The truth is...

I have for some time now been thinking of this blog, and if I am writing what I really want to write about? Do I write about everything that happens in my life? And everything I feel?
When I made the blog official, I promised that I would write honestly, from my heart about everything in my life.
But truth be told, I am not. I dont write about all the feelings thats in my heart, the thoughts that are running through my head and what I really want to do on my time not spent at work.
And the only reason is that I am scared.
Petrified even.
That I wont get accepted, that those around me wont understand and then think I am just too weird to be friends with. And I will end up alone. With no man, no family and no friends.

But maybe I should put a bit more trust in the people I call my friends, the ones I hold close to my heart and I love spending time with.
It is not like Im having sex with animals. Or doing anything illegal. So the fact that I want to go abroad and meet a very good looking man, should not cause rucktion in the universe of friends. Should it?

So I guess the question is now: Shal I be brave and reveal all? Or should I carry on like I have done? Writing about diahorea, vomit and decorating my bedroom?
I will still keep peoples secrets and would never use this space to hang someone out. But maybe I should open up a bit more about myself?
Tell it like it really is, and not put on a brave face and a sturdy facade?
Or will people feel uncomfortable reading the possible rawness of real emotions?
But if that is the case, then there is always the option to stop reading isnt there?
Im not forcing anyone to read this, but I appreciate when anyone does, and if someone leaves a comment, even better!

I will think tonight, and make the decision what to do with the blog.
Write a lot of crap? In a vain attempt to be funny?
Tell it the way it is, and risk the whole world (hmm maybe not the whole world reads what I write..) to know my innermost thoughts and have more ammunition on how to hurt me and destroy me.
Or the last option is to just close it down.

The song I have chosen tonight is probably not suitable for the post I have written. But it is suitable for what is going on in my belly, where a fire is starting up.
And it is typical for a swedish summer if you are eighteen years old I guess.
I am aware that I passed eighteen a few years ago, but in my heart I am still her. The girl who desperately wants to be accepted into the inner circle, to be popular, to be the girl everyone thinks about to invite to their gatherings, because without her, there is no party.
She also just want to have a good time, smile, laugh and dance on the beach, a drink with umbrellas in her hand and that gorgeous boy next to her.
That gorgeous boy who drags her outside when there is a storm, just because it is so romantic to kiss in the street, in the rain.

Is it real? Or is it fake?

I can feel how my blood is starting to boil, thinking about what I really want to write about but there is a slight risk of me getting into trouble and possibly loosing my job if the wrong person reads this. And I am not prepared to take that risk.
I need my job, I need the money, I am planning a trip for next year and it will probably cost me a fortune.

I have talked a lot to my boss this week and I have many new challenges ahead of me hopefully. We are signing the contracts next week. So all is looking good in the world of Mia.

I also think about other peoples lives, their heaven and hell. And it saddens me that there is an industry out there who will say that you do not belong, you can not get access unless you are beautiful and have a beautiful lifepartner. A whole industry can decide that the person you love, cherish, fancy and can be yourself with to 100% is not good enough for them, and they can then control if you get to work with your passion or not.
How is that fair?
Why is life like that for some people?
And more to the point, why are some people so weak?
That they will turn down true love and spend their life secretly in love with someone else. I dont get it one little bit.
Doesnt it usuallt end in you slowly going insane, and either end up ruining your own and maybe someone elses life? Just because you couldnt be strong enough to obey your own rules.
So then I think about myself, do I practise what I preach?
I would like to think that I do, at least I always do my very best to follow my heart when I am facing difficult decisions in my life, and there is no way in hell that I would ever ever let my work decide who I spend my freetime with.
Who I will spend the rest of my life with.


I have been listening to Robin Beck today, I love this song, I have loved it since I heard it the first time when I was twelve or around that age.
I know that Cher later on did a cover of this song, but I prefer it with Robin.
Hope you do too.
Have a great weekend.

And there goes another one....

The boxes are piling up in my hallway, I have thankfully been able to ship some over to my parents already, but there is mayhem all around me. I am very glad it isnt for much longer now, I know I am not the tidiest of people but I dont like it when I dont know where my things are and the flat looks bare and boring.

I have a confession to make.
It is kind of bad, since I am doing a bodge job to fix it.
I have broken the bed that was here when I moved in...
And I have basically screwd it back together very quickly and very badly and is keeping my fingers crossed that she wont notice when she inspects the flat next week.
I know I should confess..but I'd be damned to loose my £300 deposit just because the bed - which is the bottom bunk of a bunkbed I like to point out - broke..
This isnt the first time I have broken a bed though..but to my defence, it wasnt entirely my own fault, there were someone else involved at the other times aswell, so there, it is not just because I am a heffa!
I can not wait til I move, get my bigger flat and decorate it. My lovely sofa is arriving on the 16th of July, after I return home from the UK with the last of my things that has been in Vanessas attic for just over twelve months.

I am so ready for my time off, hopefully there will be some days to just relax and do nothing. I feel that I am craving metime in a comfortable sofa.
Right now I am heading for the broken bed.
Please keep your fingers crossed that it will stay together until I have moved...


Really wanted to hear this song today, I remember the summer when it was in the charts for 15 weeks or something ridiculous. It rained EVERYDAY in the UK.
It was the summer when we were beyond pale..everyone looked like vampires, pasty white, hollow eyes and generally moody and miserable.
You could be forgiven for thinking that this summer there is a "cold" song in the charts..I wonder if the warmth will ever find it way here?

Summer sunday

It feels like I havent been blogging for months, but it was last wednesday, so not too bad. On Thursday we went to the west harbour in town and watched the recording of "Summers morning", the kids enjoyed it and I realised that my colleagues has a small crush on one of the presenters. Me being the kind, supportive woman that I am, obviously took some pictures with my phone. He is a chef and apparently cooks on some tv shows and according to my colleagues: "Totally adorable" so what do you think? Is he handsome? Gorgeous? Adorable?




The photo at the top is of the weddingcake he made together with two boys earlier in the show. It was a sunny day, but luckily it was a bit windy, I was wearing long sleeves so I didnt burn my shoulders again. Yes you really wanted to know that didnt you?
After work I got on the bus up to Entré where I met Sara and Linda for a girls night wih food and SATC 2. I ate a lovely grilled chicken and salad.
Then we made ourselves comfortable in the darkness of the cinema to enjoy two and a half hours of glamour, fashion and sex. The sequel didnt get as good revues as the first film did and I can see why. Dont get me wrong, I loved it, there was some great dialogue and the girls are still fabolous and when it ended it didnt feel like I had sat there for over two hours.
But there was no real focus I thought. Like in the first film Mr Big abandoned Carrie at the altar, the film then showed how she got her life back together and in the end they still get married.
There was some aperances from the old favourites, Smith, Stanford, Anthony and ofcourse Aidan...
But if truth be told, I didnt really see the point..
Stanford and Anthony gets married in the start of the film, but it is just a wedding, you dont get to know what happens afterwards, and they cant capture any love at all between the two of them, so that is obviously the actors fault...
Liza Minelli and Miley Sirus are also present, very briefly..
Seeing Liza strutting her stuff singing Beyonce´s "Single Ladies" was not exactly the highlight of the film...
I will admit that Aidan was always my favourite "Carrie-man", I thought she should have stayed with him and married him, not cheat with Big, who in my eyes are a bit of a bastard, and not very handsome at all. Sorry all Big-fans..

Look at him and tell me that he is not sex-on-legs...
I had hoped that the story between Carrie and Aidan would be longer, more intense and more...just MORE. Not just a kiss under an arch and then Carrie phoning Big telling him that something "happened".

And to be honest, I feel Samanthas sexlife is just over the top, it is not funny anymore, I didnt like her as much as I have loved her in the series and in the first film.
I have only talked about the parts I didnt like, which obviously makes it sound as if I didnt enjoy the film at all, which is wrong, I liked it a lot. I loved the scene where Miranda and Charlotte gets drunk, talking about how hard it is to be a mother. I loved it when they get up on stage to sing kareokee. And i love that Miranda has FINALLY chilled out a bit, Cynthia Nixon is fantastic!

I have started packing up my things, my little flat looks like a bomb went off here and I am so excited about moving. Yesterday I went sofahunting and found a wonderful, comfortable and (in my eyes) stylish sofa. What do you think?


Yesterday our crownprincess of Sweden got married. I watched some of it, she was stunning and she was glowing, you could see how much in love she is and how happy she was to get married to the love of her life. He is now Prince Daniel, and is already called "the peoples prince" because he is not from an aristocrat family. Just an ordinary boy from a small town in Sweden.
He held a beautiful speech for the princess, his new wife and I cried like a baby.
Love was definately in the air all over Sweden.

Today I had dinner with my parents, and tonight I will continue packing and cleaning the flat. Ready to move in 10 days! I am so excited!
I saw this video on facebook today. I dont know who made it, but it is pretty brilliant, depressingly correct actually.
"The place where dreams are trampled"....its not all bad, it is really pretty, and people are mostly happy and sociable, and even though they all say that they just want to get out of there, they dont really want to move anywhere else.
Thanet gets a grip on you, and it is hard to leave, even when you really want to, and wether you like it or not, wether you want to or not, you will leave a small piece of your heart there. In Thanet.
Please watch it! This is the place where I lived for eleven years..

Clarification...

I just want to clarify something..Because Teddy asked me if I DRANK the toilet duck when the spider attacked me?
Erm...noooo, I used it a physical weapon to squash it to death.
Just incase anyone else out there thought that I tried to digest the toilet cleaner..

So are we all clear on this subject?

Good. ;-)

Traumatized

Something very dramatic happened to me this morning. I was sitting on the toilet (its OK, I only did nr 1) I picked up the toilet roll and out fell a spider and INTO MY PANTS!! I kicked and yelled and probably woke the whole house up. But I had horror images of the creep climbing into my private bits and laying eggs, so one day I would be spurting babyspiders when I went to the loo...I shiver and choke just thinking about it...
Thankfully a bottle of toiletduck managed to kill it.

I have been to my parents for Sunday dinner, it was lovely, I havent seen them or spent a lot of time with them lately, so we had a lot to catch up on. Job, flat, furniture etc etc...
I have a good feeling in my tummy, this will be a good summer hopefully.
If just the sun would come out, and the wind slow down...

Great song I found on Youtube which is climbing in the charts I think.

It is over

The girls had microskirts and sky high heels. The boys had a tonne of gel in their hair and you could alsmost taste the anticipation and excitement that was in the air.
Today we broke up for the summer holidays the schoolyard will be deserted for ten weeks.
We went into town with some of the students to eat at one of my favourite restaurants called Gränden, translated to "The Alley". They serve delicious grilled meat with salads and your choice of potatoes. It is devine!
Unfortunately the rain was pouring down, but since we sat under a marquee we didnt get too wet.

Walking back to school the sun came out and it was a nice walk, unfortunately my back is still killing me and so is my neck and my hip. The bruises still look vicious and are so very sore to touch, which I do all the time, you always do don't you? It is like when you have bitten your cheek, you keep biting the same place over and over again.

So it is friday night and I am once again exhausted. Even though I have only worked three days this week. I guess I am just run down and need some wind down time to do nothing in. It has been a hectic last few months with mostly fun things but also some not very nice happenings.
Not much chill time like I was used to at this time last year.
Tonight I will just relax though and not think about much more than what to cook for dinner.
Have a great weekend people.



New favourite song. Not dedicated to anyone, I just love it!

Difficult times....

She felt her heart beat. Hard in her chest, and the motion awoke the butterflies in her tummy. It had been a long time since she had last felt them. She had missed them, but they had in their turn turned into anguish and hours of tears pouring down her cheeks, from her eyes.
So she turned off. Didnt mean to, but it all went black and it was comfortable, comfortably numb.

So now, she strangled the butterflies before they could wake anything else.
Is that what hapened?
Did she really do that?
Or was it just the gut feeling that wasnt there?
And why wasnt it there?
On paper everything was the way it should be, but her gut didnt want to follow, and if the gut isnt in it, the heart wont follow.

So she realised it was time to be brave and grown up and picked up the phone.
Was she making the biggest mistake of her life?
Or would it turn out the best decision she ever took?
She decided that if it was a mistake, she would have to suit herself and move on, yet again.
And it would be ok.
Her time would come eventually.
At least she hoped so.

Badness

I can not work today, I fell over in the canteen yesterday and hurt my back pretty badly.
It was a beautiful fall I have to say (with sarcasm), I got caught on a chair and then fell, armpit first, into the marble windowsill. I had a glass of water in my hand and my plate of food in the other and it went everywhere.
You know how sometimes your brain manages to think a million thoughts in half a second? (mine rarely does, but on occasion it will chock me and kick into gear)
As I fell I thought "O.M.G the glass will break and I will cut my hand open and bleed to death, please dont make me hit my face and break my teeth and If I curl up in a ball and lie really still people might think I am dead and leave me alone"
Because you would just leave a dead person lying wouldnt you?

After lunch we got on the train to Denmark to a themepark. We were a bit unlucky with the trains and had to change three times before we got there, but once we arrived we forgot about it and had a good time. The pupils loved it, but us teachers were exhausted! And my back, neck and hip was killing me.
When I came home I had a hot shower and slathered myself with tigerbalm, hoping to wake up today feeling better. Unfortunately that was not the case, I am in AGONY.
I broke out in a cold sweat just walking from my bed to the toilet this morning and I am sporting three big, black bruises on my inner thigh, hip and rib.
Which couldnt come at a worse time, I need to be fit now, I have a lot of packing to do and only three weeks to do it in...
So I will allow myself today to rest and do some gentle streches, then it is back to work tomorrow and commencing the packing into boxes.

Have a good day all, hope you like the new song from Katy Perry, I love it!

Fab weekend

I am back home after a fantastic weekend in England. I rented a car at the airport and drove down to Ramsgate in under an hour and a half. The weather was scorching and I had the windows down with the wind in my hair, lovely.
I arrived at Donnas as the sun was setting, it was lovely to see her again. We relaxed in front of the tv, ate chicken shishkebabs and drank Lambrini wine. Perfect evening basically.
On Friday morning we went for breakfast at our favourite cafe in the harbour, the sun was shining and made the sea sparkle like diamonds. It was great sitting there again with great friends and yummy food looking out over the water.
With full bellies we went to Westwoodcross and had a look in the shops, I bought a couple of tops since I only had longsleeves with me, and I realised I would melt if I didnt get anything cooler and lighter to wear.
At twelve I met up with Sarah and Andrea for lunch in Cramptons, Allison and George turned up a bit later and we all enjoyed salads and sandwiches. The sun was hot and after an hour I was burned and the skin on my arms and shoulders were really sore. I moved into the shade but the damage was already done, my "tan" looked furious.

After lunch I drove to the lovely Angies house, she is very houseproud and it was a bit like staying in a hotel. We had a quick catch-up before I had a shower and got ready for a night out, celebrating Geoffs birthday. I did my best to dress so to hide my uneven tan but at the same time staying cool and gorgeous. Looking at the photos from the evening, I failed miserably.
The red marks looks evil and I look as if I am melting. Not even a little bit attractive.
I had a great night anyway, got to know some new people and I laughed a lot. There is a risk that I made a complete fool of myself and the new friends think I am an idiot and are hoping they will never have to see me again. A little bit embarrassing, but at the end of the day, I am who I am, I am what I am and I am done with trying to change myself just so that other people will like me better.
I know how I got home, but not at what time, but at least it was still dark.
I went straight to sleep in the very comfortable bed at Angies house.

On Saturday morning I woke up early, went and had breakfast in McDonalds then I spent a lot of money on lovely, but a little unnecesary things. It was lovely strolling around the shops on my own without a timelimit.
My tan was still very angry looking and I had a few total strangers coming up to me, asking if I had been out in the sun?
What do you answer to that?
"No I have just DRAWNED on myself with red paint...."

After some lunch and a lot of water in Angies garden I went for a well needed nap. Woke up at five pm and went for another shower and got ready for Bettys birthday party. The night was warm and we settled in the garden with our drinks. Betty has a huge family and some of them live abroad.
There was a man sitting infront of us and Mike asked him how he knows Betty.
The man leans over and says: "Sorry, I'm from Germany I dont speak English"
Something in my little peasize brain must have turned off or just died because for some reason I thought he was speaking Swedish, so I leaned over to him and says (in English) "Its ok, I speak english I can translate for you" The man looked at me and shrugged, I look at Mike and Angie and they look at me as if I am mad (which to be fair at this point Im pretty sure that I am...) "Its ok" I say again, "He doesnt speak Swedish, so I can translate, I lived in England for 13 years" Mike and Angie are at this point looking at each other and asks me what the h**l Im talking about?
"The guy doesnt speak Swedish" I say,
"Well neither do we" Angie says.
At this point there is a voice screaming in my head: "STOP TALKING MIA, JUST STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I can think is that for some reason I thought that I was still in Sweden and the German guy didnt speak Swedish, so I was kind enough to offer to translate...
The rest of the party was great, Shelley had hired an Amy Winehouse impersinator, I am not a huge Amy Winehouse fan, but I really liked this girl. I might have been slightly converted..
Around eleven it was time to leave and I got a cab down to the harbour to meet up with Alexandra and the rest of the gang from the previous night.
Yet another great evening, even though it started to rain and I was soaking wet when I got home. That night it was aparently half past three when I got in.
Sunday morning was spent in bed until three in the afternoon, when I said goodbye to Angie and went over to Alexandra for sunday roast which was delicious.
After relaxing on the sofa for a while I went over to Betty for a chat and catch-up over tea. We managed to go for a drive around Thanet, just like we did when I lived there. Just not as long, I remember the night we drove round and round and round for four hours.
I went back to Alexandras and we went to sleep after repacking my suitcase to fit some more of her things in.
The journey home went well, Easyjets staff were proffessional and friendly and went out of their way to make us feel comfortable and well looked after.

I will always love England and there is a piece of my heart left there. I miss my friends an awful lot and it breaks my heart when they ask me to move back "home" but for now it is Sweden where I belong.

I am thinking of what song to play tonight, a song that will sum up this weekend and bring back some of the feelings of it. A lot of laugh, love and happiness.



It might not be the first song you think about when you hear love, laughter and happiness, but I love this song. To me it is fun and it makes me laugh and to go back to what I wrote earlier on, I dont care if you dont love me, because I am me anyway.

The night before.

I am very excited!!
Leaving for the UK tomorrow, I am now packing and getting ready.
I have never understood people who will do their laundry, iron and clean the house the day before they go on holiday. Doesnt that create more stress to the last hours when you should just concentrate on remembering to pack enough shoes and knickers?
Today I found myself in the same situation, when I came home I immideately put a load of washing on, some of those clothes is what I want to take with me. My flight isnt until five pm tomorrow, so hopefully it will be dry before I have to pack it...

I will keep this post short but sweet, since I am feeling my eyes are getting heavy and I want to go to bed.
I will write about all the details when I get back.
Have a great weekend peeps.

Listen to this song, one of the boys in school played it for me today, he loves this group and I have to agree with him, it is an excellent tune. I have downloaded lots of their songs on spotify and is just chilling tonight.
Hope you like it.

Things are looking up.....

I had that meeting with my boss today, and she tells me she wants me to stay and carry on working with them. She said that I am doing a good job and she will extend my contract until the end of the year!! I am so happy.
Do you know what this means?
That I can take the flat!
Hopefully I will be able to view it on Thursday before I go to England.
I am so excited.

I have to tell you about a very disturbing dream I had last night.
I was in a house that belonged to Him. It was a beautiful house (so just from that I know it was just a dream) I dont really know why I was there but I was tiptoeing around in the dark, snooping in his things.
All of a sudden a woman comes through the door. I know her, we used to work together and I disliked her with a passion, lets call her Joan.
In my dream I had found out that He cheated on me with Joan whilst we were together. So when she walks through the door I push her up agains the wall, put my arm on her throat to choke her and then pulled her hair.
I proceeded to lock her in the basement and then I spent hours beating her face to a bloody pulp.
I was screaming that I hated her and she is a whore for cheating on her husband and baby.
She then called Him and when He came home He had ten of His friends with Him, all ready for a massive fight. They all started trashing the house. It was a bit like a film, I was standing by the door, shaking, realising what I had done and that I would probably be put in prison.
Then some very powerful music started playing and I said with a shaky voice: "The thing is, I know you all think that I live here, but it is actually John and Lisa who lives here". John and Lisa is Joans sister and brother-in-law.

Then I woke up. With a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach that hasnt really left me all day.
I dont know why I am feeling so lousy, I am fully aware that it was a dream and dreams doesnt always come true.
Maybe it is because in the past I have had some very very strong negative feelings and thoughts about this woman who I am calling Joan. Although I would never go as far as to lock her in a basement and then beat her senseless. Would I? No I wouldnt, I am too much of a whimp to be that mean.

I made it to my appointment with the dentist, only for him to realise that the bridge had been made in the wrong colour. It didnt match my own teeth.
I nearly cried and told him that I am going away the day after tomorrow and I have a party to go to. I dont want to have a big piece of metal in my mouth for everyone to comment on and wonder what the hell it is..
So the lovely man will be working overtime tomorrow so that I can have a beautiful smile at Bettys party. Love the man.

So yes, even though my mouth is hurting and I still have a stinking cold, I feel more positive and happy tonight. Im gonna have a shower and wash my hair before I settle to watch the last episode of Desperate Housewives.

At 01.30 this morning Jeanette and Jimmy said their "I do's" I watched their wedding on the net and cried like a baby. The song Im gonna play will be in their honour, the song they walked into the chapel to.
"Nothing else matters" by Metallica.



And I have to play this one aswell, the song they walked out to, I am not sure if they chose it themselves, but it is a song I remember Jeanette really liking when we were in school some twenty years ago.