Happiness...

I had an interview this morning. And it went GREAT. Turns out, the principal is the mother to a boy I went to school with. She was lovely and friendly and even hugged me when we said goodbye.
I really really want this job, and I know I can do it well!
Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Strangeness has it...

It has been some weird twentyfour hours in the life of Mia. Last night, as I was getting ready for bed I heard a strange wailing noise coming from outside. I realised I have heard this noise once before, about 10 months ago in Ramsgate, also as bedtime was looming. I realised there was a cat, crying (or singing) in the garden. I thought I would be able to ignore the animal, but no such luck unfortunately. I opened the back door to try and locate him/her and realised it was sitting on the steps. I thought it would run away if I opened the door but instead it took it as an invite to join me in my humble abode. In a rather vain attempt to scare it away I hissed. Yes I hissed....dont ask me why. But Im standing with the door slightly ajar hissing out into the darkness. The cat is not moving but is wailing louder, so I hissed a bit louder too, until I heard the voice of my neighbour asking me to stop the hissing.
I hope I will never again have to see the neighbour...I will be known as "the hissing-girl" in this neighbourhood...

I had an appointment with the physiotherapist at eight o'clock this morning (really, what sort of time is eight am!?!?) he is a very handsome man, the perfect "drooling-object" don't get me wrong, I respect him as a trained proffessional, and he is married so there wont be any "funny business" just something for me to rest my eyes on.
The majority of the of the day have been spent with my mum, watching series two of "Desperate Housewives" and drinking tea until I had to leave for my first appointment with my personal trainer. Another very gorgeous man. I had to clench my fists not to put my hand in his as he was talking so passionately about the food that will help me loose weight and take away the pain in my joints and limbs.

Tomorrow morning I have an interview for a job I desperately want. Keep your fingers crossed for me. And also for no more strangeness with cats..

Exhibitions, Beetroot soup and friendship.

I have had one of those great saturdays you only have once in a while.
I met up with C and Jeanette for lunch before setting off to an art exhibition.
Johan Bavman has photographed albino's in Tanzania. The photos were moving and heart breaking. It was devastating to find out that since January of 2008 almost 30 albinos have been slaughtered in Tanzania. The murders are a result of extreme poverty and ancient superstition. Owning albino body parts are said to bring luck and fortune.
After seeing the photos C felt inspired and hungry for some more culture so we wandered down to our local art gallery to have a look at the present exhibition.

I havent been to the gallery since high school and remember it as forced visits as part of the art classes.
I dont know what the weekends used to be like back then, but today it seemed like the gallery was the trendy hang out for families with children.
I counted at least 12 pushchairs and buggies and the cafe was cramped by mothers with their babies draped face down on their arms, like Paris Hiltons dog Tinkerbell.
The room smelled like the school canteen and I realised everyone was eating beetroot soup.
Very bohemic, and too weird for my own shallow(?) brain to understand.

As me and Jeanette walked around the big hall I established that this gallery would never host an exhibition like Charlotte's gallery in SATC.
I really am trying to "widen my horizon" a bit and not be so "blond" about things anymore.
But I just dont see the beauty of two irons with a slice of toast in between.
I cant find an upside down television showing us visitors "walking on the ceiling" as fascinating as one girl who was kneeling on the floor infront of the screen for at least half an hour.
Me and Jeanette silently wondered if everyone here were people who, if asked to describe themselves with five words would say: "Thinker, difficult, dark, deep and questioning"
Some people are proud to say that they are "difficult" people....I really dont know why...

After some discussion about what the exhibition was actually about, C invited us back to hers for a cup of tea.
Walking back, I stated that there was a house ahead of us that I really like, I think it looks lovely and I'm convinced the flats are beautiful.
Jeanette and C thought I was joking, because they thought the house was hideous, but we laughed so much about it and I got a rush of happiness flowing over me.
I have thought about this before but again I was hit with the feeling of how great my friends here are and how happy and sometimes awestruck I am that they have just opened up to fit me into their everyday lives.
It makes me realise that it was the right decission for me to move home.

There are certain people in England who I miss terribly and I hate not being able to see them everyday. But I feel blessed that I have lived abroad and made friends who I will keep close to my heart forever, at the same time as I have kept and rekindled some of my friendships here in Sweden.

Sitting in the huge armchair in C's flat sipping hot tea, we talked about our woes and worries and I realised that even though I havent been a part of these girls lives for 15 odd years, I still feel like I have and that they are not intentionally keeping parts of their lives from me.
I am as big a part of the group as they are and feel loved and happy.

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.
Francesca Reigler

An evening in the cinema

I have just got home from the cinema. Me and my mum went to see "The girl who played with fire", which is based on the novel with same name written by Stieg Larsson.
I loved the book but was a little bit dissapointed by the film..
I know it is impossible to take every word from a book and put into a film.
But there are some parts of the book that I felt they brushed over and didnt go deep into.
But I am a bit biased, my love for books is deeper than my passion for films.



The trailer for the film I have seen tonight.

What happened?

It's been one of those days today...
It started just before 9am, I had just woken up and went to the bathroom, I heard someone flushing upstairs and five seconds later there was water dripping on my back.
Needless to say I jumped up, hit my head on the new massive pipe the plumber put in yesterday, and screamed!!
Not the way I imagined waking up.

At 11 am the cute workman turned up, I'm not really sure what his work title is...he is not a plumber, he never touches the pipes...he has however tore my wall down...with a hammer, it was quite hot to watch him doing that. I obviously had to watch him so he wouldnt do anyhing wrong.

This whole day have felt like I have got nothing done at all, I have tried to write my english assignment about Virginia Woolf but getting nowhere fast, I started translating my CV to Swedish, but gave up after an hour and only half a page written.

I am longing for another shower, hopefully it will take away the tension from my neck and the pounding in my head.
Then I will chill in front of the tv for an hour before going to bed early.

Weekend with Teddy

It is Monday evening, and aprox 24 hrs since I came back home after a weekend away in Stockholm with another of my favourite people in the whole world.
I arrived two hours late on thursday night. We got held up outside Nassjo where there was an accident on the rails.
A lady who was sitting across the isle adviced me to reclaim my ticket from SJ since we got held up for such a long time, so I will be doing another trip up to our capital soon hopefully.

Anyway, after finally getting to Teddy's house and settling in the very comfortable guest room, we had a cup of tea and a sandwich before crashing in bed around 11pm.
Teddy is one of these people who will make the public urinals at the train station look and feel cosy if she got the opportunity.
I remember when she still lived at home with her mum, here in Malmo, their home was beautifully decorated and they always put out gorgeous christmas decorations. One year I arrived to their flat and as the door opened something flew up in the air and slowly fell onto my hair and in my face.
"What on earth..?"
Teddy and her mother had put sequins shaped as christmas trees, sleighs and father christmas on the chest in the hall way...the two of them had learned how to slowly slide through the door so not to make a mess in the hall way.
Me on the other hand I had never learned this, so the sequins blew away everytime I came to their house that christmas...

But back to this weekend..
I slept very well that night and had breakfast with Teddy's mum who had been up during the week.
We met up with Teddy for lunch in a nursery where they serve delicious sandwiches and home made tea.
The rest of the day was spent relaxing and reading my book, waiting for Teddy to finish work, when we drove to the centre for a bit of shopping and more gossiping.
We bought pizza for everyone before coming home which was enjoyed in the kitchen before watching Idol.
Again me and Teddy stayed up for a while, chatting.
Teddy is so easy to be around and be with.
I always feel relaxed in her company, there is no drama, I always feel most like myself after spending time with her.

Saturday night we went out in Stockholm with Louise, startin off in a hip, trendy bar where we drank coctails and tried to talk over the loud music.
Whereas it was great being out with the girls I wasnt enjoying myself very much, I felt uncomfortable and on edge, I was already thinking of how soon I could excuse myself and get the girls to come home with me.
No need though, we went on to a restaurant/bar with a dancefloor downstairs. Im not a "dancing queen" anymore. I just dont like it, I feel like everyone is staring at me and I feel extremely unrythmical.
Not saturday night though, I think there was something in the air, I danced and danced and danced.
I felt on top of the world and I could have stayed there for a few more hours, but at 2.30 am we decided that we needed to get a cab and get our bootys home to bed.

Yesterday morning I slept til 10am and had a lazy morning before Teddy drove me to the station and I got the train home.
I travelled 1st class which was totally worth the extra 10 kronor to sit in a single seat with plenty of legroom.

Im already checking the prizes for a trip up after christmas, cant wait to spend another weekend with Teddy and her family.



One of the great tunes we were busting the grooves to on saturday night.

Niggly feelings

I have niggly feelings in my belly. Have a feeling something is happening or will happen that I wont like.
That is the only way I can describe it.
Think I might be coming down with a cold, I'm hot to touch but actually feel cold. My head is sore and my sinisus are throbbing.
I'm staying in wrapped up tonight, despite the "football parties" I have been invited to.
Me and my mum will watch some films and drink tea.
Mum even made a cake that I might have to eat ALL of.

Hoping tonight will be a good night and not a time when bad news reaches me.

Have a great night all.

1. 12. 52. 365

Year.
Months
Weeks.
Days.

Since I should have got married.

I'm doing much better today than I did this time last year. When I didn't know how it would just be possible for me to wake up tomorrow?
When I felt like I would just stop breathing, my heart would stop beating, there was no possible way that I could get myself out of this excruciating dark hole of pain.

But I did.
And it wasn't even the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning.

A couple of weeks ago I deleted Him from my life.
I erased His phone nr, and I don't know it by heart.
I have erased his email address from my contact list (although I do know that by heart) and I erased him from my friends list on facebook.

Why such drastic behaviour?

When I was in England last month, we met up.
It did feel a bit weird, but I also felt calm and at peace just sitting next to Him.
He told me that He still loves me and He wants us to try again to patch our relationship together.
It felt nice to hear, I felt a warmth starting in my belly working its way through my chest and into my heart.
I didnt really know what to think but I didnt unpack the car with all my things so that could stay with him.
But it felt nice and I felt happy.

A week after I returned to Sweden I was talking to a friend on the "chat" on on facebook and I saw that he was online aswell, so I said "Hello"
His reply made my blood freeze "Hi Mia, it's Sue, my internet isn't working so Im on His facebook" (Sue being his mother but not her real name)
I thought: Who the hell does He think He is? And who the hell does He think I am?
Why would his mother be on his facebook? and since they use the same computer, how come "she" could log into His facebook and not her "own" internet....

And so I did something that I know is absolutely not right, it is not acceptable behaviour and it only got myself into trouble and caused me more grief and heartache.
But I logged into his facebook account.
If I had one braincell I should have waited until he had logged out..but I didnt...so obviously he caught me and has now changed his password.
But I still managed to check his inbox and his "chatlog"
And I dont think he misses me as much as he said, I dont think he loves me as much as he claims.
The same day that I left England he asked a girl to meet him for some drinks and "maybe some fun after?" He told one girl that he is looking for a f**k buddy as long as she can handle "a big man".
And he was asking women to have threesomes with him and his mate...

The thing is, I'm not that angry with him...Im mostly angry with myself, for being so bloody stupid and actually thinking that he could change and believing what he told me was true?
So I erased him from my life.

It is a good thing that He changed His password.
Because I really have no business snooping in His emails.
I guess I dont think of it the same way as others might do.
People are welcome to look through my emails and the txt's on my phone.
I have nothing to hide.
I'm not a "hacker" so I can't and wouldn't hack into my neighbours account for example, but I doubt that my neighbour has anything out of interest for me in his mailbox...
I know that what I did is wrong and it wont happen again (and it cant happen again...I dont know the password anymore)

And I realise that I have a bit of an "obsessive personality" which I need to make sure doesnt develope further. What is next? Boiling bunnies?
I am making a pledge to myself today.
"No more! It is time to move forward and allow yourself to be happy"

Funnily enough I recived an email from him this morning, I read it, and deleted it.
Moving forward.

Long time no see....

I talked to a friend earlier, and she asked me if I wasn't writing my blog anymore?
And I realised I haven't written since our reunion...two weeks ago!
Shame on me...but I will use the excuse that I have started my courses and since I was late applying I have had a lot to catch up on.
I have even managed to have my first maths exam. I think it went well, but you can never tell for sure, can you?

My English tutor is impressed by my writing skills and is pushing me and coaching me towards the top grade I told him I need to have on this course.
Last Sunday I started my course for creative writing. I think I will enjoy that too, so I am feeling very positive and full of energy at the moment.

In my first english assignment I had to read a piece about communication and how we communicate in different ways depending on age, gender, bodylanguage and the
"Art of Talking Without Talking", which is something us women are particularily good at.

"My first encounter with the ATWT came in my teenage years while I was hanging out in the park. I was minding my own business when a random girl appeared from nowhere, stood next to me without saying a single word for half an hour, then dissapeard. Next day at school I discovered that Melanie Chissock and I were now officially "going out" how did that happen?"

When I read that paragraf I was thrown back some 22-23 years when I was going out with Jonathan (that is not his real name, but I have to protect his identity)
I don't think he knew we were going out,but I was fairly besotted and went round his house and ate apple crumble that his mum had made.
For me,in my head that was a perfect date. Later on he accidentally broke my bike and I decided we were no longer dating!
So I skipped out of his life, him none the wiser that he had been my boyfriend but was now dumped.

Last night over dinner with C and J I told this story and with C's sharp wit and same dry humour as myself she convinced me that I had to write about it today.
C and J are two of my favourite girls, I feel so happy, blessed and fortunate to have them (and the others too) back in my life.
They have just opened up their lives for me to join them without it being strange or difficult. I am meeting friends every week and doing things, be it just coffee or lunch or something more adventurous like dinner and dance.
I am realising everyday that I am truly happy.

Outside is raining and storming and I love it, because I can snuggle up in my cosy armchair with a good book which I will now!