Other ways

I was supposed to blog about the other route a few days ago...and not behave like I had chosen to sink and not fight anymore.
That is certainly not the case.
I have chosen, (and did chose some time ago actually) to spend a lot of time on and with myself.
I am getting my flat in order, painting chairs which I am very proud of having done by myself. The table is next, but I will do that when I get home from Greece.

I realised that for almost my whole life, I have done everything to please other people, I never really thought about what I wanted for myself, just as long as no one else minded.
I have stayed in on saturday nights just to keep my friends with children company.
I didnt travel around the world on a cruiseship because someone said I would never cope with the hours.
And I didnt follow my heart to go with that wonderful, sexy, funny man, because someone thought he wasnt handsome enough.
I am not looking for sympathy, I take full responsibility for my own actions and choices I have made.
But I have now decided that I will listen to my heart, and to what I really want to do.

And I will do what I feel is best for myself before I think about what others might think about me. If someone really think I am bad or boring or whatever, then that is about them, not me. And I have come to realise, that the people who have come into my life, who I have the fortune to call my friends, are exactly that. My friends. They have earned that. Not that I have put them through a test Paris Hilton style, and they have showed me what real friendship is. That true friends dont enjoy watching you get humiliated, neither are they part of the humiliation.

So the route I am now taking is to suround myself with great people, and I dont need to join a potteryclass to find new friends. They are already in my life, and I love them with all of my heart.
I was watching the Tyra Banks show a couple of days ago, and one of the guests was a lady who practised "numerology". I didnt catch the whole conversation, but she said that you should add all the numbers in your date of birth and break it down until you only had a one digit left. So my date of birth is 1+9+7+6+1+1+9= 3+4 = 7 which means that I am a 7. Which means that I am a mystery. I think a lot of the meaning of life, of why I am here and who I really am.
At the moment that is very accurate, at least the "Who am I?" part.
I am reading a lot of everything, books, magazines and articles, to help me get to know myself again. And I am loving it.
I know that some people might find it a bit exhausting to listen to my ever talking about "me-time" and how I am spending time in my flat just decorating for my own wants and needs.
But it will pass, it is just intense at the moment, I will calm down soon.

So I will talk about something quite funny.
I have now lived in my flat for aprox eight weeks, the first week I met a man in the lift who I recignised as the father of one of my childhood friends I used to play with when I was in school. I wasnt sure that he recognised me, so I just said hello.
A week or so later, I met his wife and she recognised me and hugged me and said she had heard from my mum that I had moved back to the street. She was very friendly and I asked about my friend, her daughter, M, who is a doctor.
On wednesday this week I came from the garage and was heading for the lift, as I opened the door a man was already in the lift and he asked if I was going up?
As I got in he asked if my name was Maria, and when I looked at him I saw that it was the brother of my friend. He used to play "V" with me and M and some other kids during the summer holidays. I havent seen him since we left school some twenty years or so ago, and he has done a good job growing up, the cute thing!
Today I met him and his mum again in the lift, he was helping her with the laundrybasket (how sweet?) and she asked me where I am working at the moment, so I told her that I work at the school. She said that she had asked L, but he didnt know.
I found that funny, because me and L only talked for a minute or so, no time to discuss work and life in general, but I also got the feeling she wants her son to ask me out.
I will invite him up for coffee or something stronger when I meet him next time, but not when he is in the company of his mother.
So, we shal see, maybe I have met my next loveinterest?
I will take it cool though, I can not have another situation like the one with CC.
But that is another story that I will tell you another day.

I will leave you with a song, that Im afraid will prove that I am getting old, because I think these ladies rock!!
Enjoy it, and goodnight.