Alcohol infused braveness

Ive had sort of a rough day.
I was supposed to have my medical training today, all day.
I got there on time and reported to reception, only to be told that the course had been cancelled!
And they didn't bother to tell me.
I'm starting to feel like I'm not meant to do this course...but I will make one last attempt tomorrow.

I went to have a coffee and cinnamon roll with my mum instead which was nice.
Once I got back home I was hassled by the front door by the plumbers who wants to come tomorrow morning at 7am and they didn't care when I tried to explain that I don't own the property so I'm not making the decision about the plumbing or any other constructively matters either.

I'm now relaxing in front of the TV, Ive poured myself a vodka in a large glass with lots of ice and orange juice.
Ive been talking to Mike in LA and it made me fancy a drink (not because he is hard work to deal with, I just fancy a drink)

I'm ploughing my way through Buffy and have got to the part where Willow and Tara is getting closer and their relationship is developing into something deeper and beautiful.
It reminds me of another time, when I watched these episodes the first time round.

Someone came into my life, we spent a lot of time together, because we had to, and we became close, closer than I had been with anyone in that way and who wasn't a man.
I was on the verge of obsessed with watching Willow and Tara take their first stumbling steps towards everlasting love.
Little did I know that same sex relationship doesn't automatically equal eternal happiness and bliss.

It was a place I had never been before, and I entered cautiously but excited.
She was female in a masculine way, or masculine in a feminine way and when we were together I would go to heights and lows no one had ever taken me to before.
I remember thinking that "If you thought men blows hot and cold, it is nothing what a woman can do"

There was an older woman I confided in, who was my mentor and someone I looked up in a professional way.
Lets call her Zelma and lets call my friend Lita.
Zelma advised me, encouraged me and in a way guided me in becoming a part of Lita's life, I knew that they were close friends too, but what I didn't realise was that I was just a pawn in their little game with each other.
I was used, and then discarded when the fun was over and I had been emotionally turned inside out.

When I realised that Zelma and Lita was actually in a committed relationship and Lita worshipped the ground Zelma walked on I was already in over my head and I asked Lita what I had done to deserve this?
"Sorry, I thought you realised it was just a bit of fun" was the answer I got.
When I tried to confront Zelma she wouldn't give me the time of day and told me I needed to grow a thicker skin if I wanted get along in life.

Well if that is how you have to behave "to get along in life" I rather not get along, I would never set anyone up to be hurt like that for my own amusement.
I have too much respect for other peoples feelings and I respect myself not to be evil like that.



Of course there was a song, there is always a song when someone has touched me (and I don't mean physical, you people with filthy minds..)
It is with good and bad that I have a song to every person who has hurt me.

And with the consuming of alcohol, comes the craving of a cigarette..
Damn it!