Why is it still so raw?

I have three more people to write about in my "Oscar speeches".
They all deserve that I take time and make an effort to write about them, and at the moment I'm spending the week in Surrey with my god children and Sally and Alex.
They have recently moved house so Internet haven't been installed yet, so i have sneaked over to Sally's mum's house to use it.

We went into town yesterday to buy some cards for sally's sister since its her birthday today, and I got stuck in the aisle where the wedding cards are.
I thought i would buy Betty's sister a card since she is getting married in 3 weeks time.
But I couldn't do it.
I stood in the middle of the shop and felt my eyes filling up with tears and a big lump forming in my throat.
And I wondered, Why is it still so raw?
Why am I still so upset?
And will I ever be able to look at a wedding dress, a wedding card or anything regarding a wedding without crying?

I just hope it will get better once I'm back in Sweden and I cant just get in my car and 10 Min's later be with him.