Bittersweet goodbye?

I am the first to hold my hands up and admit that I am a bit of a Tv whore. I love watching telly, and its on pretty much all the time in my house. But for some reason I never watched "One tree hill". If it was because it was aired on a channel i didnt have or it was at the same time that Friends, Desperate Housewives, Ghost whisperer or SATC Im not sure.....but I know nothing about the carachters or what they went through.

Today I was however introduced to two of them called Brooke and Lucas or aparently Brucas as they are called.....

I was having my daily fix of songs on Youtube earlier on today and decided that James Blunt was just what I needed....on came "Goodbye my lover" and there was Brucas saying goodbye and remembering their good and bad times.

So, since I am who I am, I like to torture myself with the good and bad memories I did just that...

Remembered.......

But for some reason there was mostly the bad that reared its ugly head tonight.

The times when he left me on my own when I needed him the most, just because he needed his daily fix, the times when I checked his phone (yes I know that is not allowed) just to find messages to other girls who he would tell he wanted to know what they "taste" like and then there was the times when I had gone to bed and he would sit on the computer and talk to women til 3am.

What upset me the most was when I came to use the computer and he had forgotten to close down his latest conversation (of course I looked, who wouldnt?) and he comletely denied my excistence. He would say that he hadnt found the right girl yet.

So why didnt I break it off then?

Because there were good times aswell.....

Like the first Valentine we spent together, we were both broke but he cooked for me and served up the food in a heart shape. And like the time I was having a bad time at work and he had lit every candle we owned in the lounge, run me a bath and then held me until I fell asleep in his arms.
Or everytime he smiled at me.
That gorgeous, sexy smile which would make his eyes sparkle.

We are over now and its with mixed emotions I look back on our time together.

I desperately want to look back and smile, but...when he is still lying to me...its difficult not to have a bittersweet feeling in my tummy.