Oh for petes sake................they say that time is a great healer.......if you just give things a bit of time you will feel better, after a while it wont hurt so much bla bla bla!!

IT DOESNT HURT ANY LESS!!!
Fuck!!!

truth hurts...............

The truth hurts.......but a lie hurts even more, because sooner or later the truth will come out......it always does................

I used to think he was the one who would never lie to me.........there has never been a man in my life who didnt lie to me.....but I really trusted him.......and i let my guard down, because I fell in love with him and i loved him more than anyone ive ever loved before.............

just goes to show.....most people thinks it is easier to lie......

He is now messing around with a married woman, who he was messing around with before we got together.....and according to her his feelings never went away.......
I was some sort of rebound....................

that makes me feel great about myself....NOT

Just finding it so hard to get my head round and deal with.........

Its not fair......surely I dont deserve that........?

Oh dear.......the next day

Oh crap..........how drunk was i last night?
I cant believe I even managed to log on to the lap top....lol
And its true, his feet would stink.......lol

But ALL my house mates have got their boyfriends visiting this weekend, its like bloody love island here......they are cooking together and sitting on top- of each other in the sofa....

Makes me sick!!!!! LOL

Still....I want to go to sleep in his arms tonight aswell.....but not as strongly as i did last night

Oh crap...I wonder if anyone actually reads this...?
Must just be boring lol

The green eyed monster

Oh no,
Alcohol is baaaad, it brings out the green eyed monster in me.......
Ive been out tonight, and so has he.....he bumped into his ex.................
(not me....but some little slut.......)

Why did i need to know that? And why am i so upset?
Ive had a great night, talked a lot to a great man (that I am NOT intrested in but he was nice and fun to talk to.....)

And all I want now is snuggle up in his arms and go to sleep (my ex's arms.....not the man Ive been talking to tonigh...)
Would love to go to sleep and then wake up in his arms

But why am i thinking about that?
He will snore, probably slap me (unconciounsly in his sleep......) and his feet will stink so much it will take a week to get rid of it............................

Why do i want that?

Ah sometimes life sucks

Night night

It really hurts when people slag him off............ I know he is not perfect, but who is?
I dont think its fair when people keep pointing out his bad sides.....I dont point out their bad sides?
It just hurts.....I still love him.....I know that i probably shouldnt and he will never be avle to give me the security that i want and need and long for.................

But there is somthing else........what makes me feel disgusting, horrble and just repulsed by myself.....and I want to get rid of it, dont want it anymore just want it gone.
And then i deserve to be loved...or maybe I dont?
Maybe I am destined to be on my own?
With a cat and knitting?
Lol

Ah well we will have to see......

He does say that he wants me....that he wants us..... but I just think that we want different things.....I want to get married.....settle down and have children......

And even if he says that he wants that aswell.....I will find it so hard to believe....trust.....since he pulled out once before.....and how do I know he wont do it again?
And maybe that time it will be the day before the wedding?

I can never be sure.....and its not fair to keep bringing it up and throw in his face how much he hurt me...how much im still hurting and how hard it is to even get out of bed some mornings..
Why did he do it?
Am I that horrible?
Disgusting?
and vile?
That there is just no possible chance he could stand being married to me?

And if he cant bear it.....then who can?
I will end up on my own.....

he will find someone else, probably a cheap tart....but never the less he will meet someone else and have loads of kids with his cheap whore

Lol
I dont sound bitter do I? lol

Im trying to translate my CV to Swedish.....and its not as easy as I thought it would be........... hmmm I seem to seriously struggle with my mother tounge...... My mother will not be impressed.....
The more reason for me to come home she will say
What kind of a job can I do if I cant even write in swedish anymore??
I suppose I need to practise....oh crap...is this actually a good idea?
I so want to be nearer my parents, I hate knowing that they are so upset with me being all the way over here.......

Its not like they are putting any pressure on me or trying to guilt trip me....but i know...............they want me home.........................

Oh life..............why cant it be easy?

Im making a list................

Things I hate the most:
1. BEING IGNORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he called me tonight. (just to say hello I think) There was one of those aquard silences....so he asked me to call him in 5 mins time cause he needed to check on the student...
So i did, because I keep my word to people.....

And He rejected my call!
I mean how rude and annoying and bloody stupid is that????????????????
he could just have said that he was tired and wanted to go to sleep for christ sake!!!!
I tried to call again and the phone is turned off
AARRRGGGHHHHHHH
Im so frustrated!

Bastard!!

Oh crap......I just checked my phone.....and have 2 missed calls from him....I went to the bathroom and obviously didnt hear it go off.........

Its definately too late to call now......since he called an hour ago.....oh dear...

Ah well, never mind lol