Nightmares

I had 2 rather unsettling dreams last night.
In the first one my mum wanted to die and tried to kill herself.
I woke up crying which I dont think Ive ever done before......
I eventually went back to sleep and dreamt that i was viewing flats in Cliftonville.
For people who arent familiar with Cliftonville -you havent missed anything, its not a nice place and i would never want to live there.
But in my dream I was with him. Sort of.....
He wanted me to see these flats and decide if I wanted to live with him, but instead of coming with me he was down on the beach flying a kite.....

Now I dont believe in dreams coming true BUT I think that dreams is our minds way of processing what is going on in our lives and what goes round and round in our heads all day long...........

Unfortunately I didnt wake up with any clarity....
I still have the same doubts whizzing in my head.
I love him, I really do.
Still....
But I dont think he has grown up yet, I dont think he has finished playing....which I have..........
He can never be the strong man I can rely on to be there for me 100%
I always feel anxious that he will let me down one way or the other.

So...whats the point...Really?