The truth is...

I have for some time now been thinking of this blog, and if I am writing what I really want to write about? Do I write about everything that happens in my life? And everything I feel?
When I made the blog official, I promised that I would write honestly, from my heart about everything in my life.
But truth be told, I am not. I dont write about all the feelings thats in my heart, the thoughts that are running through my head and what I really want to do on my time not spent at work.
And the only reason is that I am scared.
Petrified even.
That I wont get accepted, that those around me wont understand and then think I am just too weird to be friends with. And I will end up alone. With no man, no family and no friends.

But maybe I should put a bit more trust in the people I call my friends, the ones I hold close to my heart and I love spending time with.
It is not like Im having sex with animals. Or doing anything illegal. So the fact that I want to go abroad and meet a very good looking man, should not cause rucktion in the universe of friends. Should it?

So I guess the question is now: Shal I be brave and reveal all? Or should I carry on like I have done? Writing about diahorea, vomit and decorating my bedroom?
I will still keep peoples secrets and would never use this space to hang someone out. But maybe I should open up a bit more about myself?
Tell it like it really is, and not put on a brave face and a sturdy facade?
Or will people feel uncomfortable reading the possible rawness of real emotions?
But if that is the case, then there is always the option to stop reading isnt there?
Im not forcing anyone to read this, but I appreciate when anyone does, and if someone leaves a comment, even better!

I will think tonight, and make the decision what to do with the blog.
Write a lot of crap? In a vain attempt to be funny?
Tell it the way it is, and risk the whole world (hmm maybe not the whole world reads what I write..) to know my innermost thoughts and have more ammunition on how to hurt me and destroy me.
Or the last option is to just close it down.

The song I have chosen tonight is probably not suitable for the post I have written. But it is suitable for what is going on in my belly, where a fire is starting up.
And it is typical for a swedish summer if you are eighteen years old I guess.
I am aware that I passed eighteen a few years ago, but in my heart I am still her. The girl who desperately wants to be accepted into the inner circle, to be popular, to be the girl everyone thinks about to invite to their gatherings, because without her, there is no party.
She also just want to have a good time, smile, laugh and dance on the beach, a drink with umbrellas in her hand and that gorgeous boy next to her.
That gorgeous boy who drags her outside when there is a storm, just because it is so romantic to kiss in the street, in the rain.