Comfortable! Comfortably numb?

I am sitting here, wondering and pondering...Have I just become comfortable in my own world. Am I quite happy sitting in a bubble watching the world go by, without joining in so without risk of being hurt?
Am I scared?
No I dont think so...I just dont want to go on this date..Because he is such a geek.
Should I go anyway?
To see a different side, and get to know the real him?
Am I making excuses?
"I am so busy now..I have so much to sort out"
"Work is really draining at the moment"
"I am still not feeling 100%, can we do it another time?"

All this makes me think that actually I am not ready.
Not ready to throw myself out there..but I never was, I never did just throw myself. Not into anything...

But I am also sitting here thinking, that yet another birthday has gone by, with no boyfriend, soon valentines day will be here...and it will be spent alone aswell.
But maybe that is how I deep inside want it?
Maybe I am comfortable?
So comfortable I am now numb?
Is it fear?
Or laziness?

I really hope I am wrong..but I have a sneaky feeling of a sleepness night coming on. Sore head, pounding heartand crumpled sheets, and not in the good way...



I am fine, I really am, just wondering really....