When I turned on my computer on Friday morning, I first didn't understand that Micheal Jackson was dead, I read 1958-2009 and thought that is how far his career has gone, for now, up til now... I read that Farrah Fawcett had died and it wasn't until after that I read Micheal Jackson is dead.
I still cant understand it really, he cant be dead! I guess he was one of those icons who you think are invincible and will live forever... I cant say I am or was a totally devoted hysterical fan, but I do think that his music is amazing and will live on forever. I always think when someone on TV says "My heart and thoughts go out to his/her family at this difficult time" sounds stupid and a bit poncey...but at this point in time my thoughts actually are with his family...and I hope they can find comfort in the fact that even if there was a lot of bad publicity around their brother and son, so many more people loved him and adored him, almost worshiped him.
The album that has meant the most to me is "Dangerous", I was only 8 or 9 when "Bad" came out and that is a classic, a cult album, but "Dangerous" I identified with. It was released at midnight and I wanted to be in the shop to buy one of the first copies, but my mum wouldn't let me, so I had to wait until I finished school and go then (the shop closed again at 1am otherwise I would have gone before school) I love Michael Jackson's video's, they are like a short film or musical and so well made. Which one do I like the most? I don't know...I have 3.....let me share them with you. Sit back and enjoy Michael Jackson at his best.
R I P Michael, in a strange way, I will somehow miss you.
I'm in a bit of a bad mood. I'm not really sure why to be honest, but it might have something to do with the fact that I have just worked a 10 hrs shift. Its not the 10 hrs in themselves that is annoying me, it is the fact that I have spent 10 hrs in a place I don't like and don't actually want to be. I am also angry with myself for getting angry with the Swedish "system" when you don't work privately... If there is a vacancy at a workplace, the position will go to the person who has been unemployed the longest..not to the person who is best suited for the job... You obviously have to be qualified and have some interest in the work field, but it does mean that if a vacancy opened up at my place of work, someone who has never worked there might be forced to take that job, otherwise they wont get benefits anymore only because he/she has been unemployed longer than I have...
I don't know why I'm getting angry and annoyed, since I don't want a permanent position there, I'm bored to death and cant get motivated even a little bit. So what do I actually want to do?
I will tell you: I want to live outside the city, not completely out in the bush, to where no one can find their way, but a little outside. I want to have a small farm house (but no animals, or maybe hens for eggs) or a cottage. I will have a "pottery studio" where I make mugs and plates and bowls. June, July and August I will run a cafe where I will serve simple but oh so delicious sandwiches and cinnamon rolls, on my home made china. The rest of the year I will write books. That's my dream, that's what I want to do.
I have a friend, who would say "OK, sounds cool. Do it" But its not that easy to "just do it", I need finances, I would either need to win the lottery or find a dirty rich man who wouldn't mind supporting me (and dirty rich men very rarely have the urge for a somewhat bohemian girlfriend/wife)
So it looks like I'm, at least for a while, stuck with working for the government and writing on my free time, that's where everyone has started, isn't it?
Today has been a really hot day, and obviously Ive been working, I wonder if anyone is actually off when its hot like this? Well of course some people are... I don't know why I'm moaning, its not like I'm a worshipper of the sun anyway.. I cant bear the beach unless its abroad and Ive got no more than 30 steps to my air conditioned hotel room.
Summer in Sweden also brings with it the "summer pains" referring to the songs you hear 100 times a day on the radio, the ones that are really quite bad, but somehow you cant help yourself to jiggle your foot when you hear it and somehow it has found its way onto your Mp3 or ipod and you get a certain spring in you steps when it comes on whilst you walk in town. But by the second week in September you are ready to throw the radio out of the window and strangle the next person you hear singing it. Gone is the summer, gone is the summer romance and its a very long time until next years summer holiday and "summer pain" I thought I would share one of this years "summer pains" in case it hasn't been released outside of Sweden yet. Enjoy! I love it.
I had Thai food for lunch today. I love Thai food, and I love the country it comes from, its the most beautiful place I have ever been to and I hope to return soon.
But I wasn't planning on writing a travel piece today. I wanted to write about my lunch company. A wonderful person (I should write woman, because she is, but I can see her and myself giggling hysterically at the word "woman", it sounds too grown up) and friend who I went to school with and have some great memories with.
It was so great to see her and chat over good food, about what we want out of life now and what we thought was important then. She studied to become a journalist and also want to write a book, a novel, like me. So we decided to form a "writing group" where we write and read each others work and give good constructive criticism. It obviously demands discipline, which I hope I have...but am not convinced I do. Just yet anyway, since I'm sitting in front of the TV right now, watching SATC (and gazing at Kyle Maclachlan's six pack..) only writing a few words that I'm not convinced makes sense when you put them together.
Meeting up with Frida made me think of friendship and those bonds you make when you are young can last for a long time even if you don't see or talk to each other for several years. Frida is one of those people I need and want in my life, she is easy to get on with and I feel relaxed and that I can be myself in her company. I'm sure with time we will talk more about our heartaches and worries and I hope we will stay good friends for a long time, well maybe even for the rest of time.
I am now in a pickle, since the washing machine seems to have broken down, with my clothes still in the "barrel", there is no water left, but I just cant open the door. And I don't know what to do, I knocked on the neighbours door, but he didn't open..... I might leave a note for him, begging for help like the poor weak woman that I am.... Goodness me...why isn't things just easy sometimes?
I'm gonna leave you with this song Ive heard a few times on the radio and I adore, I feel it fits today, it has a summery beat to it and I think it is about friendship. Goodnight all
I have been to visit my friend Jeanette today, she lives outside of town so I took the train. It felt like I was going on an adventure and I was a little bit giddy (silly, I am aware of that..) I got to meet her two gorgeous sons and we had tea in her garden. Typical of Swedish summer weather we sat in the sun, almost sweating one minute, the next we had to go inside because the rain had started to fall. But when I took the train back home the sun was out again.
One of the things I like the most about being home is meeting up with my friends from school. Like today, catch up and chill out. I'm meeting with another friend on Tuesday, I don't know if we will have a quick lunch or meet after work for a drink or dinner or something else. I hope I will stay in touch with these girls, they really are great and I hope we can become good friends again, not just people we once went to school with..
We are having another reunion in September, and this time the boys get to come too, which will be fun. Those boys we used to make into superheroes or villains with our very innocent imaginations and naive minds, those boys we used to play "spin the bottle" or "truth or dare" with, before we grew up into moody adolescent teenagers with spots and pms. It will be a fun night, for sure. We were good kids and I'm pretty sure we all grew up to be good adults (even though I don't see myself as a grown up quite yet..)
There is a commercial on Swedish television at the moment, for a mobile phone (or network..?) and I have got the song caught in my head so I logged onto YouTube..
And I wish I never had... I should just have left it, and thought of it as an annoying song and then forgotten about it....
This is what came up,
I don't know what to say about it. Nobody can say that this is Swedish music at its best... It is just not good, it is so bad, that I now cant get it out of my head.. And the worst(?) is, that I THINK I know these two girls... I recognise them, but I don't know from where...
Did we go to school or college together? Are they friends of a friend of a friends cousin? Or something like that?
Do they have a record deal? Will we be forced to listen to similar noise for the rest of the summer?
For you non Swedish speakers I will translate some of it... "Give me give me give me some more, something I can work with give me, give me give me give me some more, I want much more. I'm not playing hard to get, but did you really think it would be you and me. Give me, give me, give me some more" And so it carries on....
Do yo know what I hate the most? The fact that I cant stop singing it..... You're all welcome, now you have it in your head too.... Moahahaha
My parents have just left, they came over for Midsummer's dinner since both me and my mum worked yesterday. It has been really nice, we sat outside in my garden, it feels good to say that, my garden. I know its not really mine, but I can use it like my own (as long as I don't pick the flowers or eat the berries) There was a light rain whilst I prepared the dinner and I was in a hump thinking we would have to sit indoors on the very uncomfortable chairs, but 5 Min's before they turned up, the clouds opened up, the sun came out and warmed the air up which was lovely.
I have decided to have a movie night tonight, starting with "Twilight". I wouldn't mind going out for a few drinks, but I cant be in public tonight, I have an obscenely gassy tummy (sorry for the details...) My mum laughed at me and said it was due to the fresh potato we ate. It is like new potatoes, but in Sweden you can only get new potatoes in the summer and it is the only potato you can find. Apparently it makes you gassy, which is obviously vastly attractive.
So I am confined to my flat with the DVDs tonight, which is cool as well.
Check out the trailer for The sequel "New moon", I cant wait to see it, it looks amazing. Again, maybe not the best story, but the light and the picture looks fantastic.
I wonder how long I can stay awake tonight? I'm doing the wake night shift, all alone, and will no doubt see the velvet hour, whatever that actually means..?
I gave my mum a lift to work this afternoon, and on my way back, I stopped in the park where the "after school club" we went to when I was between 7 and 10 years old is situated. I remember it almost like a fairy-tale park, with big bushes and trees where we would make little "hideouts" and "nooks" to hide from the staff and our parents when they came to pick us up to go home. I also remember it as a HUGE park, and it would take almost an hour to walk around it. There was a big pink house in the middle of the park, with stone lions on each side of the stairs up to the front door and we were convinced the royal family would one day come and live there in the summer holidays.
The house is still there but its not pink anymore, it is a dark yellow colour, but the lions are still proudly guarding the entrance. I walked around the park and it only took 15 Min's, but I guess that is what happens when you grow, your legs grow longer so you can walk faster and longer than you could when you had small, short legs, and you know where you want to walk, you don't need to examine each new leaf that wasn't there the last time you walked the same path. I was a bit saddened to see that a lot of the bushes were gone and replaced with grass. There was still a few of our hide outs lefts, at least I think they were still in there... I didn't try to climb into the bushes to have a proper look, I wasn't alone in the park and would probably have made a fool out of myself in front of the mothers playing with their small children, and who knows I might have scarred them for life if I had just fallen over the bush to the other side... But I left the park feeling happy and peaceful, and I have decided to visit more of the places I used to hang out at as a child/teenager, to go on a "nostalgic journey".
It is the day before mid summers eve today. We were discussing where the tradition came from originally, and this is what Wikipedia says:
In modern Sweden, Midsummer's Eve and Midsummer's Day (Midsommarafton and Midsommardagen) were formerly celebrated on June 23th and 24th, but since the 1950's on the Friday between June 19th and June 25th and the following Saturday. It is arguably the most important holiday of the year, and one of the most uniquely Swedish in the way it is celebrated, even if it has been influenced by other countries long ago. The main celebrations take place on the Friday, and the traditional events include raising and dancing around a huge maypole. One typical dance is the frog dance. Before the maypole is raised, greens and flowers are collected and used to cover the entire pole
Now I understand that non Swedish people wonders what on earth the frog dance is? And most of all WHY do we dance around a pole, pretending to be frogs? (and sometimes pigs) And the honest answer is: I don't know..Wikipedea doesn't write about that.. All I can think is that it stems from a children's song and someone put moves to the words when they was drunk ones....I really don't know..
So what else does Wikipedia say about this tradition we have in Sweden?
In earlier times, small spires wrapped in greens were erected; this probably predates the maypole tradition, which is believed by many to have come from the continent in the Middle Ages. Others argue that some form of Midsummer pole occurred in Sweden during the pre-Christian times, and was a phallic fertility symbol, meant to impregnate the earth, but as there were no records from those times it cannot be proven, and this idea might just be a modern interpretation of the poles form. The earliest historical mention of the maypole in Sweden is from the Middle Ages. Midsummer was, however, linked to an ancient fertility festival which was adapted into St. John's Day by the church, even though it retained many pagan traditions, as the Swedes were slow to give up the old heathen customs. The connection to fertility is naturally linked to the time of year. Many young people became passionate at Midsummer, and this was accepted, probably because it resulted in more childbirths in March which was a good time for children to be born.
Midsummer is one of the only pagan holidays that are still celebrated in Europe (if not the only). In Denmark and Norway it is referred to as the eve of St. Hans but it's only in Sweden that it has kept its original name.
I never picked 7 different flowers to put under my pillow, there are two reasons: 1) because I lived in a city and it would be difficult to find 7 different flowers that was allowed to be picked. and 2) I didn't fancy any little bugs from the flowers in my bed.
As I moved to England, Midsummer was something I stopped celebrating unfortunately. I was often working, and a few times when I tried to get a group together to celebrate and teach them the frog dance, but somehow I managed to make myself and my fellow swedes look quite stupid. So this is the first time in 13 odd years that I am home in Sweden for Mid summers eve, I wont however be dancing around a maypole and I wont be eating herring. I am working the night shift instead, to earn some money. Next year will be different, if I don't get invited anywhere I will just gatecrash someone elses party.
I love my new mobile phone! It has a built in radio! I was listening to Rock classics (or something like that) on my way to my mums for lunch, and I heard this song. That I havent heard for 14 odd years... I loved Skunk Anansie! I felt like she knew what life was about and that her songs was taken straight out of my own heart. (Yes I was a bit of a drama queen...but I wanted to be an actress, so felt it my right to be)
What makes a person popular? And what defines a popular person? How do you recognise a popular person? And how do you know if you are popular or not?
When I was in school, it was the children who everyone else fancied, that was the popular ones. They were the ones who were the prettiest/cutest and I think that the rest of us somehow thought their prettiness would rub off on us and make us prettier and cuter if we were privileged enough to get to hang out with them. But were they happy I wonder? Did their pretty faces and cute dimples give them happiness? Were they aware of how they affected the rest of us?
I don't know if it was the reunion on Saturday (which I am still "tripping" from by the way) that has triggered an even stronger wish of wanting to know what happened to all my other class mates? Where are those pretty ones? Are they still pretty? Are they still popular? Are they living off their looks? I know one of the girls in my class went to France to work as a model for a while. Was she very successful? Did she meet Tyra Banks and the other super models?
What happened to the cocky boys who studied hard and played hard (I was told they did)? Are they investment bankers? Architects? Engineers? What happened to the girl who sat next to me in 9th grade? She was just as absent as I was, the difference was that her parents would pay for her to study at a very expensive private school, so she didn't bother to study at all. Did they pay? Did she study? Or has she married rich and is a lady who eats lunch a lot?
Who has moved abroad? Apart from myself?
I don't feel a burning desire to meet them all, I just want to know what they got up to after that sunny day when we finished 9th grade in 1992? I guess I will be wondering for a while...
It is the afternoon after the night before, and I'm finally home from work, its been a good shift even though I thought it would never end. Last night was the night I have been looking forward to (a bit nervously) for about a month. The night out with some of the girls I went to elementary school with. I needn't have been nervous, because (and with risk of sounding like an American 15 year old) "It was, like, AWESOME" We talked as if we had never been separated by what is called our life. There really was no awkwardness, and I don't think the fact that the wine was flowing generously had anything to do with it. I have always known that I have a weird kind of memory, I remember the first letters we learned in school (O and then S) I remember who wore a hat with a real hatpin when we finished year one (Linda) and I remember what colour Sophie's top was on the very first day in school (turquoise) and I always thought it made me look a bit like a stalker, but last night it paid off. It was so much fun to talk about that time and shriek with laughter. Because we did, at times I'm sure we sounded like the aunties in "Practical Magic" when they are making margaritas, but it was worth it.
We said we have to meet up again and I really hope that we will, it was such a brilliant night. We said that next time we will meet at someones house so we can talk a bit more without loud music around us. I am already making a list of questions that I need answers to (you will remember that I have told you how curious I am) *First time drunk? *Best drunken memory? *Best holiday? *Worse piece of clothing bought? *Best date? *Worst date? *When and to whom lost your virginity? We did say that we would invite the the boys next time...but I'm sensing that we need another girls only night.....ha And then I will NOT be working the next morning.
I am snuggled up in my beanbag, drinking soft drinks and watching "What happens in Vegas", one of my favourite films. I'm heading for the shower soon and then bed. Night all. Hope you had just as good a weekend as I did and enjoying the photos.
Last night I went round my friends house for a girls night. There was 5 of us and 6 babies. We ate Mexican and drank wine (well, I didn't drink wine because I was driving) and talked about "the old times" before there was babies and husbands (their babies and husbands) It was such a lovely evening, just what I needed and what I miss the most. Just a bunch of girls, talking, laughing and smiling. We looked through photo albums and cringed at our hair and clothes (I really didn't have a clue....) I looked at myself and I wonder why I thought I was so fat? I wasn't, I was curvy, and would have benefited from some guidance with what clothes to wear and someone should have told me my hair was not good... Where was Gok Wan and Trinny and Susanna back then??
Tonight is another night out with girls, its the night of my elementary school reunion. We are 8 girls, some of them I haven't seen and talked to for 20 odd years. Now when I think about it, this week is 20 years since we finished elementary school.. That's good timing isn't it?
We are meeting at a restaurant I haven't been to before and tonight I'm drinking wine. And maybe I will try a mojito for the first time. Haha I have been told there is often live music in the evenings which I like, its a good ice breaker to bop along with good music. There is however the risk that we don't talk at all, just listen to the music, I doubt that however. I'm getting ready for and looking forward to a great night out.
Oh hell.... I was sort of asked out.... Or not actually asked...just told that I was going out for dinner.
I freaked... And just blurted that I couldnt go. And when I think about it, I cant, I dont think that Thai food is good after a night of projectile vomiting.
Do you know what he then said? "Im not used to being turned down" I think somehow I will turn him down again..I dont like guys who are full of themselves like that.... He is painfully handsome though..
But I am now wondering, will I ever go on a date? Or will I freak out like this every bloody time? I dont think I can do it.... I am sitting here and I can feel a panic attack coming on, my heart is beating fast, I feel sick and I think I need to use my inhalor... And Im not even going...
Its pathetic, I will actually be alone for the rest of my life. Oh jeez....
I am thinking about the saying "I'm getting old" that we seem to be saying a lot more these days, and younger and younger people say it. And I'm starting to feel that the saying "You are only as old as you feel" has more truth to it than anything else.
I don't feel old. I cant say that I miss being young because in my heart I still am young (you who read my blog posts regularly might remember I once wrote that I live my life like a 22 year old student) and I have my whole life ahead of me.
Most of the time that is how I feel anyway, sometimes when I look at my friends, who are married with 1-4 children I think "My goodness, you are too young for this!" Then on the other hand I think: "Or maybe not? Maybe I am the one who will soon be too old to get pregnant? (I am then comforted about articles about 70 year old women in India who gives birth to twins. I would however like to point out that I don't intend on being that old when I give birth)
I wonder about people who affect our lives, who helps to "form" us into the people we are and who we become later on in life, and I remember a teacher I had during my last year in college who once said: "If you have nothing good to say, maybe it is better sometimes not to say anything at all" and I realise i have lived by that for most of my life. I very rarely vent my opinions unless someone specifically asks me to. And if I have a negative opinion I try say it as gently as I can but still making sure i am being understood. I don't like confrontations and when meet people who feel the need to let their opinion be heard I just let them talk and accept them for who they are.
Maybe I shouldn't do that anymore? When people say "This is who I am, this is what I am, you have to take me or leave me", maybe I should just say "No, I wont. Because you don't accept me for who I am, you don't accept me for what I am. You don't accept that I like to keep the peace around me, I don't like arguments or people who shout "just to let off steam" It has to be equal, right? If people don't like me for who I am, then why should I like them for who they are?
Then I'm thinking that life will be a bit boring if there only was calm quiet people around me, I think we all need a balance of "up-beat" and tranquility. Its a shame that peoples need for a "buzz" is bigger than their need for serenity.
Am I feeling like this because I am getting old? Am I self reflecting because I am now closer to the day I will die than to the day I was born? We cant know that obviously, I'm just saying... I feel myself becoming more curious about "the peace of the soul" and being at peace with myself, to stop the constant battle and beatings.
Is that what getting old is all about? Or is that just growing up? Am I finally growing up? Or am I growing old?
Are there things I would like to do, that is just "too late" I know of people who almost have a list they tick off. 19 years of age, have serious boyfriend. TICK 21 years of age, be promoted to assistant manager at my company. TICK 23 years of age, get married. TICK 24 years of age, buy bigger house. TICK 25 years of age, have baby NR 1. TICK 27 years of age, have baby NR 2. TICK 29 years of age, have baby NR 3. TICK And so on and so on....
I wonder, what happens if things don't go as planned? Do you stop living? Are you a failure then?
Obviously it is good to have hopes, dreams and goals, but why the hysteric rush? Why not take it easy and enjoy the journey a bit? Am I now talking like an old Grannie?
I am ill... I have been up and in the bathroom most of the night, most unpleasant, that's for sure. I feel like death warmed up, and am home from work. I thought that a hot shower would make me feel better and ease my pain and tension, so I was not happy to find that there was water leaking from the pipes in the ceiling in the shower room. My landlady assured me that it was OK to use the shower still though. But, No, the hot water has been turned off and will be back on at lunchtime....
That's just great!
And is not doing much for my bad mood or anything else for that matter. Ive decided that staying in bed with a hot water bottle until then will be the best option. Otherwise we don't know what I will do, since I have a tendency to act before I think, and might end up setting the house on fire or something just as irresponsible.
I was awake too early this morning, 05.00... I thought I would watch the sun rise, but there is no sun today, it is still raining. Ive had a very hot shower to ease the straining in my back, and with some help from tiger balm and pain killers, Im feeling really good, apart from being stupidly tired.
I am watching a morning program, I remember from when I was younger, about an american family, living in a beautiful big house. The father is a vicar and they have 4 children who all go through the normal things children and teenagers go through... This morning I watched the oldest sister wanting to practise kissing on her brother...surely that is not normal? Who in their right mind wants to kiss their sibling?
Too much to handle this time of the morning, I have to go to work. have a good day ya'll.
There was one more song... Who I need to dedicate to one of my favorite people in the world: Micke...
I met Micke in the September of 1994, he was working in the office of the local ammature theatre where I was in a drama class. I fancied the pants of him from day one, he looked so mature, deep and bohemian with his dark smouldering eyes and black polo neck, (his head is probably about to explode right now, or he on the floor laughing..) Anyway, he didn't fancy the pants of me, or any other girl for that matter, (yes another wonderful gay boy who made my heart beat fast...and he is not the last one, you will wonder what it is with me and them cute gay boys...) But we became firm friends and used to hang out in the theatre after hours (since he worked in the office he had keys..) We used to put my tapes on and dance in the offices and on some of the stages, it was SO MUCH FUN, I look back at those days now with a warm happy feeling in my heart.
Micke went on to become the most successful man I know, he studied in Australia, lived in London and has just come home from LA. I am in awe of his skills and knowledge and humbleness.
Hope you enjoyed the song as much as I did, even though its a bizarre one.
I have been to my parents for sunday dinner today, and I found a box on top of a wardrobe with a carefully written and cellortaped note on the lid. "CD's, tapes and videos, can come to England when needed" I found a stash of CD's and tapes, I for some reason had left here and never taken with me on any of my trips back to England.. I took it home with me and I am now plonked on the floor listening to the CD's and reminiscing, drinking vodka. Since I havent got a tape recorder I checked YouTube to see if I was in luck? And I am!!!!
They are all there..E-type, Rob n Raz, Leila K, Michael Learns To Rock, Stefan Anderson and Pandora.... And so many memories are flooding my mind, my heart and my soul... They each carry a different memory from a different time, with different people, different friends... I dont know where to start..
But I think it has to be E-type who goes first..
He was ridiculous even back then, but we loved him. I wanted to be the girl who is dancing in the background. Or she is hardly in the back ground is she..? I thought it would be a great job to just "shake your thang" like that, wearing great clothes (now I look at her and think she is virtually naked for goodness sake...)
One day Teddy told me she had dreamt that she had sex with E-type and it was AMAZING! So she made it her life time mission to have sex with him before she dies! So far it hasnt happened, but her husband knows the score and she has his permission should the situation arise....
Who is next? PANDORA
This is my claim to fame.. If you look carefully you will see a tall man, glasses (normal glasses, not sun glasses) and without shirt. I KNOW HIM We used to work together and I had the most humungus crush on him you could ever imagine... You dont have to be a genius to realise he wasnt intrested in me, or women at all for that matter. But I became his fag hag, A saying I had never heard before but he taught me, I was his Grace and he was my Will but much much cooler than them...
The search continues (and Im on my second vodka) and I find THIS! Sorry, no video...but does anyone else remeber the song?
It was the summer of 1994, I had graduated and felt like I was on top of the world, that summer was the world cup and Sweden came 4th and was greated as heros when they came home. I had met (in my eyes) the sexiest man alive, unfortunately the feeling wasnt mutual and he went for my best friend instead, I was heartbroken, but got over it, it was the summer of my graduation! I loved life.
Ok, this is the last one, otherwise i will probably bore you to death...
Its by a "one hit wonder" Swedish guy, Stefan Anderson. I used to listen to it and think of THAT boy. I had met him on New Years eve of 1992, and I fell madly in love as soon as I laid my blue eyes on him. Me and Alexandra had been invited to a party by Madeleine who was in our class. I think it was my first real party, but I think I made a good job of not showing how nervous I was. We had been shopping in the sale a couple of days before hand and turned up looking pretty much identical. We had black (or grey) long skirts and white blouses with "frills". It was THE look in 1992 I tell you. Anyway, back to the boy.. I was in love with him through the whole of college, but he went to USA to try and sell Swedish coffee (what a bloody stupid idea was that?) but he came home a year later, just in time for my party at home when my parents were on holiday. We were 3 girls and I think 6 or 7 boys (how did that come about? Ive never been the one with male friends..) Patrik was one of them, and since he lived outside of town, he had to stay the night.. When I woke up the next morning with a cheeky grin on my face I was no longer a virgin. I think his betrayal was so bad because he wouldnt talk to me after he left (with the promise that he WOULD call) I called him a billion times a day but his parents always said that he wasnt at home, if I could go back in time and give myself some advice it would have been Dont call him anymore, you are worth more than that. Well I might have adviced myself not to sleep with him in the first place, he wasnt worth all that heartache. They never are, are they. I wonder if there is anyone who can say that Yes I made a complete fool of myself, he treated me like crap and he never loved me, not even a little bit, but hey its ok, it was still worth it. I dont think there is anyone who deserves our hearts, if they wont treat it with care.
I know I said that was the last song, but I just HAVE to play this one aswell, it is so wonderfully bad, I love it, it makes me smile and want to dance like my mum. Hope you enjoy it.
Good isnt it? Im gonna drink some more vodka and carry on reminiscing about the wonderful 90s and the good times. Will you join me?
Oh, sorry just one more....
These guys, Rob n Raz, (short for Robert and Rasmus..) were SO cool, and I adored the woman, again I wanted to be like her, a pop star. I knew I couldnt sing to save my life, but looking at this video I knew that wasnt necessary..as long as you had confidence and a good body, something I was working on, but didnt get very far.
My spell check isnt working, so apologises for any misspellings.... Hope you have enjoyed remebering the good times with me. Night night.
Ive woken up with an excruciating pain in my back, I can hardly move, it is awful, I think I need to see a doctor now. But nothing is just plain simple, I need to register with "Forsakrings kassan" which can, if I'm unlucky take up to 6 months.... BUT the doctor can call them and ask if I have filled in all the forms so I am allowed to be ill. I then have to choose which doctor I want to go to, it doesn't have to be the clinic closest to where i live. I can see that it is a good thing, but a pain for someone who can never make their mind up. Like me...
I talked to Betty via Skype last night, she said that my spelling is ATROCIOUS! And I wonder, how can it be? I use spell check!! And Ive always took pride in that my spelling has always been better than 80% of the English people that I have met. (Please don't take offense English friends, I love you, I really do.) Anyway, it was great talking to her, but made me miss her and other people more.
I am still happy that I moved home, and I'm not thinking about moving back, but the thing that I was fearing the most is showing to be true..I am quite lonely.
Maybe I should be a bit more patient? I haven't been home two months yet, so maybe I should just chill out and give it some time? I'm just not a very patient person unfortunately.
Ive been to part 2 of the medication course today. There was a girl with the most annoying voice, ever! It physically hurt my ears, I tell you. It was high pitched and whiny and I wanted to slap her every time she opened her mouth. Not because of what she was saying, she seemed bright and that she knew what she was talking about (so obviously she wanted to show how clever she was, which meant that I spent most of the 3.5 hours gritting my teeth) The class dragged on so I missed the first half of Americas Next top model, Not impressed!!
My landlady has just been here to clean out the pipes under both sinks, they were not too sweet smelling. She is a lovely lady and I like her a lot, even though I cringe when she talks in her broad accent. She smelled very faint of alcohol, like she has had a glass of wine with her Friday night dinner that her lover has cooked for her and I feel a little bit jealous. I would also like to have dinner with my loved one, share a bottle of wine and talk about our day and our upcoming summer holiday.
Last night was the third night in a row, when I had a dream about Him and His new girlfriend. Why?? I'm not bothered if He does have a new girlfriend, but it makes me a bit unsettled to dream about Him like this. It puts me on edge for the rest of the day, and it is now three days...and I'm thinking of Him more than I want to and I'm wondering if I miss Him or if its just because of stupid dreams.
It is just the stupid dreams, and the fact that I'm yet again sat indoors, on my own, on a Friday night, with just Buffy and the gang for company. It well and truly sucks with a capital S! I don't feel like I can terrorise my friends anymore with suggestions of get togethers. I don't want to be a royal pain in the arse to them so they wish I just went back to live in England. I know they don't, I know it is just me being over dramatic, but tonight I feel really lonely for the first time since I came home. It will be better tomorrow, once Ive had some more sleep. Last night wasn't as good as I had hoped, I kept one mattress under my new mattress, but it was a bit like "The princess on the pea" Is it called that in English?
About a queen who wants to find a princess wife for her son, so she makes a bed out of 100 different mattresses and at the bottom she puts a small pea. When the girls start arriving claiming to be princesses, the queen lets them sleep in the bed and in the morning, when she asks them how they slept, they all say they have slept wonderfully, so the queen knows they are not true princesses. But one rainy night a girl comes to the door and asks if she can spend the night since she is lost. The queen lets her sleep in the bed with the pea underneath, and in the morning when she asked the girl how she has slept, the girl says she hasn't slept at all, the mattress was SO uncomfortable and she has felt something poking her in the back all night. That way the queen knew that she was a real princess and she could marry her son, the prince.
I'm pretty sure it is H.C Anderson who wrote it..I remember it as a fairly long tale..and I have just comprised it to 11 lines.. Oh well..
I'm gonna light some candles and snuggle up on my bean bag, watching Buffy come back from the dead. Have a great Friday night all.
I'm watching a home decorating program. And I'm a bit confused. Its called "Design: Simon and Tomas" Tomas is Swedish and Simon is English, Simon appears to understand Swedish, but he doesn't actually SPEAK any.. So Tomas (I believe they are a couple) speaks in Swedish and Simon answers him in English.. It is absolutely bizarre and my brain is spinning, trying to understand what the hell is happening.
You might think that I wouldn't have a problem understanding since I speak both Swedish and English, but quite the opposite I find myself reading the subtitles (and then getting annoyed when I realise the translation is crap) And when they speak Swedish, its like double dutch, it makes no sense whatsoever to me.
Is this the latest trend? Is this they way it will be in the future? I don't like it, is it a sign that I'm getting old?
Somehow i am loving this program anyway.. The best bit is when Frederik says: "We need a lot of forvaring, it needs to be mysigt, but no krims krams, no lull lull" Surely I'm not the only one who finds it a tinsy bit odd? For you non Swedish speaking people I will translate it. It means "We need a lot of STORAGE, it needs to be COSY, but no TITTLE TATTLE"
I have decided that I actually love the show, is there any thing better than 2 amazingly gay men argue, and speak some sort of Swenglish, and keep amaze each other with how the half of the public lives? In an UGLY flat or house?
Its just rude with so much ugliness! Don't you agree? And then there is the chain smoking fag hag. Must not forget her!
It is now time for me to curl up in bed, on my new mattress I bought today. Mysigt!
I'm bored! Really really bored. Today, I wish I was back in England because its the launch of this years Big Brother. I wish I was with Donna, eating shish kebab, drinking lambrini and laughing and cringing at the contestants. "Release the freaks" is normally written on at least five banners..
Yes, I have to agree, most of the contestant seems like freaks when they first enter..but after a couple of weeks their true, boring selves normally come out.
After the first, and up to, I think the fifth series I wanted nothing more than to be in the Big Brother house myself. Now I don't think I can think of anything worse, being couped up in a house with a bunch of people you don't know? Iissshhkkkk The Swedish big brother show was cancelled some years ago, because everyone was just shagging each other left right and centre, already on the launch night. Like bloody rabbits! Its people like this who give the rest of us swedes a reputation of being sex mad nymphomaniacs. Its just selfish greed I say!
Not thinking of the rest of us who travel and live in other countries who has to deal with sleaze bags who get that "look" in their eyes when you say that you are Swedish and then the line comes. That disgusting, insulting, line that will gross you out and scar you for life:
"Ahh, fucki fucki on beach, yes?" .....?? Erm, how shall I put this in a polite way..? "NO you wanker, leave me alone!" And then they find it funny to think that you are playing hard to get.....and try to persuade you with an even worse line "I know how to treat woman, make you scream all night" Yeah, still, NO you gross gross sweaty little bald man!
How did I get on to this subject? Funny how your mind works isn't it? If I say: "Birds nest" what is the first thing that pops into your head? An actual birds nest? or someone with bad hair?
Then where does your mind take you? Eggs? Bacon? A day when you had a particular delicious breakfast? After a night filled with passionate love making? With a stranger? Do you remember?
Or did you go down a different lane? About the day when you had exceptionally bad hair? After you allowed your newly qualified hairdresser friend cut your hair? And you then got caught in the rain? And missed your bus, so had to walk home, with water in your shoes and you caught a cold which then developed into pneumonia? And you couldn't go to work for a month? So couldn't pay your rent and was kicked out of your flat? So you now live in a box under a bridge?
It's that time of the year again, graduation times. This is when you graduate from college and the world is at your feet, you know (at least you should have the feeling..)that you have your whole life a head of you and now is the time to have some serious fun. I have been up in town during the day and I met some of the graduates walking around, singing, blowing in whistles and drinking champagne. The air is tingling with excitement and anticipation and I remember my own graduation.
It was a great day, we started with champagne breakfast in our teachers garden, I was very excited and felt grown up with the fact that I was drinking champagne and my parents knew about it. I went home to get dressed and ready and then met up with all of my classmates at school. It was raining when we had our photos taken so we had to be indoors which was a shame since the photos are tradittionally taken outdoors. While waiting for the photographer and for the speeches we were all drinking champagne in the classroom.
The deputy principal held a speech about our future and how we should enjoy today and tonight. I know she said a lot more, but I cant remember exactly what, the truth be told I had probably forgotten as soon as those doors opened and we ran out on the stage and sang the graduation song. The night was spent dancing in a nightclub I had never been to before, I thought it was the coolest place ever! I spent the majority of the night snogging a boy in a dark corner, who walked me home in the early morning of the next day.
When I see all the boys and girls, dressed all in white (the girls anyway) with their graduation hats and flowers around their necks, I wonder if they know how quick time passes, I realise this makes me sound like a very old lady, but I have to wonder. I graduated 15 years ago, when the graduates of today were between 3 and 5 yeas old. That day (06.06.1994) was the happiest day of my life, I hope they all cherish today, it is over before you know it. Most people my age would probably say that their happiest day was the day they got married or when their children were born...but...I am still clinging on to my graduation day.
I am a little bit jealous of them, I would love to have that feeling in my tummy again, the feeling that "This is when everything starts, today is the first day, of the rest of my life" I would have done SOME things differently, but the majority of my life I wouldn't change. That is one thing that I have stuck to, "Its better to regret having done things, than regret not having done it"
Today I received an email on facebook from someone asking me if I am "the one who used to be in the rock band Drain sth".. Uhm...nope. But since this isn't the first time someone asked if I used to be in this Drain band thing, I felt that I had to look them up to see if i should feel flattered or insulted... And I'm not sure to be honest...
I will let you be the judge of that, so what do you think? Do i look like any of them? Are they cute, beautiful or sexy? Am I cute, beautiful or sexy?
I have made the descision to make this blog a bit more public than it was before.
I suppose I have - like so many other people in this world - a burning desire to be understood and a passion to make my point of view heard.
I promise to tell the truth as I see
it, if you dont like it I can only apologise and then you can choose not to continue reading it.
