Vanessa came into my life when I was working in a restaurant with panoramic views over the beach.
I was a bit reserved and dubious about her when we first met, but very quickly realised that was just silly talks from people who didn't know her.
Working in a restaurant meant that a normal social life with Friday and Saturday nights in a pub or club was out of the question, but we went to "The Royal" every Thursday, when it was '80s night and the drinks cost £1 for vodka and mixer.
Vanessa was still, at 24 years of age, hiding the fact that she would have a drink sometimes from her mother, something I found hilarious!
Vanessa introduced me to drinking Tia Maria and coke, and when she told me about this mixture I thought she must be mad, coffee and coke????
You wouldn't pour a glass of coke into a cup of coffee would you?
But for some reason it works and I was soon hooked, the same goes for Asti, sweet fizzy sparkling wine, since neither me or Vanessa likes the taste of alcohol.
Our nights out would always start with getting a chinese take away.
Chicken fried rice with curry sauce, which I had never eaten before, but after trying it once I was hooked and it is still my favourite chinese dish.
So after we had spent the evening in The Royal we would stagger home, arm in arm, chatting very loudly and without any boundaries about the naughty things we had experienced in the past, and one day we told each other "You will always be my friend, because you know too much about me to be my enemy"
In the summer of 2000 Vanessa got married to her "high school sweetheart", I was at the church and it was a beautiful service.
Vanessa and her husband have two beautiful boys together, unfortunately her husband wasn't so beautiful in his ways and they have since divorced, well good riddance is all I will say about him.
I feel bad for not being there for Vanessa as much as I should have been when they were going through the divorce, she lost most of her friends at that point and I should have given her more support than I did.
I have no excuses, but the explanation that I had just got engaged, I was so wrapped up in planning food, trying on dresses and visiting venues.
When me and Him broke up I dealt with it by shutting myself out and away and not contacting anyone, thankfully me and Vanessa have "rekindled" our friendship again, which i am so glad for, she is an amazing friend, a great woman and I am lucky to have her back in my life.
I think back to that year 1999-2000 when we had our "wild hay days" and I remember exactly what we meant when we said "You will always be my friend, you know too much to be my enemy", but times has past and it doesn't seem that bad anymore, and it is certainly not the reason why we are still friends.
Its the fact that Vanessa is loyal, funny and has a heart of gold, and still is in the top 5 of friends who can make me cry with laughter.
I am staying with her the last week of my "English life" which will be great and I will miss her loads when i go back.
Tuesday 31 March 2009
Glassjar
At the moment I'm sitting in my bed, the duvet, pillows and sheets are in a big heap around me, my head is pounding and in my hand Ive got and old glass jar.
The label is almost completely ripped off but i can still see that it was raspberry jam from Budgens when it was first bought.
It has served as my piggy bank for these years Ive lived here.
I know that I asked sally if i could have it when I first moved in with them, and Ive still got it, 11 years later.
Not bad for a jar of glass...considering the amount of times Ive moved.
Is there anything else I still have from when I first came here?
Yes actually, my duvet.
But that will go in the bin soon, I will from now on only sleep under feather duvets.
So shall I take the jar with me to Sweden?
Has it brought me luck all these years?
No actually I have always struggled with money so I don't think its a "lucky jar"
Maybe I need to get rid of it as soon as possible, maybe it is the jar that has brought me misfortune with money?
Its empty now, so Ill just throw it.
The label is almost completely ripped off but i can still see that it was raspberry jam from Budgens when it was first bought.
It has served as my piggy bank for these years Ive lived here.
I know that I asked sally if i could have it when I first moved in with them, and Ive still got it, 11 years later.
Not bad for a jar of glass...considering the amount of times Ive moved.
Is there anything else I still have from when I first came here?
Yes actually, my duvet.
But that will go in the bin soon, I will from now on only sleep under feather duvets.
So shall I take the jar with me to Sweden?
Has it brought me luck all these years?
No actually I have always struggled with money so I don't think its a "lucky jar"
Maybe I need to get rid of it as soon as possible, maybe it is the jar that has brought me misfortune with money?
Its empty now, so Ill just throw it.
Monday 30 March 2009
CAMERON
Cameron is Sally and Alex's oldest son.
He is 11 years old (12 this summer!) and I have known him since he was 11 months old.
The first time I saw him, on the evening when I arrived to Sally and Alex's house he was wearing a blue pyjamas and sleeping so peacefully in his cot.
The next morning he was sitting in his "pen" playing with his toys and when he saw me he smiled and stretched his arms out for me to pick him up.
Cameron gave his room up for me so I could live and look after him while Sally and Alex worked to save up for their wedding.
Me and Cameron grew very close, I used to take him for walks in the forest that was close to our house, and he would sit and point to all the birds and trees and screech with delight.
As he grew a bit older he developed an interests for trains and obviously Thomas the tank engine was the favourite.
Cameron knew (and possibly still knows) the name of every single character in the "Thomas stories" and knew most of the storybooks by heart (I sometimes tried to cheat when reading to him...but was always caught out and told off)
He was also very interested in dinosaurs and knew the name of a lot of them.
It might even be the case that he knows the name of EVERY dinosaur there ever was BUT I don't want to put too much pressure on him just in case he reads this one day.
When we moved down to the seaside Cameron started school.
I was almost as proud as Sally and Alex the first day he went to school in his brand new school uniform.
School was easy for Cameron and he was very popular among the other children, the birthday parties were always a blur with 100 (well...it seemed like it) children running around screaming and eating too many E-numbers.
Cameron has got an amazing imagination, I remember one day we were in the kitchen with Alex and Cameron asked if he could have a "mini roll" so Alex gave him one and Cameron there and then made up a song about the mini roll.
Me and Alex laughed until we very nearly cried.
For a very long time Cameron had a girlfriend called Charlotte who he went to nursery school with and even though they went to different "big schools" and Cameron had lots of female friends, he was faithful to Charlotte and they planned their future together, Cameron would work at Hornby toy factory and Charlotte in an office, they would be married have 3 children.
I often wished that my life was that easy and straight forward..
I cant believe that Cameron will become a teenager next year, time flies so quickly and I feel privileged and am so happy that i have been here to see him grow to be this amazing, funny and sweet young boy.
I hope he will come and visit me in Sweden one day, I cant wait to show him all the fun things in my city, and maybe he will decide to study abroad for a while, and come and spend 3 years in Sweden with me!
That would be great.
I have no pictures of Cameron either...
But I will show you our favourite show we used to watch together.
He is 11 years old (12 this summer!) and I have known him since he was 11 months old.
The first time I saw him, on the evening when I arrived to Sally and Alex's house he was wearing a blue pyjamas and sleeping so peacefully in his cot.
The next morning he was sitting in his "pen" playing with his toys and when he saw me he smiled and stretched his arms out for me to pick him up.
Cameron gave his room up for me so I could live and look after him while Sally and Alex worked to save up for their wedding.
Me and Cameron grew very close, I used to take him for walks in the forest that was close to our house, and he would sit and point to all the birds and trees and screech with delight.
As he grew a bit older he developed an interests for trains and obviously Thomas the tank engine was the favourite.
Cameron knew (and possibly still knows) the name of every single character in the "Thomas stories" and knew most of the storybooks by heart (I sometimes tried to cheat when reading to him...but was always caught out and told off)
He was also very interested in dinosaurs and knew the name of a lot of them.
It might even be the case that he knows the name of EVERY dinosaur there ever was BUT I don't want to put too much pressure on him just in case he reads this one day.
When we moved down to the seaside Cameron started school.
I was almost as proud as Sally and Alex the first day he went to school in his brand new school uniform.
School was easy for Cameron and he was very popular among the other children, the birthday parties were always a blur with 100 (well...it seemed like it) children running around screaming and eating too many E-numbers.
Cameron has got an amazing imagination, I remember one day we were in the kitchen with Alex and Cameron asked if he could have a "mini roll" so Alex gave him one and Cameron there and then made up a song about the mini roll.
Me and Alex laughed until we very nearly cried.
For a very long time Cameron had a girlfriend called Charlotte who he went to nursery school with and even though they went to different "big schools" and Cameron had lots of female friends, he was faithful to Charlotte and they planned their future together, Cameron would work at Hornby toy factory and Charlotte in an office, they would be married have 3 children.
I often wished that my life was that easy and straight forward..
I cant believe that Cameron will become a teenager next year, time flies so quickly and I feel privileged and am so happy that i have been here to see him grow to be this amazing, funny and sweet young boy.
I hope he will come and visit me in Sweden one day, I cant wait to show him all the fun things in my city, and maybe he will decide to study abroad for a while, and come and spend 3 years in Sweden with me!
That would be great.
I have no pictures of Cameron either...
But I will show you our favourite show we used to watch together.
Sunday 29 March 2009
Last day at work
Today has been my last day at work.
I feel relieved that I can now concentrate 100% on packing, re-packing and sorting things out for my move.
Tomorrow I'm getting rid of the book case and the ottoman, the filing cabinet and possibly the TV.
On Tuesday I will move in with Shelley and her family and stay there until I fly home on the 18Th of April.
Yesterday was another celebration. Alexandra's birthday.
We had a few drinks before setting off down to the harbour and the bars and pubs.
It was a good night, but since the clocks went forward i didn't get into bed until 3am.
At 07.15am my alarm rang and I had to go to work for the last time in England.
It was a good shift, I cooked roast beef with trimmings which tasted very nice.
I'm spending the rest of the evening doing laundry, watching Desperate Housewives and listening to some relaxing, chilled out music.
This is Lionel Richie's new song, which makes me think of summer, sea and sun on a beach with a loved one.
Enjoy your evening, tomorrow I'm continuing my "Oscar speeches"
I feel relieved that I can now concentrate 100% on packing, re-packing and sorting things out for my move.
Tomorrow I'm getting rid of the book case and the ottoman, the filing cabinet and possibly the TV.
On Tuesday I will move in with Shelley and her family and stay there until I fly home on the 18Th of April.
Yesterday was another celebration. Alexandra's birthday.
We had a few drinks before setting off down to the harbour and the bars and pubs.
It was a good night, but since the clocks went forward i didn't get into bed until 3am.
At 07.15am my alarm rang and I had to go to work for the last time in England.
It was a good shift, I cooked roast beef with trimmings which tasted very nice.
I'm spending the rest of the evening doing laundry, watching Desperate Housewives and listening to some relaxing, chilled out music.
This is Lionel Richie's new song, which makes me think of summer, sea and sun on a beach with a loved one.
Enjoy your evening, tomorrow I'm continuing my "Oscar speeches"
Saturday 28 March 2009
SALLY and ALEX
I arrived in London with my head full of dreams of getting a nice flat, preferably in Covent Garden/Leicester Square/Oxford circus area, but DEFINITELY NOT outside zone 3 on the tube...
If I couldn't become an actress at least i would be some hot shots secretary who wore pencil squirts and 10 inch stilettos..
Well..bless me is really all I can say...
I got a job at Wentworth golf club which took me over an hour to get to from where I was staying in Elephant and Castle.
When I came for the interview I was told that this was a "live-in" position and a room was available for me in 10 days time.
Me and Sally worked together in the Tennis pavilion where the very rich ladies would "hang out", their children had their own membership cards which also worked as a credit card so they could charge sweets and drinks to their parents bills.
I had never been around people like these and thought i could talk to them the same way as i talked to my friends back home, but I very soon found out that we were different, they had money and i didn't, so that made me less worthy of them.
After working at the tennis pavilion for 8 days I was told that actually the room i had been promised wasn't available anymore because they had to give it to a new chef who was more important than me.
I tried in vain to say that "I was here first, you promised me" but obviously to no avail what so ever.
I told them to "stuff their job" and ran out with tears streaming down my face, not really sure where I would go.
Sally ran after me and handed me a very strong cigarette that gave me a head rush, and said that I could come and stay with her for a couple of days.
So i went to the hotel, packed my bags and left London for good.
Sally lived with her fiance Alex, their baby boy Cameron and two other people who were expecting their first baby.
These living arrangements were alien to me and I couldn't get my head round the fact that four adults (5 with me), soon to be 2 babies, a dog and 5 cats lived in a house with 3 bedrooms.
What was supposed to be a couple of days stay turned into me living with them for 6 years with a few short periods when I briefly lived with other people.
I often think about what would have happened if Sally hadn't been there that day?
What if it had been her day off?
Had I gone back to Sweden then?
No, I don't think so, I was so stubborn back then and I had decided that I would live in England no matter what, so I would probably have gone back to the hotel and started all over again.
Luckily Sally was there and in her i found a big sister i never had, I asked her for advice on boys, love, life, career, friends.
Because the woman is always bloody right!
I used to be so annoyed that she would advise me not to do something "Because this and this will be the consequences" that i would do it anyway and when those consequences came thundering down on me she would tell me in a very nice sisterly way "well I sort of told you so honey".
Sally has always been there for me.
We were never the friends that went out and got drunk together, because she got married to Alex only 5 months after we met, and they started a family, but in between her pregnancies we often shared a bottle of wine (or three) in front of the telly on a Friday night.
Most of my memories about Sally and Alex is with me not understanding something and they very patiently explaining it to me.
For example, it took me quite some time to be able to watch a film without subtitles and not concentrating so hard that I would develop a headache.
It was easier if we rented a comedy or if I knew what the film was about before we started watching it.
One evening Alex had rented "Mercury rising".
When I was in school, me and my friends made up "codes" all the time, which consisted of changing every letter in the alphabet to either another letter OR a symbol.
This was carefully written down in notebooks and named.
So if you came across a word that made no sense you took out your "code book" and changed the symbols or letters to the correct letters and that way you have cracked the code.
But if you didn't have the book with all the codes it wasn't possible to crack the code.
So i obviously couldn't understand how the boy (even though he is autistic and very clever) could break the code? he didn't have the rest of the code, that you need to break it...
Alex paused the movie and tried to explain what a code is..
Our conversation went something like this....:
Me: How does he know the code?
Alex: Er.. because he is autistic, and very clever
Me: Yes but where is the rest of the code?
A: What do you mean?
M: The rest of the code...for him to break the code.
A: That is the code, the code is "If you can read this Call this number"
M: But it cant be
A: But it is
M: But where is the rest of the code?
A: There is no rest of the code
M: But there must be
At this point Alex is feeling a bit frustrated and Sally tried to explain to me that the sentence "If you can read this, call this NR" is the whole code
So our conversation carried on somewhat like this:
Me: But how can he know what the code is?
Sally: Because he is extremely clever, due to his autism
M: Yes but codes are easy, I can break a code i just need the rest in front of me
S: There is no "rest of the code"
M: But there must be
It carried on like this for approx 20 minutes at which point Alex was so wound up and annoyed with me he had to leave the room.
He then went to bed and told Sally that he couldn't deal with me any more.
We watched the film the next day and by the end of it I did understand what a "code" was.
This conversation gets brought up whenever I say something a bit weird that I don't understand. "Is it like a code Mia?"
Sally and Alex are two of my favourite people in the world, they are loyal, caring and very funny to be around.
We became family, because they made me a part of their family.
Officially I'm god mother to their 3rd child, but in my heart all 4 of them are my god children and I love them as if they were my own.
I will miss them tremendously when I move.
It would be perfect and very suitable to have a photo of me and Sally here wouldn't it?
Unfortunately there is none...
But since sally is a hard core Queen fan..I will leave you with one of the songs we used to play in her car. On a cassette tape may I add....
If I couldn't become an actress at least i would be some hot shots secretary who wore pencil squirts and 10 inch stilettos..
Well..bless me is really all I can say...
I got a job at Wentworth golf club which took me over an hour to get to from where I was staying in Elephant and Castle.
When I came for the interview I was told that this was a "live-in" position and a room was available for me in 10 days time.
Me and Sally worked together in the Tennis pavilion where the very rich ladies would "hang out", their children had their own membership cards which also worked as a credit card so they could charge sweets and drinks to their parents bills.
I had never been around people like these and thought i could talk to them the same way as i talked to my friends back home, but I very soon found out that we were different, they had money and i didn't, so that made me less worthy of them.
After working at the tennis pavilion for 8 days I was told that actually the room i had been promised wasn't available anymore because they had to give it to a new chef who was more important than me.
I tried in vain to say that "I was here first, you promised me" but obviously to no avail what so ever.
I told them to "stuff their job" and ran out with tears streaming down my face, not really sure where I would go.
Sally ran after me and handed me a very strong cigarette that gave me a head rush, and said that I could come and stay with her for a couple of days.
So i went to the hotel, packed my bags and left London for good.
Sally lived with her fiance Alex, their baby boy Cameron and two other people who were expecting their first baby.
These living arrangements were alien to me and I couldn't get my head round the fact that four adults (5 with me), soon to be 2 babies, a dog and 5 cats lived in a house with 3 bedrooms.
What was supposed to be a couple of days stay turned into me living with them for 6 years with a few short periods when I briefly lived with other people.
I often think about what would have happened if Sally hadn't been there that day?
What if it had been her day off?
Had I gone back to Sweden then?
No, I don't think so, I was so stubborn back then and I had decided that I would live in England no matter what, so I would probably have gone back to the hotel and started all over again.
Luckily Sally was there and in her i found a big sister i never had, I asked her for advice on boys, love, life, career, friends.
Because the woman is always bloody right!
I used to be so annoyed that she would advise me not to do something "Because this and this will be the consequences" that i would do it anyway and when those consequences came thundering down on me she would tell me in a very nice sisterly way "well I sort of told you so honey".
Sally has always been there for me.
We were never the friends that went out and got drunk together, because she got married to Alex only 5 months after we met, and they started a family, but in between her pregnancies we often shared a bottle of wine (or three) in front of the telly on a Friday night.
Most of my memories about Sally and Alex is with me not understanding something and they very patiently explaining it to me.
For example, it took me quite some time to be able to watch a film without subtitles and not concentrating so hard that I would develop a headache.
It was easier if we rented a comedy or if I knew what the film was about before we started watching it.
One evening Alex had rented "Mercury rising".
When I was in school, me and my friends made up "codes" all the time, which consisted of changing every letter in the alphabet to either another letter OR a symbol.
This was carefully written down in notebooks and named.
So if you came across a word that made no sense you took out your "code book" and changed the symbols or letters to the correct letters and that way you have cracked the code.
But if you didn't have the book with all the codes it wasn't possible to crack the code.
So i obviously couldn't understand how the boy (even though he is autistic and very clever) could break the code? he didn't have the rest of the code, that you need to break it...
Alex paused the movie and tried to explain what a code is..
Our conversation went something like this....:
Me: How does he know the code?
Alex: Er.. because he is autistic, and very clever
Me: Yes but where is the rest of the code?
A: What do you mean?
M: The rest of the code...for him to break the code.
A: That is the code, the code is "If you can read this Call this number"
M: But it cant be
A: But it is
M: But where is the rest of the code?
A: There is no rest of the code
M: But there must be
At this point Alex is feeling a bit frustrated and Sally tried to explain to me that the sentence "If you can read this, call this NR" is the whole code
So our conversation carried on somewhat like this:
Me: But how can he know what the code is?
Sally: Because he is extremely clever, due to his autism
M: Yes but codes are easy, I can break a code i just need the rest in front of me
S: There is no "rest of the code"
M: But there must be
It carried on like this for approx 20 minutes at which point Alex was so wound up and annoyed with me he had to leave the room.
He then went to bed and told Sally that he couldn't deal with me any more.
We watched the film the next day and by the end of it I did understand what a "code" was.
This conversation gets brought up whenever I say something a bit weird that I don't understand. "Is it like a code Mia?"
Sally and Alex are two of my favourite people in the world, they are loyal, caring and very funny to be around.
We became family, because they made me a part of their family.
Officially I'm god mother to their 3rd child, but in my heart all 4 of them are my god children and I love them as if they were my own.
I will miss them tremendously when I move.
It would be perfect and very suitable to have a photo of me and Sally here wouldn't it?
Unfortunately there is none...
But since sally is a hard core Queen fan..I will leave you with one of the songs we used to play in her car. On a cassette tape may I add....
My Oscar's speech
My dream for as long as I can remember has been to become an actress, and not any actress, a big movie star on the same level as Jennifer Aniston, Meryl Streep, Kate Windslet and my favourite Cameron Diaz.
I'm not there quite yet...but I do have my speech ready for when I win that Oscar (or golden globe or bafta)
Well a girl can dream can't I?
Anyway.. What I am going to do now for the next week or so, is write about the people that has made a difference in my life whilst Ive been in England.
I will write about them in the order they came into my life and I will write about one person each day, because they all deserve much attention to the details of how important they were and still are to me.
I hope you will enjoy it, I am certainly looking forward to writing it
I'm not there quite yet...but I do have my speech ready for when I win that Oscar (or golden globe or bafta)
Well a girl can dream can't I?
Anyway.. What I am going to do now for the next week or so, is write about the people that has made a difference in my life whilst Ive been in England.
I will write about them in the order they came into my life and I will write about one person each day, because they all deserve much attention to the details of how important they were and still are to me.
I hope you will enjoy it, I am certainly looking forward to writing it
Friday 27 March 2009
Living alone
Something hit me a couple of days ago, the fact that in my adult life I have only lived on my own for 15 months all in all.
I have lived in England for 13 years and am now living in property NR 12.
I moved from my parents house to England where i stayed in a hotel in London for 3 weeks.
I then met Sally who not only saved me from sleeping rough on Waterloo station, she also offered me a job as her nanny, so I moved in with her and her then fiance, Alex.
After living with them for 4 months I met M with whom I rented a flat next to the railway station.
We had only lived together for 2 months when our relationship fell apart and I moved back in with Sally, Alex and their baby boy Cameron.
They decided to relocate to the seaside and asked if I wanted to come with them?
At that point I was ready for something new so I moved as well.
We arrived on the 1st of may and through the summer we lived in a small 2 bedroom semi detached house.
It was at that point I felt it was time to find my own place so I moved into a small furnished flat on a quiet street in a little sleepy village which comes to life from mid June to end of august.
I made new friends and had a great time, I did however struggle a little bit financially so one of my friends, "L", suggested that I move in with her in her parents house since they lived abroad for 10 months of the year.
The house was HUGE and we had a great time but looking back on that time I think that L had some minor mental health problems.
She would tell me that the "rules" was not to bring boys home at all.
I thought it a bit weird because she had boys round most weekends, but I obeyed the "rules" since it was her parents house.
But when she started waking me up in the nights "To check if i was hiding boys under my bed" I started to feel uneasy (I tell you, if i had boys in my bedroom, I wouldn't keep them UNDER the bed..) and when she accused me of stealing money and jewelry from her parents I didn't have a choice but move out and luckily another friend of mine,"K", took pity on me and let me move in with her in her house that was still decorated in a 60's style with big, brown flowers on the wall paper.
We decided to decorate and got to work painting my bedroom blue and her bedroom yellow.
We didn't rip the wall paper down so the paint was slapped on very thick to cover up the big brown flowers...
I was dating a very handsome boy who looked like Enrique Iglesias and i was very much in love.
K didn't like him though, and I didn't like her boyfriend so we spent a lot of time in our own bedrooms, silent.
K said that she didn't like the atmosphere that I had brought to the house, she used to be happy, but wasn't anymore so obviously that was my fault.
I then fell pregnant which angered her, she didn't want a screaming baby in the house and asked me to move out straight away.
I had my first miscarriage the next day.
After spending some time at home with my parents I came back and moved in with Sally and Alex again, who had by now had a baby girl Bronwen.
I settled in the little room on the top floor and stayed there for 4 years.
Bronwen used to crawl up the stairs after me when i came home from work and we would listen to music, paint nails and dress her up in most of my necklaces and handbags.
When I passed my driving test we would drive to the big town and have lunch in Debenhams where she could pic and mix her own lunch box, we were the real "ladies who lunhces"
In 2004 Alexandra moved here from Sweden with her cat and we rented a flat together.
I loved that flat.
It had 2 bedrooms and a lounge/kitchen with a breakfast bar.
As Ive mentioned before, me and Alexandra went to college together, she taught me to drink home made vodka and how to hide it from your parents..
We are different as night and day, Alexandra is tidy, organised and a great cook.
And I'm not.
I would leave my knickers on the bathroom floor, forget pans on the stove and leave the TV on all night.
But our friendship is so strong that by now there is nothing that could "break us apart" even though we get annoyed with each other from time to time.
We lived in this lovely flat (with a roof garden where we would sunbathe when weather permitted) for 7 months, then Alexandra moved out to live with her lovely boyfriend who she had met in the pub across the road and have now been married to for 2 years.
So I stayed and lived in the flat on my own for a whole year.
Then I met Him, and He moved in.
Life was good, I was in love and this hunk of a man was in my bed every night.
For some reason I still don't understand, the flat was now too small..
It was not too small when I lived with Alexandra, but I guess boys have more "junk" than women..I.e big speakers x 6!, base for the DVD player/TV and all the cables...
Add to that a moped and a bicycle and the flat was crowded...
So we moved to a flat on the third floor, with MASSIVE rooms but no storage what so ever, we had panoramic views but the windows were old and drafty.
One night i fell over the carpet because it had no underlay and hadn't been stuck down to the floor, so when the air came rushing through the gaps in the windows, the carpet lifted about a foot off the floor and I tripped since i didn't turn the light on.
We lived there for 6 months then we had had enough of the draft and the smelly stairs.
So we moved to a flat on two floors, big kitchen and lots of storage.
It wasn't as cosy as the other places we lived and the area was awful, but I was still happy, until everything fell apart and we separated.
And I moved to property NR 12 where I still live for another 4 days.
It is a big lovely house and has suited me fine to get back on my feet and mend my broken heart.
I am now looking forward to the next move and getting in to my next flat where i will live on my own.
Put my touch on it and give it a feel of "me"
And this time I will put a few more months on my "Living on my own clock"
I have lived in England for 13 years and am now living in property NR 12.
I moved from my parents house to England where i stayed in a hotel in London for 3 weeks.
I then met Sally who not only saved me from sleeping rough on Waterloo station, she also offered me a job as her nanny, so I moved in with her and her then fiance, Alex.
After living with them for 4 months I met M with whom I rented a flat next to the railway station.
We had only lived together for 2 months when our relationship fell apart and I moved back in with Sally, Alex and their baby boy Cameron.
They decided to relocate to the seaside and asked if I wanted to come with them?
At that point I was ready for something new so I moved as well.
We arrived on the 1st of may and through the summer we lived in a small 2 bedroom semi detached house.
It was at that point I felt it was time to find my own place so I moved into a small furnished flat on a quiet street in a little sleepy village which comes to life from mid June to end of august.
I made new friends and had a great time, I did however struggle a little bit financially so one of my friends, "L", suggested that I move in with her in her parents house since they lived abroad for 10 months of the year.
The house was HUGE and we had a great time but looking back on that time I think that L had some minor mental health problems.
She would tell me that the "rules" was not to bring boys home at all.
I thought it a bit weird because she had boys round most weekends, but I obeyed the "rules" since it was her parents house.
But when she started waking me up in the nights "To check if i was hiding boys under my bed" I started to feel uneasy (I tell you, if i had boys in my bedroom, I wouldn't keep them UNDER the bed..) and when she accused me of stealing money and jewelry from her parents I didn't have a choice but move out and luckily another friend of mine,"K", took pity on me and let me move in with her in her house that was still decorated in a 60's style with big, brown flowers on the wall paper.
We decided to decorate and got to work painting my bedroom blue and her bedroom yellow.
We didn't rip the wall paper down so the paint was slapped on very thick to cover up the big brown flowers...
I was dating a very handsome boy who looked like Enrique Iglesias and i was very much in love.
K didn't like him though, and I didn't like her boyfriend so we spent a lot of time in our own bedrooms, silent.
K said that she didn't like the atmosphere that I had brought to the house, she used to be happy, but wasn't anymore so obviously that was my fault.
I then fell pregnant which angered her, she didn't want a screaming baby in the house and asked me to move out straight away.
I had my first miscarriage the next day.
After spending some time at home with my parents I came back and moved in with Sally and Alex again, who had by now had a baby girl Bronwen.
I settled in the little room on the top floor and stayed there for 4 years.
Bronwen used to crawl up the stairs after me when i came home from work and we would listen to music, paint nails and dress her up in most of my necklaces and handbags.
When I passed my driving test we would drive to the big town and have lunch in Debenhams where she could pic and mix her own lunch box, we were the real "ladies who lunhces"
In 2004 Alexandra moved here from Sweden with her cat and we rented a flat together.
I loved that flat.
It had 2 bedrooms and a lounge/kitchen with a breakfast bar.
As Ive mentioned before, me and Alexandra went to college together, she taught me to drink home made vodka and how to hide it from your parents..
We are different as night and day, Alexandra is tidy, organised and a great cook.
And I'm not.
I would leave my knickers on the bathroom floor, forget pans on the stove and leave the TV on all night.
But our friendship is so strong that by now there is nothing that could "break us apart" even though we get annoyed with each other from time to time.
We lived in this lovely flat (with a roof garden where we would sunbathe when weather permitted) for 7 months, then Alexandra moved out to live with her lovely boyfriend who she had met in the pub across the road and have now been married to for 2 years.
So I stayed and lived in the flat on my own for a whole year.
Then I met Him, and He moved in.
Life was good, I was in love and this hunk of a man was in my bed every night.
For some reason I still don't understand, the flat was now too small..
It was not too small when I lived with Alexandra, but I guess boys have more "junk" than women..I.e big speakers x 6!, base for the DVD player/TV and all the cables...
Add to that a moped and a bicycle and the flat was crowded...
So we moved to a flat on the third floor, with MASSIVE rooms but no storage what so ever, we had panoramic views but the windows were old and drafty.
One night i fell over the carpet because it had no underlay and hadn't been stuck down to the floor, so when the air came rushing through the gaps in the windows, the carpet lifted about a foot off the floor and I tripped since i didn't turn the light on.
We lived there for 6 months then we had had enough of the draft and the smelly stairs.
So we moved to a flat on two floors, big kitchen and lots of storage.
It wasn't as cosy as the other places we lived and the area was awful, but I was still happy, until everything fell apart and we separated.
And I moved to property NR 12 where I still live for another 4 days.
It is a big lovely house and has suited me fine to get back on my feet and mend my broken heart.
I am now looking forward to the next move and getting in to my next flat where i will live on my own.
Put my touch on it and give it a feel of "me"
And this time I will put a few more months on my "Living on my own clock"
Wednesday 25 March 2009
The future is close...
Ive just had a call from my dad, I spoke to my mum earlier on today and sobbed my heart out saying that no one can expect me to get rid of ALL my things I have here.
I have lived in England for 13 years and not all of them was bad, so I need to be allowed to bring some memories back to Sweden with me.
My mum talked to me with her most soothing "mummy voice" and said that of course no one is expecting me to throw away all my memories, and if there are boxes that doesn't fit in the car they will have to go back into storage until i come over next time.
Today I started de cluttering, and have done really well.
Four black bin liners are in the garden with rubbish and two in my car to take to a charity shop.
Tomorrow I'm getting some boxes to repack some things and on Monday I'm getting rid of bookcase and ottoman.
I feel that I have had a very productive day, minus my little breakdown on the phone to my mother at the start of the day..but she is fine
So back to the phone call from my dad.
He wanted to call and tell me that i have got a job AND a flat sorted in Sweden!!!
This is just another proof of how amazing my mum is!
I knew that I had a meeting scheduled with some people regarding a summer temp job, but they have just confirmed that it is definite.
Still over the summer with prospects for longer if I want to..
The flat is in the basement of a villa near my old college.
3500 sek/month inclusive!!!
That is really good, I feel over the moon!
And all this because my mother will just bombard people wherever she goes..
The flat is my new boss's girlfriends house apparently, and my mum used to work with him so he had no choice than to hire me!
I'm hoping that some of my mums "pushiness" will rub off on me once I'm back, so that I too can get people to do whatever I want them to do by just looking at them.
I have lived in England for 13 years and not all of them was bad, so I need to be allowed to bring some memories back to Sweden with me.
My mum talked to me with her most soothing "mummy voice" and said that of course no one is expecting me to throw away all my memories, and if there are boxes that doesn't fit in the car they will have to go back into storage until i come over next time.
Today I started de cluttering, and have done really well.
Four black bin liners are in the garden with rubbish and two in my car to take to a charity shop.
Tomorrow I'm getting some boxes to repack some things and on Monday I'm getting rid of bookcase and ottoman.
I feel that I have had a very productive day, minus my little breakdown on the phone to my mother at the start of the day..but she is fine
So back to the phone call from my dad.
He wanted to call and tell me that i have got a job AND a flat sorted in Sweden!!!
This is just another proof of how amazing my mum is!
I knew that I had a meeting scheduled with some people regarding a summer temp job, but they have just confirmed that it is definite.
Still over the summer with prospects for longer if I want to..
The flat is in the basement of a villa near my old college.
3500 sek/month inclusive!!!
That is really good, I feel over the moon!
And all this because my mother will just bombard people wherever she goes..
The flat is my new boss's girlfriends house apparently, and my mum used to work with him so he had no choice than to hire me!
I'm hoping that some of my mums "pushiness" will rub off on me once I'm back, so that I too can get people to do whatever I want them to do by just looking at them.
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Priorities...
I have just read my friends blog, we were best friends when we were in school and looking back I wonder where i would have been today if we had never lost touch?
She writes so beautifully in her blog, both about her life today and things that she has experienced in the past which has made her the person she is today.
Today she wrote about her priorities for this week, and it made me think about my own priorities for myself in my life.
And I have none...
It is actually quite scary, because the only things that matters to me is that other people like me.
Everything I do in my life seems to be so that other people will tell me that I am good enough and I deserve to be here with them.
I am so desperate to please everyone around me, my parents, my friends, my boss(es), my colleagues, my ex, the bank manager, the woman behind the counter in my local shop... that I haven't actually got a clue what i want for myself anymore.
In my desperate attempt to get people to like me I have just made myself look a complete idiot i guess.
Don't get me wrong, I have friends.
Amazing, loyal, funny and great friends.
Who will do pretty much anything for me, but there is a small part of me that sometimes wonders "If I did this, for me, will they still love me?"
And if I have any doubt, then I wont do it.
Just to make the decision to move back to Sweden has caused me so much heartache and stress, "What if I cant please Swedish people" "What if my English friends will move on and forget about me?" "What if nobody likes me in Sweden?"
But I'm thinking, that maybe now is the time for me.
To think of my own priorities, what is important to me?
And maybe have a goal to achieve, set up a timeline for me to achieve it?
I'm gonna have to think about it, because as I said, I haven't got a clue of what would be important for myself.
Watch this space
She writes so beautifully in her blog, both about her life today and things that she has experienced in the past which has made her the person she is today.
Today she wrote about her priorities for this week, and it made me think about my own priorities for myself in my life.
And I have none...
It is actually quite scary, because the only things that matters to me is that other people like me.
Everything I do in my life seems to be so that other people will tell me that I am good enough and I deserve to be here with them.
I am so desperate to please everyone around me, my parents, my friends, my boss(es), my colleagues, my ex, the bank manager, the woman behind the counter in my local shop... that I haven't actually got a clue what i want for myself anymore.
In my desperate attempt to get people to like me I have just made myself look a complete idiot i guess.
Don't get me wrong, I have friends.
Amazing, loyal, funny and great friends.
Who will do pretty much anything for me, but there is a small part of me that sometimes wonders "If I did this, for me, will they still love me?"
And if I have any doubt, then I wont do it.
Just to make the decision to move back to Sweden has caused me so much heartache and stress, "What if I cant please Swedish people" "What if my English friends will move on and forget about me?" "What if nobody likes me in Sweden?"
But I'm thinking, that maybe now is the time for me.
To think of my own priorities, what is important to me?
And maybe have a goal to achieve, set up a timeline for me to achieve it?
I'm gonna have to think about it, because as I said, I haven't got a clue of what would be important for myself.
Watch this space
Monday 23 March 2009
Hungover?
I think my hangover came today instead of yesterday.
I have had a slight headache and been feeling on edge all day.
I even told the manager that he and his colleagues (also managers) are rude bastards.
(I said it as a joke, but actually meant it seriously..But the thicko didn't understand it, so he laughed)
I have been reading the tributes to Jade Goody which has left me feeling sad and sorry for myself.
I never called myself a fan of Jade but when there is someone who is ditzier than myself, who actually thought that Rio de Janeiro is a person and that strawberries are vegetables.. then she has to have a special place in my heart.
This is the song which best describes my mood today
I have had a slight headache and been feeling on edge all day.
I even told the manager that he and his colleagues (also managers) are rude bastards.
(I said it as a joke, but actually meant it seriously..But the thicko didn't understand it, so he laughed)
I have been reading the tributes to Jade Goody which has left me feeling sad and sorry for myself.
I never called myself a fan of Jade but when there is someone who is ditzier than myself, who actually thought that Rio de Janeiro is a person and that strawberries are vegetables.. then she has to have a special place in my heart.
This is the song which best describes my mood today
Sunday 22 March 2009
The morning after the night before
So, it is now sunday morning, the party went well, I was pathetically drunk, couldnt walk in my shoes so i looked like a new born calf.
I texted everyone in my phonebook, telling them I love them, at 11 o'clock Alexandra put me in a taxi aand once indoors I puked.
Nice.
Behaved like a 17 year old.
Good niht I would say.
but as always when ive had too much to drink i cant sleep, so ive been doing laundry since 6am.
Starting to feel sleepy now so will hopefully get some more sleep.
I texted everyone in my phonebook, telling them I love them, at 11 o'clock Alexandra put me in a taxi aand once indoors I puked.
Nice.
Behaved like a 17 year old.
Good niht I would say.
but as always when ive had too much to drink i cant sleep, so ive been doing laundry since 6am.
Starting to feel sleepy now so will hopefully get some more sleep.
Saturday 21 March 2009
D-day! Or evening...?
Im buzzing.
Drank two cans of red bull earlier and they are kicking in so im feeling really good.
I dont normally drink red bull because I dont like the taste, but I like the buzz it gives me so very occasionally I will drink it when i want to get that buzzing feeling in my tummy and head.
I have a good feeling about tonight, Im listening to some great music which is making me happy and i have a great outfit Im wearing.
Nothing is gonna stop me from enjoying myself!
Hope you have a good saturday night
Drank two cans of red bull earlier and they are kicking in so im feeling really good.
I dont normally drink red bull because I dont like the taste, but I like the buzz it gives me so very occasionally I will drink it when i want to get that buzzing feeling in my tummy and head.
I have a good feeling about tonight, Im listening to some great music which is making me happy and i have a great outfit Im wearing.
Nothing is gonna stop me from enjoying myself!
Hope you have a good saturday night
Friday 20 March 2009
Me and Pink
I love Pink, and I don't mean the colour, which in my opinion should never be worn by anyone over the age of 15 unless its a small detail to an outfit.
No I'm talking about the singer Pink.
I love the lyrics of her songs and the rocky beat that makes me want to jump up and down and release myself, totally let go.
Pink released a new album last year, at the same time as me and Him broke up and separated.
The first single to be released had a great beat and the lyrics was cool and expressed how I was feeling at the time
"I guess I just lost my husband, i don't know where he went"
OK, He wasn't my husband, but it felt like He was...
"So what, I am a rock star, Ive got my rock moves, and I don't need you tonight"
Was sort of a way of saying "up yours you looser, you don't know whats best for you by letting me go and messing around with other women (whores!! sorry tourettes)
So I almost skipped to the shop to buy her album and listen to some great rock songs that i could "identify" with.
And I suppose i did.
Identify with pretty much all of them, they are heart breaking, rip your soul to pieces songs.
I couldn't listen to the album as much as i had hoped to.
Today I heard one of them on the radio, and I realised that it still hurts like hell to hear her sing about her heart break that is so similar to my own.
And I still feel broken.
I would have thought that by now I would feel more settled and be over Him.
And not have evenings like this where I stare out of the window and wonder what my life would have been like have we got married?
Would I have been pregnant now?
Would we be living in bliss?
Or would everything be horrible?
I was so sure that we were meant to be together, that he was my soul mate (if that is something that actually exists) and he would never do anything that would hurt me.
How could I be that wrong?
And how did everything become so difficult and emotionally draining?
Will i have to go through this again?
The videos are just as good as the songs themselves
This "Bimbo Jones remix" is so good.
At keast parts of the video is recorded in Stockholm, Sweden
Hope you enjoy them, I COULD have put all her songs on here...but I figured that would be boring...
It is now officially saturday morning, coming up to 1am, my party starts in 18 hrs time.
Hope you will turn up?
No I'm talking about the singer Pink.
I love the lyrics of her songs and the rocky beat that makes me want to jump up and down and release myself, totally let go.
Pink released a new album last year, at the same time as me and Him broke up and separated.
The first single to be released had a great beat and the lyrics was cool and expressed how I was feeling at the time
"I guess I just lost my husband, i don't know where he went"
OK, He wasn't my husband, but it felt like He was...
"So what, I am a rock star, Ive got my rock moves, and I don't need you tonight"
Was sort of a way of saying "up yours you looser, you don't know whats best for you by letting me go and messing around with other women (whores!! sorry tourettes)
So I almost skipped to the shop to buy her album and listen to some great rock songs that i could "identify" with.
And I suppose i did.
Identify with pretty much all of them, they are heart breaking, rip your soul to pieces songs.
I couldn't listen to the album as much as i had hoped to.
Today I heard one of them on the radio, and I realised that it still hurts like hell to hear her sing about her heart break that is so similar to my own.
And I still feel broken.
I would have thought that by now I would feel more settled and be over Him.
And not have evenings like this where I stare out of the window and wonder what my life would have been like have we got married?
Would I have been pregnant now?
Would we be living in bliss?
Or would everything be horrible?
I was so sure that we were meant to be together, that he was my soul mate (if that is something that actually exists) and he would never do anything that would hurt me.
How could I be that wrong?
And how did everything become so difficult and emotionally draining?
Will i have to go through this again?
The videos are just as good as the songs themselves
This "Bimbo Jones remix" is so good.
At keast parts of the video is recorded in Stockholm, Sweden
Hope you enjoy them, I COULD have put all her songs on here...but I figured that would be boring...
It is now officially saturday morning, coming up to 1am, my party starts in 18 hrs time.
Hope you will turn up?
Preparation, preparation, preparation
After I finished work today i went straight to the shops and bought nibbles and decorations for tomorrow and since i didn't get my nails done on Wednesday I bought french nails to do myself.
I know that this is rather tacky and in a way cheap, but Ive done them a few times now so I'm quite good at applying them carefully so they look as real as possible, or at least like a nail technician has done them.
My plans were as follows:
1) Have shower, but not wash hair since I'm going to the hairdresser tomorrow (she is my friend's sister but I need to protect her identity so wont mention names)
2) Have dinner (something I haven't had for a few days, so was looking forward to it)
3) Do nails
4) Relax and watch TV and charge my batteries for tomorrow.
It is now 9.30pm I have done nothing of the above, what I have done instead is chatting to my cousin on msn and Donna on facebook.
It's OK though, I love those girls so it doesn't matter that I now will be doing my nails at midnight and probably make myself look like trailer trash.
I'm still nervous about tomorrow night, I bumped into an old colleague whilst in the shop and I frantically talked at her (yes I literally just bombarded her with words without her asking..) about how nervous and scared I am about the party and the move.
She smiled sympathetically and said she would come if she could get a baby sitter.
Ive probably scared her now so she will be quite happy to stay at home with her children.
Anyway, my shower is waiting for me.
There wont be dinner, because the french people have occupied the kitchen and having a dinner party so I feel uncomfortable cooking.
Never mind, Ill get more drunk tomorrow the less I eat, and I'm planning to get drunk to the point where I tell everyone that I LUUURVE them and that they are my BESSHHTEST friends in the WHOLE world.
And then I will puke in a plant.
I know that this is rather tacky and in a way cheap, but Ive done them a few times now so I'm quite good at applying them carefully so they look as real as possible, or at least like a nail technician has done them.
My plans were as follows:
1) Have shower, but not wash hair since I'm going to the hairdresser tomorrow (she is my friend's sister but I need to protect her identity so wont mention names)
2) Have dinner (something I haven't had for a few days, so was looking forward to it)
3) Do nails
4) Relax and watch TV and charge my batteries for tomorrow.
It is now 9.30pm I have done nothing of the above, what I have done instead is chatting to my cousin on msn and Donna on facebook.
It's OK though, I love those girls so it doesn't matter that I now will be doing my nails at midnight and probably make myself look like trailer trash.
I'm still nervous about tomorrow night, I bumped into an old colleague whilst in the shop and I frantically talked at her (yes I literally just bombarded her with words without her asking..) about how nervous and scared I am about the party and the move.
She smiled sympathetically and said she would come if she could get a baby sitter.
Ive probably scared her now so she will be quite happy to stay at home with her children.
Anyway, my shower is waiting for me.
There wont be dinner, because the french people have occupied the kitchen and having a dinner party so I feel uncomfortable cooking.
Never mind, Ill get more drunk tomorrow the less I eat, and I'm planning to get drunk to the point where I tell everyone that I LUUURVE them and that they are my BESSHHTEST friends in the WHOLE world.
And then I will puke in a plant.
Thursday 19 March 2009
Me, a union rep?
Ive just come off the phone to my mother.
I have ranted and raved and told her I am developing a stomach ulcer from the amount of stress I'm under.
Work is especially stressful, which is annoying, because I only have one more week to work and in 4 weeks I am moving out of the country.
So really I should just chill out and try to enjoy the last days I have with the great colleagues and clients I work with.
But a couple of days ago I exploded at one of the managers, not my manager, I work for an agency so my manager sits in an office and pretends to be busy caring about our clients, even though she has never actually worked in a care home, or residential setting or ever actually cared for someone (in a professional manner I mean by that, I'm sure she loves her family very much)
The manager I exploded at was about to go home and leave me and one other member of staff to work with 5 clients.
I told him that if he didn't get another member of staff I would go home!
And I would report him to the hospital board, and if that didn't work I have no problem going to the papers because I have absolutely no loyalty to him or the place he is trying to run as a business.
Within 5 minutes there was another member of staff in the unit.
Only when I finished ranting, and drew my breath again I realised how loudly I had been speaking and how quiet my mother had become.
"Hello? Mum? You still there?" I asked into the phone
"Yes love I'm still here, I was just thinking that maybe you should become a union rep when you get back here?
You are so passionate about things and a little bit scary when you start ranting.
People will listen to you and you will probably get what you want."
Really?
I will get what I want?
Anything?
Hmmm, I might just think about that...
I am looking forward to a new challenge, a new job, a new flat, and a new life...
Maybe I will be a union rep?
And fight for the workers rights?
That would be cool.
I have ranted and raved and told her I am developing a stomach ulcer from the amount of stress I'm under.
Work is especially stressful, which is annoying, because I only have one more week to work and in 4 weeks I am moving out of the country.
So really I should just chill out and try to enjoy the last days I have with the great colleagues and clients I work with.
But a couple of days ago I exploded at one of the managers, not my manager, I work for an agency so my manager sits in an office and pretends to be busy caring about our clients, even though she has never actually worked in a care home, or residential setting or ever actually cared for someone (in a professional manner I mean by that, I'm sure she loves her family very much)
The manager I exploded at was about to go home and leave me and one other member of staff to work with 5 clients.
I told him that if he didn't get another member of staff I would go home!
And I would report him to the hospital board, and if that didn't work I have no problem going to the papers because I have absolutely no loyalty to him or the place he is trying to run as a business.
Within 5 minutes there was another member of staff in the unit.
Only when I finished ranting, and drew my breath again I realised how loudly I had been speaking and how quiet my mother had become.
"Hello? Mum? You still there?" I asked into the phone
"Yes love I'm still here, I was just thinking that maybe you should become a union rep when you get back here?
You are so passionate about things and a little bit scary when you start ranting.
People will listen to you and you will probably get what you want."
Really?
I will get what I want?
Anything?
Hmmm, I might just think about that...
I am looking forward to a new challenge, a new job, a new flat, and a new life...
Maybe I will be a union rep?
And fight for the workers rights?
That would be cool.
Wednesday 18 March 2009
Today
Today has been a better day than the previous ones this week.
Unfortunately I didnt get my nails done because my girlie is sick, but it gave me another two extra hours in bed so I didnt complain too much.
I went shopping in hope to find a pair of trousers for Saturdays party and to my utter surprise and delerious happiness I found a pair!!
I also found some lovely jewlery, that I might only wear the once but that will be ok because it wasnt expensive.
Im getting nervous about saturday now...
What if only a handful of people turn up?
And I stand there with all the food and see the look on peoples faces..:
"Not so popular as she thought, is she?"
But at the end of the day the people that really matter will be there, to celebrate, drink and dance with me, all night long.
Or at least until midnight, when I might turn into a pumpkin because Ive had too much to drink.
I love this song at the moment, hopefully the DJ will play it on Saturday.
it sounds like the singer has got a Swedish accent, but aparently it's Billy Ray Cyrus son, Miley Cyrus brother...
I know Im an immature geeky teenager for even knowing that...
Unfortunately I didnt get my nails done because my girlie is sick, but it gave me another two extra hours in bed so I didnt complain too much.
I went shopping in hope to find a pair of trousers for Saturdays party and to my utter surprise and delerious happiness I found a pair!!
I also found some lovely jewlery, that I might only wear the once but that will be ok because it wasnt expensive.
Im getting nervous about saturday now...
What if only a handful of people turn up?
And I stand there with all the food and see the look on peoples faces..:
"Not so popular as she thought, is she?"
But at the end of the day the people that really matter will be there, to celebrate, drink and dance with me, all night long.
Or at least until midnight, when I might turn into a pumpkin because Ive had too much to drink.
I love this song at the moment, hopefully the DJ will play it on Saturday.
it sounds like the singer has got a Swedish accent, but aparently it's Billy Ray Cyrus son, Miley Cyrus brother...
I know Im an immature geeky teenager for even knowing that...
MigraineVirus
Ive had a few horrible days.
Started with the worst headache I have ever experienced, I really did think that my head would explode, and I almost wished it to, because then at least I wouldn't be able to feel it anymore.
My friend Shelley took pity on me and gave me some strong painkillers, and I slept for 18(!) hours.
I certainly felt better, but still very "spaced out" and "hazy".
When I then turned on my computer something pinged up and told me I have a virus and am recommended to buy "antivirus spyware" (or something like that)
Luckily i decided to get a second opinion so i went to a "Computer clinic" thinking i would leave it with them, hence why I parked in a loading bay..
Well silly lucky me, the man said that he would sort it there and then and so he did.
35 mins later I walked out of the shop happy that i no longer have a nasty virus on my laptop, but not so happy to realise that I have a parking ticket.
£70! But if I pay within 14 days it will be reduced to £35..
Lucky lucky silly stupid me.
On a happier note the preparations for my party has started.
Today I'm going to "Poppy's parlour" to get my nails done, on Friday I'm getting food and decorations, on Saturday me and Shelley are putting the decorations up before I have my hair done before my party starts at 7pm.
Hopefully i will not have another migraine or feel woozy from painkillers or anything else nasty, I just want to feel good, relaxed and happy.
This weeks movie tip is "What happens in Vegas"
I have watched 4 times in 3 days.
This is what I do, when I find a film that i really like I will watch it on a loop, when I hear a song I like I put it on repeat and listen to it for a few hours.
Anyway, "What happens in Vegas" has got everything I look for in a film
Cameron Diaz is funny (and someone once said that i look like her!! A bigger version, but still..)and Ashton Kutcher is HOT!
It has such a great "feel good factor" and after watching it you will have started believing in love again and hopefully an Ashton "look-a-like" will walk into your life tomorrow.
So I will leave you with a clip from the film and hope you have a great day.
Started with the worst headache I have ever experienced, I really did think that my head would explode, and I almost wished it to, because then at least I wouldn't be able to feel it anymore.
My friend Shelley took pity on me and gave me some strong painkillers, and I slept for 18(!) hours.
I certainly felt better, but still very "spaced out" and "hazy".
When I then turned on my computer something pinged up and told me I have a virus and am recommended to buy "antivirus spyware" (or something like that)
Luckily i decided to get a second opinion so i went to a "Computer clinic" thinking i would leave it with them, hence why I parked in a loading bay..
Well silly lucky me, the man said that he would sort it there and then and so he did.
35 mins later I walked out of the shop happy that i no longer have a nasty virus on my laptop, but not so happy to realise that I have a parking ticket.
£70! But if I pay within 14 days it will be reduced to £35..
Lucky lucky silly stupid me.
On a happier note the preparations for my party has started.
Today I'm going to "Poppy's parlour" to get my nails done, on Friday I'm getting food and decorations, on Saturday me and Shelley are putting the decorations up before I have my hair done before my party starts at 7pm.
Hopefully i will not have another migraine or feel woozy from painkillers or anything else nasty, I just want to feel good, relaxed and happy.
This weeks movie tip is "What happens in Vegas"
I have watched 4 times in 3 days.
This is what I do, when I find a film that i really like I will watch it on a loop, when I hear a song I like I put it on repeat and listen to it for a few hours.
Anyway, "What happens in Vegas" has got everything I look for in a film
Cameron Diaz is funny (and someone once said that i look like her!! A bigger version, but still..)and Ashton Kutcher is HOT!
It has such a great "feel good factor" and after watching it you will have started believing in love again and hopefully an Ashton "look-a-like" will walk into your life tomorrow.
So I will leave you with a clip from the film and hope you have a great day.
Saturday 14 March 2009
Bath time
I have just had a bath.
This is fairly rare for me, I don't really like baths, to quote Chandler in Friends:
"Whats so good about baths? You just sit there stewing in your own filth"
People say that having a bath is so relaxing, it takes away all your stress and eases your tense muscles.
Well... I disagree.
Firstly because it's boring. Sitting in water with nothing to do, Ive tried to read a book, but normally drop it in the water and even if I put it on the radiator to dry it is never the same after. Its like all the "magic" has been washed away.
Listen to music? Yes OK I can do that, but that requires that i take my laptop up to the bathroom and then it has to sit outside on the landing because I don't trust myself not to splash water on it, and that would also mean that everyone else in the house would have to listen to whatever I am listening to and I somehow cant see that going down a treat.
But tonight I decided that a bath was in order because my legs needed shaving.
I shave my legs, cant do waxing on my own, too painful and I'm not too keen on the idea to pay someone else to torture me.
So razor and shaving foam it is.
I don't need to shave very often, every 6 months ish...
I don't know if it is because I am blond or if I am actually partly albino. But the hair on my body just doesn't grow very fast and shaving my legs every 5-6 months is absolutely fine.
But I still have the issue of "stewing in own filth", so before i have a bath I have a shower and wash my hair.
That is another thing, I cant wash my hair in the bath, get dirty shampoo remains stuck to myself. Unpleasant.
Tonight I also put a deep conditioner on my hair to work its magic whilst I "relaxed" in my bath.
I put lots of bubbles in the water and hoped for aching muscles to loosen up.
They didn't.
As I've mentioned before I'm 6ft tall so I don't really fit into a bath as one would like to, with result of tense muscles in neck is nowhere near water and knees are getting cold.
I quickly shaved my legs (which was the whole point of having a bath)
I then had to have another shower to rinse out the deep conditioner from my hair and all the bubbles from the bath which were clinging on for dear life to my body.
The water was hot and pelted down on my neck, I could feel my muscles easing and i started to feel my knees again.
That is what I call relaxing!
All in all I have been in the bathroom for nearly 2 hours!
And the thing that made me relax the most only took 10 minutes.
I have now slathered myself in moisturizer and put a "cooling gel" on my feet, (they need some TLC as well..) and I'm tucked up in bed ready for my dvd night.
I bet i wont stay awake through the first film...
This is fairly rare for me, I don't really like baths, to quote Chandler in Friends:
"Whats so good about baths? You just sit there stewing in your own filth"
People say that having a bath is so relaxing, it takes away all your stress and eases your tense muscles.
Well... I disagree.
Firstly because it's boring. Sitting in water with nothing to do, Ive tried to read a book, but normally drop it in the water and even if I put it on the radiator to dry it is never the same after. Its like all the "magic" has been washed away.
Listen to music? Yes OK I can do that, but that requires that i take my laptop up to the bathroom and then it has to sit outside on the landing because I don't trust myself not to splash water on it, and that would also mean that everyone else in the house would have to listen to whatever I am listening to and I somehow cant see that going down a treat.
But tonight I decided that a bath was in order because my legs needed shaving.
I shave my legs, cant do waxing on my own, too painful and I'm not too keen on the idea to pay someone else to torture me.
So razor and shaving foam it is.
I don't need to shave very often, every 6 months ish...
I don't know if it is because I am blond or if I am actually partly albino. But the hair on my body just doesn't grow very fast and shaving my legs every 5-6 months is absolutely fine.
But I still have the issue of "stewing in own filth", so before i have a bath I have a shower and wash my hair.
That is another thing, I cant wash my hair in the bath, get dirty shampoo remains stuck to myself. Unpleasant.
Tonight I also put a deep conditioner on my hair to work its magic whilst I "relaxed" in my bath.
I put lots of bubbles in the water and hoped for aching muscles to loosen up.
They didn't.
As I've mentioned before I'm 6ft tall so I don't really fit into a bath as one would like to, with result of tense muscles in neck is nowhere near water and knees are getting cold.
I quickly shaved my legs (which was the whole point of having a bath)
I then had to have another shower to rinse out the deep conditioner from my hair and all the bubbles from the bath which were clinging on for dear life to my body.
The water was hot and pelted down on my neck, I could feel my muscles easing and i started to feel my knees again.
That is what I call relaxing!
All in all I have been in the bathroom for nearly 2 hours!
And the thing that made me relax the most only took 10 minutes.
I have now slathered myself in moisturizer and put a "cooling gel" on my feet, (they need some TLC as well..) and I'm tucked up in bed ready for my dvd night.
I bet i wont stay awake through the first film...
Saturday shopping
I have spent the morning in the shops, which is most rare for me, I'm not a keen shopper and an hour is more than enough.
But today I have been out for nearly four hours (!) and am still calm.
I'm shopping for my outfit for my party next week (I cant believe how quick the time has gone!)
I wanted to get a top with my trademark plunging neck line, but was out of luck, apparently that is not the trend anymore (I thought "get them out" tops ALWAYS was in fashion, like the little black dress)
I found a top on the internet that Ive ordered with express delivery so it should arrive on Monday which will give me time to try it on and decide if its good or bad.
(If its bad i will need to take a day off work to go hunting for something else, simple as that)
But I also need shoes and bling bling.
I love jewelry, classic, timeless and exquisite pieces but also fake and fun things that you can afford to buy lots of, for partying.
I have looked at some things, but cant decide until I have my top and know if I like it or not.
That leaves me with the dilemma of shoes...
I love shoes, especially high heels, but at 6ft I cant wear them.
I'm sure there is someone out there shouting : "Yes you can!"
No I cant!
I cant walk in heels and with both my ankles fractured in the past, I look like a new born calf trying to walk...
Its not pretty...
I have to stick with flats or maximum 3 inches...that's life unfortunately.
Saw some lovely ones on the same website as my top and I SHOULD have ordered them, but I thought I would look in the shops first...
I'm an idiot I know...
Hopefully I will have the rest of my wages in my account by Monday and i can order them then.
Today I am going to another party.
Its at work for my favourite client, she will be 70 next week so we are having her party this afternoon.
I have bought her some tactile toys which she loves, I know we are not supposed to have "favourite" clients but she is the coolest rocking granny there ever was.
I am also "cat sitting" this week.
Need to feed my friends cats twice a day, which is no problem, as long as I don't forget... I have visions of me waking up at 3am and having to drive over there because I forgot...
After party and cat feeding duties I am looking forward to a dvd night.
I have pop corn, and 5(!) new dvds
(I really MUST stop buying dvds...the boxes will not fit in the car...)
Hope you all have a good Saturday
But today I have been out for nearly four hours (!) and am still calm.
I'm shopping for my outfit for my party next week (I cant believe how quick the time has gone!)
I wanted to get a top with my trademark plunging neck line, but was out of luck, apparently that is not the trend anymore (I thought "get them out" tops ALWAYS was in fashion, like the little black dress)
I found a top on the internet that Ive ordered with express delivery so it should arrive on Monday which will give me time to try it on and decide if its good or bad.
(If its bad i will need to take a day off work to go hunting for something else, simple as that)
But I also need shoes and bling bling.
I love jewelry, classic, timeless and exquisite pieces but also fake and fun things that you can afford to buy lots of, for partying.
I have looked at some things, but cant decide until I have my top and know if I like it or not.
That leaves me with the dilemma of shoes...
I love shoes, especially high heels, but at 6ft I cant wear them.
I'm sure there is someone out there shouting : "Yes you can!"
No I cant!
I cant walk in heels and with both my ankles fractured in the past, I look like a new born calf trying to walk...
Its not pretty...
I have to stick with flats or maximum 3 inches...that's life unfortunately.
Saw some lovely ones on the same website as my top and I SHOULD have ordered them, but I thought I would look in the shops first...
I'm an idiot I know...
Hopefully I will have the rest of my wages in my account by Monday and i can order them then.
Today I am going to another party.
Its at work for my favourite client, she will be 70 next week so we are having her party this afternoon.
I have bought her some tactile toys which she loves, I know we are not supposed to have "favourite" clients but she is the coolest rocking granny there ever was.
I am also "cat sitting" this week.
Need to feed my friends cats twice a day, which is no problem, as long as I don't forget... I have visions of me waking up at 3am and having to drive over there because I forgot...
After party and cat feeding duties I am looking forward to a dvd night.
I have pop corn, and 5(!) new dvds
(I really MUST stop buying dvds...the boxes will not fit in the car...)
Hope you all have a good Saturday
Friday 13 March 2009
Rude, insulting but comforting words
I think I am developing stress related Tourettes...
The word that has been popping out of my mouth all day today is "whore!!"
Said not very loudly but very passionately, and as soon as the word has flown out of my mouth I feel so much better.
Today my stress reached a new level.
Today is my pay day, I always look forward to this day with the excitement of a child at Christmas, only to be fairly disappointed since as soon as the money has gone into my account it gets taken out again, by rent, bills and tax...
But I nearly had a heart attack when I read my statement this morning...
Surely that couldn't be right??
And it wasn't.
My boss had "forgot" to add 53 (!) hrs I did last month.
Which means I'm £300 ish short!
The big boss will be in on Monday and sort it out...
Its not as bad as it could be, my bills don't get taken from my account until the end of the month so Ive a few days leeway...
But still..
I had planned to spoil myself before going to work today, now that went down the drain...
Thankfully my (hopefully) temporary tourettes kept itself at bay and i didn't shout Whore!! at my boss...
Could see me not getting a good reference to take with me to Sweden...
I am fully aware of that calling someone a whore is neither big or clever and certainly not nice or lady like.
And I would like to point out that its not something I normally call other people, at least not their face...
I have calmed down somewhat, had a good shift at work and tonight is "Red nose day" and I'm watching "Comic Relief" on BBC 1.
For you who don't live in UK and is wondering "WTF?? Red nose who?"
This is a charity that works mainly in Africa and the UK to give people a better life.
Celebrities will "do funny things" and raise a lot of money for the charity.
I love the lead up to this event, you meet people in the shops or at work who raise money themselves and might shave off their eye brows, or a lot of men will wax their legs, chest or whole bodies.
All in the name of charity.
I love it and get rather carried away in my enthusiasm about the different acts but it is also heart breaking watching the people both in England and Africa who suffers so badly from Malaria, abuse or die in childbirth.
I admire the people who work so hard for the things they believe in and the amazing things they do for other people.
It makes me want to do something more than just call in or txt and donate £10.
I wonder if I could set up "Comic relief" in Sweden?
Or maybe there already is something similar?
I however got my spirits very rudely dampened by a friend I talked on the phone to earlier this evening.
"I would never waste my time with watching something like that. Everyone knows that all the money donated are always lost on taxes and wages"
Well how optimistic one can be...
I don't understand how one person can be so negative and boring.
It is a really good, funny program, and its for charity!
What did I say to her?
"Shut up you whore!"
I felt so much better afterwards.
The word that has been popping out of my mouth all day today is "whore!!"
Said not very loudly but very passionately, and as soon as the word has flown out of my mouth I feel so much better.
Today my stress reached a new level.
Today is my pay day, I always look forward to this day with the excitement of a child at Christmas, only to be fairly disappointed since as soon as the money has gone into my account it gets taken out again, by rent, bills and tax...
But I nearly had a heart attack when I read my statement this morning...
Surely that couldn't be right??
And it wasn't.
My boss had "forgot" to add 53 (!) hrs I did last month.
Which means I'm £300 ish short!
The big boss will be in on Monday and sort it out...
Its not as bad as it could be, my bills don't get taken from my account until the end of the month so Ive a few days leeway...
But still..
I had planned to spoil myself before going to work today, now that went down the drain...
Thankfully my (hopefully) temporary tourettes kept itself at bay and i didn't shout Whore!! at my boss...
Could see me not getting a good reference to take with me to Sweden...
I am fully aware of that calling someone a whore is neither big or clever and certainly not nice or lady like.
And I would like to point out that its not something I normally call other people, at least not their face...
I have calmed down somewhat, had a good shift at work and tonight is "Red nose day" and I'm watching "Comic Relief" on BBC 1.
For you who don't live in UK and is wondering "WTF?? Red nose who?"
This is a charity that works mainly in Africa and the UK to give people a better life.
Celebrities will "do funny things" and raise a lot of money for the charity.
I love the lead up to this event, you meet people in the shops or at work who raise money themselves and might shave off their eye brows, or a lot of men will wax their legs, chest or whole bodies.
All in the name of charity.
I love it and get rather carried away in my enthusiasm about the different acts but it is also heart breaking watching the people both in England and Africa who suffers so badly from Malaria, abuse or die in childbirth.
I admire the people who work so hard for the things they believe in and the amazing things they do for other people.
It makes me want to do something more than just call in or txt and donate £10.
I wonder if I could set up "Comic relief" in Sweden?
Or maybe there already is something similar?
I however got my spirits very rudely dampened by a friend I talked on the phone to earlier this evening.
"I would never waste my time with watching something like that. Everyone knows that all the money donated are always lost on taxes and wages"
Well how optimistic one can be...
I don't understand how one person can be so negative and boring.
It is a really good, funny program, and its for charity!
What did I say to her?
"Shut up you whore!"
I felt so much better afterwards.
Thursday 12 March 2009
Comfort food.
Hormones still seem to bother me today, I'm still in a fairly bad mood and I'm sure that my colleagues can vouch for me being a bit grumpy this morning.
I cant seem to snap out of it, Ive been for a walk, Ive listened to good music and Ive been perving over David Boreanaz for quite some time now.
Still nothing.
So I have yet again fallen victim for my favorite thing in the whole world:
Food.
And not good healthy food...
The badder the better really, and my favourite is chocolate.
Most of my friends loose weight when they are stressed and unhappy, then put on weight when they are happy and content..
Not me.
When I'm stressed and miserable I cant stop eating.
And when I'm happy, settled and at peace I loose weight.
So if you look at me you can figure that I have been miserable for a long long LONG time.
At one time in my life I used to put my fingers down my throat after every meal.
It was a sort of release and I felt I had done something good, but mainly it was because my best friend did it too and i wanted to be more like her..
I think for me it was a phase i went through and thankfully i never fully developed bulimia or anorexia, two illnesses Ive seen ruin lives of those close to me.
I'm not sure that my relationship with food is any better however.
But I don't seem to obsess about food in the same way.
I have a few friends who have or are about to have gastric bypass operations, to help them loose weight.
It has made me wonder if its something that i should look into?
But is half a cup of food three times a day how I want to live?
And there is still a risk that you will stretch your stomach after the op, obviously not straight away but with time it could happen apparently.
My weight has yo-yo'ed my whole life pretty much, Ive never been thin, but eight years ago I had some seriously sexy curves on me (ha)
So what happened?
What made me loose control and not know when I was full up?
Well a lot of things happened, I was unfairly fired from a job I loved.
I was badly let down by a man I was in love with and I miscarried our baby, I think I was very close to a nervous breakdown.
Somehow I think I felt that food was my only comfort, food didn't ask uncomfortable questions, food wouldn't say horrible things about me and food made me feel safe.
I didn't put my fingers in my throat anymore, so the weight piled on rather quickly.
I have had another three miscarriages after that and everytime the food was there to give me comfort.
Comfort I couldn't find anywhere else, it filled me and helped me not to think so much about the pain, both the physical and emotional pain.
It is hard to write this, I didn't tell anyone about what i was going through, the one I wanted to be there for me wasn't, so for some reason I thought that no one else would be either.
I lost my faith in everyone and everything, I didn't trust that my friends could handle my pain, so I shut them out and locked myself away.
I did come out every now and then, but I think it is safe to say that I had changed and unfortunately I'm still that person who I changed into.
I can honestly say that I don't know if "the old me" is still in there somewhere and if She will ever come back.
I guess only time can tell.
I did find that the times I spent at home, in Sweden with my parents I always lost some weight, even over Christmas.
So that is my hopes for the future, that coming back home will calm me, give me inner peace and the food issues will sort itself out without too many tears on my behalf.
I cant seem to snap out of it, Ive been for a walk, Ive listened to good music and Ive been perving over David Boreanaz for quite some time now.
Still nothing.
So I have yet again fallen victim for my favorite thing in the whole world:
Food.
And not good healthy food...
The badder the better really, and my favourite is chocolate.
Most of my friends loose weight when they are stressed and unhappy, then put on weight when they are happy and content..
Not me.
When I'm stressed and miserable I cant stop eating.
And when I'm happy, settled and at peace I loose weight.
So if you look at me you can figure that I have been miserable for a long long LONG time.
At one time in my life I used to put my fingers down my throat after every meal.
It was a sort of release and I felt I had done something good, but mainly it was because my best friend did it too and i wanted to be more like her..
I think for me it was a phase i went through and thankfully i never fully developed bulimia or anorexia, two illnesses Ive seen ruin lives of those close to me.
I'm not sure that my relationship with food is any better however.
But I don't seem to obsess about food in the same way.
I have a few friends who have or are about to have gastric bypass operations, to help them loose weight.
It has made me wonder if its something that i should look into?
But is half a cup of food three times a day how I want to live?
And there is still a risk that you will stretch your stomach after the op, obviously not straight away but with time it could happen apparently.
My weight has yo-yo'ed my whole life pretty much, Ive never been thin, but eight years ago I had some seriously sexy curves on me (ha)
So what happened?
What made me loose control and not know when I was full up?
Well a lot of things happened, I was unfairly fired from a job I loved.
I was badly let down by a man I was in love with and I miscarried our baby, I think I was very close to a nervous breakdown.
Somehow I think I felt that food was my only comfort, food didn't ask uncomfortable questions, food wouldn't say horrible things about me and food made me feel safe.
I didn't put my fingers in my throat anymore, so the weight piled on rather quickly.
I have had another three miscarriages after that and everytime the food was there to give me comfort.
Comfort I couldn't find anywhere else, it filled me and helped me not to think so much about the pain, both the physical and emotional pain.
It is hard to write this, I didn't tell anyone about what i was going through, the one I wanted to be there for me wasn't, so for some reason I thought that no one else would be either.
I lost my faith in everyone and everything, I didn't trust that my friends could handle my pain, so I shut them out and locked myself away.
I did come out every now and then, but I think it is safe to say that I had changed and unfortunately I'm still that person who I changed into.
I can honestly say that I don't know if "the old me" is still in there somewhere and if She will ever come back.
I guess only time can tell.
I did find that the times I spent at home, in Sweden with my parents I always lost some weight, even over Christmas.
So that is my hopes for the future, that coming back home will calm me, give me inner peace and the food issues will sort itself out without too many tears on my behalf.
Wednesday 11 March 2009
Hormones...
Is it just me?
Who turns into a bit of a monster once a month?
No of course I'm not, and for that I am grateful, at least half of the earthly population understands me..
I am grumpy!
To say the least.
And today several people have been on the receiving end of my wrath.
After I came home from being stood up (I COULD have left a very nasty message on her answering machine, but chose not to since there is a small small risk of accident) I had started the very exciting task of shredding 13 years of paper work that I wont need living in Sweden. This in it self is NOT fun but then there was a very loud bang on the door followed by an intense ringing of the doorbell.
Which didn't end...
Who ever was out there was determined not to be ignored so I had to get up and go to the door.
I yanked the door open and stared at the postman.
"Hi there are you Maude? Ive got a parcel for you."
Something snapped in me there and then.
I felt the blood rush to my head and I let out a sort of "roar"...
"Do I look like my name is MAUDE??"
The poor man almost fell down the stairs...
"Erm sorry I don't know....I have a parcel here can you sign for it?"
"NO"
I did calm down a little bit but I point blank refused to take Maude's parcel and slammed the door in the postman's face.
Only to get to my senses as soon as i got back in my room.
I hoped he would still be out there so once again I yanked the door open and shouted "HEY WAIT"
In his face........he was still right outside the door...writing a note for Maude.....
I apologised and said that of course I would take her parcel and then tried to explain that I am on my period and my hormones are running riot....
He didn't say a word, just handed me the parcel and the pad to sign on...
Well...I cant be popular with everyone can I?
And unfortunately it doesn't stop there...
I went to have a shower.
And was AGAIN hit on the head by the shower curtain thingy...
It really hurt this time...So I called my landlady and shouted at her, telling her "That thing is a safety hazard!! And I could have been knocked unconscious (yeah right..) and if its not sorted this week I will report her to the tenancy union"
I don't actually know what "The tenancy union" is....
And I'm half expecting her to turn up here with staff from the mental unit in tow..they will talk calmly to me and then ask me to put on the nice white jacket they have brought just for me....
Hopefully it wont come to that...
And in America there are women who have been let off murder charges because they were on their periods...so surely a little shouting wont get me into too much trouble..?
But the last thing that has happened (well so far, the day isn't over yet) is that I got an email from my friend giving me details of her afternoon of passion with her boyfriend.
Whom I have met.
So now I have the image of them "bonking like rabbits on the kitchen table" (and chairs and floor...HER words! Not mine)
It is very disturbing and I am scarred for life!
That white jacket doesn't actually sound so bad now...
This has been a rather stressful day, I now need dinner and chill in front of the telly.
Hopefully my house mates will keep their distance while I prepare my food, I cant guarantee that i will keep calm...
All this stress because of hormones!
And men think they have a hard life...
Who turns into a bit of a monster once a month?
No of course I'm not, and for that I am grateful, at least half of the earthly population understands me..
I am grumpy!
To say the least.
And today several people have been on the receiving end of my wrath.
After I came home from being stood up (I COULD have left a very nasty message on her answering machine, but chose not to since there is a small small risk of accident) I had started the very exciting task of shredding 13 years of paper work that I wont need living in Sweden. This in it self is NOT fun but then there was a very loud bang on the door followed by an intense ringing of the doorbell.
Which didn't end...
Who ever was out there was determined not to be ignored so I had to get up and go to the door.
I yanked the door open and stared at the postman.
"Hi there are you Maude? Ive got a parcel for you."
Something snapped in me there and then.
I felt the blood rush to my head and I let out a sort of "roar"...
"Do I look like my name is MAUDE??"
The poor man almost fell down the stairs...
"Erm sorry I don't know....I have a parcel here can you sign for it?"
"NO"
I did calm down a little bit but I point blank refused to take Maude's parcel and slammed the door in the postman's face.
Only to get to my senses as soon as i got back in my room.
I hoped he would still be out there so once again I yanked the door open and shouted "HEY WAIT"
In his face........he was still right outside the door...writing a note for Maude.....
I apologised and said that of course I would take her parcel and then tried to explain that I am on my period and my hormones are running riot....
He didn't say a word, just handed me the parcel and the pad to sign on...
Well...I cant be popular with everyone can I?
And unfortunately it doesn't stop there...
I went to have a shower.
And was AGAIN hit on the head by the shower curtain thingy...
It really hurt this time...So I called my landlady and shouted at her, telling her "That thing is a safety hazard!! And I could have been knocked unconscious (yeah right..) and if its not sorted this week I will report her to the tenancy union"
I don't actually know what "The tenancy union" is....
And I'm half expecting her to turn up here with staff from the mental unit in tow..they will talk calmly to me and then ask me to put on the nice white jacket they have brought just for me....
Hopefully it wont come to that...
And in America there are women who have been let off murder charges because they were on their periods...so surely a little shouting wont get me into too much trouble..?
But the last thing that has happened (well so far, the day isn't over yet) is that I got an email from my friend giving me details of her afternoon of passion with her boyfriend.
Whom I have met.
So now I have the image of them "bonking like rabbits on the kitchen table" (and chairs and floor...HER words! Not mine)
It is very disturbing and I am scarred for life!
That white jacket doesn't actually sound so bad now...
This has been a rather stressful day, I now need dinner and chill in front of the telly.
Hopefully my house mates will keep their distance while I prepare my food, I cant guarantee that i will keep calm...
All this stress because of hormones!
And men think they have a hard life...
STOOD UP!!
I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee at 10 am today.
10 o'clock is a bit early for me to be up, showered and ready on my day off ..but since I haven't seen her for nearly 2 years I made an exemption...
And she STOOD ME UP!!!
I send her a txt and I called her, but got no reply.
I am not impressed to say the least.
I wont think too many bad thoughts, if something has happened I will feel extremely guilty..
So instead I spent some time window shopping, looking for an outfit for my party, and i found nothing!
I want something glamorous, sparkling and flattering.
But there seems to be some sort of cowboy trend going on.
I'm not impressed with that either.
So I bought a new mascara instead.
And drove home, to relax and wind down.
Maybe I will get some more sleep?
10 o'clock is a bit early for me to be up, showered and ready on my day off ..but since I haven't seen her for nearly 2 years I made an exemption...
And she STOOD ME UP!!!
I send her a txt and I called her, but got no reply.
I am not impressed to say the least.
I wont think too many bad thoughts, if something has happened I will feel extremely guilty..
So instead I spent some time window shopping, looking for an outfit for my party, and i found nothing!
I want something glamorous, sparkling and flattering.
But there seems to be some sort of cowboy trend going on.
I'm not impressed with that either.
So I bought a new mascara instead.
And drove home, to relax and wind down.
Maybe I will get some more sleep?
Sunday 8 March 2009
Rainy Sunday by the sea
Ive got the window open and listening to the rain, it is so peaceful and calming.
It has been a lovely sunny day and around lunch time i took a stroll along the beach, something I haven't done for a long while.
I used to walk all the time, along the beach or in the town, with music on my Walkman I would walk for hours when I was feeling low and my spirits needed lifting.
I haven't got a Walkman anymore but am hoping that someone will buy me an ipod soon....
My lungs was aching a bit but I carried on in slow pace and allowed the sun to warm my face.
The sea was glistering and people were spending time on their boats, it looked nice but I didn't wish to be out there myself.
Ive never been a boat fan, I get sea sick too easily and I'm not 100% sure that there isn't some kind of sea monster down there...
One that is just waiting for me to go out on a boat so it can tip it over and drown me or eat me, then i have to spend ages in the tummy, like Jonah and the whale....
I can be without that so I'm staying put on dry land if no one minds?
By the time I came home the blues had almost vanished and I felt much better.
I would like to have the day off tomorrow as well, but since I only have another 3 weeks left to work, I figure I should just stick it out.
By the looks of things I will have at least the whole of April off which would be just wonderful.
I'm running myself a bath to relax a bit more and then have an early night, so I can be fresh tomorrows work.
I will keep the window open in the bathroom so to hear the rain whilst I'm in the bath, I'm hoping that it will take me to a higher level of relaxation
It has been a lovely sunny day and around lunch time i took a stroll along the beach, something I haven't done for a long while.
I used to walk all the time, along the beach or in the town, with music on my Walkman I would walk for hours when I was feeling low and my spirits needed lifting.
I haven't got a Walkman anymore but am hoping that someone will buy me an ipod soon....
My lungs was aching a bit but I carried on in slow pace and allowed the sun to warm my face.
The sea was glistering and people were spending time on their boats, it looked nice but I didn't wish to be out there myself.
Ive never been a boat fan, I get sea sick too easily and I'm not 100% sure that there isn't some kind of sea monster down there...
One that is just waiting for me to go out on a boat so it can tip it over and drown me or eat me, then i have to spend ages in the tummy, like Jonah and the whale....
I can be without that so I'm staying put on dry land if no one minds?
By the time I came home the blues had almost vanished and I felt much better.
I would like to have the day off tomorrow as well, but since I only have another 3 weeks left to work, I figure I should just stick it out.
By the looks of things I will have at least the whole of April off which would be just wonderful.
I'm running myself a bath to relax a bit more and then have an early night, so I can be fresh tomorrows work.
I will keep the window open in the bathroom so to hear the rain whilst I'm in the bath, I'm hoping that it will take me to a higher level of relaxation
Saturday 7 March 2009
Saturday night (live?)
Its 01.21am and Ive come home after a night on the tiles, well that is what it was meant to be anyway.
I have washed my face, moisturised, read a bit in my book and got a muffin to eat when Ive finished writing.
So it wasn't a very late crazy night like the time when I came home covered in Red Bull and had money in my knickers...
I wont bore you with the details because it is nothing like it sounds...
I'm proud to say that I have avoided drunk calling or txting people, that used to be my thing (and a lot of other peoples "thing" I suppose) and you would wisely turn your phone off before going to sleep if you knew that I was out drinking... I must be growing up...finally!
But it might also be the fact that I'm not particularly drunk at the moment, not drunk at all come to think about it..
But I am getting old that is for sure, and here is why:
Whilst standing in the last pub/bar we went to, the music and light show started to make me feel sick, i am so tired at the moment and at one point i was sure i was having a seizure, but since i could still talk and walk I ruled that out.
But I knew that I had to get out of there. Quickly.
So walked to taxi but didnt even discuss having kebab, pizza or even chips!
We must be growing up..
Im really looking forward to tomorrow, it will be a chill out day with good dvds, books and a never ending supply of cold drinks.
I will let you know how it goes.
Have a great sunday all
I have washed my face, moisturised, read a bit in my book and got a muffin to eat when Ive finished writing.
So it wasn't a very late crazy night like the time when I came home covered in Red Bull and had money in my knickers...
I wont bore you with the details because it is nothing like it sounds...
I'm proud to say that I have avoided drunk calling or txting people, that used to be my thing (and a lot of other peoples "thing" I suppose) and you would wisely turn your phone off before going to sleep if you knew that I was out drinking... I must be growing up...finally!
But it might also be the fact that I'm not particularly drunk at the moment, not drunk at all come to think about it..
But I am getting old that is for sure, and here is why:
Whilst standing in the last pub/bar we went to, the music and light show started to make me feel sick, i am so tired at the moment and at one point i was sure i was having a seizure, but since i could still talk and walk I ruled that out.
But I knew that I had to get out of there. Quickly.
So walked to taxi but didnt even discuss having kebab, pizza or even chips!
We must be growing up..
Im really looking forward to tomorrow, it will be a chill out day with good dvds, books and a never ending supply of cold drinks.
I will let you know how it goes.
Have a great sunday all
Friday 6 March 2009
Cheating dreams.....
Ive come home from work, its been a busy week but I'm now off for the weekend and Ive got that feeling of bliss in my tummy.
Ive cleansed my face, moisturized and am wearing clean pyjamas.
Last night i had yet another weird but quite funny dream.
8 years ago I used to work for a big ish hotel chain in our town. Across the road is a multi storey car park, but in my dream that was part of the hotel and I was in one of the rooms with a man I had just met and his friend and girlfriend.
For some reason I was wrapped in a towel but still decided to go outside and stand in the middle of the road.
At this point in my dream I spot Him, sitting in the garden of the Hotel with some people from his work, and I panic that he will see me.
Because for some reason I shouldn't actually be there with the new man.
So I tried to hide behind a big hedge but He spotted me before I had the chance to get down on my knees (as you do when you are hiding?!?)
He told me to stop hiding, He could actually see me..
So I jumped up and pretended I hadn't seen Him and tried to chat casually to Him, but his eyes were burning a whole in me and I blurted out "Ive cheated on you"
The look in his eyes was awful!
And it was the physical pain of guilt that woke me up this morning.
It took me a while to wake up properly and realise that it was only a dream, I wasn't out on the street in my towel, I haven't met another man and I haven't cheated.
I have never cheated on a boyfriend, Ive been cheated on several times and I would never cause another person pain like that.
But I wonder if that's what it feels like to cheat on someone you supposedly care about?
How do people in that case carry on cheating on their partners?
Or does it get easier with time?
Wouldn't life be more enjoyable if we stopped lying?
To each other and to ourselves?
Ive cleansed my face, moisturized and am wearing clean pyjamas.
Last night i had yet another weird but quite funny dream.
8 years ago I used to work for a big ish hotel chain in our town. Across the road is a multi storey car park, but in my dream that was part of the hotel and I was in one of the rooms with a man I had just met and his friend and girlfriend.
For some reason I was wrapped in a towel but still decided to go outside and stand in the middle of the road.
At this point in my dream I spot Him, sitting in the garden of the Hotel with some people from his work, and I panic that he will see me.
Because for some reason I shouldn't actually be there with the new man.
So I tried to hide behind a big hedge but He spotted me before I had the chance to get down on my knees (as you do when you are hiding?!?)
He told me to stop hiding, He could actually see me..
So I jumped up and pretended I hadn't seen Him and tried to chat casually to Him, but his eyes were burning a whole in me and I blurted out "Ive cheated on you"
The look in his eyes was awful!
And it was the physical pain of guilt that woke me up this morning.
It took me a while to wake up properly and realise that it was only a dream, I wasn't out on the street in my towel, I haven't met another man and I haven't cheated.
I have never cheated on a boyfriend, Ive been cheated on several times and I would never cause another person pain like that.
But I wonder if that's what it feels like to cheat on someone you supposedly care about?
How do people in that case carry on cheating on their partners?
Or does it get easier with time?
Wouldn't life be more enjoyable if we stopped lying?
To each other and to ourselves?
Thursday 5 March 2009
The life we choose?
Do we really get to choose the life we want?
Is it that simple to "choose" the job we want, the job we want and the partner we want to share our life with and then we live happily ever after?
Yes to a certain extent of course we get to choose what we want from life, who we want as our friends and where we go on holiday.
But do we really choose who to love?
I recieved an email this morning from a friend, who said I need to "get a move on" if I want a family...
Oh right....I need to get a move on?
Thats all it takes?
Determination?
The men i dated before Him, everyone said I wasnt good enough for them, I wasnt pretty enough, or cool enough and I certainly didnt have trendy enough clothes to be "girl friend material." Their families apparently never approved of me and all thought that their son/brother/cousin could do so much better than someone like me.
The thing is, it wasnt prince William I was dating, these were normal guys with everyday 9-5 jobs, who went to the pub on fridays and had a take away on saturdays.
And then there was Him.
Who thought i was more than good enough for him.
I got on fine with his mum, his nan is a lovely lady and I could handle being in the same room as his dad for a few hours.
And then He proposed to me.
I honestly was on cloud nr 9...
Finally here was sommeone who loved me and cared for me and was prepared to make his commitment to me official.
We were planning for all our babies and what a big house we would need to fit them all in.
And then it was taken away from me.
Over night it was all in pieces and ruins.
That was not my choice...
I chose to get married, to start a family and live a peaceful life with my husband and children.
I did not chose to be forced into starting over again on my own at this point in my life.
I am not looking forward to getting any more emails, or phone calls, or meeting people who tell me I need to "get a move on"
I just feel I have had enough for one year, to have to explain to people that "No I wont be getting married after all, because yet again Im not good enough to committ to"
But no that is not my choice...
Is it that simple to "choose" the job we want, the job we want and the partner we want to share our life with and then we live happily ever after?
Yes to a certain extent of course we get to choose what we want from life, who we want as our friends and where we go on holiday.
But do we really choose who to love?
I recieved an email this morning from a friend, who said I need to "get a move on" if I want a family...
Oh right....I need to get a move on?
Thats all it takes?
Determination?
The men i dated before Him, everyone said I wasnt good enough for them, I wasnt pretty enough, or cool enough and I certainly didnt have trendy enough clothes to be "girl friend material." Their families apparently never approved of me and all thought that their son/brother/cousin could do so much better than someone like me.
The thing is, it wasnt prince William I was dating, these were normal guys with everyday 9-5 jobs, who went to the pub on fridays and had a take away on saturdays.
And then there was Him.
Who thought i was more than good enough for him.
I got on fine with his mum, his nan is a lovely lady and I could handle being in the same room as his dad for a few hours.
And then He proposed to me.
I honestly was on cloud nr 9...
Finally here was sommeone who loved me and cared for me and was prepared to make his commitment to me official.
We were planning for all our babies and what a big house we would need to fit them all in.
And then it was taken away from me.
Over night it was all in pieces and ruins.
That was not my choice...
I chose to get married, to start a family and live a peaceful life with my husband and children.
I did not chose to be forced into starting over again on my own at this point in my life.
I am not looking forward to getting any more emails, or phone calls, or meeting people who tell me I need to "get a move on"
I just feel I have had enough for one year, to have to explain to people that "No I wont be getting married after all, because yet again Im not good enough to committ to"
But no that is not my choice...
Wednesday 4 March 2009
What happened...??
OK, so I went to have my shower, I had all my pampering things lined up on the side of the bath for easy access and was really looking forward to this.
After I had lathered up my hair with shampoo I get a sharp hit on the head.
The shower curtain with half the pole has come down on me and I get half tangled in the curtain since I cant see much with shampoo running down my face.
So I try to rinse my face and get off the bubbles from my eyes, at the same time as someone run another tap, or put the washing machine on, or did whatever with water.
So I burn my face on the water, I then tried to turn the temperature down and the water, I'm sure, turn to the verge of freezing.
I try to get out of the shower as quick as I can (still with some shampoo in my eyes and my face is sore from the burning water)
Obviously I don't lift my leg high enough to get out of the bath in a hurry, (why would I? then this story wouldnt be so humiliating) but instead get caught and fall head first towards the floor.
I managed to soften the fall by putting my hands out but I caught the toilet seat and was not far off putting my face to the bottom of the toilet.
At this time my heart was racing and I actually thanked (God?) for not hurting my face.
I just laid on the floor for a while and calmed my breath (its OK, our cleaning lady has been here today) my head resting on the cold floor tiles, it was calming the stinging on my face a bit.
I decided that an evening of pampering was not to happen, so I'm back in my room and have just realised that I haven't rinsed my hair........it has half dried, and is sticky but the same time hard of half dried shampoo...
So i now have to brave the bathroom again just to rinse my hair..
I would just like to know: "What the hell happened?"
After I had lathered up my hair with shampoo I get a sharp hit on the head.
The shower curtain with half the pole has come down on me and I get half tangled in the curtain since I cant see much with shampoo running down my face.
So I try to rinse my face and get off the bubbles from my eyes, at the same time as someone run another tap, or put the washing machine on, or did whatever with water.
So I burn my face on the water, I then tried to turn the temperature down and the water, I'm sure, turn to the verge of freezing.
I try to get out of the shower as quick as I can (still with some shampoo in my eyes and my face is sore from the burning water)
Obviously I don't lift my leg high enough to get out of the bath in a hurry, (why would I? then this story wouldnt be so humiliating) but instead get caught and fall head first towards the floor.
I managed to soften the fall by putting my hands out but I caught the toilet seat and was not far off putting my face to the bottom of the toilet.
At this time my heart was racing and I actually thanked (God?) for not hurting my face.
I just laid on the floor for a while and calmed my breath (its OK, our cleaning lady has been here today) my head resting on the cold floor tiles, it was calming the stinging on my face a bit.
I decided that an evening of pampering was not to happen, so I'm back in my room and have just realised that I haven't rinsed my hair........it has half dried, and is sticky but the same time hard of half dried shampoo...
So i now have to brave the bathroom again just to rinse my hair..
I would just like to know: "What the hell happened?"
MEN....
I have just come home from work and am curled up in bed waiting for inspiration to hit me like a brick in the face and transfer to my fingers and out onto the computer screen...
So far nothing...
I talked to my cousin in Canada and asked her to give me a subject to write about.
"Men" was her reply.
Well I suppose it is better than writing about what I had for lunch..(salad with caribean mango dressing, which was surprisingly spicy)
Or that I bought exfoliating gloves before coming home?
So I suppose men it is..
But what can I write that havent already been covered?
Men are weird, I will never understand them, and maybe I am not meant to?
Just as men will never understand women?
I do however think it is easier to understand a woman, men are just lazy and dont make enough effort...and Im sure men say the same thing about us..
I can see that this is going nowhere so Im off to use my new exfoliating gloves, put a deep conditioning on my hair and maybe even a face mask.
Then i will tuck myself up in bed again, put on my new pink fluffy bed socks which I also bought today and either watch one of the new dvds I bought (at the same time as the exfoliating gloves and the fluffy socks) or I will carry on with my Angel marathon.
There is no need to decide now, I can just see what I feel like after my shower.
The night is young and the world is my oyster, so I will take each minute as it come and dont feel pressurized into doing something I dont want to.
And that is enough philosophy for today.
So far nothing...
I talked to my cousin in Canada and asked her to give me a subject to write about.
"Men" was her reply.
Well I suppose it is better than writing about what I had for lunch..(salad with caribean mango dressing, which was surprisingly spicy)
Or that I bought exfoliating gloves before coming home?
So I suppose men it is..
But what can I write that havent already been covered?
Men are weird, I will never understand them, and maybe I am not meant to?
Just as men will never understand women?
I do however think it is easier to understand a woman, men are just lazy and dont make enough effort...and Im sure men say the same thing about us..
I can see that this is going nowhere so Im off to use my new exfoliating gloves, put a deep conditioning on my hair and maybe even a face mask.
Then i will tuck myself up in bed again, put on my new pink fluffy bed socks which I also bought today and either watch one of the new dvds I bought (at the same time as the exfoliating gloves and the fluffy socks) or I will carry on with my Angel marathon.
There is no need to decide now, I can just see what I feel like after my shower.
The night is young and the world is my oyster, so I will take each minute as it come and dont feel pressurized into doing something I dont want to.
And that is enough philosophy for today.
Monday 2 March 2009
Early riser
Last night I had a really bad headache, so i was in bed, asleep by 9pm, which was wonderful.
I'm not a night person, i love going to bed early and getting a really good nights sleep.
My mum used to say that you get the best sleep before midnight, and that is definitely true when it comes to me.
I feel at my best if I go to sleep no later than 10.30pm and then waking up at my own pace around 8am.
Today I was however awake at 6am, which in a way is OK, I can stay in bed, write and watch TV and maybe have a little nap around 11am.
What is not OK is the fact that my house mates are also awake and occupying the kitchen.
And even though I'm an early riser and enjoy mornings, I don't enjoy talking to people that early on.
Today they are however being rather quiet, which is typical isn't it?
On the days when I am peacefully asleep and want to stay like that, then they are lively and waking me up, thundering up and down the stairs.
But today, when i just want them to leave and preferably with some noise so that I know that they have left, they are tip toeing like a bunch of mice.
So I will hibernate in my room until they leave for work in approx an hour.
Or maybe today they will decide to leave later?
And i will be stuck in my room for hours, starving hungry and thirsty.
I'm not a night person, i love going to bed early and getting a really good nights sleep.
My mum used to say that you get the best sleep before midnight, and that is definitely true when it comes to me.
I feel at my best if I go to sleep no later than 10.30pm and then waking up at my own pace around 8am.
Today I was however awake at 6am, which in a way is OK, I can stay in bed, write and watch TV and maybe have a little nap around 11am.
What is not OK is the fact that my house mates are also awake and occupying the kitchen.
And even though I'm an early riser and enjoy mornings, I don't enjoy talking to people that early on.
Today they are however being rather quiet, which is typical isn't it?
On the days when I am peacefully asleep and want to stay like that, then they are lively and waking me up, thundering up and down the stairs.
But today, when i just want them to leave and preferably with some noise so that I know that they have left, they are tip toeing like a bunch of mice.
So I will hibernate in my room until they leave for work in approx an hour.
Or maybe today they will decide to leave later?
And i will be stuck in my room for hours, starving hungry and thirsty.
Sunday 1 March 2009
Paranoia??
I think everyone suffers from slight paranoia from time to time, when you think that EVERYONE is staring at you so you frantically check your face and teeth for remains from your last meal. Or check to see if your skirt is in your tights or there is toilet paper stuck to your shoe..?
Only to realise there is nothing out of the ordinary and people aren't really looking at you..
Then there are people who are more paranoid than others...
Who think they are being followed, sometimes by specific people who are hunting them to steal their valuable hat or something else ridiculous.
I met a paranoid policeman last night.
I was on my way to Alexandra but needed to pop into Tesco first, I noticed that I was driving behind a police car as I pulled out of my road.
He was also going to Tesco so I was basically driving behind him the whole way there.
I did think that maybe he thinks that I'm following him?
But then told myself not to be so silly, surely police men wont think like that?
Well how wrong I was...
I parked my car and walked towards the entrance, at the same time as the 2 officers got out of their car, they looked at each other, then looked at me.
I didn't really think much about it, but as I headed back to my car after buying my shampoo they walked out as well (maybe they only needed doughnuts?)
Again they looked at each other and then at me.
Then one of them spoke and the conversation went something like this:
"Excuse me miss, but can we help you?"
Me: "Erm...no I don't think so...?
Police: "I couldn't help but notice you were following us over here?"
Me: "Uhm..I just needed shampoo.....(and I held up my bag)
Police: "Right, OK, well drive safe"
As I drove away I started to wonder if that really did happen?
Or was it all just a fiction of my imagination?
I mean, how can a police officer be that paranoid?
Or is it me?
Do I look like a police stalker?
Or does he need counselling?
Maybe he was just blinded by my beauty??
And wanted an excuse to talk to me?
Yes that is what I will tell myself was the reason for this rather strange behaviour
Only to realise there is nothing out of the ordinary and people aren't really looking at you..
Then there are people who are more paranoid than others...
Who think they are being followed, sometimes by specific people who are hunting them to steal their valuable hat or something else ridiculous.
I met a paranoid policeman last night.
I was on my way to Alexandra but needed to pop into Tesco first, I noticed that I was driving behind a police car as I pulled out of my road.
He was also going to Tesco so I was basically driving behind him the whole way there.
I did think that maybe he thinks that I'm following him?
But then told myself not to be so silly, surely police men wont think like that?
Well how wrong I was...
I parked my car and walked towards the entrance, at the same time as the 2 officers got out of their car, they looked at each other, then looked at me.
I didn't really think much about it, but as I headed back to my car after buying my shampoo they walked out as well (maybe they only needed doughnuts?)
Again they looked at each other and then at me.
Then one of them spoke and the conversation went something like this:
"Excuse me miss, but can we help you?"
Me: "Erm...no I don't think so...?
Police: "I couldn't help but notice you were following us over here?"
Me: "Uhm..I just needed shampoo.....(and I held up my bag)
Police: "Right, OK, well drive safe"
As I drove away I started to wonder if that really did happen?
Or was it all just a fiction of my imagination?
I mean, how can a police officer be that paranoid?
Or is it me?
Do I look like a police stalker?
Or does he need counselling?
Maybe he was just blinded by my beauty??
And wanted an excuse to talk to me?
Yes that is what I will tell myself was the reason for this rather strange behaviour
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