Torture..?

Are we just torturing ourselves now?
By talking and meeting up?
I feel such great sadness now, that it really is over, and I am leaving, I cant even look forward to my party...
So am I still doing the right thing?
I think I need to get away, to catch my breath and get some distance, and I think He does too.
It doesnt stop the pain in my chest though and I dont think it is much comfort to him either.

I am so scared,
For what will happen or not happen.
It is daunting, thinking about living in a different country...away from here, away from Him, will I ever see him again?

I guess tonight is a bad night, and I should turn off the computer and try to relax with a book and some good music?