So Proud!

Today was D-day which we have been practising, preparing and exercising for. The big football tournament!!
I have been feeling slightly sick with nerves the last couple of days since I didn't want the kids to be disappointed. And they weren't!
We came second!
Won four games with high scores 5-0, 6-0, 7-1 and 3-1!
Then we lost the last game and lost to the same team in the final. So they got nice silver medals and a great little trophy.
I am so proud of them all!
Well done guys!!

I then had an appointment for what I thought would be a massage with my personal trainer.
I was not so lucky...he wanted to examine my back that I had been complaining about for a while..
So I have been streched, prodded and taped with chinese "painkiller tape". My back is now killing me and I am exhausted!
I have had dinner a bit too late and have treated myself to some icecream.
Now I am just about ready for bed I think.
Night night.



The kids in our class are just as good as these guys...

Mesmerizing

I cant stop looking at the beauty that is my blog.
I am actually a bit stunned at how good it looks, I could never have done it myself.
I am tucking in to bed now. Cougartown just finished, my new favourite tvshow!
Tomorrow is what they call a "study day" so we are taking the kids to the beach.
Goodnight everyone.

CHECK IT OUT!!

Look at my new designed blog!!!
Is it not just GORGEOUS?
My colleague, Sofie da Silva, whose maternityleave I am currently covering, made it for me.
She is very clever when it comes to computers and sports and to top it off, she is beautiful too. So in theory I should hate her, like you hate all girls who are prettier and also smarter than yourself. But I dont. She is great and has really supported me from home and helped me make the gymclasses as good as possible.

So back to my lovely blog!
I love it!
The two other girls on the photo are none other than Donna and Kirstie, two beauties from Thanet!
I realise that I am writing a lot of "beautiful", "gorgeous", and soon probably "fab" and "fantastic".
So I will finish this post and then get back to just looking at my new fantastic, beautiful fab blog.
Thanks Sofie!

I want to dedicate this song to my great colleagues at work, when things are though and you just want to scream, think of this song and life gets a little bit easier.
It has just prevented someone from "moving in" in my head and insted made me smile....

Nerves and boredom

Today has been a pretty boring, slow day..
I have just relaxed at home, which has been good since I have a pretty busy week ahead of me. On Thursday my class is participating in a big football tournament. The kids are so excited and I am just a nervous wreck.
I know nothing about football, probably because I have no real interest in the sport..apart from when the European or World cup is on..
I just dont know what to do when we are actually on the field...how can I inspire them and encourage them so they do not run all over the field to where the ball is?
How can I make them interested enough to stay in the positions we have discussed together?
I feel sick just thinking about it.
Keep your fingers crossed that we will win a few games at least...

The difference is in the pro's and con's

As I said a few days ago I want to write about the differences with living in Sweden and living in England. And also about the difference between English people and Swedish people.
Before I start I have to say, that what I am about to write is written with a lot of love and humour, and it is written straight from my heart. There is absolutely no intention of upsetting or hurting anyone, I am just writing what I see and have experienced. And if I still manage to upset anyone I will apologise now. And also tell you not to be so sensitive... ;-)

So where do I start...I think work is the best place, since it is here that I find the biggest difference.
It's no secret that I have struggled to get to terms with the way employment works in Sweden. If you havent got a university degree you are not worth a lot. I have been to interviews where the person interviewing me has flicked through my CV and then sighed..."Dont you have any qualifications..??"
So I have explained that yes I qualified as a "child carer" in college and I have an NVQ 3 aswell, and I then get another sigh "What is an NVQ?? That is to no use here"
I have left interviews in tears more than once...And how much do you want to work at a place when you have been reduced to tears even before you even start?
You get nowhere without a degree in Sweden, and whereas I obviously think that an education is important, I think there are some things you cant be taught from a book, you have to learn by doing it and get the experience by working and making mistakes.
However, if you get sick, the support is much better in Sweden than in England. I have worked for managers who have told me that they dont believe people who say they are too sick to work, it is just a way to get a few extra day off..
In a way I can see their point, I have met more lazy people in England than in Sweden. I have met people who dont care about their colleagues who have to work twice as hard when they are just relaxing at home with their family or getting drunk in the pub. But it is not very nice when you have to make that phonecall telling your boss that you are not able to make it into work that day, when you are feeling like death warmed up, if it is with a rotten cold, stomach bug or tonsilitis and get the reply: "Hmphf, FINE! When will you come back?"
So it is a relief that when I had a week off work, my colleagues were generally concerned and when I came back they seemed happy that I felt better.

Another big difference between English people and Swedish people is family ties.
I have met many English people who has one or more close familymembers they dont speak to anymore. And I dont understand it at all, how can you fall out so badly with your mum or your sister that you just refuse to talk to them again. EVER?

Socialising in Sweden takes some planning...everyone is very organised and fill their diaries with social "appointments" months in advance. English people socialise in the pub, you go in, meet people you know and it is no big deal or weird at all to go out on your own if you go to your local pub.
To start off with we dont have pubs in Sweden, it is bars, bistros and restaurants. And only alcoholics or people with no friends go out on their own.
In Sweden we invite friends to our house for dinner, and most couples tear out their hair to try to make a perfect dinner and outdo the person they had dinner with the week before. You wouldn't serve spaghetti bolognese or lasagne at a dinner party...and you always serve at least three courses and coffee with possibly a liqoure after.
Whereas it is very rare to be invited to an English persons home. Someone once told me that English peoples house is the most sacred to them and they do not let people too close to themselves. If it is true or not I dont know...but I know that you socialise in a completely different way in Sweden and in England.
The relationship to alcohol is also like night and day.
Many English people will have a couple of drinks everyday. "Im just having a pint" or "Just a glass of wine". Whereas most Swedish people I know will only drink on weekends unless you are on holiday, and people will often take a month "off" alcohol. Especially just before or just after the annual holiday.
I cant say that I think one is better than the other. Meeting up with a bunch of girls at someones house, eating good food, drinking some nice wine and then just talk, gossip and laugh all evening before going home without feeling the need to go out and pull a man is priceless.
But it is also so much fun to throw on a pair of jeans, a top and high heals and go to the local pub, where most faces are familiar, you can sit in a relaxed environment have a conversation over a beer or glass of wine, whatever takes your fancy. Having quality time and playing pool with your man is also a treat.
I guess what I find the hardest to understand and get my head around is how Swedish people can live their lives so well organised and well planned. I wonder if they scedule their toilet breaks aswell?



So what else can I compare..?
The last thing that comes to mind is men...English blokes vs Swedish guys...
Swedish men and women are more equal than English men and women, these days there are no "stay at home mums" in Sweden. Your child gets 480 "parent days" and parents split those days between themselves in a way that suits the family. When the days are up, you go back to work, or you can save some days up til the day your child turns eight and have a few days later on.
Swedish men are more in touch with their feminine side and you see as many "latte dads" as "latte mums" in town.
Dont you know what a "latte parent" is..?
Someone who takes great care when dressing themselves and their little one in matching outfits, has the newest toprange pram and sits in a café most of the day and drink latte with their friends...
Another thing I would say is that English men flirt more and are also more receptive to womens signals than Swedish men. Or they are just more gullable and a little stupid?
Between the age of tewntythree and thirty I could get a man to buy me a drink by just looking at him the right way. It is an advantage to have very blue eyes in England..


So there you have it..or at least a very small part of what is different between living in Sweden and living in England.
I remember when I first decided to go to England to work as an Au-pair, I was contemplating USA aswell, but thought it better to choose England since it was closer to home and probably wouldnt be as different culture wise as I imagined America to be.
Well how wrong I was... I have loved living in England, even though it has been heartbreakingly difficult at times. And I miss it. I miss the feeling of being on a lifelong adventure.


This is the street I used to live in. This photo could have been taken from my roofgarden. Beautiful!
Someone once said, that when another friend of mine also moved to England she left her heart in Sweden.
Well, I have have left a very big piece of my heart in England.

My 12 months anniversary

This weekend is exactly a year since I came back to Sweden. I left and arrived on Saturday the 18th of April, today is Saturday, tomorrow is the 18th.
So what has happened in the past twelve months?
I have landed and sort of settled, I realise that I am one of those "restless" people and to be honest I dont think that I will ever feel 100% settled and at peace anywhere for a very long time. So I will have to work harder not to get myself down when things slows down in my life and is just plodding along in a tranquil lazy way, and I have to go to work a lot.

So I guess the question is now, have I achieved what I hoped to achieve a year ago?
I think so actually...as I wrote in a blogpost last year, a lot can happen in the time of a week.
Things happen and change the way you look at things over night sometimes. Last year was such an emotional rollercoaster for me and this year has started off just being calm and nothing much happening at all. At times it is boring and I feel restless to the point where I think I will explode, but maybe I still need to find myself, realise what it is that I want for myself and what I want from the new people that might enter my life in the future.
Ok..what I really mean is... what I want from a man who is brave enough to enter my life...
"I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better" the mantra is still playing in my head.

I went to bed really early last night, which meant that I woke up really early today, I am now really tired, so might go back to bed for a little while.
Tonight I am going out to Sara for a night of dinner, wine and girlie chat.
Really looking forward to it.
Tomorrow I will write about the differences between Sweden and England...



I thought this song would be suitable since this weekend is all about ME!

Or this one, which is like the other side of me, rocking..
Hope you enjoy at least one side of me.



Have a great weekend everyone.

I deserve better, I really do!

I have had a bit of a rough day today, I have been feeling sick and actually only eaten a hamsandwich all day...Which is very odd for me, I can eat anything at any time.
Walking home, I looked up and the sky was the most amazing colour blue, for a while the sickly feeling in my tummy eased and I could breathe again.
I have been thinking the phrase "I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better" like a mantra all day, and it has helped and soothed me a few times. But now the agony is growing and I feel that I need some assistance not to break. I am going to the gym tomorrow which will help and I am looking forward to it tremendously.

So it is with a heavy heart that I have to admit that I am weak.
But just for tonight I will allow myself.
Just one.

I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better i deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better I deserve better

Am I pathetic? I dont care!

It is Sunday morning and I finally feel calm enough to write about what I am about to write about.
On Friday my friend Micke posted something on my facebook wall...
It was the second trailer for SATC 2 movie...
By now you are probably aware of the fact that I am somewhat of a SATC nut.
As I watched it I actually screamed like a twelve year old little girl.
And then I saw him....Aidan...he is BACK!
I always thought that Carrie should have married Aidan and not Mr Big...And I was really angry and upset when she cheated on him.
I love the scene when she tells him that she wants him back and she thinks that this time it will really work out, and all he says, with a loud "booming" voice is:
"You broke my heart".
It always gives me goosebumps...

So now that we see that Carrie will just accidently bump into Aidan on the other side of the world...will she cheat on Big?
I hope she doesn't, I do not encourage adultery.

So, get on with it, tell me how pathetic I am, I dont care, just watch the trailer for yourselves and tell me that you are not even a little bit excited....

Red nails and cigarettes

Watching Carrie smoke in SATC and it is making me want to smoke..

I have had a good day, eve though all I have done is clean the flat. It feels nice, looks nice and smells nice. I brought in fresh flowers and have lit a scented candle, all is calm and peaceful.
And I am bored...I want to go and sit in a beergarden with my best girls..

Tomorrow is my parents thirtyfifth wedding aniversary and I am treated them to dinner in Denmark. I thought about leaving them to it, but apparently I "have to" join them, otherwise it will be weird! They do NOT want to celebrate their aniversary without their only child!
So what is a good daughter to do?

Since there is no beergarden on offer I am opting for painting my nails instead.
So much etter, staying sober and ending up with great looking nails.

Finally over...

Ahhh the day is finally coming to an end. I have a feeling that I have started many of my blogposts with that sentence...but since I didnt get a lot of sleep last night and the fact that Tuesday is the worst day at work..I am now relieved that I am curled up infront of the tv with a huge glass of water.

I had a splitting headache when I got home, but now after a nap and some painkillers it is easing off and I feel better. I know I should make myself some "proper" dinner but that just wont happen today...I will be bad and have sandwiches and a cup of tea before I have a shower and go to bed.

I am looking forward to Thursday when I am having dinner with three great ladies. We have started a "club" where we go for dinner once a month and just catch up and have a nice time.

Well I am off to make my sandwich and tea.
Night all.

WHY?

I have been awake since five o'clock this morning.
Why? I ask!
I have already washed up my bras and hung them to dry!
I am feeling restless and stressed, now I am also bored and getting tired.
Not a very good feeling to go to work with, the first day after the easter holiday.

*big sigh*

Better go make my bed and get myself ready for work...

Morning

When I left my parents house last night I drove down to what is called "the island". Technically it isn't an island, more like an "extension". But nevertheless, it is called the island. I sat in the car, looking out over the sea. The island is not very far from a fairly new development (is that the correct terminology? "new development"?) called "the west harbour". It used to be a park, or not really a park, more like a big grassy area by the sea, but for some reason it was refered to as a park and we used to hang out there when I was sixteen.
Soon it will be filled with people strutting up and down the promenade, looking like they are carrying a fridge. Last sumer I even saw a man oiling his pecs before prancing like a circushorse past a group of hysterically giggling teenage girls.

Not quite yet though, last night was still fairly quiet and empty, I sat there for what felt like hours, thoughts running through my mind and pretty soon there it was. That feeling that started out in the pit of my stomach and soon moved up to my heart and then my head. And carried on down to my feet.
The feeling of restlessness, entrappment and itchy feet.
I dont know if it is because in two weeks time, it will be a year since I came home that I am feeling like this, did I have too high expectations?
Or is it the travelbug that I never satisfied that is showing its ugly head again?

I read in a blog that I follow about some advice that had been given to the author "Love is joy, dont try to convince yourself that suffer is a part of it" is it the same about life? Isnt life joyful? Why am I trying to convince myself that sufferring has to be a big part of my life?
I know that you cant be happy all the time, if you were always happy there would be no dept in you as a person, but why do I think that without a very dark side people wont take me seriously?
If the darkside gets too overpowering, nobody can muster being around me for too long. I will become "too much" and people will need to "breath" after having socialised with me.
So what is it that is missing from my life?
Because I know there is something that is missing, I dont feel "complete". For so long now I have thought that it is the love from a man that would make me whole again. But after a few dates and endless hours sitting on cafés watching the world (and various man) go by, I am not convinced.
I can truly say that I have not seen or met a man that I would like to meet up with again. Not even for a coffee. I am just not intrested.
So what does that mean?
Am I turning into a nun?
Or a spinster?
Am I becoming bitter? Oh god I hope not, the worst thing that could happen would be for me to become bitter.
I think what i really need, and what I feel makes me the happiest at the moment, is spending quality time with my friends.

But I guess that I did infact have too high expectations, in the way that on some level, in my subconcious, there was a small part of me that thought, or maybe I just hoped and longed for, people and friends to call me everyday, invite me to gatherings or just for coffee. There is only so many times you can invite yourself before you start to look like a scavenger (have I spelled that correctly?) or totally desperate. I am desperate. But I dont need to show that side to the whole world.
And I realise that for the biggest part of my life I have been battling with the feeling of not being included, of being the odd one, an outsider and a misfit, when maybe it is time to just accept myself for who and what I am.
I am not like everyone else, I love "dumb" people who thinks that the paper goes through the wire when you send a fax..but I dont like shallow people who will judge and look down at us who are not like themselves. I wonder how you measure intellegence, is it by how much you know? Or how you use your knowledge?
I guess the answer to that depends on who you ask..

I am curous to what the future holds for me, will it be studies? Or work?
Or maybe a bit of both?
Hopefully travel, maybe work whilst travelling?

Happy easter everyone, hope you get many eggs.

Pink thursday

Today is what we in Sweden refer to as "pink thursday". I really do not know why, none of our traditions have anything to do with the colour pink. But tonight is the night when all the withces fly off to the blue mountain to dance with the devil, if our folklore is to be believed. Today children dress up as easterwitches and wonder about town. Most shops will give out sweets to dressed up children. It is a little bit like Halloween, but you dont knock on peoples door and threaten them with eggs if they dont give you sweets...

I have had a shower washed my hair and had chicken stew for dinner.
Now I am having a glass of wine and watching "Cant by me love".

I am feeling calm but a bit sad at the same time. Thinking of a new blogpost for tomorrow.