has infested itself in my back and my mouth is hurting I felt that I needed to strech and move around a little bit.
I am gulping down water to try and banish my headache but so far no luck. A part of me is contemplating calling in sick for work today, but I am not exactly sick..just stressed and exhausted and emotional.

I recieved some personal critiscism last night, and strangely enough it really upset me. I dont know why because to be honest it wasnt that bad. I am a big girl who should be able to handle someone questioning why I have chosen to do something in a particular way. But aparently I am not.
I felt my heart crumble and I had to finish the conversation before I burst into tears.
I then had a good cry and felt so much better for it. I guess things are building up and in a way I feel I have a right and a good excuse for feeling like this. Life seems to be taking a turn, hopefully towards better brighter times, but I think I have come to the conclusion that I am a person who does not adapt to change very easily. Hopefully by this time next week I will have a definite answer and feel better. About a lot of things.

I am off for a well needed shower, hopefully it will wake me up and set me up for the day. Then a nice breakfast.

What a week.....

2010-05-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

It is sunday night and I feel drained but happy. The last few days at work drained every drop of energy from me, both mentally and physically. On Thursday I went to the dentist and started the massive job of rebuilding my missing teeth. I have a big piece of metal in my mouth and feel hideous.
Not good when there is a new man in your life who you just do not want to stop kissing. What will he think of that??
So a nice relaxing weekend would have been the best medicine for me, but I had promised to help my mum to sell some stuff at an indoor carboot sale (without a carboot, does that make it a fleamarket??) So on Saturday I was up at 7 am! I was not a happy bunny. The day did go fairly quick anyway, and at four pm I set off out to Jeanettes house with C and V for a girlsnight.
Jeanette had made a gorgeous buffet with salads, ham, turkey, bread and pasta.
It was beautiful and perfect for a warm summer evening. We sat in the garden until it got cold then we moved in to the couch.
I got home past midnight and went straight to bed. This morning I was up at eight for another day at the market..
Afterwards my dad cooked me dinner before I went to CC's house for a lovely and relaxing evening. And he didnt even notice the metal..
I will fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight and hopefully wake up rested and refreshed tomorrow.

Cute song I keep playing on my Mp3 at the moment...

....and then he kissed me.......

2010-05-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

He looked into my eyes and told me to breathe, his hands cupped my face and then he kissed me.

Henparty....a day to remember.

2010-05-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday the 8th of May was a special day for many of us. A lot of time was put into planning this day and making sure Jeanette would have a great hen night. I dont know why it is called a henNIGHT, you are doing things the whole day..I know some people who has been away for a whole weekend.
It started with me getting the task of making plans with Jeanette for the day. I told her that I had got a new flat and I needed her help to move...
I thought I was really clever by sending a mass email to her and lots of other girls that she do not know, asking for help.
I did forget one thing though...that she is just as nosey and will snoop just as much as I do.
I havent written anything about my "move" here on the blog, neither did I write anything on my facebook status, so she was obviously suspicious. BUT, in the end we managed to trick her anyway since we had arranged with Hertz, where I would "rent" a minivan, for me to sign papers and give me keys.The other girls were waiting in the back of the van, so when I wrenched the door open and the girls jumped out shouting "SURPRISE!!!" she was a bit chocked.

Sandra J (Jeanettes sister), Sandra L, Amie, Emma (Jeanettes sister inlaw) C and V were all there and we dressed her in a featherboa, tiara and funny glasses.
The plan was then to have a picnic breakfast on the playground of our old school, but it was cold and rain was in the air so luckily V has a flat nearby our first activity so we had the picnic on her livingroom floor.

We all agreed that it was a long time since we drank champagne at 10 am and it quickly went to our heads. So it was a bunch of very happy girls who walked to our first activity, giggling like teenagers.
We didnt tell Jeanette what the plans for the day was, so she was happily surprised that she would be doing a strip aerobic class. With us. I had to sit it out since I was clever enough to fall down the stairs a few days prior and my back was killing me. But it was ok, I got the task to hold and cuddle the wonderful baby D, Amies six week old baby boy. He was just gorgeous and slept beautifully all the way through the exsercise. It was fun to watch the girls strutting their stuff, looking sexy to music. Here we all are, I am in the back with baby D.

When everyone had got changed into their own clothes we went back to V's flat for lunch and more alcohol. Sandra L had bought chiabatas with chicken, salad and avocado, my favourite sandwich filler.
Whilst eating, we gave Jeanette some small gifts that symbolised our friendship with her. We hadnt written our names on them, so she had to guess whom each gift was from. She guessed correctly on all of them.

Sandra J had also written a quiz about Jimmy (Jeanette's soon to be husband)
Here are a few of the questions, a tip for anyone arranging a henparty, this is a great game to play.
1) How old was he when he lost his virginity? and to whom?
2) What is his favourite part of his future wife's body?
3) When did he last vacuum under the bed?
4) What part of hs body is most sensitive?
5) Has he ever kissed a man?
That is just a few of the questions we had.
After lunch we went to "Model Lab" in town were Jeanette got to be a model for a day. They did her hair and make-up and then she was photographed. Here are a few of the photos they took, I cant put all of them on here, but I have chosen a few of my favourites.

Gorgeous girl!
We then went to C's house for dinner. Her lovely man had set the table and even ironed the napkins bless him. We cooked dinner, or I shouldn't write we..because all I did was scrub and wedge potatoes and put them on a bakingtray. You really shouldnt let me loose in the kitchen, I even forgot to season the potatoe wedges...they turned out ok anyway. But C and Sandra L had prepared Fondue with chicken and beef and salad. I have only ever had fondue once before but it was just as delicious as I remember.

We enjoyed this delicious meal and more wine and cider. We laughed and talked about old memories, mostly about funny things we have done with Jeanette. As everyone got ready to party we sat in the sofa with full bellies and drank more alcohol and played another game where Jeanette had to write the name of old boyfriends on balloons and tell the story about how she met them, and if she was over them she would put a needle in them. She put a needle in six ballons (I think it was six..) and then kept the last one which was her soon to be hubby.
The plan was to go clubbing after dinner, but having been on the go since nine am we all (apart from C) felt tired and relaxed so we stayed in C's flat until just after two am.

Sandra J, Jeanettes little sister.

Jeanette and Sandra
I then got a taxi home and fell into bed exhausted but happy.
Jeanette will marry her Jimmy in Las Vegas on the 31st of May. I am so happy for them.
Blogpost from their wedding party will follow in July.

Thats strange....

2010-05-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

Something new happened to me today. Or actually just as I wrote that first sentence I realise that it HAS happened before, but it was such a long time ago that I had forgotten all about it.
This is what happened:
I was in the supermarket with my mum, buying some ingredients for my new healthy lifestyle. Im standing in the vegetableisle, picking out lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes and peppers and in the corner of my eye I can see that someone sidles up next to me and starts picking at the avocados. Just as I turn to see if it is someone I know, he turns to me and smiles and I realise that I do not know him and I feel a little bit uncomfortable with his presence in my "personal space" and the fact that he is grinning like a cheshirecat...
I turn and walk away, looking for my mum to rescue me and when I find her in the breadisle I make sure that she is ready to leave.
As we turn around the strange man is standing in front of us, still smiling.
And then he opens his mouth and speaks... "I am sorry, but I just have to tell you that you are an amazingly beautiful woman" I now have to tell you that I this morning woke up with a coldsore the size of Florida, it feels like my lip is about to rupture and spurt yellow pous all over my face and to be honest I look disgusting! I wasnt sure if he was talking to me or my mum....but he reaches out his hand toward me and in pure shock I allowed him to press his lips on the top of my hand. Then he walked away, leaving myself and mum standing in the breadisle looking at each other with open mouths.

What a weird man!
Trying to chat me up in front of my mother!
Maybe he wasnt chatting me up, maybe he is one of these people who feels it their mission in life to cheer up the whole world, in particular ugly ones with coldsores the size of Italy.
Anyway, this made my mums day and she called me an hour ago just to ask if I really didnt know this amazingly friendly man?
To be honest I am not sure I thought him friendly..a bit creepy and with very wet lips is more suitable in my head...

I think my laundry is finished so it is time for me to hang it and then tuck myself into bed.
Night all.

Heart flips and belly flops

2010-05-07T08:00:00.001-07:00

On my way to work this morning, my heart flipped.
It skipped a beat, and I had to catch my breath.
A warm fuzzy feeling was born in my belly and stayed there all day today and has made me smile for ten hours.
I want to welcome this feeling, and gently push my doubts and selfprotect to one side. I still keep it in arms reach, just in case, but I feel I am entering a new part of my life.
Spring seemed to have dissapeared today, and we were left with cold winds and clouds. But in my heart was a warm breeze and the butterflies that has been asleep for so long seems to slowly be waking up again.
Imagine how a phonecall can change so much in such little time.

This afternoon has been spent playing Guitarr Hero with the students, and I have found a new passion. It has been so much fun and we "rocked" the place, lifted the ceiling of the school.
I now have two more favourite rocksongs and my dreams of becoming a rockstar is once again sparking in my mind

I rocked this one!

And this one!

Bret Michaels is STILL HOT even at 47 years old....well maybe not AS hot as he was in his glory days...but who is really?

Well it is time for me to go to bed.
Got a big and important day ahead of me tomorrow.
Night all.

Here we go again...

2010-05-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

I am off sick. AGAIN!
With sickness and diarreha. Excuse me if anyone is sensitive or eating at the time of reading. But why is it that it is worse to write about diarrhea than about vomit? Or maybe that is just worse in my head?
I used to have a sort of "ironstomach" when I was younger, I could eat anything, apart from sweets with E- numbers, and still be fine. Chocolate didnt upset my stomach, I once ate paté that had been sitting out all day and I wouldn't be surprised if I have eaten chicken that wasnt cooked through. And it never affected me.
Not anymore though. I cant even look at milk that expires the day after tomorrow without feeling queasy and even the smallest chocolate bar gives me the runs. Is that old age setting in?

So here I am, sitting on an inflatable ringcussion with a sore tummy and feeling sorry for myself. I am so hungry, but nothing will stay down (or in for that matter) Just to make sure that you all know that today is a bad day, and that today is a day when I feel sorry for myself and want Your sympathy, I can tell you that my back is still killing me. From last week when my "personal trainer" poked and probed my back and instructed me to do some exercises three times a day. They are not paying off so far...just causing more pain.

So what is a girl to do today?
I might book a trip to Brazil? I have been thinking about it for a while, but not felt brave enough. I will at least make the call and talk to the agent, then we will see what decission I make.
I am browsing Youtube in search of a good song to lift my mood and make me forget the pain in my back and bum.

I just heard this song on the Jay Leno show (they show the reruns early in the mornings) its not the sort of song I would normally listen to, but I really like it.
Hope you enjoy it, and have a good tuesday. I am heading for a hot shower.

A little birdie...

2010-05-02T00:31:00.000-07:00

...woke me up at 04.55 this morning. It was twittering so loudly I thought it was actually in my bedroom.
I then couldn't go back to sleep and at six am I had to get up and go to work.
I only stayed for a couple of hours though since they were already two staff members and we don't need to be three on a sunday morning.
So I am now home again, have had some breakfast and am about to go back to bed for an hour or so and recharge my batteries as I promised myself to do yesterday.
Have a great Sunday all.

Adult points?

2010-05-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today I realised that I now have enough clothes to have seperate "winter clothes" and "summer clothes".
Does that mean that I am now an adult and possibly turning into my mother?
Or that I am becoming more Swedish?
I think Swedish people have different clothes depending on season and swap them around this time every year and again in the autumn...
My mum does anyway...

I said that I wouldnt do any extra work this weekend, but when they called and asked I heard myself saying "yes" without thinking....
So tomorrow I am working 7am-11.30...only four and a half hours...but still...I will need to set the alarm and not stay in bed til nine like I did today...
Oh well, a few extra pennies is never wrong is it..

I am listening to some old songs on Youtube and found a song that came out in the spring of 1994 and me and my friend Lisa - whose name is really Katarina, but everyone called Lisa - used to think of as "our" song.
I now wonder why?
It is a lovesong about a couple who broke up, but the woman now wants to meet him again because they had such good times and they were best friends but now they are not anymore.
I guess I liked the music more than the lyrics, I remember not paying too much attention to the words to any songs back then, if a song had a good tune or a good beat I was happy.
Hearing the song makes me think about her though, and I wonder what she is doing today? I know she lived in Ireland for a while, but then she moved back again, I think the last time I saw her was in 1997 or 1998...

Found this one aswell...they were in the Swedish "melody contest" 1998 competing for a spot in Eurovision song contest. I believe they came second....
The lyrics is somewhat like this.."No other road that I have walked leads all the way home"...Back then I was just preparing to move to England for good (or so I thought)and felt that I was returning home. Listening to it now, I relise that I am home, here in Sweden. There are things that annoys me and probably always will annoy me and I will think that "this would NEVER happen in England" and there are days when I will long to move back for another adventure.
But. This is where I belong. At least for now, who knows what will happen in a few years time? I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Surely that gives me at least one adult point?

Lovely relaxed evening.

2010-05-01T00:23:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a long day at work, everyone was very tired from the football tournament the day before and it felt like the clock stood still. I had a pounding headache and felt a little bit queasy at times, but 16.30 finally arrived and I got a lift home.
I laid in my bed for just over half an hour then had a shower and got ready for an evening out with three fabulous ladies at A Mesa. I have tried to put a link here but for some reason it is not working...But have a look at www.amesa.se and you shal see what we had for dinner.

I arrived slightly late since it took me a little longer to get ready, but the girls waited for me with drinks and it was so good to see them again.
We chatted over our Caipirinhas and I told them all about the rough day I had had, after ten minutes I felt good as new and we ordered food. The waitress was lovely, she had patiently waited for us to catch up and relax and then she recommended some of the dishes. We started off with Misto which is deepfried chickenballs, cheese balls and prawn pasties. It was gorgeous!
For main I had Picanha which is grilled rumpsteak served with toamto salsa, kassava and garlic pureé. Kassava is fried potatoes but not the sort of potatoes we have here in Europe, it was actually nicer, and the garlic pureé was more like a yoghurt garlic sauce. It was just delicious!
We didn't talk much whilst eating, we just concentrated on the food, it was so nice.
After another round of drinks and a breather, we ordered dessert. Me, C and Jeanette ordered chocolate and peanut torte with vanilla icecream and Sandra ordered pineapple mousse. Again we sat mostly quiet and just enjoyed the food, exploding in our mouths.
We decided that this was a place to return to. Anyone who lives in Malmö or if you are in the neighbourhood we highly recommend that you spend a couple of hours having dinner here.
Since it was Friday night, we were all quite tired so decided to retire after dinner at eleven pm. Not the party princesses like we used to be, but now four ladies who still know how to enjoy ourselves.

When I came home I washed the make-up off my face and tucked up in bed watching an episode of SATC where the girls are having lunch in a restaurant. It made me think if I was to compare us with them who would we be?
But I couldnt, I think we all parts of the characters in our personality.

I slept really well last night and have now eaten breakfast and is contemplating what to do with this saturday. I was supposed to meet an old friend I havent seen for twelve years or so, but unfortunately she is not feeling well so we shal meet another day instead.
I am tired after this hectic week and will just relax and recharge my batteries today and tomorrow, maybe I'll go for a walk and do some shopping. Finish my book this afternoon and have a nap is pretty tempting aswell.

I hope you all have a great weekend and are happy and at peace.

Just heard this song, it is nr 1 on the chart in the UK, and I LOVE IT!
It is making me want to party and looking forward to my trip to England and Ramsgate in the beginning of June for Betty's birthday.
Enjoy!

So Proud!

2010-04-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

Today was D-day which we have been practising, preparing and exercising for. The big football tournament!!
I have been feeling slightly sick with nerves the last couple of days since I didn't want the kids to be disappointed. And they weren't!
We came second!
Won four games with high scores 5-0, 6-0, 7-1 and 3-1!
Then we lost the last game and lost to the same team in the final. So they got nice silver medals and a great little trophy.
I am so proud of them all!
Well done guys!!

I then had an appointment for what I thought would be a massage with my personal trainer.
I was not so lucky...he wanted to examine my back that I had been complaining about for a while..
So I have been streched, prodded and taped with chinese "painkiller tape". My back is now killing me and I am exhausted!
I have had dinner a bit too late and have treated myself to some icecream.
Now I am just about ready for bed I think.
Night night.

The kids in our class are just as good as these guys...

Mesmerizing

2010-04-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

I cant stop looking at the beauty that is my blog.
I am actually a bit stunned at how good it looks, I could never have done it myself.
I am tucking in to bed now. Cougartown just finished, my new favourite tvshow!
Tomorrow is what they call a "study day" so we are taking the kids to the beach.
Goodnight everyone.

CHECK IT OUT!!

2010-04-26T13:29:00.001-07:00

Look at my new designed blog!!!
Is it not just GORGEOUS?
My colleague, Sofie da Silva, whose maternityleave I am currently covering, made it for me.
She is very clever when it comes to computers and sports and to top it off, she is beautiful too. So in theory I should hate her, like you hate all girls who are prettier and also smarter than yourself. But I dont. She is great and has really supported me from home and helped me make the gymclasses as good as possible.

So back to my lovely blog!
I love it!
The two other girls on the photo are none other than Donna and Kirstie, two beauties from Thanet!
I realise that I am writing a lot of "beautiful", "gorgeous", and soon probably "fab" and "fantastic".
So I will finish this post and then get back to just looking at my new fantastic, beautiful fab blog.
Thanks Sofie!

I want to dedicate this song to my great colleagues at work, when things are though and you just want to scream, think of this song and life gets a little bit easier.
It has just prevented someone from "moving in" in my head and insted made me smile....

Nerves and boredom

2010-04-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today has been a pretty boring, slow day..
I have just relaxed at home, which has been good since I have a pretty busy week ahead of me. On Thursday my class is participating in a big football tournament. The kids are so excited and I am just a nervous wreck.
I know nothing about football, probably because I have no real interest in the sport..apart from when the European or World cup is on..
I just dont know what to do when we are actually on the field...how can I inspire them and encourage them so they do not run all over the field to where the ball is?
How can I make them interested enough to stay in the positions we have discussed together?
I feel sick just thinking about it.
Keep your fingers crossed that we will win a few games at least...

The difference is in the pro's and con's

2010-04-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

As I said a few days ago I want to write about the differences with living in Sweden and living in England. And also about the difference between English people and Swedish people.
Before I start I have to say, that what I am about to write is written with a lot of love and humour, and it is written straight from my heart. There is absolutely no intention of upsetting or hurting anyone, I am just writing what I see and have experienced. And if I still manage to upset anyone I will apologise now. And also tell you not to be so sensitive... ;-)

So where do I start...I think work is the best place, since it is here that I find the biggest difference.
It's no secret that I have struggled to get to terms with the way employment works in Sweden. If you havent got a university degree you are not worth a lot. I have been to interviews where the person interviewing me has flicked through my CV and then sighed..."Dont you have any qualifications..??"
So I have explained that yes I qualified as a "child carer" in college and I have an NVQ 3 aswell, and I then get another sigh "What is an NVQ?? That is to no use here"
I have left interviews in tears more than once...And how much do you want to work at a place when you have been reduced to tears even before you even start?
You get nowhere without a degree in Sweden, and whereas I obviously think that an education is important, I think there are some things you cant be taught from a book, you have to learn by doing it and get the experience by working and making mistakes.
However, if you get sick, the support is much better in Sweden than in England. I have worked for managers who have told me that they dont believe people who say they are too sick to work, it is just a way to get a few extra day off..
In a way I can see their point, I have met more lazy people in England than in Sweden. I have met people who dont care about their colleagues who have to work twice as hard when they are just relaxing at home with their family or getting drunk in the pub. But it is not very nice when you have to make that phonecall telling your boss that you are not able to make it into work that day, when you are feeling like death warmed up, if it is with a rotten cold, stomach bug or tonsilitis and get the reply: "Hmphf, FINE! When will you come back?"
So it is a relief that when I had a week off work, my colleagues were generally concerned and when I came back they seemed happy that I felt better.

Another big difference between English people and Swedish people is family ties.
I have met many English people who has one or more close familymembers they dont speak to anymore. And I dont understand it at all, how can you fall out so badly with your mum or your sister that you just refuse to talk to them again. EVER?

Socialising in Sweden takes some planning...everyone is very organised and fill their diaries with social "appointments" months in advance. English people socialise in the pub, you go in, meet people you know and it is no big deal or weird at all to go out on your own if you go to your local pub.
To start off with we dont have pubs in Sweden, it is bars, bistros and restaurants. And only alcoholics or people with no friends go out on their own.
In Sweden we invite friends to our house for dinner, and most couples tear out their hair to try to make a perfect dinner and outdo the person they had dinner with the week before. You wouldn't serve spaghetti bolognese or lasagne at a dinner party...and you always serve at least three courses and coffee with possibly a liqoure after.
Whereas it is very rare to be invited to an English persons home. Someone once told me that English peoples house is the most sacred to them and they do not let people too close to themselves. If it is true or not I dont know...but I know that you socialise in a completely different way in Sweden and in England.
The relationship to alcohol is also like night and day.
Many English people will have a couple of drinks everyday. "Im just having a pint" or "Just a glass of wine". Whereas most Swedish people I know will only drink on weekends unless you are on holiday, and people will often take a month "off" alcohol. Especially just before or just after the annual holiday.
I cant say that I think one is better than the other. Meeting up with a bunch of girls at someones house, eating good food, drinking some nice wine and then just talk, gossip and laugh all evening before going home without feeling the need to go out and pull a man is priceless.
But it is also so much fun to throw on a pair of jeans, a top and high heals and go to the local pub, where most faces are familiar, you can sit in a relaxed environment have a conversation over a beer or glass of wine, whatever takes your fancy. Having quality time and playing pool with your man is also a treat.
I guess what I find the hardest to understand and get my head around is how Swedish people can live their lives so well organised and well planned. I wonder if they scedule their toilet breaks aswell?

So what else can I compare..?
The last thing that comes to mind is men...English blokes vs Swedish guys...
Swedish men and women are more equal than English men and women, these days there are no "stay at home mums" in Sweden. Your child gets 480 "parent days" and parents split those days between themselves in a way that suits the family. When the days are up, you go back to work, or you can save some days up til the day your child turns eight and have a few days later on.
Swedish men are more in touch with their feminine side and you see as many "latte dads" as "latte mums" in town.
Dont you know what a "latte parent" is..?
Someone who takes great care when dressing themselves and their little one in matching outfits, has the newest toprange pram and sits in a café most of the day and drink latte with their friends...
Another thing I would say is that English men flirt more and are also more receptive to womens signals than Swedish men. Or they are just more gullable and a little stupid?
Between the age of tewntythree and thirty I could get a man to buy me a drink by just looking at him the right way. It is an advantage to have very blue eyes in England..

So there you have it..or at least a very small part of what is different between living in Sweden and living in England.
I remember when I first decided to go to England to work as an Au-pair, I was contemplating USA aswell, but thought it better to choose England since it was closer to home and probably wouldnt be as different culture wise as I imagined America to be.
Well how wrong I was... I have loved living in England, even though it has been heartbreakingly difficult at times. And I miss it. I miss the feeling of being on a lifelong adventure.

This is the street I used to live in. This photo could have been taken from my roofgarden. Beautiful!
Someone once said, that when another friend of mine also moved to England she left her heart in Sweden.
Well, I have have left a very big piece of my heart in England.

My 12 months anniversary

2010-04-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend is exactly a year since I came back to Sweden. I left and arrived on Saturday the 18th of April, today is Saturday, tomorrow is the 18th.
So what has happened in the past twelve months?
I have landed and sort of settled, I realise that I am one of those "restless" people and to be honest I dont think that I will ever feel 100% settled and at peace anywhere for a very long time. So I will have to work harder not to get myself down when things slows down in my life and is just plodding along in a tranquil lazy way, and I have to go to work a lot.

So I guess the question is now, have I achieved what I hoped to achieve a year ago?
I think so actually...as I wrote in a blogpost last year, a lot can happen in the time of a week.
Things happen and change the way you look at things over night sometimes. Last year was such an emotional rollercoaster for me and this year has started off just being calm and nothing much happening at all. At times it is boring and I feel restless to the point where I think I will explode, but maybe I still need to find myself, realise what it is that I want for myself and what I want from the new people that might enter my life in the future.
Ok..what I really mean is... what I want from a man who is brave enough to enter my life...
"I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better" the mantra is still playing in my head.

I went to bed really early last night, which meant that I woke up really early today, I am now really tired, so might go back to bed for a little while.
Tonight I am going out to Sara for a night of dinner, wine and girlie chat.
Really looking forward to it.
Tomorrow I will write about the differences between Sweden and England...

I thought this song would be suitable since this weekend is all about ME!

Or this one, which is like the other side of me, rocking..
Hope you enjoy at least one side of me.

Have a great weekend everyone.

I deserve better, I really do!

2010-04-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have had a bit of a rough day today, I have been feeling sick and actually only eaten a hamsandwich all day...Which is very odd for me, I can eat anything at any time.
Walking home, I looked up and the sky was the most amazing colour blue, for a while the sickly feeling in my tummy eased and I could breathe again.
I have been thinking the phrase "I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better" like a mantra all day, and it has helped and soothed me a few times. But now the agony is growing and I feel that I need some assistance not to break. I am going to the gym tomorrow which will help and I am looking forward to it tremendously.

So it is with a heavy heart that I have to admit that I am weak.
But just for tonight I will allow myself.
Just one.

I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better i deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better

Am I pathetic? I dont care!

2010-04-10T23:41:00.000-07:00

It is Sunday morning and I finally feel calm enough to write about what I am about to write about.
On Friday my friend Micke posted something on my facebook wall...
It was the second trailer for SATC 2 movie...
By now you are probably aware of the fact that I am somewhat of a SATC nut.
As I watched it I actually screamed like a twelve year old little girl.
And then I saw him....Aidan...he is BACK!
I always thought that Carrie should have married Aidan and not Mr Big...And I was really angry and upset when she cheated on him.
I love the scene when she tells him that she wants him back and she thinks that this time it will really work out, and all he says, with a loud "booming" voice is:
"You broke my heart".
It always gives me goosebumps...

So now that we see that Carrie will just accidently bump into Aidan on the other side of the world...will she cheat on Big?
I hope she doesn't, I do not encourage adultery.

So, get on with it, tell me how pathetic I am, I dont care, just watch the trailer for yourselves and tell me that you are not even a little bit excited....

Red nails and cigarettes

2010-04-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

Watching Carrie smoke in SATC and it is making me want to smoke..

I have had a good day, eve though all I have done is clean the flat. It feels nice, looks nice and smells nice. I brought in fresh flowers and have lit a scented candle, all is calm and peaceful.
And I am bored...I want to go and sit in a beergarden with my best girls..

Tomorrow is my parents thirtyfifth wedding aniversary and I am treated them to dinner in Denmark. I thought about leaving them to it, but apparently I "have to" join them, otherwise it will be weird! They do NOT want to celebrate their aniversary without their only child!
So what is a good daughter to do?

Since there is no beergarden on offer I am opting for painting my nails instead.
So much etter, staying sober and ending up with great looking nails.

Finally over...

2010-04-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

Ahhh the day is finally coming to an end. I have a feeling that I have started many of my blogposts with that sentence...but since I didnt get a lot of sleep last night and the fact that Tuesday is the worst day at work..I am now relieved that I am curled up infront of the tv with a huge glass of water.

I had a splitting headache when I got home, but now after a nap and some painkillers it is easing off and I feel better. I know I should make myself some "proper" dinner but that just wont happen today...I will be bad and have sandwiches and a cup of tea before I have a shower and go to bed.

I am looking forward to Thursday when I am having dinner with three great ladies. We have started a "club" where we go for dinner once a month and just catch up and have a nice time.

Well I am off to make my sandwich and tea.
Night all.

WHY?

2010-04-05T22:01:00.001-07:00

I have been awake since five o'clock this morning.
Why? I ask!
I have already washed up my bras and hung them to dry!
I am feeling restless and stressed, now I am also bored and getting tired.
Not a very good feeling to go to work with, the first day after the easter holiday.

*big sigh*

Better go make my bed and get myself ready for work...

Morning

2010-04-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

When I left my parents house last night I drove down to what is called "the island". Technically it isn't an island, more like an "extension". But nevertheless, it is called the island. I sat in the car, looking out over the sea. The island is not very far from a fairly new development (is that the correct terminology? "new development"?) called "the west harbour". It used to be a park, or not really a park, more like a big grassy area by the sea, but for some reason it was refered to as a park and we used to hang out there when I was sixteen.
Soon it will be filled with people strutting up and down the promenade, looking like they are carrying a fridge. Last sumer I even saw a man oiling his pecs before prancing like a circushorse past a group of hysterically giggling teenage girls.

Not quite yet though, last night was still fairly quiet and empty, I sat there for what felt like hours, thoughts running through my mind and pretty soon there it was. That feeling that started out in the pit of my stomach and soon moved up to my heart and then my head. And carried on down to my feet.
The feeling of restlessness, entrappment and itchy feet.
I dont know if it is because in two weeks time, it will be a year since I came home that I am feeling like this, did I have too high expectations?
Or is it the travelbug that I never satisfied that is showing its ugly head again?

I read in a blog that I follow about some advice that had been given to the author "Love is joy, dont try to convince yourself that suffer is a part of it" is it the same about life? Isnt life joyful? Why am I trying to convince myself that sufferring has to be a big part of my life?
I know that you cant be happy all the time, if you were always happy there would be no dept in you as a person, but why do I think that without a very dark side people wont take me seriously?
If the darkside gets too overpowering, nobody can muster being around me for too long. I will become "too much" and people will need to "breath" after having socialised with me.
So what is it that is missing from my life?
Because I know there is something that is missing, I dont feel "complete". For so long now I have thought that it is the love from a man that would make me whole again. But after a few dates and endless hours sitting on cafés watching the world (and various man) go by, I am not convinced.
I can truly say that I have not seen or met a man that I would like to meet up with again. Not even for a coffee. I am just not intrested.
So what does that mean?
Am I turning into a nun?
Or a spinster?
Am I becoming bitter? Oh god I hope not, the worst thing that could happen would be for me to become bitter.
I think what i really need, and what I feel makes me the happiest at the moment, is spending quality time with my friends.

But I guess that I did infact have too high expectations, in the way that on some level, in my subconcious, there was a small part of me that thought, or maybe I just hoped and longed for, people and friends to call me everyday, invite me to gatherings or just for coffee. There is only so many times you can invite yourself before you start to look like a scavenger (have I spelled that correctly?) or totally desperate. I am desperate. But I dont need to show that side to the whole world.
And I realise that for the biggest part of my life I have been battling with the feeling of not being included, of being the odd one, an outsider and a misfit, when maybe it is time to just accept myself for who and what I am.
I am not like everyone else, I love "dumb" people who thinks that the paper goes through the wire when you send a fax..but I dont like shallow people who will judge and look down at us who are not like themselves. I wonder how you measure intellegence, is it by how much you know? Or how you use your knowledge?
I guess the answer to that depends on who you ask..

I am curous to what the future holds for me, will it be studies? Or work?
Or maybe a bit of both?
Hopefully travel, maybe work whilst travelling?

Happy easter everyone, hope you get many eggs.

Pink thursday

2010-04-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today is what we in Sweden refer to as "pink thursday". I really do not know why, none of our traditions have anything to do with the colour pink. But tonight is the night when all the withces fly off to the blue mountain to dance with the devil, if our folklore is to be believed. Today children dress up as easterwitches and wonder about town. Most shops will give out sweets to dressed up children. It is a little bit like Halloween, but you dont knock on peoples door and threaten them with eggs if they dont give you sweets...

I have had a shower washed my hair and had chicken stew for dinner.
Now I am having a glass of wine and watching "Cant by me love".

I am feeling calm but a bit sad at the same time. Thinking of a new blogpost for tomorrow.

New Friends

2010-03-28T02:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was invited to Sara's house for a "Chick Flick feast", I brought lots of my chick flicks and a big bag of pick and mix. Linda came too, she brought crisps, dips and another chick flick. Sara had made waffles when I arrived and we settled with her two boys to indulge them with icecream, whipped cream and strawberry jam. It was, to say the least, "a perfect yum"
The boys (who will soon be young men) went upstairs to use their computers, sing or read or whatever it is that preteens do to entertain themselves these days.

We watched "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I have seen it a few times already, but it is turning into one of my favourite films.
After the film Sara prepared dinner. Me and Linda sat in her kitchen talking about everything and nothing, love, men and life.
Linda is a colleague turned good friend of Sara whom I have met a few times at dinners and parties at Saras house. I always thought she seemed really friendly and fun to be around but we never had a real opportunty to talk and get to know each other. Last night we did have time though and it was so nice to have some quality girltime with great women. Whilst we were chopping and preparing and talking, another friend of Saras came around, Jane. I have never met her before but she too was lovely, easy to talk to and she had a great infectious laugh. The evening was happy, we shared a lot about our lives and I now feel that I have got two new friends, who knows, maybe they will become great friends, but if not there will be two more girls I can chat drunkenly to at the next crayfish party at Sara's house.

During our girly evening Sara's husband and sons stayed well out of the way, something I found.... so kind and nice..They ate in the kitchen, offered to cook more pasta and then went to their bedroom to watch tv and dvds.
I honestly dont know any other man who would just stay out of the way like that while his wife is having a party. Or entertaining guests.
He is a very nice, understanding man, Sara's husband.

I drove home around midnight and fell into bed and slept like a baby until nine am today. The clocks went forward last night so the time is now nearly half past twelve and I am still in my pyjamas, watching Ghost Whisperer. It is good, but really sad at the moment.
So what will I do with the rest of the day? I will go and see my parents at some point, but I think I need a walk in the beautiful sunny weather first.

I remember this time last year..my last day at work in England. It is soon a year since I came back. But that need and deserves a post of its own..

Have a great sunday all.

Mystery solved

2010-03-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

I saw the doctor yesterday, they took some tests and found out that I have a strong infection in my body. They just couldnt find where...not in the ears or throat this time, not in the kidneys or in in my lungs. They prescribed some antibiotics and told me to come back on monday if I didnt feel better.
I had a dentist appointment in the afternoon and guess what showed up on the X-rays... A huge infection! It looked disgusting, but thankfully there is no serious damage, it will all be cleared up with penicillin. I feel better all ready and I can go back to work on monday. Next week is the easter holidays, I am really looking forward to it, the school holidays are a lot of fun with different activities and funtimes.

I have been in such a good mood today, the sun has been shining, I went to the gym and had a great workout, (without puking) I cooked stuffed peppers for dinner and saved a couple for that day when I cant be bothered to cook.
I have had a deep conditioner on my hair and a "saunamask" on my face.
I bought "Ghostwhisperer" series 4 today. One of my favourite shows of all time - together with a few more...
So, sorry cant concentrate too well...
Have a good night.

Trailer for series 4, and I have just realised there is also a series 5.....
Cant wait for that to come out....

What is going on...?

2010-03-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

I went back to work today, I rode my new bike that I bought yesterday which was nice although it felt weird to turn since I havent even sat on a bike for thirteen years...
After twenty minutes at work I started feeling really weird, I could hear that my colleagues were talking but I couldnt hear what they said, I felt sick, dizzy and feared that would faint.
I went to the toilet and put my head between my knees, a trick my mum taught me when I was a child and sometimes felt dizzy as a side effect for growing very tall very quickly..I dont know for sure how long I sat like that but someone came and asked ig I was ok and if I needed help?
It was decided that I needed to go home again and I called my mum who came to collect me.
I felt better after a while but a strange headache had taken my head and face hostage. My mum took me home where I slept for three hours. I feel better now, but I am not 100% to be honest, I called my doctor and the nurse told me to go to the emergency room if I didnt get better or I could make an appointment tomorrow morning. I am opting for the latter, the thought of sitting in the waitingroom of the hospital all night is just not appealing.

My poor mum is worried sick, which makes me feel really bad.
Most people probably thinks it strange that my parents are as involved in my life as they are, it is fine, they can think that. I guess there are a few reasons to it... I am an only child
I moved abroad when I was young, only 20 years old. Eventhough I thought at the time that I was streetwise and knew how to handle life, I was SO wrong.
I like to spend time with my parents, probably because in the past thirteen years we have only seen each other twice a year for a very intensive period of time. A week or two. So the fact that I now can see them for a couple of hours at a time a few times a week feels great. Anyone who thinks that is just bizarre, well, that is their problem really. Not mine.

I will stay at home for the rest of the week, on orders form my colleagues.
It is a nice change when the people you work with and for actually belives that you are ill, I have had several managers and colleagues in the past who thinks that you are just not bothered to come into work and are sitting at home enjoying yourself instead.
So I will see my doctor tomorrow, maybe he will send me for tests and we shal see if there is anything wrong with me, or if I am just suffering from a spot of hypochondira?
Going to bed soon, with my book and hopefully getting some rest.

Night all.

It will get better, they say....

2010-03-23T02:18:00.001-07:00

I know how you feel, I really do..and I know what is going on in your head and the pain that is in your heart. You think that tomorrow will be better, but actually it will be worse. And the day after that will be just as bad and just as painful as yesterday was. Your friends will tell you that you are better off without him, and maybe you are, but it will take time for your heart to catch up with those thoughts. You can talk to me, I wont tell you to stop going on about him, because I know how much that hurts too. And I know what it is like when people think that you are over it, because you are smiling and laughing again. Yes life goes on, you wont stop breathing and your heart is still in the same place as before, even though it feels like it has been wripped out of your chest and put in a food blender.

I wish I could say that it will get better, that he wasnt the one for you, and that the man of your dreams is waiting just around the corner. But I cant. I am sure you will meet someone else, but I do not know if you will love like that again.
Maybe you dont actually want to love anyone else again.
Only can figure that out, only you can give yourself enough time to get over him, and stop being a hero, it is ok to be sad.
There is no time limit on how long you are allowed to grieve.
I am here for you, always.

YUK.....

2010-03-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

I felt a bit iffy when I woke up this morning, sickly feeling in my stomack but starving hungry at the same time. I managed to eat a slice of toast and thought that if I just got going and got to work I would feel better. But I didnt. So I went home after an hour and spent a few hours with my head down the toilet. Not pleasant at all I tell you.
I went to sleep and woke after three hours and felt better, although shaky and with a sore tummy.
After drinking some water I felt even better and settled to watch "New Moon" for the third time. It is still fantastic! I want to be a vampire...

I made some phonecalls and managed to get "Medborgarskolan" off my back trying to charge me for a course I never attended, that I didnt even sign up for. Cheeky buggers trying to get more money from me...
I will stay at home tomorrow aswell, just to make sure I dont give anyone else my "bug" or whatever this is Ive got (no it is not a baby bug)

I found this song on spotify earlier on, and remembered how much I loved it. My boyfriend at the time bought his album for me. I very rarely think about him these days, but sometimes I wonder what kind of life I would have had today if I never broke up with him? I sometimes loose myself in "what if" thoughts, not in a really bad way, just lighthearted thoughts such as "what if I never broke up with my first english boyfriend when I did? would we have got married and had children? or would he have driven me totally bonkers so I had escaped back to Sweden a long time ago?

I think it is best for us all to believe that "what is ment to be, will be" and "everything happens for a reason". Otherwise there would probably be a lot more people with mental health problem than there is today.
Anyway, enjoy the song.

Oh what a day

2010-03-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this morning and went to the shop to get the bits and pieces I never got yesterday. It was lovely and deserted and I was done in a mere half hour. I then picked up my mum and we went to the gym.
I over did it on the treadmill and puked in the bin (yes I am disgusting today aswell..) why do I never learn?
I do it everytime after I have had a bit of a break from exercising..thinking that I have to so much to catch up and I end up in a wet puddle on the floor. I am such an amateur. Bless me.
When I got home I had a warm shower, washed my hair and curled up in front of the tv to watch "New Moon", SO good!!!
It has been raining all day so I allowed myself to just chill indoors, just wish there would have been a thunderstorm and the weather would have been perfect.
I know I am weird, but I love the rain. Although not when I want to sit outside and have a BBQ..I like warm summer evenings, on those evenings the rain better stay away.

Gonna leave you with a grat song by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z. I hope I get to go to New York one day.
Sleep well all.

I am a disgusting person!

2010-03-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

Last week we came to the conclusion that I am still not an adult, but more like a teenager or possibly even a child...
This week I think I am also turning into a man..or a boy..or maybe I should say a young man..I will explain:

This week has been pretty busy, fun, but busy. I have been out every night, training and catching up with friends. I havent got indoors before nine on any night so Ive really just slept here this week.
So when I came home this afternoon after a traumatic experience in the shop (a billion people crammed in the foodaisles) I opened my fridge and nearly threw up...I am ashamed to tell you that there was food that nearly crawled out on its own..
So not only am I not an adult (clearly...an adult wouldnt leave food in a fridge for that long..) I am turning into a nineteen year old boy who has just left his parents house and is living in his first apartment on his own.
And to top it all off, I have ripped my favourite pair of jeans and I went to work with a foodstain on my jumper today.
Can a person get more disgusting?

I guess one could, I could have gone to work without showering...but I did shower everyday, today I have even showered twice..
I am slumped in the chair, candles are lit, I am watching Twilight (the sequel New Moon is out tomorrow!!!) and I have hung the laundry..
It has been a blissful friday afternoon/evening, I will soon go to bed for an early night.

Really like this song! Powerful and aggressive, perfect to go running with this song playing in your headphones. Shame I do not run very much..

Love.....

2010-03-14T01:41:00.000-08:00

We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

Some beautiful words I read today..

Are you an adult or a youngster?

2010-03-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

It has been, to say the least, a busy week. Work has been good, I just want to say that I have great colleagues in my unit. They make me laugh and the days pass quickly and I dont even mind getting up at six am everyday. But once I get home I realise how tired I am and dont turn the tv or computer on for at least an hour.

Yesterday I went to Sara's for dinner, I wanted to treat her to dinner, but since my flat is just not suitable for entertaining I brought the food to hers. I made tacos (which someone earlier on had pointed out was SO '90s...) and even though the avocado was too hard to make guacamole of, and I had left the chocolate sauce for the dessert somewhere along the way it was a very good night and the food went down a treat.
I dont know if I have told you before but Sara is my oldest friend, we were just teeny tiny babies when we got to know each other at nurseryschool. We used to hide underneath the table where I cut her hair... In most of the group photos Sara is sporting a diagonal fringe and uneven layers...

Last night we talked about how "grown-up" we are, we took a test were you get points for how many "adult" things we have or do i.e clubcard in the grocery store, hatchback, houseloan, children, married, soduko, bath without wetting your hair...well, you get the picture.
Sara was convinced she wouldnt get many adult points at all since she doesnt feel like a grown up..she got 56 out of 86 which earned her the comment "Mature mother"
I only got 12 grown-up points and was told to "get a haircut and a job"
12 out of 86..I am still just a teenager at heart..living in my basementflat, with no real responsibilities apart from getting to work on time, paying the rent on time and paying my phonebill every month.

We stayed up til around midnight when I just couldnt keep my eyes open anymore (I should get adult points for that..) and I went to sleep in her oldest sons bed (who stayed at a friends house) and I slept til half past seven this morning (should also get some adult points for that..)
We had breakfast, all the while Sara's youngest son entertained us with "Run to the hills" by Iron Maiden, played over and over again, not always the whole song, but just the first guitarr solo. Which to be fair is the best part..
Sara and her family was going out with with the caravan (LOTS of adult points for having a caravan...) so my mum picked me up (no adults points for that...) and we drove to Ikea so I could buy some candles and other bits. I love living so close to Ikea.
I bought some tulips aswell to bring the spring into my flat (surely that should give me at least one adult point..) and when i came home I lit lots of candles and tucked myself up in bed after doing the launry and washing my hair.
It has been a very good day, I feel more relaxed and closer to having my batteries fully charged. But I will probably go to bed really early, just to be nice to myself (and again, there should be adultpoints for going to bed before ten, at least on a weekend)

I will leave you with the song that has been played in my head since eight o'clock this morning. Enjoy and thanks Lucas. x

Naptime..

2010-03-10T12:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a good day, I have great colleagues who make the days at work fly by with lots of laughter and smilies.
I went for the swimming lesson and swam for an hour, it is great to be able to exercise during working hours isnt it?
When I came home I felt drained and exhausted and thought to myself: "I will have a nap for an hour before I cook dinner" so thinking that I would sleep for an hour or so I tucked myself into bed. Only to wake up three hours later wondering what happened?
Makeup staines on my sheets and my hair looking close to a birdsnest. So I had a warm shower, washed my hair, hung the laundry and cooked dinner.

Tomorrow is my dads birthday, I will have dinner with him and my mum and celebrate a little bit, well as much as he wants to, my little dad doesnt want a fuss and he doesnt want anyone to spend any money on presents for him.
Wich makes it a bit difficult to find a present for him.
This year however, I have bought the dvds "The girl who played with fire" and "The girl who blew the hornets nest". The films from the books by Stieg Larsson which he really liked. So hopefully he will like them.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Meeting with Sara on friday for some girlie time with food and wine, then there is only sleep planned and I might possibly go for a long walk if the weather permitts.

Well I am sensing that the words arent coming easily this evening, so I will bid you a good night and hope life is good your end.
I want to play a song....
This makes me think of summernights...oh how I long for them... hopefully it wont take too long until they are here and we can spend time watching the sun go down.

Social Networking

2010-03-06T12:27:00.001-08:00

I have for quite some time been wondering and pondering about the phenomenom that is social networking i.e Facebook, Twitter, Plurk etc etc...
I am a member of facebook and Twitter, Twitter works like the statusbox on facebook, you basically just write a scentance or a link to another page.
You can then follow other "twitters" and see other peoples tweets (yes that is what it is called)
The thing that baffles me is, when you see that some twitters are following 10000 people....
How do you have time to read all of those???
Today I decided to delete those who isnt following me...and in doing so my followers dropped radically....weird....

Have had a chilled out day today, mum came over for a cup of tea and a chat, then I had a nap in my chair, whilst watching "Interview with a vampire".
Will have an early night tonight aswell I think and carry on reading my book "Ego Girl" by Carolina Gynning. She won the Swedish Big Brother 2004 and is now a tv presenter (surprise surprise!) from what I can understand she is one of those girls you either love or hate, but since I lived in England during 2004 I know nothing about her, so I thought I would read the book she has written and see what I think.
She is from my part of Sweden so we have the same accent (sort of...her accent is a bit "over the top"..)
So far I like the book, it is an easy read about the sort of life I dreamed about when I was 16-25...sex, drugs and rock and roll....
I do however think it is very good that I never got close to a life like that.. I was so naive and gullable. I thought the best of everyone I met and couldnt think that anyone would intentionally try to hurt me.
I was also desperate for acceptance and popularity, I would have done absolutely anything for a man to "love" me.
So now I just enjoy reading the books about the girls, my heroines, who got in with the wrong crowd but managed to get out of it aswell, I probably wouldnt have done....

Well I am off to bed now people. Sleep well but first enjoy this song by another Swedish girl who I know nothing about, more than she is a singer...
Maybe she has written a book aswell?
It is in Swedish, sorry to you who dont understand it.

Exhale....

2010-03-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

It is finally friday night. The week is over and I have time to relax, unwind and recharge my batteries. Even though I like my job and never feel it is really hard to get up in the mornings, it is nice to have some time to myself.
I read an article in a magazine about a woman who said that a job could be a dream job if you have good colleagues. So for the time being, I have my dream job.

Teddy is coming down from Stockholm tonight so we will meet up tomorrow. Not sure what we will do, dinner and wine or clubbing and coctails...we shal see what we decide.
I think tonight is the night for cosying up in bed with my book to be honest. I am tired and could do with catching up on some sleep.

I heard this beautiful song on Facebook yesterday, the lyrics are wonderful, the music is calm and has a "feelgood" factor to it.
To me, this is true love.

People People People......

2010-03-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

Blogging hasnt really been coming to me in the last days..I havent got much inspiration I guess. A lot to do at work, and I have realised how low jealousy will make some people sink and how some people always will get away with being bullies if they just shed a few tears at the right time.
I am doing the best I can to stay positive and I hope that I am a better person for not spreading lies and keeping my dignity. Maybe I am naive, but I do believe that what goes around comes around and if you are true to yourself and treat other people the wayyou want to be treated, the sun might shine on you a bit more and the bitterness wont eat you up.
Unfortunately there will always be they who are not happy unless others are unhappy, I just hope I will always have the strenght not to become one of them.
I pray that my life will contain more exciting, inspirational people and projects to make me strong to turn my back to nasy, bitter gossip.
That is not to say that gossipping about if Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt will get back together or not wont be on the cards...

Will they, wont they...? Hope they will.....

The snow is finally gone and I feel the spring is in the air, although it is still freezing cold. My flat is pretty cold aswell, I am wrapped in a blanket with fluffy socks and slippers and my nose is streaming.
Tonight is the night when lots of new programmes start again.
Desperate Housewives in an hour which I am most excited about.
I really want something sweet to eat, but have nothing at home.
The question is, do I run up to the shop and get something quickly? Or do I stay at home and be good?

Erm....1....2.....3.........
Im off to the shop for sweets!!!

Phew....

2010-02-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

Saturday night and I am exhausted, it has been a fairly busy week with it being halfterm and we have done different activities everyday.
On Thursday I went for dinner with Jeanette. As I stood waiting for her, a man came up to me, he was either drunk, affected by drugs or was mentally retarded, in his hand he clutched three balloons on sticks from McDonalds and he came up to me and said: "A balloon for a fat and ugly woman?" So I now get attacked on the streets by crazy strangers telling me how unattractive I am...Or maybe he was just honest? But he DID laugh hysterically when he popped one of the balloons with his cigarette... Once Jeanette turned up we went to a - for me - new restaurant called Mrs Saigon where we tried food from Vietnam. It was nice but my food was luke warm. I would have prefered it a bit warmer to be honest. We talked and laughed for hours and decided to start a group of girls who meet once a month for dinner and catch up.
So far only it is only me and Jeanette....but hopefully some more ladies will join us during the week.

Yesterday we went to see a musical with the students, it is called "The Fantasticks" and was first played on Sullivan Street Playhouse in New York in 1960 and carried on playing until 2002 when the producer died. Pretty amazing how long a show can go on for. I felt pretty tired as I finished work and was looking forward to a chill out evening in the company of Frida, we went to a nice restaurang and ate "gourmet pizza" it was nice, but lets face it...pizza is best eaten from a cardboard box...
The evening ended in the cinema, watching "Avatar". It was three hours long, so I fell asleep in the middle for half an hour or so...I was just so tired...I hope I didnt snore...
The film was brilliant, I dont know what it is, but I have a soft spot for hero movies...and I wouldnt mind meeting an Avatar..have seen how tall they are? Lush!!

Today I have been shopping with my mum, I bought a bedspread, two blankets and a cushion for my bedroom.

My bedroom is really tiny, and I only have a single bed...I dont get many "adult points" for that....
Is it important to have a lot of "adultpoints"?
Is it important to be an "adult"? Am I not as important as others if I dont have the "bonuscards" in the supermarket, dont I count if I dont own my own house with a huge crippling mortgage?
Well, to be honest, I think I like my life the way it is uncomplicated right now. No doubt something or someone will come along and complicate things at some point, but it is not too bad today.
I am heading for the shower and then an early night. I feel that I need it after this week of business.

"I see you" from Avatar, sung by Leona Lewis, a great song, a great voice a great film.

A new day....

2010-02-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

Last night turned out really well. Just as I had finished and published my blogpost the beautiful Sofie called and asked if I fancied a glass of wine on the "little square". Yes please! So I quickly got ready and caught the bus into town where we spent a couple of hours talking and catching up. She is off on holiday with her husband and daughters next week so it was really nice to see her before they leave.
I came home, had a shower and washed my hair then went to bed and fell asleep pretty much straight away.
If I go to sleep with wet hair it is very curly the next morning and I did get some nice compliments from my landlady and my lovely colleagues at work.
My hair is now at the lenght where it can be left curly without me looking like my grandmother, so maybe I will leave it looking "wild and beautiful" (quoted from my landlady)

We took the students bowling this afternoon which was fun, I didnt play myself because I dont really like it, but the kids enjoyed it so it was nice. When I finished work I had a little peek in the shops and bought some new shampoo and a couple of makeup bags that was in the sale.
It has been a really nice day, I am doing my laundry and will probably have an early night tonight and carry on reading my book.

The bargains of today.

Tomorrow we are spending the day watching dvds, eating popcorn and chilling in the comfy chairs. Feels like another good day.
Enjoy your evening and day tomorrow.

Weirdness...

2010-02-23T07:28:00.000-08:00

It is halfterm week here this week. Yesterday we went to the cinema and today we went shopping and then for pizza. I bought some little bits to make my bedroom look lovlier and warm.

The vase is such a gorgeous colour, I have always said that a woman over the age of fifteen needs to be careful with the colour pink. At least of the clothes she wears. Pink is the colour for babies and children, I cant think of anything more pathetic than a woman in her thirties wearing a pink tracksuit, pink trainers, her hair in pigtails and to finish the look off, she carries a pink little "bowling ball" handbag....
But if you tone it down a bit, add some deep red and purple it, I think it can look very sophisticated and soulful.
I am not done with decorating my bedroom, to be honest it is not the place I want to call my bedroom, I just sleep there until I can find a bigger and better flat.
But until then I want to make the room look as good as it can. And when I then move, I have all the things I need for a perfect, comfortable, budoir.

I have lit some candles, to try and lift my spirits a bit, I am feeling sad and lonely, things aren't really working out how I thought and hoped them to do.
And even though I am doing my uttermost to think positive I can not help but wonder if I have done something wrong?
If I have upset people? Or if I am just not as fun to be around as I was last year?
Not that "funny" is a verb I would use to describe myself...but still...
The pain in my heart, that was subsiding slowly but surely, came back with a vengance the other day.
For no apparent reason, it was there when I woke up and I spent the whole last weekend silent on my own, without anyone to talk to or laugh with. I wrote emails and text messages and didnt get a single answer.
I dont think I have ever felt so lonely in my entire life and I started thinking about what I would do in a crisis situation. Would I risk my life for someone else?
Would I stay holding the bomb just so that everyone else could get safely out of the building? And possibly die myself?

I think the way to go tonight is a warm shower, wash my hair and then snuggle up in bed with my book.
I need to get back on track looking after myself properly, I know I am not doing it at the moment, I seem to completely have forgotten how to.
So I will start with a lot of sleep and water and then take one step at a time.

I have heard this song three times today already, I love it and again I wonder if I gave up too easily and if I was given up on too easily aswell.

Stormwarning

2010-02-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

The weather men are warning for a "class 2" storm coming in this evening and night. Whatever that is..?
I went grocery shopping after work and some people were stocking up like we are preparing for war with tonnes of food and drink.
I really hope they are wrong, I am so done with snow now...And I cant think of anything worse than being couped up in this flat for a whole weekend with nothing better to do than think about other peoples lives and how happy they are or how weird I think they are.
Take the couple who got together when they were fifteen years old,(lets call them Susan and Dave) by the time they were nineteen years old, they had two beautiful babygirls, they lived the happy family life together and after they turned twnetyfive they decide to have another baby (which turned out to also be a girl) and a year later they were pregnant again and this time it is a boy that pops out.
Less than a year after the boy is born, Dave has cheated on Susan with a girl at work and moved in with her (shal I just call her whore? no lets call her Lydia, slutty Lydia) Dave and slutty Lydia are living together and I am all for distroying them in Susans honor, but then I find out that Susan has a new man aswell and is living happily (I guess) with him.

Then there is the girl I went to school with, one of the "popular" ones who used to tell us about how she would travel around the world and probably be in a rockband. She met the man of her dreams when she was seventeen and is now married to him with two children and live in a suburb, the furthest away she ever came was Spain.

There is the girl I worked with just before I moved back to Sweden who was then single and cursed every man she talked to, but still managed to give birth to a baby boy a month ago (nine months after I left England..)
And then there is the woman who is working so hard to keep the facade up that she lives a happy life with her husband and two children in a nice house and regular holidays, but she cheats on him, every opportunity she gets, with the excuse "He wanted me, what was I suppose to do?"
If I get snowed in and stuck indoors, that is the full extent of the excitement of this weekend for me.
Unless someone comes to my rescue and saves me from this possible misery.

Misconstruction....?

2010-02-17T12:42:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how we desipher things we read in books, magazines or see on the internet?
A comment written underneath a photo, a quote instead of an answer to an important question or just a lovesong posted on a social networking site.

Forgivness, it is something big to be able to truly forgive someone who has hurt you deeply. To reach into your soul and remove the agony and sorrow that has infested itself in the most sacred part of you.
And to really be able to forgive and still have that person in your life, you have to believe that they are telling the truth.

Lies, so devastatingly tempting, which will take us to the darkest part of our psyche if we allow them to wrap itself around our mind.

Everyone makes mistakes, we all screw up from time to time, sometimes so badly there is no way back to what was so good previously.
Sometimes you realise what we did was hurtful and destroyed something beautiful and sometimes it is too late.
Sometimes we look too much into things and believe that there are secret, hidden messages everywhere we go, in every song we hear and everything we read.
When in fact it is just a song, that happened to mean something to two people once and is now forgotten.
Maybe there is another two, who has special memories to a certain song or a specific place.

Misconstruction, as big a heartbreaker as the original sin...

12 months ago...

2010-02-14T12:36:00.001-08:00

I knew there was a reason I have been feeling like a wreck today...This time last year we got back together, and I also got rid of all my things.
It was such a confusing time, my heart was breaking in a million of pieces and I cried for an entire weekend.
Then I changed my mind again apparently, I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing.
Or where I would have been had I stayed?
Miserable and alone?
Or happy and content?
I know there is no point to think and ponder like that, but it is what I do best I guess.
I miss Him.
But still believe things happen for a reason.

Movie day.

2010-02-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

On tuesday last week one of the boys in school asked me if I had seen Titanic? His uncle had given it to him the night before (brand new! the plastic is still on!!) and he was going to watch it that evening. The next day I asked him if he had seen it and he had seen the beggining, but then his mum told him to go to bed. But he was so excited about this film and the diamond that was on the bottom of the sea, we discussed it at lenght whilst walking to the swimming lesson and I told him that wheras Rose and Jack is not as far as we know a true story, there was a big ship called Titanic that sunk on its maiden voyage almost a hundred years ago.
I really enjoyed our conversation and his excitement until he asked me if I had been onboard?
I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge of children not having much conception of time...

But ever since I have felt the need to watch it again, it is such a brilliant film and Leonardo DiCaprio is so handsome.

Whilst flicking through Google for pictures for this blogpost I came across this... I was amazed...surely this film was never made?
Then I read th comments for it and it turns out someone has cut together clips from other films Leonardo has done...Clever though, I have to say.

Amazing what you can do with computers these days.
Now I sound like I actually am old enough to have been on the Titanic...
It has been an ok day, I have caught up on some sleep, watched three films and managed to get some housework done. Sounds pretty boring, but I need to get the rest and I really want to kick this cold for good. Unfortunately I cant see it happening before tomorrow, I am still sniffling and am going from hot to cold to hot again.
So I guess it is another week of snot bonanza in my nose.
I will watch the last bit of the film now, and I will leave you with the best song from a film, I am still such a sucker for it.
Celine, sing your heart out...

Looks like a loooong day...

2010-02-14T02:29:00.000-08:00

It is half past eleven and I have already cleaned the bathroom, changed the sheets in my bed and been to the shop. I bought some sweets which I have already eaten and instead of watching the cultivated "Revolutionarey Road" I am watching "What happens in Vegas" which is lifting my mood plenty. I swear I was a little bit sick in my mouth when I read some of the messages on facebook from one lover to another.
I mean come on people, Whats wrong with you??? I had to log out and concentrate on the funny movie instead.
I still have some dusting to do I think, then I will probably spend the rest of the day glued to the telly, a great way to pass the time on a sunday.

Or I might just listen to Sarah Cox on BBC Radio one on my laptop. Just realised I could...That is my sunday sorted, Some memories from working with domicillary care are flooding back...Not that I enjoyed it particularily..but I miss England.

The song that is nr 1 on the UK singles chart...I dont think I care too much for it...although I guess there is a certain summer vibe to it.....
I think I prefer this one with N-Dubz and Mr Hudson...Playing with fire. I am curious to know who this Mr Hudson is....He is working with several artists in the chart at the moment...

Have good sunday all.

The curse of valentines night

2010-02-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

The night is not turning out as bad as I thought it would...I have watched the last episodes of Desperate Housewives series 5 and I am about to put on one of the dvds I bought yesterday. It is no slushy romantic valentine crap, but instead scary and intelligent oscar winners. I am also ignoring the "melody festival" which is best watched with friends, drinking wine and making fun of the contestants.
I have never been a "valentines freak", probably because I was never one of the popular kids that was bombarded with roses in school, for so long I was always single on valentines day and normally ended up working it anyway.
I really dont understand the hype about it, but it still feels a bit shitty when someone asks you if I have anything nice planned and when the answer is no they tilt their head to one side and pout, "Awww poor you, oh well, plenty of more fish in the sea.."
What does that mean actually?
Well I know what it means...but why do you say that to someone?
I really dont understand it, and is the next week ruined because I am spending this day alone? Or maybe my whole life is supposed to be ruined?
At least I am not spending it in a house full of loved up people having sex, like last year...

I need to get back to my movie now. Bet it is awesome!!!

Found this on a "F**k valentine's day" site on You tube, and realised there are people out there who are more bitter than what I am. Wohoo!
Made me think of how much I like Bon Jovi and I dont think this is a "Love sucks" song...
Hope you like it.
Enjoy your night, however you are spending it.

Angry woman on the bus

2010-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

On my way home today, on the bus, I am sitting by the window, watching the world go by and people rushing to get home from work via the shop to be in time for "Lets dance".
Driving past one of the bus stops and from the back comes an angry voice "HELLOOO!!!! Stop the bus I am getting off!!"
The bus kept on rolling and I saw the busdriver raise an eyebrow (I saw it in the mirror) the woman kept yelling "For f**k sake stop the damn bus, I have pressed the buzzer" to which the busdriver answered "You pressed it to late woman, now wait for the next stop" the argument continues with them shouting "Yes" and "No" to each other until the woman stomps up to the front, the whole bus is silent and I am wondering if there would be a fight..? They lowered their voices and was gesturing wildly until we arrived at the next bus stop where the woman got off but not before she waved her middlefinger at him.
I am relieved that I didnt witness a beating of a busdriver and possibly be involved in a an accident when the bus drove off the road and hit some pedestrians.

I settled back with my thoughts, "I'm yours" by Jason Mraz playing in my ears. I felt relaxed and glad that the snow are starting to melt and the spring is getting closer. When I realised that the bus was standing at my stop. In my relaxed state of mind I didnt pay attention and nearly missed it. So I jumped up and shouted "Im getting off, Im getting off, this is my stop" the girl sitting next to me nearly fell on the floor getting out of my way. The busdriver opened the doors again, I guess he was scared of another screaming woman flipping him off.
I could almost hear the bus taking a sigh of relief as I got off.

I am home, it is Friday, the weekend is here and I am looking forward to get a lie-in tomorrow and not do very much at all.
I had a some plans of meeting with friends but they both cancelled on me so I am just chilling on my own, catching up on reading and cleaning.
And watching tv.
I hope you all have a great weekend, enjoying whatever you are doing.

My weekend will be somewhat calmer and quieter than this, but it is a good "get-in-the-mood" song. (get in the mood for going out that is...)
Ahhh those days....

SLASH

2010-02-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

I have just finished reading the autobiography of Slash, written with Anthony Bozza.
I used to have a small crush on him when I was between thirteen and fifteen, which in itself was odd, since my other objects of affection was clean cut, boyband type men, or I guess I should say boys...
So Slash entering my "list" was unexpected to say the least.
I think it all had to do with the hair....that dark, curly hair that covered his face, and the cylinder hat pulled down low.
On every picture I saw he also had a cigarette in his hand or between his lips.
His mother is afroamerican and his father british, so Slash is the colour of chocolatecaramel and he has really full lips.
Me and my friend L used to watch the video of "November rain" and when Slash stepped up on the piano for his solo we screached and moaned that he was sooo sexy..
When he then leaves the chapel and stands on the yard and plays his guitarr in his leatherpants and jacket, well, how shal I put this...YUMMIE!

Guns n' Roses is no more, or apparently there is still a group called Guns n' Roses, but it is only Axl Rose who is part of them that was in the original Guns n' Roses.
Slash is now in a different band called Velvet Revolver, I have listened to a few of their songs and they are good, Slash is a god on the guitarr, but they are not quite what I would listen to...Guns n' Roses songs were more melodical, which I like.
I wont go into what happened with the original band, you have to read the book for yourselves, it is really good, he is very frank and honest about his drug addiction and his alcohol abuse.
Slash doesnt try to glorify the rockstar life, he doesnt write about how amazing he is, but as I read the book, I got the impression that he is a genuinally caring man.

In 1991 (or possibly 1992) Slash played with Michael Jackson on "Give in to me", one of my favourite Michael Jacson songs, I have to play it for you, it is so good, and Slash is hot hot hot even though he wears a black and blue checkered shirt...It is his dedication to the guitarr and the music that I think is so powerful. Enjoy.

Again me and L would sigh when he rocked on stage and his hair got in his face, and I think we both wondered what it would be like to run a hand through it?
I have realised that this book has made me listen for the guitarrs when I listen to a song, and all of a sudden the song sounds different and I feel like a music pro.
I guess this was a crap book review, but I do recommend it, big time.
Especially if you have a thing about Slash, or true dirty rockers in general.

Seeing this picture, I realise I still have a slight crush on Mr Slash...you have to agree, he looks hot...
Although it is a tiny picture...you see what I mean dont you?
Oh what the heck, Ill upload another one for good measure.

24 hours later.

2010-02-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

I am back home after 24 hours with the girls. 24 great hours of chill out, laughing and remembering the old times.
Sofie picked me up at 3pm yesterday, we drove to Lund where we picked up Mia and then headed for the supermarket where we met Jenny and bought the supplies we needed for the stay before heading out to Ängelholm where Sofie's family's summer house is located, pretty much on the beach. Through the years it has been extended and isolated and had centrel heating installed so it is possible to stay there in the winter months aswell.

It is one of these houses where you feel calm and relaxed just by stepping through the door. When I worked in domicillary care in England I would from time to time come to houses like that, where you could see the traces of a big family had once lived, but now it was only the old woman left, living in this big old house. You could see that she just didnt have the heart to sell it, she had lived there since she got married at eighteen years old, she had seen her children grow up there, then grandcildren and great grandchildren. Too many memories to give up for money..
I am not talking about anyone in Sofie's family, but about elderly people in general I met whilst working in England.

Once we had installed us in a bedroom each we started dinner, Tacos, with lots of vegetables, guacamole and wine. It was so peaceful, we talked, laughed and watched the first show of who will make it to the Eurovision song contest in Norway in May. It is a big deal in Sweden apparently, as big as X-factor almost....
I am not sure I will have the patience to watch all the episodes...but Jenny is having a "Eurovision party" just like she did last year. I am already looking forward to it.
We got to discuss how many men we had slept with, and lets just say I was glad I am not the only one who has slept with more than five people, and have a slight difficulty remembering the names of all of them. I guess we are sluts. But we are still good, caring people. Like another friend of mine says: "Tarts with hearts"
We got to bed around two am and I slept til just after eight this morning, when I woke up with my frontal cranium full of thick green snot. I poodled around the house for a while before the other girls woke up, I had promised I wouldnt wake them up before nine, since they have small children and never get to sleep in the mornings. I put on coffee and put the raspberry crumble we didnt manage to eat last night in the oven, for breakfast.

Jenny left us after breakfst since she had some things to sort out at home, but me Mia and Sofie went to a nice hotel nearby for an hour at the spa.
We sat in a hotwater tub with salt water, then swam in the pool but we decided against bathing in the ice cold sea, even after a hot sauna....
Well, we sat in the sauna with deep conditioner in the hair, face mask and then face scrubs. After an hour we were fairly exhausted but with skin smooth as babies bottoms and angrily red faces from two different saunas and steamroom.

We then set the sails towards home and I fell asleep in the car leaving Sofie and Mia to talk on their own, which they managed just fine I guess. I have now had dinner, done a load of laundry and am watching Friends.
I will have an early night tonight, so I will be ready for work tomorrow.
It has been a great great weekend, we talked about doing it again before the summer and then hopefully Sofie's sister will be able to come aswell and we will go for the whole weekend.

>

Mia and Sofie outside the house.

Funny joke

2010-02-05T23:27:00.000-08:00

On thursday my dad told me a "blond joke", I guess I should be insulted that my own father is making jokes about women with the same ability to think for themselves as me. But I actually think they are quite funny and I dont take them seriously.

"A blond woman decided to take up pilking, so she got the books to read and bought the equipment she needed and then set off to fish. She started drilling in the the ice, then heard a voice coming from above saying: 'There is no fish here'
So she moved a bit further away and started drilling again, and she heard the voice again 'There is no fish here' so she moved a bit further away again and tried to drill a hole in the ice and again the voice said 'There is no fish here'
At this point she became a bit concernered about this voice, and asked 'Is that you God?' The voice said: 'No, I am the caretaker of the ice rink'"

I told the joke in class yesterday and a colleague told me another one...

"A blond girl had been going to the same hairdresser for years and everytime she said 'Be careful with my headphones'
The hairdresser thought it weird and one day ha decided to cut the wire off, just to see what happened..
So when he cut it off the blond fell off the chair and died.
The hairdresser, obviously mortified, plugged in his own headphones in the iPod to find out what was being said and heard 'Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out'"

Funny eh?
Then one of our students said:
"I think we should make a cartoon serie with you Maria since you are blond, we could take photos every week of you doing funny things"
.....I have to give him credit for coming up with the idea of taking photos and making a little story....I am however not sure about the idea of me doing "blond" things in everyday life...

I am about to pack my bag and wait for Sofie to come and pick me up for our girlie weekend, but I might have a little nap first, I woke up very early and feel that a nap is in order so I wont be too tired when we get there this afternoon.

This is just frustratingly annoying, actually nothing funny about it at all...her parents must be so proud...

Weird noise

2010-02-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

Friday night and there is a weird noise coming from upstairs, I wonder if my landlady is away and has left the sixteen yearold fosterboy on his own? I am doing normal friday evening stuff...laundry, tidying up, watching tv and trying to catch up with friends on facebook.
I got a friend request from the mother in my second host family when I worked as an au-pair, I recieved the message on my email, but when I logged in to facebook it is nowhere to be seen. She also wrote me an email, but I can not reply to it...
I am puzzled...what do I do?
I want to get in touch, but stupid facebook wont let me....
Any computer wizzkids out there?
Who can help me??

Tomorrow I am going away with Mia, Sofie and Jenny to Sofie's familys "vacationhouse" I dont know what else to call it..it is not a summer house, because you can stay there all year round...
Anyway, we are having a girlie weekend, with good food, wine, spa and lots and lots of catching up, gossiping and chilling out.
It will be so much fun.

I am going for a shower and then an early night, trying to starve this cold I have going on...An awful lot of snot, headaches and shivers.
Hope you will all have a good weekend.

Girlie weekend here I come!

New boots boots

2010-02-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

I have lit some candles and are cosied up in front of the tv and am finally, after three cups of tea, starting to feel warm.
Even though I bought new boots so I dont get snow in my socks anymore, it is still difficult to walk in the slush that is our world at the moment.
I guess we are better prepared here than what the english people were, but down south where I live we are still not prepared enough for this kind of mayhem.
I remember going up to visit my grandmother at christmas when I was a child. People were never stylish, because they just couldnt be, they had no other choice but to wear boots with tennis rackets strapped to the soles.
And there was no way you could leave the house without a hat, prefferable fur (fake obviously) or something wooly, an average knitted "cap" would not do the trick.
The coats that were sold in the avarage shops up there are only sold in special "wildermark life" shops down here...
So today I realised that I actually take the snow as a personal insult when it comes down like this. I havent got a chance to protect myself from getting cold and wet and with that comes the sniffly nose and the flu.
I do like my new boots though, if I tuck my jeans into them I feel a bit like a soldier...

What do you think?
Still they didnt help much, I now have the stinking cold back....not impressed I tell you. I can not have any more time off work, I just started my new position, and I love it, my colleagues are great and the kids are cool. I have to say they are not as scary as I first thought they would be.

I think I will have to give So You Think You Can Dance a miss tonight and just go to bed early with a hot water bottle. Except that I dont actually have a hot water bottle....and no "wheat bag" since I killed the one Donna had lent me...so I guess I will just go to bed....
But I will first show you some photos from the weekend when Betty was here and we did the touristy thing.
I realised again how beautiful my city is...

This is me on the frozen lake, doing my best "Torvil and Dean" pose...(only skating people and Brits will know who Torvil and Dean are...)

Hotel Kramer on the "Big square" I wonder if it was built for a different purpose or if it has always been a hotel...I think it has been a hotel for as long as I can remember...

We went down to the beach just as the sun was setting, it was freezing cold, but looked like a small piece of heaven. I live in a beautiful place.

The bridge between Malmö and Copenhagen. I remember before they built it and we went on the ferry to Denmark for shopping and merriment.
They started building it after I moved to England, so the first few years when I arrived home for a visit, I had to get on a bus at the airport to take me to the ferry and then the ferry to Sweden. It was hard work...
I like the bridge, it gives us easier access to the continent, but I miss the ferries, that used to be half the pleasure of a day out in Denmark..

With that I am leaving you for the night. I am heading for the shower and then my jimjams and bed. Night all.

Early sunday morning..

2010-01-31T01:09:00.000-08:00

Well it's not that early..but I am feeling a bit fragile this morning. I had a great time at C and G's "birthday hangout" last night, and I must have drank more than I can remember, it feels like I have a man with a concrete drill in my head. Or it was the champagne...I dont take too well to champagne...
C and G know some music people who had brought their guitars, so we got live entertaining which was very nice. It set the tone to a very relaxed chilled out evening and even though I only knew a few people it felt like I was amongst a big bunch of friends.
G had made tapas and they had a huge chocolate cake which was delicious!
Jeanette and Jimmy gave me a lift home at two am, I was very grateful not having to get a taxi, I have spent a small fortune on cab fares this week. I do not care for more snow in my shoes. Yesterday I bought new boots, so no more wet feet for me, I hope..

I am meeting up with Teddy later today, will be good to see her, havent seen her since I was in Stockholm in October.
And tomorrow I am working on my own, I have to say that I feel very nervous already, sick to my stomach actually. Or that might be the wine from yesterday?

I feel I need to have a shower and drink lots of water, so I hope you all have a very good Sunday.
I want to put a photo here..but I havent got a new one...and I wont take a random picture of my bookcase just so I can show off.
But maybe a song?
Ahh yes this one...a summer song that the musical people friends played yesterday, and I like to listen to now, when summer seems so far away and all I long for is warm summer evenings chilling with friends and have that warm feeling of peace in your heart.

Last early saturday morning in January

2010-01-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

I woke up at seven this morning, that is a downside to getting up early every morning, I cant sleep for very long at the weekends either. During the christmas period I got used to sleeping til at least ten everyday, sometimes even past eleven, but to be fair I was up coughing and sneezing during the night...
I dont actually mind waking up early, of course it depends on how early...but I quite like getting up, having some breakfast, read my book then have a nap around eleven...

I finished my "shadowing period" yesterday, so from Monday I am on my own...have I told you what I will be doing? Probably not...but from Monday I am the P.E teacher AND the I.T teacher...
Yes go on, laugh....then get it out of your system and just support me, I think this is my biggest challenge yet actually...
I will ease myself into it and hopefully this time next month I will feel more relaxed about it, I have great colleagues who are very supportive, helpful and friendly so I dont feel nervous about asking for help should I need to.

More snow arrived yesterday, tonnes of it. I got home around six when it had just started snowing, then I lit candles and cosied up in my chair and watched tv all night. It was lovely, I unintentionally shut the world out and didnt realise all the snow until I got ready for bed.
I dont feel as annoyed with it today, not yet anyway, but later tonight I am going to C and G's house for a bithday hangout, I might be a bit annoyed then..

There is a swedish, childrens, winter song playing on a loop in my head, it goes like this: "Yes look it's snowing, yes look its snowing, isnt it fun, Hurrah, Now the winter is here like we wished for Hurrah"
I would like to know who wished for this???

This is my basement steps, not much steps come to think about it, more like a small ski slope..

Yes I know it is pretty....but as I have said before, enough now...
Someone once said to me "You are never satisfied with the weather are you?"
And I guess no I am not...it very rarely is just right...I prefer summer evenings, when the air is warm, not boiling hot..I do like summer days too, if I can just lie still and not have to work and be out in the sveltering heat.
And I love the rain, when I can be indoors and just hear the raindrops patter on my windowsill, and I also like the snow very much, I would just like it a bit more if there was winter tyres on my parents car so I wouldn't be isolated...
Yes there we go again...the biggest reason to me not liking the snow, is because I cant go anywhere without getting snow in my shoes, nobody can say that is a nice thing about winter...

Today is the last saturday of January, the day after tomorrow we enter February, which feels good, it is a short month before March when the spring is getting closer and the weather will be milder, well at least I hope it will be milder anyway...
The time is now half past eight and I need my breakfast.
Have a great weekend all.

The weekend just flew....

2010-01-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

Look what I can do.....I taught myself!! I took some photos of the bridge between Sweden and Denmark when me and Betty was there on Monday, and now I can upload them!! I am just so clever.. Now all I need to learn is how to put the photo wherever I want on the page, not just at the top..but lets take it one step at a time.
Betty arrived Friday morning last week. I picked her up from the airport in Denmark and then we drove home, bought some "picky-bits" and had a lovely lunch with loads of gossip and laughter.
Betty the poor thing had been up since 04.00am so she really needed a nap, and I was quite tired too, so we said we would sleep for an hour and then go out.
Three hours later we woke up...so decided that pizza was the way to go, and we then carried on catching up and talking about everything that has and hasnt happened since I left in April last year.
On saturday we went up into town for a spot of shopping and some lunch, we didnt stay out for a long time, it was cold and we had a party to get ready for... and we felt we needed a nap that day aswell.

I had decided with my Swedish girlfriends to meet in Mello Yello at eight pm for a few drinks before hitting the dance floor.
Sofie arrived first, then Sandra, Jeanette, C, Sara and Marie.
All my favourite girls gathered in one place, and all getting along well, there was no animosity, they chatted amongst themselves and I felt so relaxed and at ease.
We then started our walk to Swing Inn but took a "pit-stop" at Faygans to warm up.
I think we arrived at Swing Inn around midnight, we had a little walk around since some of us had never been there before, then we settled on the dance floor.
I dont really know what more to say, we danced, drank coctails and laughed, it was brilliant.
By 03.00am a few of us decided that it was time to go home, my feet were hurting to the point it felt like they were bleeding. We went to McDonalds for "night time munchies" before getting in a cab and going home and getting into my warm wonderful bed. Well I went to my bed, Betty to her bed and I assume the others went to their beds...

Sunday morning we slept til noon, got showered and ready for dinner at my parents house. My mum had made a yummy fillet of pork with spicy creme fraise, salad and rice.
My dad then took us home and we watched "SATC the movie" and "The proposal".
A great chill out sunday.
The next day we were real tourists, we went to the park and skated on the ice (without skates though) had a wonder in the park, lunch and cake at Espresso house and then down to the beach and where you can get a great view of the bridge.
We took some great pictures (see top) and the day was great.
Betty had a great time, I am really glad I got to show her some of the city where I live and grew up.
It was a great weekend, I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep for a week, thank goodness it is Friday tomorrow.

Oh look look!! I did it did it!!!
Who is a clever lady?

Ahhh isn't it beautiful....

Enough with the snow now!!!!

2010-01-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

I know I should write about the weekend I have had and how good it has been, and I will, but I am in a bad mood and I cant focus on the positive, so it will have to wait until tomorrow or friday.

So what happened today?
Snow! That is what happened. And there is no one I can blame! Which is probably the most annoying frustrating thing.
I am frustrated with my parents for not putting winter tyres on the car so I have to catch the bus. It is a long walk to the bus stop from my house and then a long walk from the bus to the school, which today resolved in me getting my boots filled with snow. At one point I actually had snow in the back of my knee.
Just because no one is clearing the pavements as they should!

So I will probably find myself with another cold by the weekend. Just great!
I wont play a song, because it will just be something aggressive, with some heavy metal "singer" screaming "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" or something else frustrating.
So I will leave you, before I write something innappropriate and insult someone.
Hopefully I will be in a better mood tomorrow, I am now heading for a hot shower and a shot of whiskey.
Night all.