Saturday night (live?)

Its 01.21am and Ive come home after a night on the tiles, well that is what it was meant to be anyway.
I have washed my face, moisturised, read a bit in my book and got a muffin to eat when Ive finished writing.
So it wasn't a very late crazy night like the time when I came home covered in Red Bull and had money in my knickers...
I wont bore you with the details because it is nothing like it sounds...

I'm proud to say that I have avoided drunk calling or txting people, that used to be my thing (and a lot of other peoples "thing" I suppose) and you would wisely turn your phone off before going to sleep if you knew that I was out drinking... I must be growing up...finally!

But it might also be the fact that I'm not particularly drunk at the moment, not drunk at all come to think about it..
But I am getting old that is for sure, and here is why:

Whilst standing in the last pub/bar we went to, the music and light show started to make me feel sick, i am so tired at the moment and at one point i was sure i was having a seizure, but since i could still talk and walk I ruled that out.
But I knew that I had to get out of there. Quickly.

So walked to taxi but didnt even discuss having kebab, pizza or even chips!
We must be growing up..

Im really looking forward to tomorrow, it will be a chill out day with good dvds, books and a never ending supply of cold drinks.
I will let you know how it goes.

Have a great sunday all

Cheating dreams.....

Ive come home from work, its been a busy week but I'm now off for the weekend and Ive got that feeling of bliss in my tummy.
Ive cleansed my face, moisturized and am wearing clean pyjamas.

Last night i had yet another weird but quite funny dream.
8 years ago I used to work for a big ish hotel chain in our town. Across the road is a multi storey car park, but in my dream that was part of the hotel and I was in one of the rooms with a man I had just met and his friend and girlfriend.
For some reason I was wrapped in a towel but still decided to go outside and stand in the middle of the road.

At this point in my dream I spot Him, sitting in the garden of the Hotel with some people from his work, and I panic that he will see me.
Because for some reason I shouldn't actually be there with the new man.
So I tried to hide behind a big hedge but He spotted me before I had the chance to get down on my knees (as you do when you are hiding?!?)
He told me to stop hiding, He could actually see me..
So I jumped up and pretended I hadn't seen Him and tried to chat casually to Him, but his eyes were burning a whole in me and I blurted out "Ive cheated on you"

The look in his eyes was awful!
And it was the physical pain of guilt that woke me up this morning.
It took me a while to wake up properly and realise that it was only a dream, I wasn't out on the street in my towel, I haven't met another man and I haven't cheated.

I have never cheated on a boyfriend, Ive been cheated on several times and I would never cause another person pain like that.
But I wonder if that's what it feels like to cheat on someone you supposedly care about?
How do people in that case carry on cheating on their partners?
Or does it get easier with time?

Wouldn't life be more enjoyable if we stopped lying?
To each other and to ourselves?

The life we choose?

Do we really get to choose the life we want?
Is it that simple to "choose" the job we want, the job we want and the partner we want to share our life with and then we live happily ever after?
Yes to a certain extent of course we get to choose what we want from life, who we want as our friends and where we go on holiday.
But do we really choose who to love?

I recieved an email this morning from a friend, who said I need to "get a move on" if I want a family...
Oh right....I need to get a move on?
Thats all it takes?
Determination?

The men i dated before Him, everyone said I wasnt good enough for them, I wasnt pretty enough, or cool enough and I certainly didnt have trendy enough clothes to be "girl friend material." Their families apparently never approved of me and all thought that their son/brother/cousin could do so much better than someone like me.
The thing is, it wasnt prince William I was dating, these were normal guys with everyday 9-5 jobs, who went to the pub on fridays and had a take away on saturdays.


And then there was Him.
Who thought i was more than good enough for him.
I got on fine with his mum, his nan is a lovely lady and I could handle being in the same room as his dad for a few hours.
And then He proposed to me.
I honestly was on cloud nr 9...
Finally here was sommeone who loved me and cared for me and was prepared to make his commitment to me official.
We were planning for all our babies and what a big house we would need to fit them all in.

And then it was taken away from me.
Over night it was all in pieces and ruins.

That was not my choice...
I chose to get married, to start a family and live a peaceful life with my husband and children.
I did not chose to be forced into starting over again on my own at this point in my life.

I am not looking forward to getting any more emails, or phone calls, or meeting people who tell me I need to "get a move on"
I just feel I have had enough for one year, to have to explain to people that "No I wont be getting married after all, because yet again Im not good enough to committ to"

But no that is not my choice...

What happened...??

OK, so I went to have my shower, I had all my pampering things lined up on the side of the bath for easy access and was really looking forward to this.
After I had lathered up my hair with shampoo I get a sharp hit on the head.
The shower curtain with half the pole has come down on me and I get half tangled in the curtain since I cant see much with shampoo running down my face.

So I try to rinse my face and get off the bubbles from my eyes, at the same time as someone run another tap, or put the washing machine on, or did whatever with water.
So I burn my face on the water, I then tried to turn the temperature down and the water, I'm sure, turn to the verge of freezing.
I try to get out of the shower as quick as I can (still with some shampoo in my eyes and my face is sore from the burning water)
Obviously I don't lift my leg high enough to get out of the bath in a hurry, (why would I? then this story wouldnt be so humiliating) but instead get caught and fall head first towards the floor.

I managed to soften the fall by putting my hands out but I caught the toilet seat and was not far off putting my face to the bottom of the toilet.

At this time my heart was racing and I actually thanked (God?) for not hurting my face.
I just laid on the floor for a while and calmed my breath (its OK, our cleaning lady has been here today) my head resting on the cold floor tiles, it was calming the stinging on my face a bit.
I decided that an evening of pampering was not to happen, so I'm back in my room and have just realised that I haven't rinsed my hair........it has half dried, and is sticky but the same time hard of half dried shampoo...
So i now have to brave the bathroom again just to rinse my hair..

I would just like to know: "What the hell happened?"

MEN....

I have just come home from work and am curled up in bed waiting for inspiration to hit me like a brick in the face and transfer to my fingers and out onto the computer screen...
So far nothing...

I talked to my cousin in Canada and asked her to give me a subject to write about.
"Men" was her reply.
Well I suppose it is better than writing about what I had for lunch..(salad with caribean mango dressing, which was surprisingly spicy)
Or that I bought exfoliating gloves before coming home?

So I suppose men it is..
But what can I write that havent already been covered?
Men are weird, I will never understand them, and maybe I am not meant to?
Just as men will never understand women?

I do however think it is easier to understand a woman, men are just lazy and dont make enough effort...and Im sure men say the same thing about us..

I can see that this is going nowhere so Im off to use my new exfoliating gloves, put a deep conditioning on my hair and maybe even a face mask.
Then i will tuck myself up in bed again, put on my new pink fluffy bed socks which I also bought today and either watch one of the new dvds I bought (at the same time as the exfoliating gloves and the fluffy socks) or I will carry on with my Angel marathon.

There is no need to decide now, I can just see what I feel like after my shower.
The night is young and the world is my oyster, so I will take each minute as it come and dont feel pressurized into doing something I dont want to.

And that is enough philosophy for today.

Early riser

Last night I had a really bad headache, so i was in bed, asleep by 9pm, which was wonderful.
I'm not a night person, i love going to bed early and getting a really good nights sleep.
My mum used to say that you get the best sleep before midnight, and that is definitely true when it comes to me.
I feel at my best if I go to sleep no later than 10.30pm and then waking up at my own pace around 8am.
Today I was however awake at 6am, which in a way is OK, I can stay in bed, write and watch TV and maybe have a little nap around 11am.

What is not OK is the fact that my house mates are also awake and occupying the kitchen.
And even though I'm an early riser and enjoy mornings, I don't enjoy talking to people that early on.

Today they are however being rather quiet, which is typical isn't it?
On the days when I am peacefully asleep and want to stay like that, then they are lively and waking me up, thundering up and down the stairs.
But today, when i just want them to leave and preferably with some noise so that I know that they have left, they are tip toeing like a bunch of mice.

So I will hibernate in my room until they leave for work in approx an hour.
Or maybe today they will decide to leave later?
And i will be stuck in my room for hours, starving hungry and thirsty.

Paranoia??

I think everyone suffers from slight paranoia from time to time, when you think that EVERYONE is staring at you so you frantically check your face and teeth for remains from your last meal. Or check to see if your skirt is in your tights or there is toilet paper stuck to your shoe..?
Only to realise there is nothing out of the ordinary and people aren't really looking at you..
Then there are people who are more paranoid than others...
Who think they are being followed, sometimes by specific people who are hunting them to steal their valuable hat or something else ridiculous.

I met a paranoid policeman last night.
I was on my way to Alexandra but needed to pop into Tesco first, I noticed that I was driving behind a police car as I pulled out of my road.
He was also going to Tesco so I was basically driving behind him the whole way there.
I did think that maybe he thinks that I'm following him?
But then told myself not to be so silly, surely police men wont think like that?

Well how wrong I was...

I parked my car and walked towards the entrance, at the same time as the 2 officers got out of their car, they looked at each other, then looked at me.
I didn't really think much about it, but as I headed back to my car after buying my shampoo they walked out as well (maybe they only needed doughnuts?)
Again they looked at each other and then at me.
Then one of them spoke and the conversation went something like this:

"Excuse me miss, but can we help you?"
Me: "Erm...no I don't think so...?
Police: "I couldn't help but notice you were following us over here?"
Me: "Uhm..I just needed shampoo.....(and I held up my bag)
Police: "Right, OK, well drive safe"

As I drove away I started to wonder if that really did happen?
Or was it all just a fiction of my imagination?
I mean, how can a police officer be that paranoid?
Or is it me?
Do I look like a police stalker?
Or does he need counselling?
Maybe he was just blinded by my beauty??
And wanted an excuse to talk to me?

Yes that is what I will tell myself was the reason for this rather strange behaviour