Phew....

Saturday night and I am exhausted, it has been a fairly busy week with it being halfterm and we have done different activities everyday.
On Thursday I went for dinner with Jeanette. As I stood waiting for her, a man came up to me, he was either drunk, affected by drugs or was mentally retarded, in his hand he clutched three balloons on sticks from McDonalds and he came up to me and said: "A balloon for a fat and ugly woman?" So I now get attacked on the streets by crazy strangers telling me how unattractive I am...Or maybe he was just honest? But he DID laugh hysterically when he popped one of the balloons with his cigarette... Once Jeanette turned up we went to a - for me - new restaurant called Mrs Saigon where we tried food from Vietnam. It was nice but my food was luke warm. I would have prefered it a bit warmer to be honest. We talked and laughed for hours and decided to start a group of girls who meet once a month for dinner and catch up.
So far only it is only me and Jeanette....but hopefully some more ladies will join us during the week.


Yesterday we went to see a musical with the students, it is called "The Fantasticks" and was first played on Sullivan Street Playhouse in New York in 1960 and carried on playing until 2002 when the producer died. Pretty amazing how long a show can go on for. I felt pretty tired as I finished work and was looking forward to a chill out evening in the company of Frida, we went to a nice restaurang and ate "gourmet pizza" it was nice, but lets face it...pizza is best eaten from a cardboard box...
The evening ended in the cinema, watching "Avatar". It was three hours long, so I fell asleep in the middle for half an hour or so...I was just so tired...I hope I didnt snore...
The film was brilliant, I dont know what it is, but I have a soft spot for hero movies...and I wouldnt mind meeting an Avatar..have seen how tall they are? Lush!!

Today I have been shopping with my mum, I bought a bedspread, two blankets and a cushion for my bedroom.

My bedroom is really tiny, and I only have a single bed...I dont get many "adult points" for that....
Is it important to have a lot of "adultpoints"?
Is it important to be an "adult"? Am I not as important as others if I dont have the "bonuscards" in the supermarket, dont I count if I dont own my own house with a huge crippling mortgage?
Well, to be honest, I think I like my life the way it is uncomplicated right now. No doubt something or someone will come along and complicate things at some point, but it is not too bad today.
I am heading for the shower and then an early night. I feel that I need it after this week of business.



"I see you" from Avatar, sung by Leona Lewis, a great song, a great voice a great film.

A new day....

Last night turned out really well. Just as I had finished and published my blogpost the beautiful Sofie called and asked if I fancied a glass of wine on the "little square". Yes please! So I quickly got ready and caught the bus into town where we spent a couple of hours talking and catching up. She is off on holiday with her husband and daughters next week so it was really nice to see her before they leave.
I came home, had a shower and washed my hair then went to bed and fell asleep pretty much straight away.
If I go to sleep with wet hair it is very curly the next morning and I did get some nice compliments from my landlady and my lovely colleagues at work.
My hair is now at the lenght where it can be left curly without me looking like my grandmother, so maybe I will leave it looking "wild and beautiful" (quoted from my landlady)

We took the students bowling this afternoon which was fun, I didnt play myself because I dont really like it, but the kids enjoyed it so it was nice. When I finished work I had a little peek in the shops and bought some new shampoo and a couple of makeup bags that was in the sale.
It has been a really nice day, I am doing my laundry and will probably have an early night tonight and carry on reading my book.



The bargains of today.

Tomorrow we are spending the day watching dvds, eating popcorn and chilling in the comfy chairs. Feels like another good day.
Enjoy your evening and day tomorrow.

Weirdness...

It is halfterm week here this week. Yesterday we went to the cinema and today we went shopping and then for pizza. I bought some little bits to make my bedroom look lovlier and warm.


The vase is such a gorgeous colour, I have always said that a woman over the age of fifteen needs to be careful with the colour pink. At least of the clothes she wears. Pink is the colour for babies and children, I cant think of anything more pathetic than a woman in her thirties wearing a pink tracksuit, pink trainers, her hair in pigtails and to finish the look off, she carries a pink little "bowling ball" handbag....
But if you tone it down a bit, add some deep red and purple it, I think it can look very sophisticated and soulful.
I am not done with decorating my bedroom, to be honest it is not the place I want to call my bedroom, I just sleep there until I can find a bigger and better flat.
But until then I want to make the room look as good as it can. And when I then move, I have all the things I need for a perfect, comfortable, budoir.


I have lit some candles, to try and lift my spirits a bit, I am feeling sad and lonely, things aren't really working out how I thought and hoped them to do.
And even though I am doing my uttermost to think positive I can not help but wonder if I have done something wrong?
If I have upset people? Or if I am just not as fun to be around as I was last year?
Not that "funny" is a verb I would use to describe myself...but still...
The pain in my heart, that was subsiding slowly but surely, came back with a vengance the other day.
For no apparent reason, it was there when I woke up and I spent the whole last weekend silent on my own, without anyone to talk to or laugh with. I wrote emails and text messages and didnt get a single answer.
I dont think I have ever felt so lonely in my entire life and I started thinking about what I would do in a crisis situation. Would I risk my life for someone else?
Would I stay holding the bomb just so that everyone else could get safely out of the building? And possibly die myself?

I think the way to go tonight is a warm shower, wash my hair and then snuggle up in bed with my book.
I need to get back on track looking after myself properly, I know I am not doing it at the moment, I seem to completely have forgotten how to.
So I will start with a lot of sleep and water and then take one step at a time.

I have heard this song three times today already, I love it and again I wonder if I gave up too easily and if I was given up on too easily aswell.

Stormwarning

The weather men are warning for a "class 2" storm coming in this evening and night. Whatever that is..?
I went grocery shopping after work and some people were stocking up like we are preparing for war with tonnes of food and drink.
I really hope they are wrong, I am so done with snow now...And I cant think of anything worse than being couped up in this flat for a whole weekend with nothing better to do than think about other peoples lives and how happy they are or how weird I think they are.
Take the couple who got together when they were fifteen years old,(lets call them Susan and Dave) by the time they were nineteen years old, they had two beautiful babygirls, they lived the happy family life together and after they turned twnetyfive they decide to have another baby (which turned out to also be a girl) and a year later they were pregnant again and this time it is a boy that pops out.
Less than a year after the boy is born, Dave has cheated on Susan with a girl at work and moved in with her (shal I just call her whore? no lets call her Lydia, slutty Lydia) Dave and slutty Lydia are living together and I am all for distroying them in Susans honor, but then I find out that Susan has a new man aswell and is living happily (I guess) with him.

Then there is the girl I went to school with, one of the "popular" ones who used to tell us about how she would travel around the world and probably be in a rockband. She met the man of her dreams when she was seventeen and is now married to him with two children and live in a suburb, the furthest away she ever came was Spain.

There is the girl I worked with just before I moved back to Sweden who was then single and cursed every man she talked to, but still managed to give birth to a baby boy a month ago (nine months after I left England..)
And then there is the woman who is working so hard to keep the facade up that she lives a happy life with her husband and two children in a nice house and regular holidays, but she cheats on him, every opportunity she gets, with the excuse "He wanted me, what was I suppose to do?"
If I get snowed in and stuck indoors, that is the full extent of the excitement of this weekend for me.
Unless someone comes to my rescue and saves me from this possible misery.

Misconstruction....?

Isn't it funny how we desipher things we read in books, magazines or see on the internet?
A comment written underneath a photo, a quote instead of an answer to an important question or just a lovesong posted on a social networking site.

Forgivness, it is something big to be able to truly forgive someone who has hurt you deeply. To reach into your soul and remove the agony and sorrow that has infested itself in the most sacred part of you.
And to really be able to forgive and still have that person in your life, you have to believe that they are telling the truth.

Lies, so devastatingly tempting, which will take us to the darkest part of our psyche if we allow them to wrap itself around our mind.

Everyone makes mistakes, we all screw up from time to time, sometimes so badly there is no way back to what was so good previously.
Sometimes you realise what we did was hurtful and destroyed something beautiful and sometimes it is too late.
Sometimes we look too much into things and believe that there are secret, hidden messages everywhere we go, in every song we hear and everything we read.
When in fact it is just a song, that happened to mean something to two people once and is now forgotten.
Maybe there is another two, who has special memories to a certain song or a specific place.

Misconstruction, as big a heartbreaker as the original sin...

12 months ago...

I knew there was a reason I have been feeling like a wreck today...This time last year we got back together, and I also got rid of all my things.
It was such a confusing time, my heart was breaking in a million of pieces and I cried for an entire weekend.
Then I changed my mind again apparently, I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing.
Or where I would have been had I stayed?
Miserable and alone?
Or happy and content?
I know there is no point to think and ponder like that, but it is what I do best I guess.
I miss Him.
But still believe things happen for a reason.

Movie day.

On tuesday last week one of the boys in school asked me if I had seen Titanic? His uncle had given it to him the night before (brand new! the plastic is still on!!) and he was going to watch it that evening. The next day I asked him if he had seen it and he had seen the beggining, but then his mum told him to go to bed. But he was so excited about this film and the diamond that was on the bottom of the sea, we discussed it at lenght whilst walking to the swimming lesson and I told him that wheras Rose and Jack is not as far as we know a true story, there was a big ship called Titanic that sunk on its maiden voyage almost a hundred years ago.
I really enjoyed our conversation and his excitement until he asked me if I had been onboard?
I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge of children not having much conception of time...

But ever since I have felt the need to watch it again, it is such a brilliant film and Leonardo DiCaprio is so handsome.



Whilst flicking through Google for pictures for this blogpost I came across this... I was amazed...surely this film was never made?
Then I read th comments for it and it turns out someone has cut together clips from other films Leonardo has done...Clever though, I have to say.



Amazing what you can do with computers these days.
Now I sound like I actually am old enough to have been on the Titanic...
It has been an ok day, I have caught up on some sleep, watched three films and managed to get some housework done. Sounds pretty boring, but I need to get the rest and I really want to kick this cold for good. Unfortunately I cant see it happening before tomorrow, I am still sniffling and am going from hot to cold to hot again.
So I guess it is another week of snot bonanza in my nose.
I will watch the last bit of the film now, and I will leave you with the best song from a film, I am still such a sucker for it.
Celine, sing your heart out...

Looks like a loooong day...

It is half past eleven and I have already cleaned the bathroom, changed the sheets in my bed and been to the shop. I bought some sweets which I have already eaten and instead of watching the cultivated "Revolutionarey Road" I am watching "What happens in Vegas" which is lifting my mood plenty. I swear I was a little bit sick in my mouth when I read some of the messages on facebook from one lover to another.
I mean come on people, Whats wrong with you??? I had to log out and concentrate on the funny movie instead.
I still have some dusting to do I think, then I will probably spend the rest of the day glued to the telly, a great way to pass the time on a sunday.

Or I might just listen to Sarah Cox on BBC Radio one on my laptop. Just realised I could...That is my sunday sorted, Some memories from working with domicillary care are flooding back...Not that I enjoyed it particularily..but I miss England.



The song that is nr 1 on the UK singles chart...I dont think I care too much for it...although I guess there is a certain summer vibe to it.....
I think I prefer this one with N-Dubz and Mr Hudson...Playing with fire. I am curious to know who this Mr Hudson is....He is working with several artists in the chart at the moment...



Have good sunday all.

The curse of valentines night

The night is not turning out as bad as I thought it would...I have watched the last episodes of Desperate Housewives series 5 and I am about to put on one of the dvds I bought yesterday. It is no slushy romantic valentine crap, but instead scary and intelligent oscar winners. I am also ignoring the "melody festival" which is best watched with friends, drinking wine and making fun of the contestants.
I have never been a "valentines freak", probably because I was never one of the popular kids that was bombarded with roses in school, for so long I was always single on valentines day and normally ended up working it anyway.
I really dont understand the hype about it, but it still feels a bit shitty when someone asks you if I have anything nice planned and when the answer is no they tilt their head to one side and pout, "Awww poor you, oh well, plenty of more fish in the sea.."
What does that mean actually?
Well I know what it means...but why do you say that to someone?
I really dont understand it, and is the next week ruined because I am spending this day alone? Or maybe my whole life is supposed to be ruined?
At least I am not spending it in a house full of loved up people having sex, like last year...

I need to get back to my movie now. Bet it is awesome!!!


Found this on a "F**k valentine's day" site on You tube, and realised there are people out there who are more bitter than what I am. Wohoo!
Made me think of how much I like Bon Jovi and I dont think this is a "Love sucks" song...
Hope you like it.
Enjoy your night, however you are spending it.

Angry woman on the bus

On my way home today, on the bus, I am sitting by the window, watching the world go by and people rushing to get home from work via the shop to be in time for "Lets dance".
Driving past one of the bus stops and from the back comes an angry voice "HELLOOO!!!! Stop the bus I am getting off!!"
The bus kept on rolling and I saw the busdriver raise an eyebrow (I saw it in the mirror) the woman kept yelling "For f**k sake stop the damn bus, I have pressed the buzzer" to which the busdriver answered "You pressed it to late woman, now wait for the next stop" the argument continues with them shouting "Yes" and "No" to each other until the woman stomps up to the front, the whole bus is silent and I am wondering if there would be a fight..? They lowered their voices and was gesturing wildly until we arrived at the next bus stop where the woman got off but not before she waved her middlefinger at him.
I am relieved that I didnt witness a beating of a busdriver and possibly be involved in a an accident when the bus drove off the road and hit some pedestrians.

I settled back with my thoughts, "I'm yours" by Jason Mraz playing in my ears. I felt relaxed and glad that the snow are starting to melt and the spring is getting closer. When I realised that the bus was standing at my stop. In my relaxed state of mind I didnt pay attention and nearly missed it. So I jumped up and shouted "Im getting off, Im getting off, this is my stop" the girl sitting next to me nearly fell on the floor getting out of my way. The busdriver opened the doors again, I guess he was scared of another screaming woman flipping him off.
I could almost hear the bus taking a sigh of relief as I got off.

I am home, it is Friday, the weekend is here and I am looking forward to get a lie-in tomorrow and not do very much at all.
I had a some plans of meeting with friends but they both cancelled on me so I am just chilling on my own, catching up on reading and cleaning.
And watching tv.
I hope you all have a great weekend, enjoying whatever you are doing.



My weekend will be somewhat calmer and quieter than this, but it is a good "get-in-the-mood" song. (get in the mood for going out that is...)
Ahhh those days....

SLASH

I have just finished reading the autobiography of Slash, written with Anthony Bozza.
I used to have a small crush on him when I was between thirteen and fifteen, which in itself was odd, since my other objects of affection was clean cut, boyband type men, or I guess I should say boys...
So Slash entering my "list" was unexpected to say the least.
I think it all had to do with the hair....that dark, curly hair that covered his face, and the cylinder hat pulled down low.
On every picture I saw he also had a cigarette in his hand or between his lips.
His mother is afroamerican and his father british, so Slash is the colour of chocolatecaramel and he has really full lips.
Me and my friend L used to watch the video of "November rain" and when Slash stepped up on the piano for his solo we screached and moaned that he was sooo sexy..
When he then leaves the chapel and stands on the yard and plays his guitarr in his leatherpants and jacket, well, how shal I put this...YUMMIE!



Guns n' Roses is no more, or apparently there is still a group called Guns n' Roses, but it is only Axl Rose who is part of them that was in the original Guns n' Roses.
Slash is now in a different band called Velvet Revolver, I have listened to a few of their songs and they are good, Slash is a god on the guitarr, but they are not quite what I would listen to...Guns n' Roses songs were more melodical, which I like.
I wont go into what happened with the original band, you have to read the book for yourselves, it is really good, he is very frank and honest about his drug addiction and his alcohol abuse.
Slash doesnt try to glorify the rockstar life, he doesnt write about how amazing he is, but as I read the book, I got the impression that he is a genuinally caring man.

In 1991 (or possibly 1992) Slash played with Michael Jackson on "Give in to me", one of my favourite Michael Jacson songs, I have to play it for you, it is so good, and Slash is hot hot hot even though he wears a black and blue checkered shirt...It is his dedication to the guitarr and the music that I think is so powerful. Enjoy.


Again me and L would sigh when he rocked on stage and his hair got in his face, and I think we both wondered what it would be like to run a hand through it?
I have realised that this book has made me listen for the guitarrs when I listen to a song, and all of a sudden the song sounds different and I feel like a music pro.
I guess this was a crap book review, but I do recommend it, big time.
Especially if you have a thing about Slash, or true dirty rockers in general.


Seeing this picture, I realise I still have a slight crush on Mr Slash...you have to agree, he looks hot...
Although it is a tiny picture...you see what I mean dont you?
Oh what the heck, Ill upload another one for good measure.

24 hours later.

I am back home after 24 hours with the girls. 24 great hours of chill out, laughing and remembering the old times.
Sofie picked me up at 3pm yesterday, we drove to Lund where we picked up Mia and then headed for the supermarket where we met Jenny and bought the supplies we needed for the stay before heading out to Ängelholm where Sofie's family's summer house is located, pretty much on the beach. Through the years it has been extended and isolated and had centrel heating installed so it is possible to stay there in the winter months aswell.

It is one of these houses where you feel calm and relaxed just by stepping through the door. When I worked in domicillary care in England I would from time to time come to houses like that, where you could see the traces of a big family had once lived, but now it was only the old woman left, living in this big old house. You could see that she just didnt have the heart to sell it, she had lived there since she got married at eighteen years old, she had seen her children grow up there, then grandcildren and great grandchildren. Too many memories to give up for money..
I am not talking about anyone in Sofie's family, but about elderly people in general I met whilst working in England.



Once we had installed us in a bedroom each we started dinner, Tacos, with lots of vegetables, guacamole and wine. It was so peaceful, we talked, laughed and watched the first show of who will make it to the Eurovision song contest in Norway in May. It is a big deal in Sweden apparently, as big as X-factor almost....
I am not sure I will have the patience to watch all the episodes...but Jenny is having a "Eurovision party" just like she did last year. I am already looking forward to it.
We got to discuss how many men we had slept with, and lets just say I was glad I am not the only one who has slept with more than five people, and have a slight difficulty remembering the names of all of them. I guess we are sluts. But we are still good, caring people. Like another friend of mine says: "Tarts with hearts"
We got to bed around two am and I slept til just after eight this morning, when I woke up with my frontal cranium full of thick green snot. I poodled around the house for a while before the other girls woke up, I had promised I wouldnt wake them up before nine, since they have small children and never get to sleep in the mornings. I put on coffee and put the raspberry crumble we didnt manage to eat last night in the oven, for breakfast.



Jenny left us after breakfst since she had some things to sort out at home, but me Mia and Sofie went to a nice hotel nearby for an hour at the spa.
We sat in a hotwater tub with salt water, then swam in the pool but we decided against bathing in the ice cold sea, even after a hot sauna....
Well, we sat in the sauna with deep conditioner in the hair, face mask and then face scrubs. After an hour we were fairly exhausted but with skin smooth as babies bottoms and angrily red faces from two different saunas and steamroom.

We then set the sails towards home and I fell asleep in the car leaving Sofie and Mia to talk on their own, which they managed just fine I guess. I have now had dinner, done a load of laundry and am watching Friends.
I will have an early night tonight, so I will be ready for work tomorrow.
It has been a great great weekend, we talked about doing it again before the summer and then hopefully Sofie's sister will be able to come aswell and we will go for the whole weekend.

>


Mia and Sofie outside the house.

Funny joke

On thursday my dad told me a "blond joke", I guess I should be insulted that my own father is making jokes about women with the same ability to think for themselves as me. But I actually think they are quite funny and I dont take them seriously.

"A blond woman decided to take up pilking, so she got the books to read and bought the equipment she needed and then set off to fish. She started drilling in the the ice, then heard a voice coming from above saying: 'There is no fish here'
So she moved a bit further away and started drilling again, and she heard the voice again 'There is no fish here' so she moved a bit further away again and tried to drill a hole in the ice and again the voice said 'There is no fish here'
At this point she became a bit concernered about this voice, and asked 'Is that you God?' The voice said: 'No, I am the caretaker of the ice rink'"

I told the joke in class yesterday and a colleague told me another one...

"A blond girl had been going to the same hairdresser for years and everytime she said 'Be careful with my headphones'
The hairdresser thought it weird and one day ha decided to cut the wire off, just to see what happened..
So when he cut it off the blond fell off the chair and died.
The hairdresser, obviously mortified, plugged in his own headphones in the iPod to find out what was being said and heard 'Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out'"

Funny eh?
Then one of our students said:
"I think we should make a cartoon serie with you Maria since you are blond, we could take photos every week of you doing funny things"
.....I have to give him credit for coming up with the idea of taking photos and making a little story....I am however not sure about the idea of me doing "blond" things in everyday life...


I am about to pack my bag and wait for Sofie to come and pick me up for our girlie weekend, but I might have a little nap first, I woke up very early and feel that a nap is in order so I wont be too tired when we get there this afternoon.



This is just frustratingly annoying, actually nothing funny about it at all...her parents must be so proud...

Weird noise

Friday night and there is a weird noise coming from upstairs, I wonder if my landlady is away and has left the sixteen yearold fosterboy on his own? I am doing normal friday evening stuff...laundry, tidying up, watching tv and trying to catch up with friends on facebook.
I got a friend request from the mother in my second host family when I worked as an au-pair, I recieved the message on my email, but when I logged in to facebook it is nowhere to be seen. She also wrote me an email, but I can not reply to it...
I am puzzled...what do I do?
I want to get in touch, but stupid facebook wont let me....
Any computer wizzkids out there?
Who can help me??


Tomorrow I am going away with Mia, Sofie and Jenny to Sofie's familys "vacationhouse" I dont know what else to call it..it is not a summer house, because you can stay there all year round...
Anyway, we are having a girlie weekend, with good food, wine, spa and lots and lots of catching up, gossiping and chilling out.
It will be so much fun.

I am going for a shower and then an early night, trying to starve this cold I have going on...An awful lot of snot, headaches and shivers.
Hope you will all have a good weekend.



Girlie weekend here I come!

New boots boots

I have lit some candles and are cosied up in front of the tv and am finally, after three cups of tea, starting to feel warm.
Even though I bought new boots so I dont get snow in my socks anymore, it is still difficult to walk in the slush that is our world at the moment.
I guess we are better prepared here than what the english people were, but down south where I live we are still not prepared enough for this kind of mayhem.
I remember going up to visit my grandmother at christmas when I was a child. People were never stylish, because they just couldnt be, they had no other choice but to wear boots with tennis rackets strapped to the soles.
And there was no way you could leave the house without a hat, prefferable fur (fake obviously) or something wooly, an average knitted "cap" would not do the trick.
The coats that were sold in the avarage shops up there are only sold in special "wildermark life" shops down here...
So today I realised that I actually take the snow as a personal insult when it comes down like this. I havent got a chance to protect myself from getting cold and wet and with that comes the sniffly nose and the flu.
I do like my new boots though, if I tuck my jeans into them I feel a bit like a soldier...



What do you think?
Still they didnt help much, I now have the stinking cold back....not impressed I tell you. I can not have any more time off work, I just started my new position, and I love it, my colleagues are great and the kids are cool. I have to say they are not as scary as I first thought they would be.

I think I will have to give So You Think You Can Dance a miss tonight and just go to bed early with a hot water bottle. Except that I dont actually have a hot water bottle....and no "wheat bag" since I killed the one Donna had lent me...so I guess I will just go to bed....
But I will first show you some photos from the weekend when Betty was here and we did the touristy thing.
I realised again how beautiful my city is...



This is me on the frozen lake, doing my best "Torvil and Dean" pose...(only skating people and Brits will know who Torvil and Dean are...)



Hotel Kramer on the "Big square" I wonder if it was built for a different purpose or if it has always been a hotel...I think it has been a hotel for as long as I can remember...



We went down to the beach just as the sun was setting, it was freezing cold, but looked like a small piece of heaven. I live in a beautiful place.



The bridge between Malmö and Copenhagen. I remember before they built it and we went on the ferry to Denmark for shopping and merriment.
They started building it after I moved to England, so the first few years when I arrived home for a visit, I had to get on a bus at the airport to take me to the ferry and then the ferry to Sweden. It was hard work...
I like the bridge, it gives us easier access to the continent, but I miss the ferries, that used to be half the pleasure of a day out in Denmark..

With that I am leaving you for the night. I am heading for the shower and then my jimjams and bed. Night all.