STEVEN

Yup, that's Him, that's His name.
He is my last in my "Oscar speeches", I cant do this without including him.
I think I have written enough about why we broke up and how much he has hurt me, that most people can be forgiven for wondering what I ever saw in him?
What made me fall in love with him?
So I will now tell you.

I don't know if anyone has tried to tell their heart "Don't even go there! He is bad news, and will break your heart!"
If so you also know how much your heart listens to your head...
I still remember the first time we worked together.
I thought he was just gorgeous.
But he got snatched up by another girl, which was OK, I had just been shat on from a great height and wanted some time to myself anyway.
He went to work in a different building to me, and as they say, Out of sight, out of mind...
10 months later however he was moved to my building and single again!!
I had been on a crazy diet and managed to loose 3.5 stone so felt great.

We used to bump into each other in the smoking area and have a laugh, he was just so cute and sexy I didn't know what to do with myself. He used to talk to me in a flirty, sexy way, which made me feel really special but I was also blushing like a teenager.
I had told my friend Angie to give Steven my NR which she did, but he didn't text me, so I went on a date with another man (lets call him Mr Raspberry)
I was weighing the pros and cons with them both.
Mr Raspberry was calm and stable.
He could afford to take me to nice places and we had good conversations.
Steven was stubborn, a bit wild and unpredictable.
He would spend all his wages within a week and he felt uncomfortable going out for meals since he prefers to eat things from a tin.
My head was saying: Don't do it! He will break your heart!
But as we all know, the head very rarely wins when competing with the heart.

On our second date Mr Raspberry took me to France, which was very nice, he was a nice guy, but the thought of getting naked with him made my stomach turn, unfortunately.
We had some good dates though, but i had to end it when I 2 weeks later got that text message from Steven.

It did however take another three weeks before he asked me to meet him on the beach, and the rest is as they say history.
We kept our relationship very quiet and secret at work for the first couple of months, which made everything so much more exciting.
We would sneak secret glances at each other across a room, "accidentally" touch hands if we met in a corridor and once he even kissed me behind a door.
I was walking on air, bouncing on cloud nine.
The day before my birthday Steven told me that he was in love with me and wanted to be with me forever.
Three weeks later he moved in with me, and I really couldn't be happier.
I loved watching him cook for me, I loved just sitting in his arms, silently breathing him into my heart.
Steven is the first man who when he told me he loved me, I believed him, I allowed him to love me and I allowed him into my heart.

I know he would love it if I wrote about our sex life, praising him for being what he is.
But lets face it, my blog isn't SATC and I'm far from Samantha Jones, so that is for me and him exclusively.

Steven is not a bad man, he has a heart of gold and wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone.
When things go wrong in a relationship we are all guilty of doing and saying things we don't really mean.
Yes he cancelled our wedding, he broke my heart and sent me pummelling into a deep dark hole but he is still the love of my life, even though I have finally accepted that we are not meant for each other, and we will find happiness with other people.
It will however kill me a little bit when the day comes that he tells me that he has met someone else, if he hasn't already met her, but not told me.

But i have now finally come to the point when I believe there is someone else out there for me, who will make me happy.

The song Ive chosen, is the song that should have been our first dance at the wedding and will always be our song, no matter what happens and whoever else we meet.