BORED

So the thing that I wasnt gonna do anymore carework was just a big fat lie.........
The chief executive called me up and said he cant have one pa (me) not doing care work when everyone else is doing it....
So im back out busting my arse and hurting my back even more.....
And have absolutely no job satisfaction what so ever.... BUT got a good wage last month....and hopefully this will continue.....
But i keep being promised thing will change...and its all empty promises.....
At the moment im just collecting evidence and have one mighty big row.
Or not row.....Im gonna sit him down and say that I left my other job to move up the ladder and get a more managerial role...and whats happened????
Ive taken a HUGE step down and am not doing what it says in my jobdescription.....
AARGGHHHHH so angry....
Oh whatever....

I have got in touch with sa many of my old schoolfriends.....really want to meet up with them all!!!
Im going home for my birthday in January...Wonder if anyone would be up for meeting up?
Will they want to?
Or are we just being friendly and polite on facebook?
I would just love to see them all....................even her...........who i wasnt overly keen on at that time.....
But it was such a long time ago.............and I am an adult now...all grown up............sort of anyway
Haha

Christmas is nearly upon us....mmmmm yummy
I love christmas!!
Im putting my decorations up this weekend!
got to work tonight....
Wake night...not looking forward to it but it pays well so its ok...
Already knackered though so i can see myself falling asleep in the sofa...haha

RESULT!!!

Yesterday my boss called me into the office and told me they are taking me off homecare completely!!!!!
Im just gonna be doing assessments and training and inuction
Result!!
Im reallt happy about that!
Got some homecare this weekend but its ok since I know that after monday there will be no more!!
Nothing much has otherwise happened in my life this week...

I did it....

I had that talk with my boss today...and he actually apologised...!!
And said that the last thing he wants is for me to be unhappy and leave, they need me and really value my work and he commends me of being so proffesional and not let it affect my work.....
Well.....lol.....what can you say to that?
So im gonna stay for a while...give til the new year......then we will see.....I dont trust him as far as i can swing a hamster......lol
Anyway,
Having healthy chicken with grilled vegetables and cous cous for dinner when he is not at home...
The healthiest Ive had in weeks....the obundace of chocolate didnt last long....cant stop it.....need some serious help...lol
Gilian McKeith here i am...
Talked to my best favourite friend in the whole wide world this morning, and she agreed to be my briedsmaid next year!!!!!!
Yeay!
I now have two fantastic amazing girls for my briedsmaids and one little aswell and her two brothers as pageboys.
Will be a great day!!

Well i never...

What can you say....
I wrote a message to my school bully (just a friendly "Hi how are you" type of thing......)
And she has replied and we have talked and she obviously dont remember how things was 20 years ago.....and who does really?
Am I being an idiot here?
Should i just finally put it behind me and have some sort of sporadic contact with her?
We dont have to speak everyday and meet up when I go home..
Or should I put it behind me but remove her from my friendbook and dont speak to her ever again?
My god if someone reads this they will think that im just pathetic and should get a life... Sounds like we are back on the playground.....
Thats the effect she has on me...
But its only like that because I allow it to be....I KNOW THAT!!!!
Sometimes life seriously sucks...
And othertimes its great I suppose....

Nothing

Ive removed some of my "friends" from facebook...
What is really the point of contacting someone and then not sending them a single little hello message???????
and its not as if we were ever good friends....
Another thing.......
The girl who made my life a total misery in school contacted me.....
And asked how I was and it would be nice to hear from me again......what do you say to that?
Fuck you, I hate you! Its all your fault that im still insecure about myself and think that people dont really like me? Its because of you that I think I see hate in other peoples eyes when they are looking at me and its your fault that I comfort eat?

Or should I be grown up about it all and say Hey, that was 20(!) years ago and Im over it! (even though im not.....) and it will be great to hear what you been up to lately! (she is a single mum, boyfriend left her aparently.....ha)

I did the latter......but she hasnt got back to me yet....
So I might have to remove her in a few weeks time haha


Over to something else....
We are meeting the vicar tomorrow!!!
its for real now.
Seriously....am I not too young to get married?
(No seriously Mia you are 31 soon 32! for christ sake...)
So at least now we can book a church and I can get started on the invitations....That is very exciting!

What is happy?

How do you define being happy?
Is it a feeling in your stomach? or in your heart?
Or even in your head?
How do you become happy?
Is it fullfilling your dreams?
What if you are not sure of what your dreams are?
What if you have more than one dream?

One part of me wants to be an actress, live in a luxurious mansion with 30 bedrooms and 40 bathrooms (Ive been watching cribs and apparently that is the way to go......not that I understand why you need more toilets than bedrooms.....) have a new car for every day of the week and buy underwear for £300 (without actually realising because I dont check the pricetag...) travel around the world and meet lots of intresting people....hmmmm sounds wonderful doesnt it?
But like everything there is obviously a downside to being famous...but Im not gonna talk about that now!

Then there is another part of me that wants to settledown with my amazing man, live in a nice house and have 3 wonderful cute children. I will work from home and just have a lot of time to spend with the children and give them the same great childhood I had.....because I did, growing up in my family was lovely. We are not a big family...just me and my mum dad...but it was nice, cosy...and I get that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach when I think of it....Im so soppy...

Are there any other parts of me?
Well ofcourse I want to win the lottery.....live a jet set life....fly around the world, always travel firstclass......ahh lovely......

Anyway, stop the daydreaming Mia.
This is real life....watching Eastenders and actually enjoying it...sad cow

Damn all the fireworks!!
Is what a batty old woman was screaming at me as i entered her house tonight...
"The dogs get so worried!"
....(well if you insist on having 9.......)
Have been thinking more about writing......
Think it would be quite therapeutical...(did i spell that right..?)
The man is dying of manflu..and im just exhasted...tired and fed up with old people!
Maybe i should ask for a supervision with my boss tomorrow...?

Well....

Not sure how I feel about my job........Enjoying the part of doing assesments...a lot actually!
but going into strangers house and make cups of tea,porrige and watching someone with alzeheimers nodding and staring at me with completely empty eyes....its not what i signed up for......
Shal i talk to my manager and say that i actually wanted more office work and not be so much hands on with care anymore......If I do, i run the risk of getting accused of being stroppy and up my arse.....
And im fed up! with working from 7am (depending on where i have to go i sometimes have to get up at 5.15 am!) and until(supposedly) 10 pm..(more often than not i dont end up getting home until 10,30-11pm) and only haveone whole weekend off in 8 weeks....(friday-monday...)
Is that human??
What do i really want to do with my life?
By the looks of it i am now brutally forced to take a computer course,just so i can get over minimum wage......

I actually quite fancy writing.....is that what i am trying to achieve with this blog?
Who do i think i am?
Belle du Jour?
apart from the prostitute bit of course....

Well i need my beauty sleep (starting at 7.30 tomorrow morning with an hour drive first...) so night night

A bit lost these days

Am a snot machine today!
he is happy that he got the xbox back and is now locked in the bedroom upstairs with his mindnumbingly boring,braindead, i loose the will to live mate.
Why cant he have normal, decent, half intelligent friends?
Ones that i can actually talk to and possibly find something (even if it is ever such a tiny tiny thing) in common with?
Not that he has much in common with my mates.....and he is so painfully shy that when my mum was here he had stomach cramps and an upset tummy just by pure nevousness.....
How is that gonna work in the future?
With children, and meetings with teachers etc....
And on our wedding day?
Is he gonna just stay outside with his mates and not talk to anyone?
Hmmm

Day.....?

Well, my mum went home yesterday...and I behaved like a 5 year old child...sobbing my heart out and snotting on my boyfriend's shoulder...Pathetic...
Is it because my parents live in a different country, and I dont see them as often that i turn into a very small child when we get together?
But i might have found my wedding dress......exciting.......the shop only had it in a size 8 so there was obviously no hope in hell that i would be able to squeeze my voluptious bogy into it (lol)
BUT they are getting bigger sizes in mid november so I will go in and try it on then!
No chocolate for 2 weeks now!!!!!
Am seriously suffering and missing it but i suppose that is the way it is...

Day 5

Still quite tired...this week has seemed sooooo loooong
Mum coming tomorrow
Yey!
But worried about it not being tidy enough....
She might think im a slob...?
Trying to tidy up tonight...but keep getting distracted
wonder if anyone is actually reading what ive written....?
If they have they must think its crap....
It is pretty crap.....
Cant write....so shouldnt be a writer then.....
Lol
Maybe should have an early night and get some sleep

Day 5

Day 3 (or 4...)

So tired today.....Work was rough...hate going down the country lanes which makes me feel im in "wrong turn"...just waiting for some imbreed to jump out at me with an axe.....
He cooked me dinner today before work.
It was lovely.just wanted to stay there in our little bubble and never come out, just be at peace
Missed xfactor though....
So to proove exactly how sad i am im going to bed now and setting the alarm for 01.50 so i can watch it at 2am......should i admit myself to a hospital where you have to wear a nice white jacket?

day3

Made sticky chocolate cake today.
But he and his friend ate most of it.
Met a really nice woman at work today, so didnt actually mind going to work for an hour on a saturday afternoon...
Bet feel like I could sleep for a week...Thankfully he is home now so I can go to bed and not wait up to let him since the doughnut has lost his keys...
Has anyone ever broke up with a guy who is absolutely perfect?
Loving, caring,kind, funny and a tiger in bed! But his feet smell like a dead rat...?
I am loosing the plot arent I?
Better take yourself off to bed with that book!

Day 1

Today its 364 days until im getting married...Cant really believe it....I still feel like 18 inside...
Some people get married when they are 18...so why cant i?
He is great! I love him!
And i actually know and accept that he loves me...
He is the first one who hasnt told me i should just be greatful to have a boyfriend like him, the first one who hasnt told me that his family dissaproves of me and the first one who hasnt actually cheated on me.....

But now I have to find a dress.....and at size 22 that is not something im very excited about, I should be shouldnt I?
This is the most exciting part of the whole planning process, so they tell me.....
I havent eaten any chocolate today or yesterday.
Im really quite proud of that.....im sitting here in front of the computer and really want to eat something...so ill probably have an apple instead.

Because i really want to walk down that isle in a size 16 dress....how amazing would that be?