LIFE ACCORDING TO MIA

It really hurts when people slag him off............ I know he is not perfect, but who is?
I dont think its fair when people keep pointing out his bad sides.....I dont point out their bad sides?
It just hurts.....I still love him.....I know that i probably shouldnt and he will never be avle to give me the security that i want and need and long for.................

But there is somthing else........what makes me feel disgusting, horrble and just repulsed by myself.....and I want to get rid of it, dont want it anymore just want it gone.
And then i deserve to be loved...or maybe I dont?
Maybe I am destined to be on my own?
With a cat and knitting?
Lol

Ah well we will have to see......

He does say that he wants me....that he wants us..... but I just think that we want different things.....I want to get married.....settle down and have children......

And even if he says that he wants that aswell.....I will find it so hard to believe....trust.....since he pulled out once before.....and how do I know he wont do it again?
And maybe that time it will be the day before the wedding?

I can never be sure.....and its not fair to keep bringing it up and throw in his face how much he hurt me...how much im still hurting and how hard it is to even get out of bed some mornings..
Why did he do it?
Am I that horrible?
Disgusting?
and vile?
That there is just no possible chance he could stand being married to me?

And if he cant bear it.....then who can?
I will end up on my own.....

he will find someone else, probably a cheap tart....but never the less he will meet someone else and have loads of kids with his cheap whore

Lol
I dont sound bitter do I? lol